Forgotten Adventures
by C. M. Spinks
Summary: Sardonyx is a runaway noble trying to find her place in the universe. When she crash lands on Phantom Fluorite's asteroid, both their lives change forever. It's not easy, but can they make things work?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: New Beginnings: How did I get here?

I'm staring out the reinforced glass, watching the stars and planets, all mere specks of light, zip by both above and below. There are cosmic clouds of asteroids and dust and vapor in half a dozen colors far out from us, their lights dancing off each other. We're not close enough to any system to make a stop, but regardless, it's a wonderful sight. I couldn't imagine a better one.

Behind me are my sisters, but I know if I turn to look at them, or open my mouth to comment on the view, they'll react with anger and disgust and rejection. I know this, because it keeps happening.

I just wish I knew why.

Since I can't ask, I've just kept staring out the window, hoping some sign will present itself and explain to me what's going on. But there's just stars. Just stars and all the blue-black space in between. My questions go unanswered, and my sisters continue to scowl behind me, and talk in whispers. I've tried to listen in, but their words are just barely unintelligible from where I stand.

I don't know how long I've been here when the soldier comes in. I can't stop myself from turning, but no one notices, because they're all doing exactly the same. The Agate consumes the doorway, scowling more frighteningly than my sisters, who all dip their heads- in what seems like shame. I use their pause to steal a glance around the room.

My sisters, Sardonyxes, have their arms crossed in the Diamond Salute, heads bowed to the imperious Agate. The Agate, who seems familiar but whose name and title escape me, eyes them all like they might bite, but I can't see why. We're only Sardonyxes, after all. We're paper pushers. Our job is to decide the fates of others, but we're harmless. I'm not even sure we have weapons. And if we do, what could a class like us produce? We're nobles, not warriors. We have no powers but those of the mind, and those are nearly useless to gems as weak as us. We wouldn't last long enough to make use of it.

The Agate doesn't seem to care, taking the time to look pointedly at each and every one of my sisters with a suspicious glare before resting her vision on me. I try not to wilt under her narrowing glare, but it's hard to meet her eyes when I don't know why she's mad, and if she's right or wrong about it. I let my eyes fall, and I hear her chuckle in some sort of victory.

"You lot are wanted on the bridge." She says, and then turns on a heel and leaves. "Make sure the broken one comes along. I won't be responsible if she's _late_." She tosses over her shoulder, snide. I feel my expression sour, but I'm not quite sure what she's referring to. Not until one of my sisters takes my arm in her hand and roughly pulls me along with her. Her glower deepens as I resist, confused.

"What are you-" I start.

"Shut _up_." She hisses at me, yanking on my arm. "You're the reason we're here. Just.. be quiet already." I don't try to speak. I'm more confused than ever. Did the Agate.. mean me? I can't remember-

And so it hits me. I can't remember. It doesn't matter _what_ I can't remember, because the fact that I _can't remember_ is a deficit. A defect. It makes _me_ a defect. A sense of dread and fear washes over me, and I feel alone and small.

We must be on our way to Homeworld, then. If I'm a defect, then my sisters must be called into suspicion as well. We're all the same year, facet, and kindergarten, so it makes sense that they'd pull us all from our respective places. The one that's tugging me along is the most familiar. She was stationed with me, on… whatever planet it was. These others, they share our face, but I have no feelings when I look at them. Still, this one, the one I know, I can't remember her numbers. I can't remember mine, either. Did I ever know them?

Suddenly, everything is thrown into question. My past is hazy. I know the basics. I'm a gem, I'm of Yellow Diamond's courts, though I've never been graced by her actual presence, I'm sure of that. My duty is to guide other gems. It's my job to help them be useful. But nothing else is solid to me. I was created on Homeworld, but where did I go after that? I am a Sardonyx, but am I good at my job? I'm certain I'm not new anymore, but surely I can't be very old if they're only now realizing this _major flaw_. If I'm missing all the details of my past, then can I really claim to know who I am? And more importantly, what will happen to me now?

Actually, that one I'm sure I can guess. If I'm broken, no matter how old or impressive I might've been at my job, I'm only a liability. They can't trust and therefore can't _use_ a broken gem. I'll be shattered. The energy and shards of my gem will be recycled, but who I am will die. Or, if I'm particularly interesting, they may study my failures for a short time, so they can try to avoid whatever went wrong with me, and then turn me into some toy for a Diamond.

The dread threatens to drown out my mind- so much so that I almost don't notice that we've apparently arrived. My sister- the familiar one- pulls me to a stop, to the left side of the group of us. We're stopped at the base of a platform that divides the room in half. I think it's the command center, with all the gems at their stations around the front half, presumably keeping us on target, guiding us flawlessly through deep space. These gems pay us no mind, but the gem sitting in the center stares us down. Another Agate, I think. Her face is unfamiliar to me, too.

"We've received a new message from Homeworld. This one is addressed to you lot after further review of the case." She explains shortly. She sits quietly for a moment before placing her hand on the light pad, and a holo screen comes into form in front of us. Without much warning, the message begins to play. A Pearl appears, speaking already, though the first of her words are cut off:

" _..After further deliberation, the council has decided that each Sardonyx of the 7S6R facet will be thoroughly examined for similar or varying deficiencies as noted in the 2OS individual. Similarly, their knowledge of the 2OS individual will be tested and recorded for further examination of the complete failure to recognize such a devastating flaw. If any further flaws are found, they will be recorded, destroyed, and reassimilated, following the 2OS individual._

 _2OS will be inspected upon arrival, and her execution will be immediately afterward. Attendance of all 7S6R facet Sardonyxes is mandatory and will be enforced. Each 7S6R Sardonyx will be assigned to two Quartz guards each upon arrival, and compliance is necessary. Each 7S6R will stay with their assigned guards until otherwise commanded. Violence is allowed if compliance is not given._

 _All this is in accordance with the will of the Diamonds. Praise be to Their Marvelous Radiances, may they reign forever."_ The frilly Pearl salutes, smiling smugly, and then her image passes. I can feel all my sisters' eyes slowly circle around to me, but the weight of the words is still settling in.

It's as I'd guessed. They'll take a look at what made me tock when I should've ticked, and then they'll take me apart. Undo me completely. Everything I am, everything I've been, gone. I'll be nothing more than a collection of records that no one will care to look for.

I feel my sister squeeze my arm, and I look down to her. Her numbers are 4OS, and she's shorter than me by about a hand. She likes the color purple, and she likes to watch gems from the top of our tower. Why do I know these things now, when I didn't just a moment ago? I don't understand. How did I get this far? What accident allowed me to exist this long, when it seems so obvious now how badly off I am?

I think she can see the difference now, too. I wonder how it looks when I'm unable to remember, if someone can really see the lack of recognition, or if it's simply my expression. But 4OS' eyes are getting watery- she's scared of what'll happen to her, probably. I know I am.

"There you have it. You bunch of clods will be thoroughly inspected, and we'll see who really deserves to live." The Agate says, relaxed in her chair like a Diamond in her court, impervious, empirical. "Get back to your room, now. We still have a long journey ahead of us, and you wouldn't want me to think you weren't being compliant, would you?" She grins.

"Th-that's not until we arrive! Those orders can't _possibly_ go into effect-" One of us shouts, enraged, but the crack of a whip silences her, and sends most of the others skittering away in fear. 4OS has to pull me away, though. I can't stop staring at the offending Agate. How can she sit up there like she's so much better? When she could have just as easily been made with faults, when none of this is anyone's control? When my sisters haven't been proven anything but innocent yet?

But 4OS manages to pull me away, and we follow the rest our facet sisters back. I don't remember the way we took, but I presume this is the same way. The Agate's smirking face haunts my thoughts for a moment. I'm quite irked, really.

4OS's arm tucked in mine takes priority, though. She's let go, but she's still keeping close. I can suddenly remember we used to do this quite often, walk arm in arm down corridors, talking or not talking about anything and everything. What does she think of all those times, now that she probably thinks I don't remember them. To be fair, I don't remember much of them, but I know that I liked them. I liked her. And now she's in this mess because of me.

"4OS, I'm sorry." I whisper. I didn't choose this, but it's also still true that my being the way I am made this happen.

"I know. You keep saying." She whispers. She sounds sad, but guilty, and also resigned and bitter. This must keep happening, then. I blush.

"Then, I'm sorry for that, too. I just wanted you to know."

"I know. You always want the best for other gems.." She sighs. "Your passion is what makes you so different, 2OS. Your constant call for betterment.." She only shakes her head, sending pale pink hair shifting in long waves. I note, probably not for the first time, that mine is such a rich red compared to hers.

"I do? I did?" I don't remember any of that, not yet. Maybe I never will. I feel, briefly, familiar with the idea of it, but it fades quickly.

"..yes." She replies after a moment of shock and thought.

"Then I should do whatever I can to make things better for you all, shouldn't I? Since I'm.. done for. It's part of my character, right? And.. I'm expendable at this point." I shrug. They're going to kill me no matter what I do, right? Should I throw all caution to the wind, then, and do whatever I can? What would that even mean?

"Don't say that. Maybe they'll change their minds. Those messages take three days to get to us from out here, maybe they've already changed their minds. Maybe you're more interesting alive than- a-and maybe it'll all be okay." She raises her voice, afraid and angry. But I see no point in trying to tiptoe around it. They want to kill me. I'll be dust before a day has passed on Homeworld.

"I don't think so. When does Homeworld ever change its mind? Only a Diamond could change the decision, and no Diamond would see any virtue in keeping a.. a.. faulty gem."

"White Diamond might." 4OS says in a low hush. But I can only shake my head. No one's heard from her or her court for decades. She's not an option.

"I'm.. my fate has been decided. But I think.. I really feel that you'll all be okay."

"Why do you think so?" She stubbornly asks. I know she means the first part, but I choose to explain both.

"I don't know if I can explain it. You all just.. I really am the odd rock out. I'm sure that your memories are fine, and that all your other stats are within regulation. They were when we were first made, after all, and they really can't have changed since then, I think. You'll all be fine." And I really believe it. Looking at them, I can feel that we're different. We're all orange and pear shaped, but there's something about the eyes that's different. Just.. different. I can remember, looking in the window, I could see my own eyes. There's something there in their eyes that's not in mine. A sense of clarity, I think. "But.."

"But what?" She looks between me and the Amethysts we're passing, silencing me. I wait til we're past them to respond.

"As long as I'm here, they won't take kindly to you. I can see it. They hate us, but really, they don't. They just hate me. If I.." I trail off, letting the thought speak for itself.

"You're talking about real treason here, 2OS."

"I'm not talking about anything, 4OS. It's just a thought. That's all. We're sisters. I owe it to you to try to make things better for you. It's my fault, whether I meant to do it or not." I feel determination rising in me. I want to protect them.

"I think it's that kind of behavior that got you caught, 2OS." She sighs. "But it's also what made our job almost bearable. I always felt like we were really cutting edges by fighting so hard all the time to make good things happen." I don't know what to say to that, so I just follow the others down what seems like an endless ship.

We pass by some odd windows, and it takes me a moment to realize they're escape pods. An idea faintly blossoms, but we're through the corridor before the thought can solidify into anything more than a hope. I try to remember it, though. It could be important later.

"I also don't think it's your fault this happened, 2OS. None of us can help what Homeworld made us be, and it's not your fault no one ever noticed until now. It's because we were pushing so hard that they came down so hard. They looked for a flaw, and they found one." She shrugs. "You were too scary for them."

I like that thought. I hope I can remember it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Rebellion

We are returned silently to our room, where we're meant to stay for the rest of the trip. My sisters, even 4OS, going back to quietly shunning me. It's hard not to feel a little bitter that she'd just said she didn't blame me for my defect, but I understand that to take my side is taboo. She'd just damn herself, I know, and I don't want that. It's better for her to shun me.

The quiet and the isolation gives me time to think, and try to hold onto that idea I had. I sit myself down in front of the window, and peer out into space just like I was before. I know we've moved thousands of miles, but the stars all seem to be right where I'd left them. It's relaxing, and it somehow manages to distract me from my looming death. The vastness of it all makes me feel tiny, but somehow that's a hopeful feeling. Like I can maybe wriggle my way out of this mess, if only I do it the right way.

But how? I remember seeing something on the way here, and it inspired me to _do_ something, to escape-

Of course! The escape _pods_. If I can steal one, I would be further ruining my image, but my sisters would appear all the better, wouldn't they? 4OS even gaped at my tiny suggestion of rebellion. She was appalled by the idea, so loyal to the Diamonds even when she's on this side of their wrath. All of them would surely have the same reaction. Homeworld would be pleased by their loyalty.

I'd probably be cutting my own life short, though. I'm not a warrior- Sardonyxes are entirely unequipped for any kind of battle scenario. We're not meant to _do_ anything except perform a kind of managerial role. I might not even make it to the pods. It would be all the more realistic to assume I'll get stopped on my way there, but I suppose the effect would be the same. My sisters will benefit from my death, whether it's in ten minutes or ten days, on the ship or off it.

So, then, the question is how to go about it. I could storm out of here, I suppose, but I'd be caught right away for sure. I could wait until next time they take us out, for whatever reason, but who knows when that could be, or if I could remember my idea for that long, and I think it would only put my sisters in danger. If they were caught in the crossfire, it would defeat the point. Although, maybe the extra element would make them seem _even more_ loyal- but, no. I won't risk their lives like that. My only choice, then, is to make a move on my own, and as soon as possible.

If only I weren't weaponless! I really would charge out of here, doing all the damage I could possibly do until I either escaped or was caught! But, I don't have a weapon. Or… do I? I can't remember ever trying, and I feel very uncertain about it because of it. Have I ever even tried? I don't even have the vague _impression_ of trying. Has _any_ Sardonyx ever tried? We've never had need, not that I know of, so is it possible we've just never ever tried? We're gems, and all gems have some sort of defense, either a power or a weapon at the least, so why should a Sardonyx be any different?

For a moment, I get distracted by my reflection in the window. It's easy to see against the dark background of open space, but for some reason, it's hard to look at my face. I'm not sure I've ever really looked at myself. My face certainly doesn't seem like my own. I'm not sure I'd imagine anything differently, but it still seems.. foreign to me. It's just like 4OS', of course, oval shaped and long, rather than stout. We're so _rounded_ , it seems. The only difference between her face and mine is that my gem is on my forehead, the long yellow cabochon cut stretching from my hairline to the base of my nose.

There's also a band of orange color in mine, winding across the middle. I take a quick second to look over at 4OS. Her gem is on her left arm, and it's a solid yellow, though paler than mine. Similarly, it seems that all the other Sardonyxes here have solid colored gems. I also notice that they all have color bands on their forms instead, and that I do not appear to at all. 4OS has a dappling of a rust-like color and a bright, almost sparkling white across her face, like a galaxy. I'm a solid orange, but some of the others have three or four different colors in wild patterns all across them.

I wonder what that _means_ , if it means anything at all. Maybe it's where my memory issues stem from. But I'm certain that the Peridots and the Morganites that made and nurtured us would've done something if they thought a spot of color was a sign of trouble, so it must not be entirely abnormal. I can never remember being called out or made to feel bad for any differences in form, not that my memory means much.

Still, I can't ignore it or the feeling it gives me. I know I'm different from the rest of them. They know it too. I suppose it's time to figure out just _how_ different.

I stand, and focusing hard on my reflection, I will the flowy, noble dress to change into something a little more practical. It takes a moment, and a flash of light, but soon the multiple layers of skirt are traded for a form-fitting suit. Sleeveless, with matching arm bands that stretch from my wrists to my biceps, and striped here and there to pay some homage to my sisters. And, just to add insult to injury, I've removed the diamond from my chest. I belong to no one now.

My sisters all gasp, but I'm not done. Still focusing on that spot of orange on my gem, I follow the feeling of difference and distinction like an undiscovered path, leading deep down inside me. It's the feeling of being unique, and separate, and unwilling to give up on that individuality. I focus hard on that feeling, and my reasons to live for just a moment more, and pull. In my hand manifests a short sword, orange and yellow at the blade, a deep red and muted purple at the hilt. I turn it over, inspecting it. It's only the length of my arm, and single sided, but I think it suits me.

"2OS, _what_ are you doing?" 4OS exclaims. Her eyes are wide, terrified.

"Something rebellious." I reply, calmly. She blinks in shock for a moment, and then steps back, as though I might hurt her. I only smile sadly at her. Surely she knows I'd never do anything to harm her? Or any of them, really.

"Don't do this! You can- If you do this, it'll only be worse for you! Please, you've got to stop!" She says, hands out, begging and welcoming and achingly familiar, but I shake my head.

"They decided my fate, 4OS. I decided differently." And with that, I walk away. There's no further explanation I can give that wouldn't somehow incriminate them too. Maybe they'll realize my intent, maybe not, but either way, I think this is worth it. They all wilt away from me as I pass, and none of them tries to stop me.

Surprisingly, there aren't any guards in the hallway, so I take a right, which is the direction I hope the escape pods are in. Behind me, I hear shrieking, presumably my sisters all panicking at once. That probably doesn't give me much time to do whatever it is I'm going to do, so I take off running, swordhand kept low so I don't impale myself. I've never used it before, and I certainly don't have any kind of training, but that, at least, seems pretty self-explanatory.

I run for a moment, making split second decisions on where to turn based off what seems vaguely familiar or instinctively right, but it's all pretty standard design and it's hard to really tell what leads where. Every chance I've got is based on vagaries and hopes and assumptions, but, well, it's what I've got.

I keep going even after a siren starts to scream, the long wailing tone alerting everyone to my rebellion. It's not long after that I start being chased by guards. Amethysts and other quartzes start chasing me down, and I'm not nearly fast enough to outrun them. Just as they start to catch up, I turn to challenge them, taking a couple by surprise.

I surprise myself as I tear through them with the short sword, their forms disassembling easily under my blade. Their comrades are not so easily taken, though, and there is a clashing of weaponry that my inexperienced mind can't quite keep up with. All I can seem to do is put my sword in the way of the attacks _just_ quick enough to avoid capture, backing up as I do so. The blows are intense, almost too much for me to handle.

I do somehow manage to keep up, though, and even manage to take another gem down before bolting down the hallway again. It's a panicked, frenzied sprint, and I know that I have no hope of escaping, but I try anyway. I have to. I can't give up, that's just- that's just not who I am. That feels right, at least.

They give chase again, but they can't beat me to a large, mostly empty room that seems familiar and important. There's a few gems around, but whatever they were doing comes to a halt as my assailants and I explode into the room. They don't waste any time scattering, and it's probably for the best, as one of the closest gems who were chasing me swings her halberd at me, laced with an energy attack.

With a shriek I duck to the left of it, and both the weapon and the energy miss me, but not by much. I nearly tumble to my knees anyway, the ground shaking from the impact, but I roll with it, and try to fall into a run instead. I run into another guard, however, who lifts her axe above her head. I have just enough time to throw my sword between me and it, but the hit is so heavy that it's almost too much for me to hold back.

I feel pinned here, this Amethyst pressing all of her impressive weight down on me. I'm putting my entire form into keeping that axe away from me, just as she's giving all she can to let it run me through. I'm terrified, and the moment seems too long to be real. Our weapons spark as they grind on each other, and I know I can't hold her off forever. I don't know quite how to wiggle out of this, though. I'm surprised I got even this far!

She forces me down, and more gems come rushing in, and I don't know what to do. I gasp when my knee collapses, the Amethyst crushing me into the floor. I have to do something, anything! I think for just a second, running through what possibilities I think I have. Gritting my teeth, I push back as forcefully as I can manage, twisting the edge of the battle axe sideways. The Amethyst stumbles to her right, and I take off running to mine.

Unfortunately, the other gems, Rubies and more Amethysts and more and more, have gathered around the remaining exits, so I don't get very far. I back up, but the other way is blocked as well. I end up retreating into the far wall, where those other gems were before. I must look like a scared newbie to them, because they all seem to be grinning like they've already won. I do my best to put on an angry, defiant face, but I'm not sure I manage anything more than a nervous grimace. Still, they haven't won yet. I'm not done!

I nearly lose whatever face I'm making when I slam into the wall, elbows banging painfully. Well, it's awful bumpy to be a wall, and it makes me think of those escape pods I think I saw earlier-

The escape pods!

Spontaneously remembering my half-formed plan, I slam my hand into the palm shaped pad to the side, and the door opens up behind me. I fall inside the escape pod, the door shutting automatically. I scramble to lock it, and then start the auto-flight function. The Amethysts and Rubies I can hear pounding on the door, attempting to open it, but I locked it on the inside, so they'd be hard pressed even to force it open from out there.

Still, I give a nervous look over my shoulder, and their furious faces are difficult to ignore. I don't try to read their lips, but I can imagine their words are just as venomous. I turn away as the light of what must be a massive Ruby fusion lights up the small window, and press the launch button.

The sequence counts down from ten, and I brace for the launch. Here goes absolutely everything.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Chase

It's a bit jarring, the launch, but I'm grateful for it anyway. It's only after I'm a fair distance away that I realize how wracked with nerves I was through the whole escape. Now that I'm safe and away, I'm able to really feel all the panic that had built up inside me. I feel like I've turned into a puddle of engine sludge, unable to move under the release of that fear I didn't even know I was holding.

I just force myself to take a deep breath. I made it. I'm safe. I made it. That thought really hits me. I really made it! I must've gotten lucky, I'm sure, but I did it! I got off that ship, all on my own. I made it happen. Me!

I'll never see my sisters again, but hopefully they'll be safer, and Homeworld will view them more kindly with me for comparison. I can only hope that that's true, and that I didn't just gamble with my sisters lives as well as my own, but I feel certain in my assessment of Homeworld. My sisters.. I'm sure they're safe, and probably better off.

But now I've got nowhere to go, and I'll always be a pariah, no matter where I end up. I'll always be hunted, always be hated. How long will I survive in such circumstances? I can't imagine I can run forever, and will I even remember what I'm running from after a while? How long would that even take? For that matter, will I even remember my sisters eventually? 4OS' name was so hard for me to remember when she was right next to me, and I think mine is already hazy.

She… she called me 2OS, I think. But without her to remind me, how long will that memory last? How long will any of it last? The running, my memories, _me_?

It'll happen, if it'll happen. I don't know how to hold on to something that won't stay, so it's best to just accept it, and try to learn how to do better. Maybe, because she sparked this whole adventure of mine, I won't forget 4OS. I hope. I really do. I can't remember why, exactly, but I know that I care about her a lot.

Finally relaxing a bit, I lean back in the chair. As it ever does, space looms in front of me. This pod and I are hurtling towards nothing in particular, but maybe the haste with which I left will mean that they have all the more difficulty finding me. I'm sure, even considering that, it won't take long. They've got programs and maths and predictive algorithms and trackers and Diamonds only know what else that'll hound me out eventually.

Still, while I've technically cut my time short by a not insignificant amount, I feel like I've bought myself a little more free time. It's time I really own, sort of. I'm not in a room with gems who hate me, or under the watchful eyes of those who would destroy me, and I'm not being inspected like a new toy or being prepared for recycling. My actions are my own. My choices are my own. Out here, in this pod, flying away at impossible speeds, I can do whatever I want. This is my time. This is possibly the most time that's ever been mine.

I wonder what I'd do if I had all the time in forever to do whatever I wanted. If I could do anything at all, what would I choose to do? Right now, I think I just want more of this. The quiet is nice, if a bit eerie and a little overwhelming, and the view of open space is marvelous, as it always is. What about after this? If there ever was an 'after this'? Well.. I think I'd choose to be with other gems, maybe, but what are the odds I'll ever be with someone who isn't my enemy again? But if I _could_ have an amiable companion or two, I think I would prefer to have them.

It's not like I'll ever have the chance again, though, so it's pointless to even think about. Nowhere to go, no one to see, nothing, except, of course, the enemies I've made of the entire rest of gemkind. I'll be alone out here forever, until I'm surrounded by enemies who'll surely destroy me on sight. What would be the point of bringing me back to Homeworld now, when I've shown once and for all that I'm not their ideal, and therefore worthless to them? To 'study' me? No, they could do that better with just the shattered remains of my gem, I'm sure.

I try to rest in the terrible quiet of space for what seems like hours, my mind drifting wherever it cares to, taking the rest of me for a ride. Eventually, though, a noise breaks through the crushing silence, startling me. With a small gasp I sit upright, suddenly tense again. I look over the control panel, but everything seems as I set it, everything except what appears to be a radio. I can't remember the last time I saw or used a regular radio, or the last time they were really considered effective communication devices. We have better, farther-reaching tools now, and we can communicate across galaxies with exceptional ease, even if it's not the quickest or immediate. Sometimes on a very new colony we use wailing stones, because they're old and reliable, not prone to interference or connectivity issues, but they're always replaced by the time kindergarteners arrive to seed the planet.

So, who would be reaching out on such outdated tech? I try to focus on the voice, to find out.

"-come in, Bronze Unit, please respond." Bronze Unit? What kind of name is that? I look for a way to respond, to ask what this is about, but this console is unfamiliar to me. After a couple minutes of silent searching, someone else responds for me.

"This is Bronze Unit, Pyrope speaking. Repeat, this is Bronze Unit, come in Earth Base." Earth? What's an earth? It sounds.. familiar, but its meaning is unclear to me. I keep listening to the conversation. About three minutes pass in between each response, and it's hard to be patient, but..

"What's your position? We've been expecting your delivery for days. Is everything alright out there?" I recognize this voice. It's a Pearl, I think. They've got such distinctive, bell-like voices. This one is particularly sweet.

"We're all good out here. There was a Homeworld Voyager with scouts and escorts we weren't expecting. We've been laying low while the entourage passes. Might be another day, there's still loads of ships trailing." The Pyrope sounds exhausted and mildly frustrated. I can imagine that sitting still with a ship full of stolen goods and a fleet of enemy gems would do that to anyone. But who are these gems?

"We understand. Maintain position and let us know when it's safe to proceed so we can inform the other deliveries. Stay safe out there. Rose Quartz has asked we be extra careful in the coming days; Homeworld is ramping up war patrols and we can't keep losing forces." She sounds.. sad. Practical, and reverent of the Rose Quartz, but so very sad as well.

"Will do. We'll win this war yet!" The Pyrope sats, and then there's an audible click, and the radio dies. I must've moved too far out of range to hear any more, or maybe that's all there was. But...

War? _What_ war-

.

Oh.

..

OH.

 _The_ war. The _only_ war. Civil. Rebellion. The many wronged against the many wrong. Led by an impressively rogue Rose Quartz, who professes love and mercy while destroying Homeworld ships, supplies, and resources. She's the reason we even _distinguish_ Homeworld as an entity. Before her, there was never any need to. We were a miserable but singular unit, gemkind. Homeworld was a place, not a side or an alliance. Now all of gemkind is divided: Homeworld and the Rebellion.

Is that what lies ahead for me? I'm suddenly not the only rebellious gem alive in existence, and I actually never was. I might be welcome there, on this Earth planet. Or would I? I couldn't remember the war and this rebellion up until recently, and if I wasn't currently an enemy of Homeworld, would I be sympathetic to their cause?

Of course. Yes, of course. I _hate_ how we- they treat us, the dysfunctional, the lower castes- of _course_ I'd try to change it if I could.

So now that I have this opportunity to really, _actually_ help change things for the better, and really, it might be my only hope for survival anyway, is there really any question that I'll take it? No, not at all. The only real question is how to get there. This ship has an autopilot feature, so it might even have Earth's location stored somewhere inside. Of course, it's also just an escape pod, not really designed for long term or long distance travel. Would it be able to take me all the way there? And if it can, is there any kind of built-in defenses? I have no doubt I'll run into other gems, most likely Homeworld loyal, so is there any way to protect myself in this little ship?

I'm startled from my thoughts and questions by an erratic beeping on the control panel. It takes me a moment to locate the source, but it's a little more obvious than the old radio was. Right in the center, it's a collision warning, advising that I slow or alter the path of the ship to avoid running into some.. something. And I certainly would if I knew how.

The autopilot is still on, but for some reason it won't unlock the controls. I'm confused why the autopilot won't avoid the collision itself, but the path it's projecting is straight as an arrow, and headed right for what I'm realizing is a large asteroid belt.

I grow more and more frantic as everything I try accomplishes nothing but useless warnings and error codes. I can see the belt coming into view ahead of me, rapidly enlarging we approach. I press everything I can think of, but it's all wrong. I don't know what to do! Nothing is working!

As the pod enters the very fringe of the belt, and the tiniest of the asteroids start to collide, I give up and brace myself behind the chair, and hope that this'll all turn out okay. I try not to tremble or squeal every time the ship has an impact, but the bigger and the harder the impacts get, the harder it is _not_ to think it's my final moment, and panic just a little.

One impact sends me flying up, hard enough to crash into the ceiling. I can feel the ship's trajectory alter, and then we crash headfirst into something else, and draggingly come to a complete and utter halt. The force of it slams me into the control panel from where I was on the ceiling.

I groan as I sit up, pulling myself from the cracked panel, my head a bit razzled from the impact. Do most gems get dizzy? I've heard that some gems feel that way when returning to a planet after a long time in space, but this seems different. I can't have been in space _that_ long. At least the ship's stopped, now. I'm pretty certain I can feel the asteroid's spin, though. Maybe that's what making me feel so lightheaded and weird.

I force myself to my feet, and to the exit. I should probably assess the damage, and see just how stuck I am.

The door sticks for a moment, the ship decompressing, releasing the air so that I'm not violently ejected out into space. But when it opens, calmly and without expulsion, it reveals a blinding red sun, swollen in the distance. The ship is nose down in what I presume is an asteroid, given all those I can see floating around me, eclipsing the sun, dotting its light. I couldn't tell because of the ship's artificial gravity, but it's wedged at about a thirty degree angle into the surface. I'm roughly five feet in the air.

I hop down from the ship's exit to take a look at the damage. I think I would've been anxious about doing that in my dress, before, but now in this suit I feel pretty much free to do anything. The jump is easy, and the landing, well, I'm sure I'll get better at that as time goes on. I only stumbled a little bit.

Rather proud of myself for not falling on my face, I head around to the front of the ship. The aerodynamic nose is crumpled and bent, and the inside engine is visible in some places. I can't claim to comprehend what's going on in there, but there's very little noise and very little movement from what I can see, but based on the lack of light, I can't really see a lot anyway. It felt like it'd died down a bit, but I wasn't sure.

"Well, that can't be _good,_ but maybe it's not _too_ bad?" I hope out loud. As if to mock me, the engine stops entirely, the subtle hum it was producing finally dying away to nothing. Pure silence dwarfs me.

"Well. _Great_."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Ghosts

I stare at the nonfunctioning machine for several minutes. My mind keeps blanking on what to do. Can I fix it? The damage doesn't seem so great that it's impossible it _could_ be fixed, but by _me_? Me?

No. No, I really can't fix this. I'm entirely out of my depth.

I give out a long, wordless scream, pulling at my hair as I rise to my feet. I can't look at it anymore- can't think of how _clumped_ I am- and I pace in front, furiously upset with myself.

"Are you _kidding_ me?! All this, all that effort, and I'm _stuck_ here?! Where even _is_ here?!" I yell, out loud, if only to fill the silence. "OH and what kind of idiot am I to even get myself stuck here in the first place?! I could've set any destination, but _nooooo_ , I just set it to launch square in the middle of Diamonds-damned _nowhere_! Aaaugh..!" I start to pace, the anxiety of the chase earlier coming back to me.

"Ooooh they're gonna find me out here and they're gonna shatter me and my itty bitty shards will float around this desolate asteroid belt forever and ever and it'll have served _no_ purpose and that'll be my story, that'll be it, be _me_ , all I've done and it amounts to this: shattered in the middle of nowhere, and nobody cares. Oh my dear- well, not the Diamonds anymore but, but- oh my stars what does it even matter, I'm _done_ for and that's it, I should just lay down, and surrender, and accept my horrible, horrible fate." I moan, my pacing and hair tugging coming to a slow stop. I gnaw at my bottom lip, thinking. The asteroid is quiet. Maybe too quiet, but… I'd always hear someone coming, wouldn't I?

"Well… here's not so bad. I mean, it's not.. the greatest. But there's nobody here, right? Maybe, with the ship broken down, they won't be able to track me here. And if they can, I could.. I could hide, I guess. Maybe- Wha-!" My thought is stopped as something collides with my face.

But it's not some random debris, no- it's too purposeful. Whatever it is, it's more likely to be a some _one_ , and the stranger drives me backwards into the ground with a violent force. I'm startled by the impact, and the thing just rams my head back into the ground, though with a noticeably diminishing strength. I recover better from that one, though still feeling the ache, and I claw at the menacing _something_ , which feels very much like a hand, albeit a long and thin one. I attempt to wriggle out from under it, to pull it away, but its grip on my face is _horrible_.

As it rams my head backwards into the ground _again_ I realize their plan. They want to dismantle me. Why? What did I do? _Who are they_?

I'm quite discombobulated- everything is spinning- but their force isn't enough to undo my form. Why not draw a weapon? Well, if they won't, I will. Their hand is over part of my gem, but with a wild swing of my arm, I force them to back off just enough that the pressure on my face releases, and my gem is uncovered as they move.

I take the chance and force my weapon, blade first, out of my gem. You're probably not supposed to do that, but it has the desired effect: I hear a hiss of shock as my attacker reels away. Hastily, and quite luckily, I catch my sword by the handle and scurry to my feet. There's only a flash of glinting light as they tackle me again, the rest of their form a blur.

I drop my sword in the scuffle, but I refuse to go down easily. They wrestle to keep me still, but I'm too strong for them, somehow. They're bigger than me, but scrawny, boxy. As much as they have or had the element of surprise and something of a home field advantage, I'm naturally more physically inclined than them, and I am just as ferocious in my defense as they are in their attack.

The scuffle ends when they go for my face again. Not caring for decorum or propriety, I bare my pointed teeth and make to bite the reaching hand. If I could pierce their form, even on their hand, I'd win. Fearful, they shove me away, my teeth snapping shut on nothing. I fall backwards, and my enemy staggers backwards as well, landing awkwardly on their rear.

"What in the blazes is wrong with you!?" My attacker yells, the first sound they've made the entire time. They flex their fingers, disgusted at the prospect of losing them to me. They- but it must be a 'she', as it's a gem… I think? "Who taught you to _bite_ people?!"

"Me? What's wrong with _you_! Attacking me out of nowhere- I didn't _do_ anything!" My initial line of questions disappear at that indignation. I shift to my knees, mirroring them, feeling so _angry_ at the _gall_ they have to judge _me_. Their expression turns from disgust to fury again, and they hunch over, hands fisted.

"Oh but you were _about_ to! Thinking you can just stay here-! This place is _mine_! You and all your filthy race ought stay away-! I'll _shatter_ you before you take me back!" They snarl, and the sight is actually quite intimidating. Face to face like, this, it's hard to deny this person is a gem, though not one I recognize. My mind whirls, trying to identify the type, but while I have a tiny, nagging feeling that I _know, I do, I know it_ , I can't recall the name or the family or even the sounds of it.

They're so foreign but so familiar that it's frightening. Nevermind that their face is all scrunched up in rage, their right-eye-placement gem glowing hotly, their left and only eye pinned on me, or that they don't even have a nose. There's a neat pattern of square-shaped freckles around the gem, a lime green against otherwise lilac skin, glinting an irradiated purple. I start to lose my nerve, but I falter only for a moment, before I get angry again.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" I glare, or do my best to. I've never been this angry before, not that I can remember, but I feel that this is the face someone who's angry would be making.

"As if you don't know!" They snarl, leaning forward as if to attack again, but I just lean forward too, baring my teeth in a grimace of a threat. They hesitate.

"No, I _don't_. Who _are_ you? What's your problem with me?" I ask, holding firm. They seem startled and unsure at the question, leaning away again, shoulders tense with indecision. I make no move. I don't want to startle them any further, and I don't want to start another round of sloppy fisticuffs. I feel good about my odds of winning, but honestly I'd rather not fight anymore. There's something that's so _exhausting_ about it.

"You're a gem. What other reason do I need?" They sneer, as if the answer was obvious. I just gawk, confused.

"Y- _you're_ a gem? Aren't you?" I ask, stating the obvious.

" _Not_ according to your kind! You elitist _wretches_ denied me _everything_!" They get in my face again, a spark of madness flashing through their eye. "You and your damned _Diamond_!" And _that_ catches my attention.

"Plural." I say, after a moment.

"What?"

"There's four Diamonds." I state, holding the number up on one hand. "Plural. Four Diamonds." The shock and despair that sets in on their face makes me wish I hadn't said that. They sink back, sitting on their heels, like all the light in the sky was taken away from them. "I'm sorry." I don't know why- they attacked me after all- but it wasn't my intention to emotionally wound them, though I don't know why the existence of more than one Diamond would be so… disturbing. Not like this, anyway.

"What?" They say again, my apology stunning them back to the present.

"I said 'I'm sorry'. I.. I don't know." I shrug, and sit back as well, taking in the sight of the strangest gem I've ever met. I'd been forced to focus on their furious face just a moment ago, but now that there's more than a hand's width between my eyes and theirs, I can really understand how different this gem is from me. They're tall and thin, as I'd observed before, but thin in an unintentional, unorthodox way. No one would design a gem to look like this, not on purpose. They're boxy at the chest, hands, and feet, but lanky everywhere else. Their form looks like it might collapse on itself at any moment, and I'm actually very surprised it didn't during our fight.

Paired with the unsettled pose of relaxed despair, they seem undeniably fragile. And the way they stare at me, like there's feet of foggy glass between us, I suddenly feel as though I don't understand anything.

"Who are you?" I mumble, the question gnawing at my mind. It feels like this one question is keeping me from understanding everything else, and if I could only know this, I'd know all I needed to know.

"I'm- Fluorite- _Phantom_ Fluorite." They struggle to say, each word produced only haltingly. "And you?"

"I'm-" Wait. No. Wait, no, who- what am I, again? I was just- we were all- but what are we called? I start to panic. The name- the word- the sound- it's all gone. Quickly, I have to remember, the Fluorite is getting suspicious- what do we look like? I try to recall the others' faces, but only one floats through my mind, the one with the dapples on her face- "I'm a Sardonyx." I manage to say the instant it comes back to me.

"And what are you doing here, Sardonyx?" The scathing look is starting to return to their face, my brief lapse in memory bringing an end to the strange limbo of a moment we were just having. I have to think hard about that question, though. What _am_ I doing here?

"I'm.. running away. I- I can't stay loyal to Homeworld anymore." That sounds right, but it also sounds pretty vague. I'm sure there are more details to it than that, but no matter how much I ransack my mind, I can't seem to find what lead me here. I know that I was somewhere else before this, I know because-

Because the ship. I landed that ship here. So I came from somewhere else. And it was not a happy time leaving, but the other me's- the other Sardonyxes- they were there. The dappled one that I like the most, and several others, but I don't recall any details about them, just that they were fellow cuts of my gem.

But Phantom Fluorite is looking at me, pressing me for details, I can tell. What do I say? What _can_ I say?

"I'm defective." I admit, though it must have seemed obvious to them. "I can't remember things. So I.. I think I left to.. to go somewhere else. Somewhere there's other gems like me, I think, but I.." What brought me here? Think. It's in here somewhere, I'm sure.

"You crashed." Phantom Fluorite supplies with a dead eyed drone of disapproval.

"Yes. And.. I realize this is your home, I guess, but I didn't know. I mean- I didn't mean to land here, or to intrude. And I'd leave if I could." I apologize, but their demeanor shifts from coldly accepting and judging my words to outright rejection at the last part.

"Oh, no. You _will_ leave. You cannot stay here."

"You see that ship, right? I physically _can't_ leave. I can't fix it- I wouldn't even know where to start!" I look over my shoulder quickly, wondering very briefly if it's where I think it is in relation to me, but Phantom Fluorite takes the opportunity to advance on me again. With a shove, I'm once more on my back, though the Fluorite's hands are at my shoulder this time, and just out of biting range. I scratch and scrape at their hands, but they're gripped _just_ tightly enough on my shoulders that I can't find any purchase, can't remove them.

"I don't care _how_ , but you _will_ leave my system, you rust-colored clod! Or I'll-!"

"Or you'll _what_? Shatter me!? That didn't work so well the first time, did it? I think I could take you on again if I had to!" I make an attempt to sound confident and scary, going so far as to interrupt them. To be honest, I'm terrified of losing, but my words must register as true, or at least possible, because they loosen their grip almost immediately, though faintly, their snarl fading slightly. Similarly, I let my grip on their wrists relax just a touch. "I don't want to fight. And I don't want to stay here, not if- Well, I'm pretty sure I had somewhere else I was trying to get to. But if it comes to the two of us in a fight right now, I wouldn't dislike my chances at winning." Their eye narrows at me, trying to read something. I stare back, ready for anything.

"I don't think you'd do it. You wouldn't shatter me, would you? I don't think you _could_." They seem to pull the thought out of me, presenting it to me as a fact. I realize that, no, I couldn't. Not because I'm not physically capable, but because I just couldn't _kill_ another gem. Not on purpose.

"Maybe so. But I don't want to die, either." I don't know why, but I won't go easily. I'm going to hang on and fight to the last scrap of energy in my gem. "So we can either fight like fresh-cut kindergarteners scrapping in the dirt, or we can figure another way out of this." I try very hard to unclench my eyebrows and relax my face, to appear pleasant and amiable and trustworthy, or at least to seem nonthreatening.

Phantom Fluorite seems perplexed, and once more thrown for a loop. What to do? I'm afraid to be caught in my mild bluff, but what would we do if we were to try to work.. together? What could come of it? I don't know, and neither do they, and I think the not knowing is just as frightening for them as it is for me.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Truces and Truths

I try not to shake as the purple gem holding me down makes their decision. What will happen? The anticipation is so great I'm nearly afraid it'll shatter me, making the Fluorite's choice futile. But, no, I keep waiting. Patience is key.

"Very well." They finally say. They're obviously deeply unhappy with the choice, but they made it anyway. Awkwardly, they release my shoulders and stand up, retreating. I sit up, though slowly. I don't want them to think I'm going to attack, after all. "What do you have in mind?" They ask, sitting down, cross-legged, a fair distance away.

I take a moment to reflect on where we are. We've no supplies that I know of besides my little ship and whatever was on it. No natural resources in our environment to draw on from what I can tell. No tools. No assistance. Just them and me and the ship as it is.

"We can try to fix the ship." It's the only option.

"Do you know anything about space travel?" They ask drily.

"..No. But.. the ship might have instructions, or a manual, or something, built into it. As long as it's got reserve power, we'll have that resource to draw on." It's a longshot, but it's what I've got. "..do _you_ know anything about space travel?" They stiffen, grimacing.

"A.. a small bit. Enough to get by. If you're correct, the.. manual or what-have-you would be welcome." They say, pained to admit it. "What do you have by way of tools? Supplies? Anything?"

"I don't know. I… think I took the ship in a rush. I didn't get to really take stock of what's there." Now that things have calmed down, I can recall a little more of what lead to this point. It was with great haste that I left the cruiser behind, and then I relaxed and pondered until I crashed. I think. That part is a bit hazy at the moment.

"That's fine. I'll make due." They dismiss it with a waving hand, eye rolling.

"What do you mean by that? _We_ will have to make it work."

"Afraid I'm going to sabotage you, hmm?" They sneer, mocking me, but I stiffen at the thought. It hadn't occurred to me, honestly.

"I.. just thought we'd do it together. I know I don't fully understand the engine but that doesn't mean I shouldn't help. I- I made the mess, after all." It's only fair, right?

"That you did, but you'd only get in the way. I don't suppose you've done any sort of physical labor in all your life. You'll be clumsy, uninformed, and worst of all, incompetent. No, I'd much rather take care of it myself, _thank you_." They object and start to walk off, feeling victorious.

"You didn't know what gem I was." I say, and they turn back to me, eye squinted.

"So?"

"So why are you so certain I'm a noble?" Their eyebrow raises at that.

"Aren't you?" They ask, looking me up and down with curious confusion.

"Technically not anymore, but.. I belong to the mid-noble class, yes. I want to know why you thought so, though." They squirm at the questioning, taking a moment to gather their thoughts.

"Your form. You're not a warrior or a worker- you're too small and while you've got a strong stance, your arms are clearly not made to bear large weaponry or operate machinery. You've got long hair, which would be inconvenient in any work or war setting, and it's too thin for you to be any kind of quartz, and a cabochon gem, which belays a softer sort of stone, not one that fights or builds. You could only be some sort of noble gem. Whatever function you perform is safe, indoors, and away from any sort of physical labor. You're suited for.. a managerial role, I presume." They explain, nervously at first.

"Correct." I admit. "So you know how the classes breakdown." I state, thinking.

"Once more, I ask: so?" They reply, irritated.

"I can't figure out what _you_ were meant to do." They inhale sharply and then scowl. I immediately regret this line of questioning. I didn't want to upset them, not at all.

"It's none of your concern. If you'll excuse me, I ought to be getting to work on that mess you made." They stand, heading toward the ship. Shyly I start to follow but they whirl around, hearing me. " _You_ will stay _put_."

"Why? I'm not useless. I can-"

"Stay right the blazes here, or I'll-". They grit their teeth and bite whatever threat they were going to make, clenching their hands aggravatedly. "Stay out of the way. Touch nothing, say nothing, just- _do_ nothing." They huff and walk away, leaving me to the dust of the asteroid.

"There's nothing out here _to_ touch!" I shout, confused. I see Phantom Fluorite raise their hand and give it an upward flick and then I'm on my back again, as though I was shoved by an invisible hand. How did they do that? Very few gems have telekinetic abilities, and none that look like they do.

At least, I feel fairly certain they don't. I sigh, wondering how I can trust any of these things I think I know when I can't remember how or where or when I learned it. I think so many things, but are any of them actually true? How can I know for certain? I don't know. I don't know.

Reluctantly, I relax on the ground, seeing as my uncertain ally has made it clear they don't want me to do anything more than exist at the moment, and barely that much. It doesn't take long for boredom to set in, the curiosity of the repairs and my immediate future causing my mind to wander. Still, my hands are itching for something to do. I'm not sure I've ever had any downtime before, and nothing is coming to me with how to deal with it now. There are no tasks for me to accomplish here, right now, and nothing to fiddle with.

Well, not _nothing_. I run my hands through my hair, appreciating the way it feels and flows. My hands comb through my crimsony hair while I try to map the stars above me. There's a lot of familiar stars out here, but if they all have names, I don't remember them. I know which one Homeworld is, though.

It's exactly opposite from this system's red star, and it almost seems twice as bright despite the fact that the red star is a giant in the asteroid's sky. It may be half sunk over the horizon, but I can only barely cover it with my hand if I hold it out at full distance. It must be enormous, but not terribly dense, because we also seem to be fairly close, at least for a field of this size around a sun of that size. The red giant may give off a warm, lovely orange light, but the cold and sterile white light of Homeworld blazes much more vibrantly across from it.

Imagine if they were people: who would win in such a fight? Like an Agate, the red giant seems to be at an advantage with size, but the chilly star speck that represents our system.. I can't place why, but I would bet that speck would win.

I wonder if that's what the Fluorite's been thinking about while they've been here. It must be lonely, being here by themself. At least I- well, I _think_ I had companions. I had.. something. At the very least, there were other gems _around_ , even if we weren't very friendly or only interacted to perform our relative functions. Is Phantom Fluorite here alone? From their disposition and attitude, I don't think anyone would willingly stay with them, and they don't seem to be protecting someone more shy or weak than themself. I think they _are_ alone.

With that thought, I realize I'm already tired of sitting alone here while _they_ do all the work. Still, they said to stay put. Well.. they also said to stay out of the way. As long as I stay out of the way, maybe I don't necessarily have to stay put, do I? Their point was that I not mess up their attempts to fix the machine, so that's the part that's more important.

I'd be willingly choosing which order to obey, I know, but I'm bored, and I can't stand sitting here doing _nothing_. As long as I don't mess with anything on the asteroid, should I actually come across anything important, I should I be fine, I think.

Then again.. That seems too antagonistic, and it won't accomplish anything but a temporary solution to a temporary problem, and it would probably cause a bigger problem with Phantom Fluorite's ability and reason to trust me. I should stay put. I don't want to strain an already awkward and dangerous relationship by being blatantly difficult and refusing to listen to a single request, even if it was delivered in a huffy and demanding tone.

I let my mind wander back to the stars, and I try to piece together all the places I've been..

(\\)

"What are you doing over here?" A voice cuts through my thoughts, and I feel my mind grind to a halt. What _am_ I doing?

"I- what?" I sputter. Phantom Fluorite stands over me, their form blocking out the red giant's light. They seem agitated, but I don't know why.

"You're over here talking to yourself about stars and planets and all sorts of nonsense. It's incredibly distracting." They scoff. I blink, and then scowl up at them.

"How can you even hear me? The ship is thirty yards behind us." I didn't even realize I was making any sound, either. That's embarrassing, though, and I'd rather not admit it.

"I can hear everything that happens on this asteroid as though it were being yelled right next to me. Don't think I _didn't_ hear you contemplating wandering earlier." Is it possible to angrily brag?

"Well, there's nothing to _do_ since you won't let me help. Pardon me for trying to fill the void in what I _thought_ was a harmless action. I'm sure _you_ have your own ways of keeping busy here." I sit up and turn to face them, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, but I'm not here on someone else's home, uninvited, unexpected, and unwelcome. I may do what I want here, because it's _my_ home. You're only being _tolerated_ for the moment, but that can certainly change." They wave an odd looking wrench in my face, which immediately distracts me.

"Where'd you get that?"

"It was in the ship." They say flatly, lowering the wrench. Well. I suppose that's fair. I'd hoped there were supplies of the sort.

"I'm sorry for distracting you." I say. Phantom Fluorite looks surprised, even taking a tiny shuffle backwards.

"Why do.. Nevermind." They shake their head, looking back towards the ship, but they stay put.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" I ask, hoping I can be helpful.

"I did actually come over to request some.. assistance. There's a small chunk of asteroid lodged in the engine and I can't remove it. I was hoping you could, since you seem to be slightly stronger than myself." They admit, though the admission is obviously an uncomfortable one. They wouldn't be asking unless they actually thought they couldn't do it.

"Yeah, I can give it a go." I say, standing. I pat the dust off my legs. "But, uh, were you going to ask something else? I don't- I don't mean to pry, of course but it _sounded_ like.." I shrug.

"It's not important." They say, and walk off. I follow shortly behind. I can't help but wonder how they came to be here, the why's, the how's. It's almost funny, I know as much about what brought them here as I do about what brought _me_ here. I let out a little morbid giggle, and Phantom Fluorite whips around, eye alight, that easy anger raging.

"Sorry! I wasn't- I was laughing at myself, I promise!" I squeak. How that must look to them- their back turned, not knowing exactly the context, augh! I feel myself blush, ashamed to have even laughed at all. They only seem more disturbed.

"You keep doing that." They say, stopping.

"Doing what? A-apologizing?"

"Yes." They say with a searching look.

"Yes. I do. That's- uh, that's what you do when you make a mistake and regret it. I- I realized that must've seemed rude to you- or maybe just foreign, I don't know. I don't want to be rude."

"I- I see." They stutter, looking away, though the searching gaze lingers. "Right." They say, and then start walking again.

I guess being alone hasn't done them any favors when it comes to conversation or social interaction. Again: how long have they been here? I can't stop myself from wondering. I also can't stop wondering how it'll be for me to be alone, and how long I might end up being alone, on the journey to wherever it is I'm trying to go.

I crawl in the ship's engine after the silent Phantom Fluorite, to a cramped corner where there's a torso-sized asteroid lodged between two mechanical arms. It's really dark in here so I light up my gem to see it better. It looks like it's melted a bit, maybe from impact, maybe from the heat of the engine. No wonder Phantom couldn't remove it.

"So as you can see, it's quite firmly lodged. I tried to slip it out sideways, through here, but I couldn't quite get enough purchase on it. I think with just enough force in the right direction, it'll come out.." Phantom demonstrates, showing me where they're aiming to get the asteroid off the arms with the least damage, but the asteroid hardly budges, even with their whole form going into it. I trade places with them, ignoring the way they scoot as far away from me as possible while maintaining a decent view, and hesitantly put my hands where they'd had theirs, giving the asteroid a test. It's firmly planted, but there's hardly any grip, so I test other hand placements until I feel like I can really put my weight into it.

I take a short breath to steady myself, and shove, hard. I strain against the rock and it strains back, but I can feel it just about to move, if only I had a little more power behind me. I relax, and try to shove it more forcefully, more suddenly, and the mechanical arms rustle, but the pressure just isn't enough. I shift so that I can lean down into it as well, and that gets me a little closer, but it's not enough. I'm not enough. With a sigh I pull back, wringing my wrists.

"How bad an idea would it be to try to use my sword to dislodge it?" I ask Phantom. They're still tucked behind other parts, hidden almost completely in shadow, if it weren't for my gem light.

"Considering there's no welding tools or spare parts, a very poor idea indeed should you miss." They reply, the snarky edge back in their voice. I nod, and sigh again.

"Okay, then you're gonna have to help me. I felt it ready to give, but I'm not quite strong enough." They look at me apprehensively, a scowl back on their face. "Look, I'm not gonna bite you-"

"You certainly were earlier!" They scoff and cross their arms, indignant.

"You were trying to shatter me!" I give out a groan of exasperation. "Anyway, I'm not going to _now_ unless you try something again but we've already agreed that's pretty pointless _so_ : if you'll push on my back, or pull the arms out just slightly, or push on the rock from the other side, I think we can get it. Do you trust me enough to do one of those things?"

"I- it would be a bad idea to misalign these arms and- I don't-". They seem scared and perplexed and uncomfortable with the thought of cooperation like this. Is it the proximity? Is it me?

"I'm sorry." I just feel guilty, for intruding, even unintentionally, if it causes this much disruption for them.

"Why do you keep _saying_ that?" Phantom snaps. "It doesn't accomplish anything!"

"Wha-" I balk. "Maybe not, but it's polite and I just _feel bad_ for being such a problem! I obviously make you super uncomfortable and I don't like it and I feel bad for doing it but I don't know how to fix it, or fix anything, or _do_ anything, so saying I'm sorry is all I have!

I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it, I just know that I've got to try and do my best and in place of actually doing that, all I can do is apologize for all the inconveniences I'm causing. So I'm _sorry_. I am. For being sorry, or.. for just.." I lose my steam, and give up. I cross my arms, feeling small and worthless.

"Why does it matter so much?" Startled, I look up. From behind the machinery, Phantom is peeking out at me, timidly and.. something else. I get a sense of sadness, maybe anger, but I don't know what over. "Why does.. being an inconvenience to- to me so.. upsetting to you?"

"I.. I don't know. I just don't want.. I guess I want everyone to be happy." I shake my head. Fuzzy memories bubble through my head, of grateful smiles and scornful glances both, but an overall feeling of pleasant accomplishment. Is this who I am? "I just want to help. To.. to hurt someone, then, it's.. it's horrible."

"I was attacking you just a few hours ago." They point out. I give a little laugh. That's true, but here I am, somehow.

"I know. But you had a reason, I guess, and.. I don't know. You're a person. Shouldn't I respect that?"

"No one ever has before.." They say, a hand rising to their gem, and they turn away.

"Why? I don't understand. Is that why you're out here?" I ask, unable to stop myself. I'm so curious, but I'm afraid to upset them further.

"It's a long story, and not one I'm fond of remembering. We should.. we should get back to.. to repairs." They say, hand back at their side, eye cold and void again, but they come back around to the asteroid, nodding that they're ready to help. I just nod back and we get to work.

I can't help but feel remorse for whatever unspoken hurt has caused this gem to come to this place, and I wish with all of myself that I could help heal that hurt..


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

trigger warning: violence, death

Now it's me who's hesitant every time my companion does something I don't expect. Removing that first asteroid is easy when we put both our efforts' into it, but Phantom doesn't shoo me away when it's done. They give me instructions and point me to a place to start making repairs, or attempting to. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing, even with their directions, but maybe that's just my lack of confidence or experience with this that's talking.

I hate that they were right: I am uninformed and incompetent when it comes to this. My job _is_ a managerial role, that of guiding others along their paths to produce desired results by the empire, and the Diamonds. I've never had to do anything with my hands, though I am incredibly interested in it. I'm just so nervous now that my life sort of depends on the thing I'm working on.

It's not all bad, though. Every now and then Phantom comes around and tells me I did something wrong, and how to fix it. I'm embarrassed but so grateful when they take the time to walk me through the steps again and again. They don't patronize me, at least, not more than they already have. They're still snarky and derisive, but it seems gentler than before.

In this way, we make our ways through the engine, fixing everything we can see. I lose track of time in a blur of fixing, moving, and replacing this and that. It might be hours or days that we're in here, for all the focus I keep putting into the details of this ship.

Still, I find myself wondering more and more about my companion. The same questions, over and over: Who are they in the eyes of Homeworld? How did they come to be here? Who hurt them so badly, and why?

I can imagine some of it. No one would design a gem to be the way they are, so they're an off color of some kind, but they're normally.. well, it's not kind. That Phantom has survived and is out here means they were interesting, important, or useful, but managed to escape. Furthermore, they only knew about the existence of one Diamond, meaning that they are very, _very_ old. They were also absolutely _horrified_ at the concept of more than one, meaning that they were probably very close to White Diamond. Her early years are a mystery, but she's been touring the known universe incognito for several thousand years, leaving Yellow and Blue Diamond to run the empire.

But beyond that? I know nothing about this gem. I can't begin to imagine. I know so _little_ , and that bothers me. If I don't know, I can't help. And I want to, so badly. I don't know why, but it cuts me somewhere deep inside that I can't help them. I'm not sure if it's just some kind of an old habit, or something else, but I want so desperately to take hold of whatever's troubling them and iron all the wrinkles out with my own hands, just to ease their mind. I can't explain this urge to help, and it's very hard not to ask more questions to that end.

"That should do it, I think." Their voice cuts into my nosey thoughts, bringing me back to the moment.

"Huh?" I blurt, blinking hard, before realizing that the part I'm working on is done. The axle I was resetting is tight enough, maybe too tight.. My focus was somewhere other than my hands, and it shows. I finished the job and just.. got lost in a tangle of thoughts. "Right. Of course." Phantom Fluorite gives me a funny look, but doesn't comment about it, simply climbs out the hull. I follow, not sure what else I'm meant to do.

"What now?" I ask. Phantom sets their wrench down, careful not to let it float off in the low gravity, and I do the same.

"We should test the machine, make sure it's working. It might not, which means another round of repairs, but.." They shrug. "We won't know until we try it for the first time. It didn't lose engine functionality until sometime after you crashed, so hopefully it will start sooner rather than later.." They sigh, their gaze far in the distance, mind somewhere else for a moment. But sharply they turn back to me. "Shall we?"

"Yes, please." I smile, eager to see the results of our efforts. Phantom seems surprised, but their expression is the most relaxed I've seen so far, and I can't help but beam a little wider. They clear their throat and gesture for me to lead the way, so I do, but my smile doesn't diminish even a tiny bit.

I'm not sure when, but they must have righted the ship, since it's entrance in the back is no longer up in the air. It's a simple step up into the compartment, the ship's door opening with a 'schoop'. I step in, and I feel like it's the first time I've really looked at the room. It probably is, in all fairness. Last time I entered the escape pod, it was while trying to escape a horde of attacking gems.

It's a round, elliptical room, the end of it being the control panel and the single chair that dominates the center of focus. The lights are low, it's power is probably waning since the engine's been off. As I approach the chair and the panel, I can see that the manual was pulled up earlier, probably by Phantom. I, at least, don't remember pulling it up myself.

I dismiss it, and pull up the engine functions instead. I give Phantom Fluorite a look of hopeful optimism, and press the button that will hopefully activate the engine. They give me a shrug in the moment of silence that follows. I grimace as I start to think it won't function, and that we missed something, or that it's just broken beyond repair.

It starts to hum, and then to sputter, the whole ship shaking, but it dies again. I let out a disappointed groan, and anxiously grab my hair.

"Well, it's progress." Phantom says, surprising me with their optimistic tone. "If it's starting but shutting down, it can only be a couple of things. What we've done is good. It's something else that's failing." Their voice is reassuring, but I think it's more for themself, as their gaze is once more far away and thoughtful. Still, I feel better to have been able to hear it.

"So.. what now?" I ask.

"Oh, well, I should do some diagnostic tests to see if I can locate what I _think_ is the problem." They say. "Do you mind?" They ask, motioning to the chair. I'm in the way, I realize. I scoot out of the way and Phantom sits down, pulling something up on the console.

"And what do you think the problem is?" I ask, curious.

"Hmm? Oh, I think it's something to do with the fuel mixing. If there's a leak, or it's mixing at the wrong place in the process, this engine has a failsafe shutdown process so something like the ship exploding don't happen. Which can happen very easily, and used to quite frequently, at least-". Phantom cuts themself off unexpectedly, simply stopping entirely.

"What's wrong?" I ask, anxious again.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." They say hastily. "Would you- I'd rather-" They huff. It seems like they don't know how to say what they want. "I'd like not to talk anymore." They finally request, not looking up from the console. I notice their hands are shaking, and I take that to mean they're getting anxious again. Anxious about me, I think.

"Yeah. I can go wait outside, if you'd prefer. I'll.. go make sure the tools didn't float away." I suggest. They nod.

"Right." They say, and it feels like they want to say something else, but they don't. I take that as my cue to leave, so I do. As I hop down out of the ship, I can't help but wonder what changed.

They were relaxing around me. They were talking to me, and not because I talked first or because they needed to tell me something. It was conversational, it was casual. So what happened that made them stop? I hope it wasn't something I did, but I'd just been following their example, so I'm not sure what it was that I'd done, if anything. I don't know what I did.

Maybe it's not me. Maybe, sure, me and the situation made them think of something, but it's that something else that's bothering them. Maybe?

I don't know, and I don't feel comfortable deciding for them, even as I'm uncomfortable not knowing. I start to do what I actually came out to do: retrieve the tools. I know we set them down with care, but I also know that gravity is a weird phenomenon for things that don't subconsciously control their weight. Sure enough, they seem to have drifted off. I'm glad that whatever keeps the ship grounded hasn't quit working. I can't imagine trying to make repairs with it trying to float away.

I try not to ponder the situation too heavily as I look around for the tools- I think they were wrenches- because I know that I'll just think myself in circles. I won't reach any satisfying conclusion until I know more, and continuing to imagine all the possibilities is only going to make me more anxious to know the truth. It's better to just ride it out how it is right now.

I finally locate one of the wrenches, petering away all on its own. I have to chase it down, it's momentum and the low gravity just enough that it's just _going_. But I catch it, and I feel a ping of victory over the absurd situation before a sense of dread settles in its place.

How.. how could it have been doing that? We set them down so carefully, I'm certain!

As if to answer my question, there's a sound of violence behind me. I whirl around just in time to see Phantom Fluorite being shoved out of the ship into the waiting arms of a Quartz. They're so tiny in the distance- when did I get so far away from the ship?

Before I know it, I'm running back to them, sword drawn. I can't watch this unfold and do nothing! I feel an ache in my chest I've never known before, and I can only imagine that Phantom is much worse off than I am.

The Quartz sees me coming, and drops Phantom Fluorite to grab at me. But her weapon isn't drawn, and she's too slow to draw it by the time I've hacked through her form. Her partner, however, comes barrelling out of the ship, swinging a hammer whose head is bigger than her own. I manage to put my sword in between me and the blow, but it's a jarring collision, and I'm afraid for a moment that the kinetic energy will simply overwhelm my form.

I hold firm, though, and shove the heavier weapon away, it's wielder losing balance with it. She stumbles back, her own weapon too momentous for her, and I take the open moment to slash through her as well. The look on her face of surprise and confusion is strangely incredibly satisfying.

Both the dismantled gems float freely through the air for a moment. I almost can't believe I did that. I'm pretty sure I'm not _supposed_ to be good at this, and yet.. Have I done this before? I can't imagine it would have happened a lot on any Homeworld installation, but where else would I have learned this? It can't all be _instinct_ , can it? But nevermind that. The gems before me need to be collected before they reform or float away.

I bubble the second first, since she's nearer, and I go to grab her companion, but I find that Phantom Fluorite already has hold of her gem. I think they're going to bubble her too, but instead I see them raise a wrench over their head and I realise-

"No!" I scream, and reach for the wrench but it's too late. Her gem shatters with a blink of light and a crisp ringing sound. I gawk at the mess of shards floating in front of Phantom. My eyes flood, but I see Phantom reaching for the other one. I reel back, the bubble pressed tightly in my hands, and I quickly send her off, sending her away. I don't know where my bubble while go, but at least she'll be _safe_.

" _How could you?"_ We both yell at the same time, equally horrified, somehow.

"They'll _find_ us now!" Phantom recovers first, wrench pointing towards the star that is Homeworld.

"You _killed_ someone!" I screech.

"They're the enemy!" They screech back, leaning over me, shoulders hunched in aggression.

"So? They're still _gems_! They're still _people_! We didn't- They didn't have to die!" I wail, and tears fill my eyes. I can barely stand, I'm shaking so hard.

"They don't care about _us_ , so why should _I_ care about _them_? They would shatter you or I a thousand times over without batting an eye over it!" Phantom growls. "They would _laugh_ at your desecration, you damn fool!"

"But I can't- she's _dead_ , she's never coming back, she's-"

"Better off that way! Better that she be dead than me!" I recoil at that, drawing away from Phantom. "Better any of those monsters than me. Better _you_ than me, too. The only reason you-" They finally stop, or maybe I stop hearing them over my sobs.

I've crumpled. I just feel the ache too strongly, and I've fallen apart from it. I'm down on the ground, arms around my legs, crying. I can't mask the sobs in anyway, the horror and the anguish over what's happened wracking through me.

"Why are you-" Phantom starts, but halts themself. "I only-" They stop and start again a few more times, but ultimately they remain silent. I just cry, and though I know I'm vulnerable, I couldn't care whether or not Phantom adds me to their collection of crushed gems.

"I don't understand why you.. care.." They say at length, but it's not snide or derisive. They genuinely don't understand. I look up.

"I.. I know they were our enemies. But they were people too, and they can't be recovered, and now they're gone. I just- I never thought I'd see it. I never thought it would happen r-right in front of me. I- I don't know. I understand they were enemies and they would have been merciless in our position but I-" I choke on words I can't even think of.

I look up at Phantom, the quiet getting to me, scaring me. They look perplexed, but mostly angry.

"While you _get over it_ , I will be fixing your ship, and get you off my asteroid before they let that soldier reform and give them our position.." They say glaringly, and walk away. I go back to my crying, mourning the lost quartz. I don't even remember what type she was, or what she looked like- it was so quick- but I contemplate, to the best of my ability, the life she must have had. I wonder if she was happy. I wonder if there was any chance I could have saved her, made her see- but I don't think so.

I wipe away my tears and look at the shards floating around me. Slowly, I start to collect them. It's too disrespectful to let her float around in pieces forever. It's hard, but I keep the pieces gathered in front of me, using the low gravity to help keep track of them. I burst out into tears a couple times, the morbidity of _collecting the fractured pieces of another person_ striking me.

When I've collected all I can find of the gem, I bubble her. I hold her, all broken, the inner light of a life _gone_ , and I wonder how many times Phantom Fluorite has done this.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you, a-and you really were trying to hurt or kill Phantom, but I- I wish this wasn't how things ended up for you. I wish.. I wish we didn't have to fight at all. I don't understand how this all started, and knowing wouldn't really help anyway, but.. I wish it'd been different.

Please.. Understand. If there's anything left of you in there, or.. or something.. We all want to live. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just the way we're programmed. Maybe it's just what living means, wanting to keep living. But we all want to, and.. I guess Phantom's been put in the do-or-die situation a lot, and.. Well, they wanted to live. I can't expect them to put someone else's life over their own, not like I do.

It's funny, I don't think I knew that about myself until just now. I- I know so little about who I am. I know you and Phantom better than I know myself, I think. Which is not a lot. I- I'm sorry, I've gotten off track. I just.. I hope you can rest easy, wherever the energy of your being went. I hope you aren't mad at Phantom Fluorite. I tried to save you but.. I wasn't fast enough. If you are mad, be mad at me. I'm the one who failed..". I sniff, my little eulogy at a miserable end. "Rest easy, soldier." I finish, and send her away. The bubble bursts into nothingness, going wherever 'home' is or was for me. I wonder where she'll end up.

I sniffle again, and look over my shoulder at the ship. The door is closed, Phantom Fluorite inside, returning to the work they were doing before, I'm sure. They're probably still angry at me, and they'll probably snap at me if I try to bother them or apologize for being upset.

The worst part about the situation is that I know we're both right. Phantom is only doing what they have to in order to survive. So am I. I can't fault them for their actions, even if I'm deeply uncomfortable and saddened by it. I also know that I was probably in the wrong for sending the other bubble in the first place. I simply panicked. I couldn't stand the thought of another one dying, not when I could intervene, so I.. I did.

I decide to stay right where I am, so as not to get in Phantom's way or incur their wrath. I feel guilty for not contributing to the ship again, but if they need me, they'll come get me, like they did before.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Get Lost

I hear the engine sputter and start, the working machinations roaring at last, and turn around to see the ship all lit up on the outside. I smile, happy to have something good happen. It's the first time since before-

No, that's not quite true. I was quite pleased earlier, with Phantom, wasn't I? I remember the shattering- the flash of light- and my smile fades. It was before that, though, that we seemed to be getting along pretty well. I remember, vaguely, smiling. I remember because it made Phantom fluster, like they didn't know how to respond to a positive expression.

Speaking of, the Fluorite stomps out, the door not quite done opening in their haste to remove themself from the ship. I stand to congratulate them, but they throw their hand over my mouth before I can.

"Don't say a damn word. Get off my asteroid and out of my system before they track you here." They growl, pushing me into the ship, one hand still clamped over my mouth. "I actually programmed a destination for you, so you shouldn't _crash_ because you couldn't be bothered to pick a location that _wasn't_ empty space." With that they shove me to my knees into the ship, releasing me. I whirl around, jumping to my feet.

"Wait, I-"

"What did I _just_ say?" They pound a fist on the doorframe, startling me.

"I- I know, but I just, it's just that I-"

"You just _what_?" At this, I glare at Phantom.

"If you'd stop interrupting me, maybe I'd _tell_ you!" I say, and then take a breath to gather myself. "I wanted to say thank you. For the ship."

"Well, don't. I didn't do it to be kind. As you saw earlier, my only concern is self-preservation." Phantom sneers.

"Maybe, but.. you still had a bunch of opportunities to shatter me that you didn't take. Maybe you just thought they weren't good enough or something but I'm still.. I am grateful." They harrumph, obviously done with me. Too bad, though, because I'm not done with them. "And I also wanted to apologize for earlier. I- I don't like the way you dealt with the situation but I recognize that it's been your only option to survive, I guess, so.. I shouldn't have.."

"Yes, I heard you talking to the shattered quartz." I blush- I forgot they could hear like that. "It's.. fine. I should have known that you'd be soft about it." They say, and the biting tone is gone. It's like their voice melted into something gentler, and they sound like a completely different gem. "Is that all?"

"I.. yes. No. Are you going to be okay? If they come to this location looking for me, they might still find you."

"Oh, no they won't. I have my ways of hiding, keeping out of sight." They almost grin, but they catch themself. With a cough and a small frown they ask, "Why do you care?"

"I don't know. I just do. I.. wish we could've gotten along better, under better circumstances." I shrug. "Is.. there anything I can do for you, before I go?"

"I- no. Well, I'd like to keep the tools. You.. shouldn't need them." They say, motioning to a compartment that's still open beside the captain's chair. I don't know what they could need them for, but I nod and pull the compartment out, walking the box over to Phantom, who waits at the doorway.

"Sure! I wouldn't know how to use them anyway, even if I did need them again, so sure. They're yours." I place them in hesitant, hopeful hands, and Phantom takes the tools like they can't believe they're real.

"Thank you." They say, and they sound almost pleased.

"You're welcome. I hope you're happy, Phantom Fluorite." I say, and give them a smile. They don't smile back, but the tightness of their expression is gone, so I take that as happily as I would a smile.

"I.. I hope you don't crash again. And you reach whatever you're looking for." They say. It's a high blessing, coming from them, and it pleases me almost as much as the glimmer of a smile did.

"Thank you. Goodbye, Phantom Fluorite." I give them a nod and start to back away, ready to leave.

"Goodbye and fare well, Sardonyx." They give a half nod, and then they close the door.

I feel.. weirdly empty. The ship is empty, and so am I. Mission accomplished: the ship is fixed, and I can leave, but I'll be alone again. As much as we butted heads, and as frightening as our initial meeting was, it was nice to have a companion. Of course, they still seemed likely to kill me if they had a decent enough opportunity, but.. I get the feeling that maybe they didn't really want to. Maybe.

I sit down at the chair and try to put it from my mind. The ship is already running, and I only need to press a button to start the launch sequence. I'm pretty sure that it'll just turn off the artificial gravity so we can float away from the asteroid, rather than have to forcefully rocket away, like we would need to do on a planet. My hand hovers over the button, the touch screen singing for me to do it.

So why don't I? I take a look at the destination Phantom set for me. It's not a planet I'm familiar with, but it looks like it's not Homeworld affiliated, and it's not one with any organic life. I suppose I can always change the destination later, but it feels like I had a specific place in mind before all this asteroid business happened. But I can't remember it, so hopefully it wasn't too important.

I hit the button and sit back. I'd better get out of here before they notice my ship's signal. That would defeat the whole point, wouldn't it?

I try not to watch the asteroid disappear behind me, and quiet the weird, sad feeling I've got in my stomach.

(\\)

It's been a day or so since I left Phantom's asteroid. I've entertained myself by writing down ideas and scanning for signs of life, if only to try to avoid trouble if I can. Sometimes I'll hear radio waves, and that strikes a chord with me, like I'd been surprised by that before. Nothing comes in clearly enough for me to be able to discern who's talking to who, or about what, or why they're using _radio_ waves.

Every now and then, though, I hear music, and it's a happy blessing. I was never a high enough status to be privileged with music on the regular, so I must be just close enough to some Sapphire or Tourmaline, someone who performs a very specific, important function and has a lot of free time and power. They'd have the time and the resources to have and listen to prerecorded music. I'm just close enough to hear them listening to it.

I was always jealous of that, I think. At least, I feel jealous of it now, and here on my own with nothing to do, my memories seem a little easier to locate. They're like feelings more than memories, though. Instincts. A _sense_ of things about myself. So much is hazy because of that.

But the music is nice, and I'm grateful for what I get to hear, even if the signal is weak and the sound is muffled or static-ridden. It's beautiful, no matter what. It's a gift from the universe, it feels like.

The music cuts out, the somber, bittersweet sound whining to nothing. I sigh, sad to have it go. I hate the silence.. Except, no, there's something else, underneath the signal I was tracing.

It sounds like a voice. Quickly, so I don't lose it, I adjust the settings so I can hear it. Even so, it's quiet, and I can't make it any louder, so I just lean in close.

" _... Put up a good fight but we're bringing her in. She won't say anything about the Sardonyx we're looking for."_

" _Very good. Any progress tracking the Sardonyx? My superiors are still invested in taking her in for studies."_

" _We were tracking her escape pod, but wherever she's going, she's far out of our regular routes. We keep losing her signal, but we're doing what we can, ma'am."_

" _Good. Let me know if there are any projected.."_

And then it cuts out entirely. My ship is still detecting the signal, and I anxiously have it locate it in relation to me. The first one, the one that caught a gem, is closer to me. I have no way of knowing what kind of ship it is, but the voice is familiar. It's a raspy, husky voice, likely an Agate. Why does that seem important? Do I know any Agates?

I remember.. the ship. With my sisters. There was an Agate. She was very rude. I didn't like her. Is it the same one?

And who are they transporting? Why were they fighting? Why does that fill me with dread and guilt? Whoever they are, they knew me. Could it be my sister? The dappled one, that is? Is she fighting for me, for some reason? I can't think of anyone else who'd be associated with me, since Phantom said they'd be okay. They've been surviving on their own so long, I'm sure they're fine. They said they'd be okay.

So it must be my sister. She's in trouble, because of me, _for_ me. My attempt to make things better for her _failed_. They'll probably kill her for her treason.

No! I can't let that happen. That's the whole reason I _did_ this stupid thing!

It's not hard to change the destination, and I wonder how I ever struggled with it. Slowly the ship corrects itself, turning around completely. I set the speed to maximum, not caring for fuel conservation. My sister needs me.

The ship predicts it'll take only a few short hours to get there. Good. I can plan in that time.

They'll likely see me coming, both by sight and by signal, so I can expect a welcome of the violent variety. This ship has very basic defenses, a small blaster somewhere on the nose, and a robust projection shield. So I can take a hit, but I can't necessarily give it back. Still, I wouldn't last long in a fight. I'm not exactly experienced with space combat.

And it's not the goal. I'm trying to find and save my sister, or whoever it is that's being detained in my name. I both want it to be my sister and not. I'd love to see her again, but she's in danger if it is her. I feel guilty for even hoping it's her, but I miss her. I don't remember so much, but I know I loved our times together. She was my favorite for a reason. Still, even if it's not her, I want to help whoever seems to know me.

So I should probably let them take me in. I'll show up, announce myself, even, and let them take me onto the main ship. I'll find my sister, or whoever, and I'll figure it out from there. It'll be.. hard. It'll be very, very dangerous. I don't feel like I have a choice, though. I've got to do this. I don't think I'm the kind of person who can let someone else suffer in her place.

I'm nervous. I'm scared. So much could go wrong. So much has already gone wrong.

The only blessing on the way there is that the music comes back. The stressful wait is only marginally better, but it is better. I hum along to the mournful tune. I don't know when I'd heard it before, but the familiarity is welcome, even if it is sad.

The hours pass in a tender calm, but it ends when the cruiser comes into view. My console immediately lights up with warnings and messages. I accept a video call, and an angry Carnelian appears in the air in front of me.

"Who are you and what are you doing out here?" She asks, but then she sees my gem and gasps. She turns away from the screen in a rush, yelling over her shoulder, "Commander! That rogue Sardonyx is in the pod we just detected!" She must be stationed on the bridge, then. The room is quiet, and I don't say anything either.

"Bring her in." The Carnelian orders to someone else, to a side screen, I think. "You- prepare to be hauled in. Don't make any moves, or the guards have permission to dematerialize you." She orders, and then her video disappears.

"Wow, okay." That was easier than I thought it'd be. I thought they'd come out guns blazing, but that was a calm response to what could've been a major threat. Maybe they saw the size of my ship and decided it wasn't worth the panic.

Soon enough, two smaller ships appear, each launching a cable into my tiny pod, and pull me in. When they open the ship, I put my hands in the air, and allow them to escort me. Their less than gentle with their treatment of me, but I let it happen. They don't say anything about where we're going, but as we enter an elevator that takes us up, I realize it must be the bridge, to see the Agate in charge.

I'm very nervous now. I don't know how this meeting will go, and I don't feel very prepared. I try not to let my nerves show, though, and I keep myself standing tall.

I recognize the bridge immediately when the door opens. I've been here before. This is the same ship that I was on just a few days ago, I think. The same Agate, then, is sitting in her chair.

"So, how did you like your foray into solo survival? Space isn't so pleasant when you're by yourself, I presume." She says, lounging in her chair as I approach. She sits up a little straighter, but it's obvious she doesn't take me very seriously. I don't say anything and she seems faux-disappointed. "Come on now, you were making things interesting but you gave up? I must know _what_ you were thinking!" She laughs.

"I'm not here to have a conversation with you. Where's my sister?"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: The Wrong Way

"Your _what_?" That seems to have taken her by surprise.

"My sister. _Sisters_. They were on this ship. I heard you talking about a gem who wouldn't tell you about me. Where. Is. My. Sister." I reiterate. I put on my angriest scowl, staring down the dusty blue Agate who only seems alarmed.

"We sent them and the rest of the squadron ahead to the next planet. They'll be just about to Homeworld in the next few hours, I believe." She laughs again, but it's morbid little chuckle. "Your sisters aren't here."

"But- then who..? Who are you detaining who knows me?"

" _I'm_ the one who ought to be asking questions here. _You_ are a rebel and a traitor and you are in no position to be hounding _me_." She snarls. I can tell I make her uncomfortable- good. "But.. to answer your question, I'll take you to your _compatriot_. I'm sure you have much to catch up on." She rises from her chair, and on cue a Pearl walks out from behind her. "Let's go meet it, shall we?" The Agate sneers, and shoves me towards the door again. I'm terrified- she's so much larger than me, and she shows no sign of being one of the gentler of her class. She's aggressive, and eager to show her power and position. Nothing pleases gems like this. They want to feel big, and neither cowering nor challenging them satisfies their need.

She takes me down to a detaining block near the center of the ship, only her Pearl and the couple of Carnelians with us. Nobody speaks, but it's somehow more intimidating now. Who are we going to see? I'm scared of the possibilities, but I hope it's not the only gem I can think of besides my sister. I hope. I hope it's someone I've forgotten, I hope I didn't drag someone _new_ into my mess. I hope, I hope.

"I've read what they think about your.. deficiency. I wonder if you've forgotten this gem? I wonder if you'll remember it? I _wonder_.." The Agate says as we presumably get closer to our final destination. The curious tone in her voice puts me on edge, makes me feel uneasy. I force myself to stop looking at the back of her feet and look up. I'm completely thrown off when I see her staring at me over her shoulder, her gait unhindered in the slightest. She stops, then, and pulls me by the arm, shoving me into a doorway that her Pearl quickly opens. "Say hello." She says, and shoves me in. I fall to my hands and knees, skidding.

I look up to a surprised hiss of a gasp and a scurry of motion. It takes me a second to register the purple and green, single-eyed gem before me, but the gemstone and the nervous mouth and the short hair-

" _Phantom_?!" It's my worst fear, after it being my sister.

"You!" They hiss, and press themself further into the wall.

"Amazing! It _does_ talk!" The Agate claps from the doorway. "And what did you call it? 'Phantom'?" I throw my hand over my mouth, horrified at what I'd just accidentally done. But horror turns to anger and in a flash I've summoned my weapon and charged.

But the door shuts and my blade clashes and bounces harmlessly off it. I pound my fist on the door, and move over to the window to the right.

"Let them out! Let them go! They've got nothing to _do_ with this!" I demand, but the Agate just smiles a happy, cruel smile.

"I don't think so. That _thing_ is a freak and I'm _certain_ that whoever and whatever it is, the Diamonds will be _very_ interested in it's safe return. Besides, if it makes you unhappy, I definitely want to do it. Play nicely, now. It's a long way back to Homeworld." She laughs, and then she and her entourage walk off.

"NO!" I punch the glass, but it's too thick, and only results in a loud thump. I grit my teeth. No no no no NO. I slide to my knees, head pressed against the wall. What can I do?

"I fully blame you for this, I hope you know." Phantom says, and I can hear the scowl in their voice.

"That's fair." I sigh. "If it weren't for me being there-"

"If you'd _left_ when I told you!" They give an agitated groan. "What were you thinking? First _bubbling_ those quartzes and then _waiting_ as long as you did- were you _trying_ to get us both caught?!"

"No! I just- I don't know!"

"And _now_ \- what in all the worlds are you doing back here? Hmm? You wasted all my time only to succeed in getting the two of us caught. I thought at _least_ you'd have the sense to avoid Homeworld ships!"

"Look- I got caught again on purpose. I heard them talking about a prisoner and I thought.. I thought it was another Sardonyx. Someone I knew." I shrug. I'm sure it looks funny from behind but I can't bear to turn around and face the angry Phantom Fluorite.

"I'm sure you're absolutely _thrilled_ to see me, then."

"I would've come back if I'd known it was you. I had to know. I had to try to help. It didn't matter who it was. I just.. I was really afraid it was my sister." I sigh again, and finally turn around to rest against the wall, and face Phantom.

"Sister? A facet mate?" They ask, their tone _almost_ less angry. Still, their expression isn't as scathing as I expected.

"Yeah. As far as I can remember, we were always partnered together. She probably kept my memory issues a secret, and.. I really liked her. I care about her. I.. I want her to be okay." I reply.

"A shame she probably isn't, then." Phantom comments flatly.

"You really think she's not?" I cringe.

"She's associated with _you_. You are a traitor and a defect. What do _you_ think?"

"You're probably right. I just.. I wish I could have done better for her." I'm about ready to cry, imagining all the horrible ways she could be punished for even knowing me, let alone being created in the same facet as me.

"There's nothing you could have _ever_ done. The Diamonds are _horrible_. If these new ones-" Phantom stiffens, silencing themself and turning away abruptly. "Oh, damn you. _Damn you_." They hiss.

"Wh-what did I do?" Seriously, what?

"Making me _talk_! I have no doubt they can hear everything we're saying, and the more I say about myself the worse off I'll be, and sooner! Damn you and all the trouble you've caused me!" They growl again. Slowly they turn back to me, eye first, the murderous madness back in their gaze. "I'd shatter you if I thought it did me any good. At least it'd be _quiet._ " They announce, and I believe them. Their voice is cold, venomous. I shrink, wishing I could melt into the wall, and run away.

"I suppose that's understandable." I sigh, trying to take the edge out of the room, but Phantom only gives an exasperated groan.

"Would you _quit_ doing that?"

"What?"

"Pretending like you can sympathise with whatever I say! I know you don't- you _can't_ \- so why even pretend? Why go to all the effort, hmm? You're wasting your time, and we both know that for us that's quite a limited commodity!" They growl, eye hard and mad against mine. Fine, but I allow myself to get a little mad in return.

"Maybe I'm _not_ pretending. Why do you find that so hard to believe? Maybe I really do care, even when it's less than advantageous! Maybe I really do sympathise, even when you say horrible things about shattering me! Maybe I really do understand, or I'm trying to!" I've _had_ it with their attitude.

"No one ever gave a damn before!" They yell, balling their hands into fists. They look fit to cry, if angry crying is a thing. "No one's ever done anything with my interests at heart before, so maybe it seems impossible that someone would start _now_. Now, of all times.." They sigh, their anger evaporating.

"I.. I guess that makes sense. I-". I want to apologize, but I vaguely remember the last time I tried that, Phantom seemed less than appreciative. Still, I can't say _nothing_.

"It's good you can't shatter me, though. You'd lose your only ally."

"Ally? You think I can trust you?"

"Well.. I haven't tried to kill _you_ yet. And.. we're both kinda out of options." I shrug. "I mean.. I was also planning to try to bust out of here with whoever was trapped _anyway_. That idea hasn't changed. I want us to get out of here."

"I.. how would you even start going about that?"

"I don't know, yet. I.. I didn't have much of a plan. I figured.. I'd find whoever, and I'd go from there. So.." I shrug again. Phantom rolls their eye.

"We're hopeless."

"Well, _I_ refuse to give up."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I will go down fighting to the last of my gem's capability, but I am most certain we are going down in the end. I don't see how we can realistically survive this capture."

"I'm pretty sure it's just me who's going down. That Agate seems to think you're important." What exactly did she say? The Diamonds were interested?

"I'd rather be shattered and used to power some trinket than let one of those abominations have hold of my life again." Phantom whispers, perhaps more for themself, or unknowingly.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that, then.." I say, and it's maybe more for myself. I don't like the idea of my shards being used as a magical conductor, nor anyone else's for that matter. It's unethical. It's unkind. But it's useful to Homeworld, so they do it anyway.

"Let's get one thing straight, Sardonyx. I'm not your ally. I don't like you. This is _all_ your fault, and your attempts to pacify me are annoying at best and infuriating and endangering at worst. If you want to make it back to Homeworld you will remain _completely_ silent or so _help_ me.." Phantom glares, their ire returning full force. I'm not sure what I keep doing to earn it, but I drop my gaze anyway, accepting the guilt and the blame. I can do that. I can be quiet.

It makes me wonder if it was worth coming back, though. I know that I'd never have forgiven myself for _not_ coming back, but now that I'm here and the person I sought to help is so angrily rejecting that help, is my impending doom worth it? I still do want to try to help Phantom escape, and myself, of course, but if they're going to make it so difficult..

No. No, I know in the deepest parts of me that I can't abide by Homeworld's cruelties anymore, and I'll do what I can with however much time and strength I'm allowed.

Silently, I vow to make certain that at least Phantom gets out of this. If it kills me, I'll make it right for them. I'll give them every chance I can. Whether I meant to or not, I'm the reason they're here, so it's only right that I at least try to set them free.

(\\)

The quiet is killing me, but every time I think to say or do something, a reflex silences me again. Phantom must have asked me to be quiet, but I don't remember exactly how. I just get a horrible sense of anxiety when I start to consider speaking up, worse than the silence itself gives me.

How long have we been in this room together? Why am I so afraid of talking? Why do they seem so hellbent on being completely quiet?

I get a sense of deja vu, that I've been in this exact place before, silenced but unsure why. I can't seem to trace my way back to how I got here, or even really the other time. Round and round I go through all the things I _can_ remember, but it's not doing me any good. I'm just thinking in circles, and getting nowhere.

"What are you doing?" Phantom asks, all of a sudden.

"I'm sorry- I didn't realize I was making any sound.." I shake my head, trying to remember what I was doing, but it's unclear. I really didn't know I was doing anything.

"You're just over there.. I don't know what it is, but it's actually.. pleasant. It's.. I'm not sure how to describe it." They say, expression relaxed. "It was a sound without words, and it flowed.. it was a pattern of some kind, but I don't understand the point of it."

"Oh. I must have been humming. It was a song, I presume. I really don't know what I was doing."

"Song. I'm unfamiliar with the concept of song."

"A song is.. it's music. Music is the concept, I suppose, and a song is an individual.. pattern, like you said. It's a thing higher class gems have and listen to. It's a form of entertainment, but it's also an expression of class and nobility, because only a few gems really have the time to sit down and listen to it. I.. I heard some on the way here, I think? I- it's getting hard to remember." I sigh. "I can stop, though. I- you wanted to be quiet, right?"

"I- I had asked that, yes. If you.. you can keep doing that, though. If you want. It wasn't- It was pleasant." Phantom says, shyly.

"I don't know if I remember how it went. I really- I did _not_ realize I was making any sound." I admit, embarrassed.

"That's fine, then. If you do..". They shrug. I nod, and go back to staring at my knees, still feeling guilty for all this mess. I remember _that_.

"I-" Phantom starts again, but halts. "I didn't- Ah.."

"What? Did I do something again?" I ask.

"No, no.. I just- Nevermind." They say, and I just nod again.

I try to think of the last song I heard, the way it sounded. It was a sad song, I think. A slow and soft one.

Hesitantly, I try to sound it out, letting my hums hang in the air before continuing. I let the sound happen naturally, whatever sounds close enough to be right. I wish I'd been allowed music when I was Homeworld loyal, I wish I understood how it worked, I wish I knew how to make something original and mine.. but it's all I can do to try to copy what I only think I know.

Still, Phantom seems to appreciate it, their head relaxed against the wall opposite me, eye closed. I've never seen them so.. loose, and it makes me feel more satisfied about the attempt I'm making at this song. I keep going, repeating it as long as I can hold onto the tune and the pattern.

I'm not sure how many repetitions I get into the song when suddenly I hear Phantom stiffen, and then they're across the room, hand pressed to my mouth, pinning me to the wall.

I let out a startled but muffled 'what', but Phantom is eying the door with panic on their face.

"Don't say anything! Say as little as possible! She's coming- she wants to talk to you- about- about me, the-the ship! Don't say anything!" They say, begging, the panic making their voice high and whiny. They look at me suddenly, face so close to mine, eye wide and mouth drawn tight. "Above all, please don't say my name! Anything but that- If they know- If _she_ finds me-! Please, don't say anything, please!" They beg, repeating it over and over until the door slides open, and then they scurry over to the back wall, as far away from the door as possible.

The Agate's Pearl steps into the room, alone.

"My mistress would like to speak with you." She says, and her voice is high and sweet. It makes me think of a harp, so smooth and light. I shake my head in response, unwilling to cooperate. "Unfortunate." She says, and motions to someone waiting outside. A particularly large Carnelian comes stomping in, and drags me by the wrist to my feet, and then out the door. I look back at Phantom, hesitantly reaching out to them, but I'm too shocked by the look of despair and worry on their face, and the Carnelian pulls me away.

I hold onto the image of Phantom's face and the sound of their voice as they begged me to keep that one secret as long as I can.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Uncertainty

They drag me up to a room that looks like my office used to, I think. It's a fairly standard design, with very little deviation. The only difference is the back wall is a window into open space, instead of looking out over a city. The Agate sits in a chair behind a large, curved, elliptical desk, a few screens floating to her left and right. She dismisses them as we enter, though.

The Carnelian throws me to my knees in front of the desk, and then stomps away. I give her a particularly snide glare as she leaves, if only to be bitter and spiteful. She didn't have to be so rough, anyway.

"Welcome. Why don't you have a seat?" The Agate says as her Pearl pushes a chair over to me. I'm hesitant, but I do rise to my feet and make use of the provided chair. It's much more comfortable than the floor, in any case. "Good. Now, I have a few questions for you. My maintenance crew was taking a look at the pod you brought back to me, and noticed a few alterations that actually improved the function of the ship. It was why we couldn't seem to catch up to you, despite the impressive speed of this cruiser. I want to know how you did it, and how that unnamed gem freak is related, because I know it is."

"They aren't. At all." I spit, instantly regretting it. So much for not saying anything.

"But I'm certain it is. You were so insistent that it be set free, after all." She points out.

"I- they attacked me when I landed on an asteroid to make repairs. I fought them off, and I fixed the ship myself. I just didn't want to be trapped in a room with them, is all.. I mean, they did try to shatter me." I explain, hoping that my little lies sound reasonable. It's not too far from the truth. I did help fix the ship a little, and they really did try to shatter me.

"How did you do it, then? And why was the freak found with tools from your ship?"

"I don't remember. It's been a while already. I know I had to use the manual to figure it out, but I don't remember exactly what I did. I must have left the tools outside on accident. I don't remember, though." I shrug.

"I see." The Agate says, but her eyes bore into me, and I know she doesn't believe me. "Tell me again why you came back?"

"I was listening for transmissions, I think. I heard you'd taken someone prisoner, someone associated with me. I was afraid it was another Sardonyx, or someone else who used to know me and get in trouble for knowing me. I wanted to help whoever it was."

"Mmhmm. And now that you know it's that freak..? What's your idea?" The Agate asks, mouth curling into a smile, leaning forward.

"I don't have one. I- there's nothing I can do. This was a mistake." I say, because I hope it'll make her suspect me less. But it's true that at the moment, I don't have a plan.

"Indeed. I have to say that I will be quite happily adding that to my report on your capture."

"What's going to happen now?" It might be a little bold to ask that, but I can't get any more in trouble than I already am. Traitor, rebel, defect- what's one little question in the face of those things? The Agate sits back in her chair again, deciding whether or not to disclose that.

"Same as before. We're on our way to the next planet with a Galaxy Warp and we're sending you to Homeworld for trial, study, and execution." She says, but the joy in her voice is gone.

"And the other gem? They have nothing to do with me."

"Why argue on their behalf when they tried to shatter you? When they so _clearly_ dislike you?"

"Old habits. It's- it was my job to take care of and guide other gems. I can't help but.. pity them." I can't tell her that I _care_ about Phantom- she'd think that's absurd, and I'm sure she'd only make us suffer worse for it.

"Yes, you Sardonyxes are very pitying, aren't you? You're not the highest gems out there, but you all certainly look down on the rest of us, don't you?"

"If that's how you see it. I always thought.. we were helping. We were there to make others' lives make more sense, follow a specific path. I always aimed to guide with their best interests in mind.." I don't know where these words are coming from, since I can't even remember my time doing my own job, but they feel right. They feel true.

"Hmm. Your cellmate is going with you back to Homeworld. And if I can figure out what it is, it may even be sent directly to one of the Diamonds." She turns in her chair, eying me. "Do you know what it is?"

"They." I correct her.

"What?" She glares at me.

"They're not an 'it'. They're a person. They deserve a person's pronoun." I insist.

"Please. 'They' is not much better than 'it'. No gem would ever call herself by-" Angrily I cut her short.

"You're wrong. With the discovery of organic lifeforms and a basic study of how they live, procreate, and address themselves and their own genders, many gems have called into question the way they perceive themselves. It may have been that 'she' was the only pronoun that indicates sentience before, but now many gems are starting to think of themselves in broader terms, and identifying with genders that these organic lifeforms conceived of naturally. For someone like Phantom, it's-" I catch myself, mouth clamping shut, almost too late. The Agate inhales with a hiss.

"Ah! So you _do_ know what it is!" She pounds her hands on her desk, rising to her feet. I shake my head.

"No- That's not- I just call them that!"

"You called it that before! You _must_ know what it is!" She snarls victoriously but I throw my hands out, fingers spread wide.

"You've got it all wrong! We'd never talked before- we'd only fought on that asteroid!" Was that the story I went with? "They disappeared after I fought them off and I just- I was thinking of them as a ghost- It's just a nickname! I _really_ don't know what they are!" I shrink into my chair as the Agate comes around her desk, leaning down over me. Her dusty, dark blue eyes are intensely driving into my own, and I'm honestly terrified. I can feel myself shaking.

"How could you even remember something that was so quickly in and out of your life? With your horrible memory you were able to forget about the _war_ -" I suddenly remember it again- my plan to join it, to fight for freedom, but- "- so I find it quite _impossible_ you would remember a blip of a fight with that _freak_. So why would you think _so much_ about it that you'd give it a nickname? Hmm? Riddle me that, you insolent _defect_!" The Agate's face is nearly touching mine, even as I force myself as deeply into the chair as I can to avoid her.

"M-maybe I'm just not quite as _horrible_ as you are, _Agate_. My job is to care about other gems. So I cared enough about some random, weird-looking gem to give them some kind of classification. So _what_? That's not who they are. It won't help you any. And getting in my face and yelling at me is _not_ going to make me more cooperative, and it's definitely not going to make anything I've said already more or less true." I say defiantly. She hovers, there in my face, for several moments, moments that just hang in air, suffocating me, but finally, thankfully, eventually she retreats.

"Were you any other sort of gem I'd have you whipped for your backtalk. But it's not my place to have the honor of destroying you, and I am not so _horrible_ that I'll take that honor away from someone else. But know this, my impudent noble, if I ever had the chance to, I would most certainly _relish_ the sensation of your gem shattering in my hands." She shoves the chair away, and I go spinning backwards. Before I can do anything, the Carnelian from before is back, yanking me out of the chair and then the room. The last thing I see of that office is the Agate's Pearl glaring at me.

The Carnelian is dragging me by the wrist again, and her hand is so large that her fingers wrap around my dainty wrist nearly _twice_. It's incredibly uncomfortable, and I try to wiggle my hand so that it's a little less so. The Carnelian, however, turns and growls at me, thinking I'm attempting to escape.

"You don't have to squeeze so _tightly_." I whine, trying to sound pathetic enough she might take pity on me. Unfortunately, it seems to have the opposite effect, and she slams me backwards into the wall of the hallway.

"Luna Agate may be above injuring once-nobles, but _I'm_ not. If you _speak_ to me again, or do _anything_ I don't approve of, I will find some way to make the rest of your existence as miserable as physically possible." She snarls in my face, twisting my one arm so that it's up beside my head, but pushing forcefully against my other shoulder such that nearly my whole arm and back are flush with the wall, painfully. I squirm, trying to alleviate the discomfort but she's too big, too forceful, and I'm almost certain that trying anything more aggressive would end very badly for me.

Eventually she releases me from the prison of the wall, though her idea of doing it is to push me to the ground while still gripping my left wrist. She gives me just a moment to rise to my feet, and then resumes dragging me along. I just let it happen; honestly, what else can I do?

[X]

I'd pace if I had the space and freedom. Technically, no one has told me I can't, but I know that if they see me nervous or anxious, they'll tear me apart. I can't show weakness. I have to trap it inside where they can't know it exists.

I hate that my life is in her hands. Whatever she tells them is fuel and fire against me; how can I know that she won't reveal some crucial detail, even on accident? She owes me nothing, especially not after the way I've treated her, and yet I know she'll do her best to do as I asked.

I hate that I begged. But fear consumed me in that moment, and I was desperate. I can't return to White Diamond. It would be the death of my soul, if not my literal end. I can't be her toy again. The suffering I endured at her hands- I can't do it again. I'd beg again if I had to, a million times over, if it gave me even a glimmer of hope that I can evade that fate.

The worst part is knowing that with her relentless searching, she'd find me one day anyway. The gem race is a hungry one that consumes everything it can, and then finds a way to use what it can't anyway. She's out there, searching for me, and with the voracious appetite of the empire, one of her fool playthings would find me one day. If hadn't been for Sardonyx, that day might've been put off a bit longer.

No, perhaps the worst part is that she is so.. accommodating. I blame her for my capture, and she apologizes. She unnerves me with her companionship, and she found an excuse to allow me space. I yell at her, and she may yell back, but she claims to understand where my actions come from. It's infuriating. Where was this behavior when I was young and new and afraid? Where was this kindness when it might have served me some good? When it might have spared me so many aches and pains?

No, it's too little and far too late. I wish she was less herself in that way. It would, at the least, stop reminding me of everything I never had before.

My nervous thoughts are interrupted as the door opens, but no one comes into the room. I haven't moved since the Pearl and the Carnelian took Sardonyx away, and I don't move now. I hear them out there, scuffling at first. I can see them, Sardonyx resisting the restraining Carnelian from before, but nervous. Unfortunately, my vision is still limited at the moment, or I'd have watched and listened in on their conversation. Now, the Carnelian lifts Sardonyx by the wrist, and tosses her in the room. Switching from my far-sight to present-sight, I see Sardonyx hit the wall, and slide to the floor.

Still, I wait for the Carnelian to shut the door and walk a fair distance away to move. Sardonyx, however, lays crumpled on the floor, and I can't comprehend why. I crawl over to her, careful to be quiet. I don't know how they're recording us, though I _know_ they are, _somehow_.

"Sardonyx?" I ask quietly, but she doesn't move, still. Her hair is obscuring her face, and she isn't making any sounds either. I give her a poke, but she still makes no response. Angrily, nervously, I give her a harsh shove, repeating myself, "Sardonyx!" I hiss.

At last she flinches, and sits up, or attempts to. She doesn't seem to know where she is, looking around as she slides back down against the wall.

"Wh-where-? Wh- Phant-" She stutters, but her eyes widen further as she starts my name, and clamps her mouth down to stop herself.

"What happened? What did you say? Did you tell them?" I ask in a rush, desperate to know what happened. She thinks for a moment, probably collecting her scattered thoughts, and sits up. I sit back, realizing how close I am to her.

"I.. I told her the truth. You attacked me when I landed, and I fought you off, and that was the extent of our interaction, until now." She says, and I give a breath of relief. It's a clever solution, if only for the moment. I'm also certain that the Agate will question the conversations we had in here just before, especially my begging her not to speak my name, but I hope I was quiet enough in that moment that whatever recording they have of it will be inaudible.

"Good. Good." I sigh again, and rub my temple. "What else did she ask you? How much do you remember?"

"I- She was very interested in my additions to the pod I stole, and why I came back. And, again, I just told her what happened. I don't remember much about fixing the pod, and I came back to try to help who I thought would be another Sardonyx." She shrugs. She seems sad, but I can't tell why.

"Anything else?"

"I.. I don't think so. It was very short, and she was very.." She shakes her head. "..unhappy. With me. I don't know if she believed what I was telling her, but.. it's all I could say."

"You seem unsettled." I observe, hoping to draw out a little more of what happened to her. She just continues to look away. I wonder.. "What did you really tell that Agate?" It would be a lie to say I don't suspect treachery from her. She owes me nothing, and I have no reason to believe her or any way to verify anything she says. Sharply, she looks up at me.

"What really happened. We fought, I fixed my ship, and I left. I wanted to save my sister." Her voice shakes, but her eyes are firm. There's a fire in her that terrifies me, and it forces me to accept what she's said, at least for now. I suppose she has no reason to lie, though her ability to recall things is a different tale altogether.

"Then why are you acting so strange?" I ask. I think that's fair of me to want to know.

"I- Luna Agate reminded me of something, and I wanted to make sure I really remembered it this time. I almost lost it, but I think.. I think I've got it." She puts a hand to her head, her fingers spreading to just barely touch the gem in her forehead.

"And what would that be?" She's being very ominous, and it's making me nervous. Why won't she just say?

"We're at war."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Resolutions and Revelations

"We're _what_?" Phantom asks me, agog. "With _whom_?" They fluster.

"Ourselves. It's a revolution. I- the- I don't remember a lot of details, but it's a civil war. Homeworld, the Diamond loyal gems, and then.. the.. " I fumble for more words, but that's it, that's all I can recall. "I don't know. I just- I planned to join the opposition after I escaped and remembered it before I crashed into you, I think. And then I forgot again, and Luna Agate just reminded me. It's- I really can't remember all the details, but-" I give an aggravated sigh. "I know it again. I remember it exists. It's what all this nonsense is about. All the extra ships out here, all the tenseness and the agitation. Why they're so.. harsh lately. Homeworld wants to preserve its self image of perfection, so they're locking down on anything and everything they deem to be imperfect- it's why they were so determined to get me, and why Luna Agate won't let you go, even though you're not- you have nothing to do with anything anymore."

"I- That's quite a lot to process. A war? A war." Phantom sits back, shifting back against the wall, hand over their gem in thought.

"I know. It's.. completely absurd. I.. I never thought war was a concept that could come true. I- I know we invade other planets all the time, but- I never thought we would- I never thought.."

"I'd always hoped. I never dared dream.." Phantom says wistfully. I look up to see a ghost of a smile on their face. "I always hoped someone would _try_ to put them in their place.."

"I.. I never thought of it like that." It's certainly a _different_ way of seeing things, but I can't help but remember that war usually means loss. Both sides will experience loss on a massive scale. "I hope it brings some change to Homeworld, for the better. I wish they'd grow up, and learn some kindness. Realize that the way to a bigger and better empire isn't through _cruelty_."

"I'm not nearly so magnanimous. I want them all to shatter each other, till there's nothing left, until every trace of them, from the bottom to the top is _gone_. Maybe then I could have some damn _peace_." Phantom smiles, but it's a wicked, angry smile, and I find myself feeling afraid of this aggression they're so attached to. I can't identify with it at all, and that terrifies me.

"I want the suffering to end." I say plainly, and hope that's an open enough statement. I'm not sure why I find it so important to have us agree on something, or just.. attempt to understand and be understood. Phantom scoffs, though.

"It'll end when they're all _gone_. That's the only truth in this universe." They say, and for a second I believe them. It's the truth to them, and the delivery of that truth is intense and honest to them. But it's not my truth, and I look away. "So what's your plan now?"

"What?" I ask, looking up.

"You said you'd planned to join the war. Is that still the case?" Phantom asks cooly. I shake my head.

"No. For now the plan is just to escape, if possible. I don't have any idea how, quite yet. Joining the rebellion.. it might be an option, but later." I explain.

"What's wrong with you?" Phantom's voice bites through the air, like a snap right next to your head.

"I- Nothing. Why?" I shake my head, confused.

"You're still acting strangely. You're normally.." They gesture with their hands, but I don't understand the point of it. Their hands are spread, fingers wide. "And now you're.." They bring their hands back close together, fingers pinching tightly.. Oh! Perhaps they mean how quiet I am?

"I thought you liked it when I'm quiet."

"I- That's not what I mean. Your… attitude- no, your demeanor has changed. Usually I have to request that you be quiet, because you are always thinking and talking and moving. Now you're.. you seem…" They struggle for words again. "It's cause for alarm."

"Alarm? I'm fine- I just- I don't know." I shrug again. "I don't _know_. Why- why do you even care? I thought you didn't- I mean, you said you didn't like me and had nothing to do with me, or- or something."

"I-" Phantom seems truly alarmed at that. "That's true.." They say, and then nothing else. I go back to staring at the floor.

They're right, though. Something feels off about me, even to me. But I can't place what it is. Physically, I'm fine. My gem is fine, my form is fine. I feel a little roughed up from my interaction- if I can call it that- with the angry Carnelian, but my form is stable and functional. So whatever's up, it must be my mind.

I feel.. anxious. My talk with Luna Agate has left me feeling clumsy and unsure. I almost said Phantom's full name, which would have surely ruined any chance I had of getting them free. But I did manage to lie, and lie consistently, I think, even if Luna Agate is still suspicious. She's bound to be no matter what, I mean, I'm a traitor, after all. I suppose she expects that I'll do whatever I can to save my own gem, including lie to her despite all her intimidation.

I also feel alone. I might be in this room with Phantom Fluorite, and this ship is full of other gems, but none of them are on my side. Phantom has made it clear that they're number one goal is self preservation, so there's no comfort to be found in our one-way alliance. We're not fighting, but we're not allies. It's simply a stalemate, a lumpy, lopsided stalemate. I'm invested in their safety and wellbeing, but they're not invested in mine, and I have to wonder why.

Why does it matter to me that I help them? When they're so harsh, so aggressive, so unhappy with every single thing that I do, why does it still _matter_ to me that I help them? Why did I lie to Luna Agate when they probably wouldn't for me? I knew that when I went in, so why did I do it anyway?

It was that look. The desperation in their eye. The way their voice cracked. They were so afraid, and I saw it all. Every ounce of fear shone clearly on their face. All I could think, all I could _feel_ , was that fear on their behalf. I would hope someone would stick up for me. So I stuck up for them. It's who I am.

It's funny how I can barely remember so many things about myself, but this one thing I keep coming back to. It's a little more familiar each time, too. Maybe I'm just finally defining who I am. Maybe this is just the first opportunity I've really had to be more than an automaton on Homeworld's payroll, and I'm just now discovering and creating the person I am.

Maybe. But then again, maybe I'm just exactly what they made me to be.

Sardonyxes guide. We show others the way. We're caseworkers, in charge of dozens and dozens of _hundreds_ of facets of gems, trying to make them the most efficient they can be, constantly giving them their jobs, sending them to new places, onto new tasks. We guide. We _care_. _I_ care.

I care too much for my own good, though. Caring about someone I only might have known has gotten me trapped and probably sentenced to death even sooner. It's gotten me abuse from my captors, as well as from the one I'm trying so hard to help, though that's more an emotional turmoil. Maybe this is my ultimate defect. I'm too good at my job.

[X]

"You've been kind to me this whole time, I realize." I force myself to say, though it must sound quite sudden. How many minutes have passed in silence? I lost track of time, too many sounds from the rest of the ship distracting and overwhelming my already busy and blurry thoughts.

"What?" She asks, slowly looking up again. Her hair falls in her face, further distracting me. What's wrong with me?

"Despite my own behavior, you've made every attempt to be kind when literally anyone else wouldn't. I can't comprehend why, but I.. I have noticed." How do I explain that I am grateful? How do I make sense of _why_ to myself?

"Okay. I- I'm glad." She tries to smile, but she seems to be struggling. I can't seem to read her. What's wrong, and why does it bother me so much?

"As am I. For such.. kindness. I am glad." I hesitate. How else to say it? "You have not been the worst part of this experience."

"And neither have you." She replies, but I can tell that she feels awkward. How do I fix it? I want her to act the way she was before, but I don't know what's wrong, or why it feels so important. It's infuriating on one hand, but terrifying on the other.

Sardonyx starts to settle with her head back down again, and I realize that this exchange has failed to accomplish what I'd hoped it was. Her mood has not changed. Whatever's wrong with her is still there.

"Would you mind if we spoke?"

"I- no. That's-" She's much more startled by this than my initial outburst. "That'd be fine. I- uh- what about, exactly?"

"I have no requests. The, the silence is simply unnerving me, and I- I rather liked the.. music you were doing earlier. Could you tell me about that?" I am genuinely curious about it, and it seemed to be something she enjoyed as well. Perhaps that is a suitable conversation topic?

"Oh. I can try. Um. So music is a form of entertainment. Upper nobles, elites, mostly, have access to it the most, simply because they have the most time to enjoy it- I think I said that before, actually, uh.. I was never privy to much of it except on very special occasions, so I'm afraid I'm not personally very familiar with it.

But I do know that it used to be a lot more common. Back when we only occupied only Homeworld's start system, pretty much every section of the hierarchy had their own form of music. A lot of it is lost now, except in the oldest and most reserved databases, but there's lots of writing about it. I- I think I used to read a lot, if I had any spare time.

So.. every part of the hierarchy, from laborers to warriors to the most elite had their own form of song, and it usually pertained to their functions. It was either to pass the time, or to sort of remember the steps to whatever they were doing, I think. Like.. a training video. A tutorial that you can carry in music." She explains. I nod.

"How did they accomplish this? Do songs have words?" I ask.

"They used to. But nowadays the only songs that have words that are allowed are platitudes of love and adoration for the Diamonds and, well, it gets a bit old really fast. Most songs are wordless, I think."

"How would one make a song?"

"Oh. I.. I don't know. Usually it's not just a vocal element, like my humming earlier. There's, uh.. layers. Lots of different sounds all contributing to performing or producing a different mood, or message."

"Like what?" I ask. More and more this sounds _interesting_. Like the inner workings of a machine slowly becoming known to me, and I simply have to have more.

"Well.. there's usually some kind of instrument to keep the time. Drums, usually, but I think there're songs where they replace that with something else. But they set the pace, I suppose." She says, and then pats a hand on the floor rhythmically. _Pat, pat, pat, pat_.. A constant but relaxed pace. "So something like that might be for a sad or thoughtful song. But something like this.." _Pat-ta-pat, pat-ta-pat,_ the sound is bouncier, happier, almost. "It might be for something to dance to, something happy."

"Are these rules?"

"No, it's an art form like anything else. There aren't a lot of gems out there allowed to _produce_ music, so a lot of it follows these sort of guidelines, but I think, in general, it's whatever sounds good."

"I see. After the.. drums, what comes next?"

"Well, it doesn't 'come next', really, I just- they can all happen at once, I just think of them as layers, and, and drums are the baseline, I guess. But, uh, another instrument usually plays the actual 'tune', I think. That's the part I was actually humming, earlier. There's instruments that make ringing sounds, or.. I don't know how to explain it. I'm sorry." She says, sighing.

"It's fine. Can you mimic it?"

"I don't know how to. I've never tried.. And I haven't really heard a wide variety of songs, so I don't know the differences between any of them. I've never even seen what you play these sounds _on_ except drums and harps. I.. I can describe a harp, I think."

"Please, do." I try not to sound _too_ eager.

"Okay. A- a harp is a string instrument. It's big and it, uh, it looks like two arms stretched really wide. The strings are what make the sounds, and they're pulled between the two arms at different tightnesses to produce different sounds. The longest and the loosest produce really low, poppy kind of sounds. The shortest and the tightest make really high, really ping-y kind of sounds, I think. I'm sorry I don't know much more than this.."

"No, it's fine, really. It's more than I knew before." I say, and attempt to smile to show that I am grateful and happy to know even this much.

Part of me is amazed that I can ask a question and have it answered so easily, so calmly. I am used to having to tear and claw at the world around me to make sense of it, and here she's just so willingly given what must be precious information to her. If my thoughts weren't so full of the new knowledge itself, I might be reeling at the ease with which it was delivered.

"I'd play you a proper song if I could, but I don't think I could simulate the drums _and_ the other sounds at the same time. I- I'm not sure I could focus on those two things at once." She gives a chuckle. There! That is closer to the attitude she had before. _This_ is the behavior I'm used to from her! I must be smiling, because she smiles as well, but only as she meets my eye.

Suddenly the intensity of her gaze is too much for me, despite it being the very thing I was trying to stoke back to full force. I have to look away, but I try not to lose the smile, since it was what clearly brought her back.

"I'm sorry." She says, startling me.

"What for?"

"I don't know. Everything. Getting you caught. Being.. me, I guess." She shrugs. "I just feel bad. I wrecked the life you had, didn't I? There's no going back. Even if I get you out of here, somehow, Homeworld knows you exist again, even if they don't know who you are. They'll keep looking for you, no matter what. And it's because I couldn't pilot a blasted ship.." She sighs.

That's right. I'm here because of her actions. I'm here because I couldn't kill her, and then I _helped_ her, and they tracked her, and they found me.

"It was going to happen anyway. One day. It just happened sooner than I'd have hoped. It always does, I suppose. Everything falls apart sooner than you want it to. Always. Always." I sigh. "You didn't _mean_ to. I.. I suppose that's worth something."

"Why are you being so nice all of a sudden? Don't get me wrong, it's nice to hold a pleasant conversation again, but.. it seems out of character for you. You.. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be criticizing you. I'm sorry, just- just ignore me."

"No, pl-" I cut myself off. I almost begged her, _again_ , and for nothing but a chance to hear her speak. What is _happening_ to me? "Please. It's a fair question, I think. You may continue it, if you want."

"No, I don't want to be rude. I should just be grateful for what I have. I should stop asking, stop _hoping_ for more. This is how things are." She says, and it's that resigned, defeated tone that's returned. I can't _stand_ it.

"I realized I appreciate how nice _you_ have been. I am.. unused to this behavior, and I responded to it how I might everything else, but I do not find this to be fostering any continuation of your previous behavior so I.. I changed my behavior to elicit the desired result."

"You're being nice.. because I was nice? And you want me to keep being nice?" She raises an eyebrow, blinking.

"If you want to say it so simply, then yes." I huff.

Sardonyx giggles at that, and I can't help but feel a little bit lighter for the exchange.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Departure

Days pass in this manner, calmly talking, or not, about many things. Sardonyx shares with me the many developments of our kind, answering my questions to the best of her knowledge. In many cases this is an unfortunate admission of her not knowing, but I am glad to hear anything she can tell me about the changes in the universe since I managed to exclude myself from it. So much has changed, and yet.. so much is the same.

Still.. were it not for the stark white room and its single locked door, I might've forgotten we were trapped here. The mood is pleasant, amiable, even. It's addicting and enticing, so unlike any treatment I've had before but so easy for Sardonyx, so natural for her... It's the best I've been treated ever, let alone in a cell on an enemy ship.

It all comes crashing down, though, every time someone approaches. I can't not hear it, and it sends me into a panic each and every time. For the most part it's simply someone passing by at a less than comfortable proximity hallways away, but there are times when the hyper aggressive Carnelian comes to peer in on us, setting us back to our more anxious mood. It's hard to forget we're prisoners, so hard to find that happy air when I'm reminded...

Still, Sardonyx seems to have noticed this, and she does her best to ease the stress of our captivity and its various reminders. I cannot comprehend her initiative behind this, especially when I bark at her more than once afterwards, my bundled anxiety bubbling out at whomever will take it- unfortunately her. Perhaps she has the same motivation as I do, to illicite more kind behavior by paying it forward first. Either way, it works. I am slowly learning to be calm around her, and it is the most relaxed I have ever been with another gem.

I don't think it'd be possible with anyone who wasn't as persistent and dedicated to maintaining our pleasantries as she is, and despite my struggle to keep calm, even recognizing that struggle, I think I'm getting better. Each pass of the Carnelian crashes the world around us, but she swiftly builds it back up, and faster each time. I'm so grateful for it..

"What's it like to forget things?" I ask, Carnelian lumbering away again. Our conversations have migrated from music to space to colonies, the war, new gems, magic, and abilities. I've avoided us talking about myself, but I think she remembers enough to know why that's undesirable. At least, she hasn't brought it up herself, yet.

"It's like.. I'm floating in a room." She says, after a moment of thought. "And I don't know how I got here, or where all the stuff floating with me came from. I keep thinking I know where things are, or what they are, but when I go to grab them, they're not where I thought they were, or they aren't what I thought they were. I'm confused about it all. Some things seem to stay close, and others.. don't. I'm constantly trying to sort it all out. But.. sometimes, when I'm not trying too hard, some things are really easy. This whole time we've been talking, I'm sure you noticed, some things were easy to talk about. I think it's because I was interested in them at one point, and I probably ended up rereading or re-thinking a lot of the same things, so they're a little more firmly in place, so to speak."

"Fascinating. It must be difficult, though. I can't imagine.."

"So what's it like for you, then? To not forget things?" She asks, and I debate whether that's too personal, too much for whoever might be listening to know.. but no. It seems fine.

"If your analogy is that you're floating in a room with an assortment of items.. I think I have a room in which I'm grounded, and everything is labelled, and exactly where I place it. Sometimes it takes a moment to get from one place to another, but everything is as I left it, and I always know where it's from, and how it got there. Sometimes.. things may get covered. There are things I actively try to hide or forget, but I always know it's there anyway." Too many things are that way, and I wish I could bury them, or send them hurtling from this hypothetical world of memory. I'd launch them into space, if that were an option.

"That sounds really convenient. It feels like… in order to be able to make any sense of it all, I have to try to retrace all my steps, and with everything moving around so much it's almost impossible.. Gosh, to just.. have things stay for a second.." Sardonyx smiles, imagining it.

"It really isn't easy for you, is it? Does that make things.. moment to moment.. more stressful to you?"

"I don't know if I can compare my experience to anyone else's. This is the way I've always been, I just.. didn't realize that was different. Or how much, I suppose. I.. it's funny, I keep forgetting we're locked in here until I start to consider stretching my legs and seeing the ship, or until Carnelian comes by.. We've been having such a nice time here I really have forgotten it wasn't by choice." She gives a dark laugh, equal parts amused and disappointed.

"I've felt the same, actually. If I tried, I could almost forget we were here as prisoners. It's been exceptionally pleasant." I say, unsure how to respond to the sense of self-depreciation she's giving off.

"That it has." She smiles, genuinely pleased. I am caught off guard by her array of pointed teeth, but they aren't as alarming as they once were. A small part of me cringes, remembering how those fangs snapped at my hand, almost dematerialized me, but now.. They're almost.. charming.

The conversation continues until I hear the Pearl and the aggressive Carnelian approaching, and from the sound of it, Luna Agate wants one of us again.

"Sardonyx, they're coming back." I warn, whispering. She nods, and eyes the door briefly, before pulling her knees in tight, bracing for impact.

Of course, the door only opens so fast, and the dark, milky blue colored Pearl calmly steps into the room, alone. I can see the Carnelian waiting just outside with my far-sight.

"2OS, please come with me." The Pearl says, looking at Sardonyx, but she looks up at the Pearl blankly, then at me. "2OS." She says, demanding, but Sardonyx just blinks, unsure. I shake my head. She doesn't mean me. "Sardonyx. My Agate demands your presence." She snarls, but before Sardonyx can acquiesce the Carnelian comes barging into the room. On instinct, I push myself into the furthest corner…

(\\)

"Your insufferable parody of politeness is going to make this take five times as long, Pearl! Let me grab the clod and we can be done with it!" She says, looming over me, but the Pearl stands between us, a hand on the Carnelian's chest, her expression angry.

"You are the insufferable one, 8NP! You heard Commander Luna Agate's orders, so follow them!" She gives the Carnelian a shove but she only barely moves even with all her force. Carnelian grunts, unimpressed.

"Please, Luna Agate would agree with me."

"You know perfectly well that's untrue. Back off, or I'll-"

"You'll what? You're just a precious little Pearl."

"I carry all of Commander Luna Agate's authority, you meddling, insolent quartz. Disobey me at your own discretion." Pearl snarls. Carnelian bares her teeth, but backs away. "Finally. Now, 2OS, get to your feet-" A whimper from the corner distracts us both. We turn to see Carnelian hovering over Phantom, her back to us.

"Look at this! It's shoving itself in a corner, ha!" She laughs mockingly, and reaches down to do I don't know what. I don't give her enough time to do it- before I have a plan I've jumped to my feet and pulled and pushed her away from Phantom.

"Don't you dare touch them!" I yell in her face. She seems mildly startled for a second, but she recovers angrily, and next I know my face and elbows are stinging and I'm on the floor, gasping from the pain. Did she slap me so hard I fell?

"You clod! I told you if you spoke to me you'd regret it!" I hear her shout, and then her foot is coming down on my back, and I let out a yelp of a shout, it hurts.

"8NP! You have no authority to do such a thing! My Agate is in charge of her well being-" I hear Pearl say, but the Carnelian scoffs, digging her heel into my shoulder blades. Ouchouchouch ouch!

"Who gives a damn? She's a traitor and a freak." Carnelian sneers. Still, she removes her foot from my back, pulling me by my hair to my feet. She doesn't let go, though, holding me hostage to question me. "Why should I leave the other freak alone, huh?"

"Because I said so! Because you're being cruel to them for no reason!" I spit, showing my own teeth. Carnelian slams me into the wall, Pearl shouting in the background, but Carnelian doesn't care.

"Listen here, you miserable failure! That thing cowering in the corner is barely any better than the organic lifeforms we have the honor of extinguishing in the name of our empire! The only reason it's better than those crawling abominations is because it's got a gem in its head that means it could have been one of us. But something went wrong and it turned out like that.

You are only marginally better than that, but you're still a Diamonds-damned defect! You are nothing, that thing you keep defending is nothing, and everything you've ever done combined is nothing!" The Carnelian snarls, accentuating each 'nothing' with another slam into the wall.

I start to laugh. I must sound insane, being held up against a wall by my hair in the hands of a hyper aggressive Carnelian and laughing.

"What's so funny?!" She barks. It takes me a moment to stop laughing.

"Oh, just this idea you've got in that big silly head of yours that you're somehow so much better than us. I mean- HA- where would you even get such an idea?" I snicker, and I don't care how malicious that sounds. "Did you know that the first Quartzes were made on accident? And that White Diamond was so disturbed and disappointed by their large, bulky, inelegant forms that she smashed the first three attempts? Three sets of twenty experimental gems- smashed because she didn't think they were pretty enough!

And did you know that, specifically, you Carnelians were almost cancelled as a line of Quartzes because you were considered inferior to the other two established Quartz lines? After two thousand years of having built up such a reputation for being so big and brawny and useful, the new Carnelians were thought of as too weak to keep up with the demands! That's why you're still the lowest Quartzes to this day!

And you, specifically, as an individual Carnelian aren't so perfect! But I bet you knew that one! You're just at the size restriction, aren't you? Any bigger and you wouldn't be regulation size! So I bet your whole life you've been simultaneously praised for this trait you couldn't control as well as judged by your fellow Carnelians for being slightly 'better' than them. You've got all these expectations placed on you, and you never know if you're satisfying any of them!

So what's really funny to me- ha HA- is that you think you're better than we are because you're the way you are 'on purpose', right? But all of Homeworld's standards for perfection are arbitrary at best! Everything you hold to be important is based on some clod's whims thousands of years ago, and guess what!? None of it matters! All those rules and regulations, the hierarchy, honor and glory- it's all made up and it doesn't matter!

You're just a bully, and you don't matter. Time and the empire both would march on without you just as cruelly as it would without either of us. Who's better, Carnelian? And why do you care so much about it?"

The room has gone deadly silent in the wake of my tirade. I don't know where all those facts came from, but I know that's what they are. I don't know where the confidence and the anger came from all of a sudden, but it came at the perfect time.

Carnelian stares at me, absurdly taken back by my words. The Pearl has stopped protesting, also surprised by my outburst. I can't see Phantom, but I assume they're still on the ground to the right. At least the attention's off of them.

Carnelian pulls back her spare fist, aimed straight for my face, my gem. I don't know why or how, but I don't flinch, staring her down, daring her.

"8NP I will report this!" Pearl shouts. "Contain yourself!"

"But you heard her-" She snarls, not looking away from me.

"So she said something mean, boohoo! As though you weren't just doing the same thing! You are representing my Agate, you know! Do you think she'll look kindly on this embarrassing behavior? When a mere prisoner can rile you up so much? It's pathetic!" I smirk as the words start to settle into the Carnelian's mind, and she knows she can't let that punch fly, not without serious repercussions.

Instead, she lowers her aim, and lets that fist bury itself in my abdomen, and then she lets me drop to the floor. I bounce, just a little, and end up facing away from Phantom, my form aching from the punch. I almost can't think around the ghost of her hand in my stomach, the pain so big I might burst.

"8NP! Now you'll have to carry her! She won't even be able to walk!" Pearl reprimands her. "Pick her up, now. Commander Luna Agate will hear about this abysmal behavior today."

"Worth it." She mumbles, and then I feel her hands work their way around my waist lifting me up even as I clutch at my stomach. I manage to look up in time to see Phantom in the corner watching me before the door closes in my face, separating us.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Despair

Carnelian sets me down roughly in the chair before Luna Agate, then leaves as she did before. Luna Agate is quiet, but I can tell she's actually quite upset about something. My stomach still hurts from Carnelian's punch earlier, but I'm able, at least, to sit up straight to face Luna Agate.

Pearl reports to Luna Agate in a whisper, then retreats to a few paces behind Luna Agate's chair. No one says anything for a solid minute. I appreciate the silence, and try to straighten myself out, the ghost of Carnelian's fist still aching, but relaxing at last.

"I've been in conference with the planet we're approaching, and through them I've been communicating with Homeworld about the goings-on here with you and the off-color. No one has yet been able to identify them, but I still suspect that you know more than you've let on. You've been very careful in your talks with them, and I applaud you for what little cleverness it took you to manage that.

Now, I've been told that two Sardonyx bubbles appeared on your last planet, in what used to be your office space. Each contained a single White Quartz gem, though the second was shattered. Tell me about that." I forgot about that. I forgot that Phantom _did_ that- and that we argued afterwards- how could I forget such a horrible thing? But it doesn't matter- I've got to find something to say that preserves the story I've already told. My vow to continue to protect and assist Phantom remains the same.

"I suppose they were looking for me. I was fixing the ship, and they attacked. I don't know how I managed to fight them both, but I.. the shattered one was an accident. I remember that much." I couldn't stop Phantom in time. I didn't want it to happen, that's true. I look down at my hands. "I assume they were part of your crew?"

"No, actually. I have no clue who they belonged to." Luna Agate states, a glare in her eye. "But it's funny you should say that _you_ were fixing the ship, because the surviving White Quartz reported that they first attacked the off-color that's in your cell. It was sitting in your escape pod, and you were nowhere to be seen. Care to _explain_?"

"I-" I don't know what to say. I didn't think they'd wake her up so soon- I didn't know where my bubble would go, and now that my lie's been found out, I don't know what to do.

"You're protecting that off-color mutant, I know it!" Luna Agate yells, rising. "I just don't know what _for_! What _is_ it? Why are you going out of your way to protect it? How does it benefit you at all?"

"I don't-"

"You don't what? You don't know? How _pathetic_." She sneers, turning to face out her floor to ceiling window that looks out into space. "You defend that freak so ardently, and you don't know why! You really are just as much a freak yourself, aren't you? My Pearl tells me you even forgot your own identification numbers!" She turns back. "And you chat so _easily_ with it, too, about all sorts of drivel. You are _pathetic._ "

"Maybe to you!" I shout, fed up with her attitude, with all of their attitudes! How dare they! I'm so _tired_ of their judgemental rhetoric.

"There was one part I found interesting, though. And I took the liberty of sending it home for research purposes. That lovely little chat you had about memory- how kind of you to share your experiences!" Luna Agate continues as though I said nothing, and I feel myself get _cold_. If that's all they wanted out of me, what's to keep them from shattering me here and now? Why take me all the way to Homeworld for a 'proper' execution?

"And they're very interested back home, I'll have you know! But with that little interview out of the way, I think they're satisfied with whatever first-hand account they might get out of you. The rest they can find out after the messy business of removing your personhood is done with!" She says, laughing cheerfully. I start to shake, desperately afraid. I thought I could face this moment with grace and dignity if and when it finally came but now that it's _here_ -

"Oh, hush. I don't have the authority to shatter you quite yet. In a few days we'll be at our destination, your _final_ , and it'll be all over with quickly. I promise it won't be tasteless. You did decent enough work; you've earned a decent enough sentence, Sardonyx." She 'comforts' me, but I just put a hand to my mouth, tears welling up in my eyes. I'm not ready. I'm _not_ ready. "But you know who I do have the authority to hurt? Your little pet project!"

"No!" I look up, afraid of what she means. Luna Agate's somehow come around to the front of her desk, sitting on the edge. She pulls one of the floating screens forward, turns it around, showing me what I fear: Phantom being cornered by the Carnelian in our cell. "Don't-!"

"You know what I like about you?" Luna Agate interrupts me, smiling gently. "You were completely right about 8NP. All those things you said about her are completely true. It's what makes her my favorite, you see. She's so _eager_ to please, because someone like me is the only way she's going to get any positive attention, or any attention _period_. A couple nice words here and there in the beginning made her so loyal... Her fellow Carnelians hold quite a deal of disdain for her, and for exactly the reasons you said!" She laughs. "It makes her easy to deal with, though. She gets a few 'special' assignments, and I get almost anything I want from her. For instance, we're maybe not _quite_ supposed to torture our prisoners for information without Homeworld clearance, and she and her fellow Carnelians all know this. But _she_ will do it for me if I ask, because she's _special_. And she'll do it _so_ happily."

I watch the screen in rapt horror as Phantom shakes at Carnelian's approach. The tool in her hand is unfamiliar to me, but Phantom's complete despair at the sight of it tells me enough of its purpose. I look back at Luna Agate, and her smirk has only grown. She presses a button on her desk, and Carnelian strikes Phantom. I can't hear anything from that screen, but I can see the pain in their face and I can just _imagine_ the sound.

"Now, I can't hurt _you_ to get you to tell me what I want to know, but I can have Carnelian hurt _them_ to achieve the same effect, since you claim to care so very much about them." She says, grinning now, and presses the button again, prompting Carnelian to hit Phantom again. I see sparks fly this time- it's a clumping _taser_.

" _So_. Who are they?" Her grin disappears, replaced with a determined, disgusted grimace.

"Please- don't do this-" I start to ask, but her hand mashes into the button, and I squeak as I see Phantom cry out again.

"Oh, by the way, Pearl, can you record her reaction?" Luna Agate asks casually, as if this was the most common thing in all the worlds, to record _torture_ reactions. Pearl comes around with a tiny handheld screen pointed at me. I feel tears _streaming_ down my face, dripping into my lap. This is _monstrous_.

"Please stop- I don't-" _smash_ "- I don't _know_!"

"Like _hell_ you don't." _Smash_.

"I really don't! They never _told_ me!" It's a lie, but it's what they asked me to say- how can I betray their confidence even when I know they're suffering? Luna Agate doesn't care, and hits the button again. " _Please_!" I screech. My stomach twists as she just hits the button again.

"This can all end. You only need to tell me one word, two or three at the most! Their suffering will end and you can stop playing this game of sob and secret." I don't get to respond before she hits the button again. "Here's a fun idea! I just tell Carnelian to electrocute them every ten seconds, and then five, and then maybe three. We'll make a song out of it! Isn't that one of the conversations you had? Hmm? Does that sound _fun_? It does to me!"

"Stop, _please_!" I can only say. How _dare_ she do this? I am so furious at her for doing this, for _hurting_ them, and I'm so mad that I can't _do_ anything! Luna Agate angrily holds down the button and Carnelian responds by holding the taser to Phantom for a solid seven seconds.

"Who _are_ they?!" Luna Agate yells over the unheard cacophony.

"They're my _friend!_ " I scream. "That's all I know and that's all I need to know and I just don't want them to suffer anymore! They don't deserve it just because I don't know their damn name! They're my friend- please just leave them alone!" I sob. No one moves, not the Agate or her Pearl, or Phantom and Carnelian on the screen. "Please, I'll do anything! Anything else, just don't _hurt_ them anymore. Please, please, they're my friend- I can't let them- you can't- _please_.." I can't seem to be able to form words after that, my whole world spinning on an unknown axis as I pry at Luna's arms, hands begging her to stop. I don't care for decorum or pride- I just want her to stop. I can't seem to distinguish floor from ceiling or where I am or how long I've been here. I can't _comprehend_ it anymore, I just want it to stop.

"Anything?" Luna Agate's voice, hideous as it is, grounds me again, like a lance running through me and pinning me to reality. She leans in rather than recoiling from my desperate grip, a gentle hand to my cheek. I should be horrified by this behavior but-

"Anything! I'll sing ballads about the _Diamonds_ if it'll make you stop!" I cry. I can't help it, can't make it stop.

"Oh, I desire nothing so dramatic, Sardonyx. For now, I'll take your complete cooperation."

"Absolutely!" I nod emphatically, eager. I look at Phantom on the screen, alone. Carnelian must have left. They're curled up, their form looking rough, their suit burnt in places. But Carnelian is gone. She won't hurt them anymore.

"I want you to go with Pearl to a new cell, where you will remain until we arrive."

"Alone?" I blink. I don't know why I'm surprised- I said _anything_.

"Is that a problem? Carnelian can turn right around.." Her hand hovers over the button that would signal 8NP to strike Phantom and I shake my head. "Good. Pearl, you may stop recording. If you will escort Sardonyx to the other cell in the block.." Luna Agate's voice goes melty, soft and sweet. "And if she gives you any trouble, you have my permission to use this." She presses a taser stick into Pearl's open hand. She nods up at her Agate, also smiling. This is _very_ odd behavior, but I don't have time to question it, as Pearl gestures for me to rise with the taser. I do, scrambling a bit, my legs shaky. My whole being is unnerved from what I just witnessed, what I did and said and saw.

I wish desperately that I could make sure for myself that Phantom's okay, but the Pearl guides me to a room too far away to even see theirs from. I probably won't see them until the very end, if at all. I settle into a corner as Pearl leaves me in darkness, and with nothing else to do, I let myself cry.

[X]

The room seems darker when Carnelian leaves, but that's just as well. Everything hurts, from sight to touch to hearing. It'd be more accurate to say that everything _aches_ , but the whisper of pain each time I try to move is too real to leave at just 'ache'. 'Ache' is pain in an almost transparent form, leftovers. This is too deep, too fresh, too solid.

I don't understand the point of what just happened. Carnelian said something about 'watching her betray me', and explained that I would suffer as long as Sardonyx withheld my identity. I expected this to continue for several hours or days, even, not a few _minutes,_ and certainly not because Sardonyx managed to keep the secret. I thought if it were to be so short, it would be in the case that she gave them my name, but no. No..

I heard her cry for me. I heard her _beg_. She promised 'anything'. For me. She called me friend.

Absurd. She's insane. Her actions make _no sense_. Friend? Me? And for _what_? A few sparse conversations, as pleasant as they were? No. No no no no. Absurd, all of it. Insane, and absurd.

She stood up to the Carnelian on my behalf, when I simply cowered. I'd have let anything happen to me, and even to her, and I did, but she stood up for me. Put herself between myself and that brute. Took such a blow, took _several_. Spoke back to an _Agate_ , cried and begged and plied- for me. _For me_.

I couldn't have done the same, and I didn't. I cowered, and kept cowering, even as they took her away. I listened, forced myself to hear all the way up to the room with the desk, despite the struggle, until Carnelian came back, and explained herself.

Even so, she was so certain that Sardonyx would give me up. She was so _proud_ to think so, to be right. But she wasn't. And I don't know why that stopped the event.

And now I can hear her in the room down the way, crying and alone and in the dark like I am, and something in me is breaking to hear it. I know she fears death- I heard Luna's cheerful delivery of that message too- and knowing that it's at the end of this trip, so close, I know that is the worst possible feeling. How many times have I awaited what seemed a certain doom with no way out? Too many times, and the fear never dulls..

It's insane. It's all insane. How can a complete stranger suddenly matter so much to me, and how can I possibly matter so much to her that she'd endure so much for me? Especially considering that I could do _nothing_ when she was brave on my behalf. Especially considering that she is in far worse condition in regards to imminent fate. They are yet curious about me, and when they do discover who I am, White Diamond will surely claim me, keep me- her life is doomed. There's no hope.

Why does this knowledge fill me with as much dread as it would were it mine? Why does the sound of her crying so far out of reach _bother_ me? Why do I wish I could have stood, or spoken, or done _something_?


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Despair (part 2)

trigger warning: death

Sardonyx cries herself into a miserable quiet, and days pass in complete silence. She doesn't move, though my attention and hope that she might never wavers. I don't know why, but I keep hoping she'll stand and fight or somehow else show me that she hasn't abandoned her own hopes. She does nothing. All the while we draw closer to the planet. We're so close now that I can see it with a bit of struggle of my far-sight, though there's no way or want to inform Sardonyx of that. The dread continues to build in the pit of my stomach, and I don't know what to do about it.

The thing is that I don't think there is anything I can do about it. My strength has been slowly growing, yes, a secret I've kept even from Sardonyx, but it's not enough to cloak myself long enough to escape this ship, let alone the two of us. Similarly, I'm still too weak to use my more offensive powers for much longer than a couple bursts at a time. I can't do anything to protect myself. I can't do anything to help Sardonyx.

I am still so perplexed by the desire to. Perplexed, annoyed, bewildered.

I am so used to reacting with anger to everything, and so badly do I desire to react that way now. To the suffering I endured, however brief, to Sardonyx's declaration of companionship, to the proximity to her end. It would be so _easy_ to be angry first and feel regret later.

But I find that I don't _want_ to be angry. Not first, not second, not at all. At least, not in regards to _her_.

She's somehow evolved from being one of the monsters to being _not_. A category which once only held myself, and even then on fragile terms. This frightens me, as much as any threat of violence has before. Maybe more. But somehow the idea of her end approaching faster than my own frightens me the most.

I can't comprehend it. What changed? Was it her? Was it me? The situation? What changed, and how, and why? Why do I not want it to change _back_ , despite the new fears? Why? Why?

Round and round I think, observing her and the rest of the ship, tracking our approach to the planet, calculating over and over the tiny things I can attempt to do. What are the optimal scenarios, how long will she survive if she does this, how long if that? Calculate: when did her existence start to mean as much to me as mine? Think: why does she matter at all? What _changed_?

[X]

The ship comes to a halt just outside the planet's airspace, though its diminished gravity makes that distinction almost pointless. The knots in my stomach and the twisting in my chest worsen, despite the fact that I've watched our approach for days. I knew this was coming. I saw it all unfold.

I'm no closer to a solution to any of my questions or problems, and I am desperately afraid of what's about to happen. I won't be able to ignore it. I don't know how I'll handle it, if I'll be able to at all, and that's to say nothing of Sardonyx herself.

I don't know if she's aware of the stop of our gargantuan machine, as it's halt was so slow, but she must know that we're close. She hasn't moved from her place in her corner in her room, but she's shaking now. She must know. She must know _something_. Afraid to keep observing this, I withdraw my far-sight, and keep my eye clenched tight in the dark. This is tearing me apart.

(\\)

I can feel it. The ship has stopped. We're there.

I'm so numb from sitting here for days- or has it been years?- that I can't even cry about it. The dark and the quiet have been too much, but I couldn't seem to make a single sound the whole time. And now there's nothing to say. Everything is over with.

It doesn't take long for someone to appear to take me away. I don't pay attention to who, I barely hear their request, I just rise and follow at the appearance of light. There's no more fighting to do, nothing to fight for. I've done what I can for Phantom. I can't make any more mistakes..

"Sardonyx!" I hear, and I look over my shoulder. Phantom is being pulled from their cell, and their eye is locked on me. The Carnelians pull them along, but they're heading my way. Still, the Carnelians pulling _me_ along are impatient.

"What are they doing here? I don't understand- I thought this was _my_ execution!" But they say nothing. I don't recognize any of these individuals, and they seem indifferent to or disgusted by my request. I resist, but they pull me along. I look over my shoulder to make sure that Phantom is still there, and they are. Their gaze is still on me, but I can't gauge their emotions.

I look back at them at every available opportunity, like they're my lifeline. Each time I look back, they're still focused on me, and it both reassures me and gives me a new strength, and terrifies me. I thought they were _safe_. I thought it was _over_. I only sat in that stupid room, behaving myself for so long because I thought Phantom was going to be left alone. What is this about?

Our escorts guide us back up to the bridge, though none of the usual gems are in their seats. The ship must be 'parked', more or less, since all the attendants responsible for keeping the ship moving and stable are gone. Luna Agate stands in front of the window, looking down on the fully colonized planet, her Pearl and the large Carnelian by her side.

I'm pushed to my knees in the center, just in front of the raised platform that all the controls are on. I look over my left shoulder and then my right to see Phantom sat down the same, but in the back right corner of the room. I, however, am left alone there, and Phantom's guards remain, with their hands pressed down on their shoulders, keeping my friend down.

"Luna Agate, what's this about?" I don't care if I'm being too bold again. "I said I'd do anything you wanted as long as-"

"Yes- as long as we didn't hurt your precious friend." Luna Agate interrupts, hand waving flippantly. She turns from the window, and a new screen pops up in the window, blocking out the view of the planet. "As you can see, nothing's wrong with them on our account, and we have no plans of causing them pain. They're here to first bear witness, and then to add a little.. flare. I told you your execution wouldn't be tasteless." The screen is flooded with a Pearl, one who looks familiar. Her environment does as well, though I can't place it.

"Please move along with your little experiment, Commander Luna Agate." She says, looking coldly down on the room.

"Of course. You see, Sardonyx 2OS, we're close enough to that planet to bounce a transmission all the way to Homeworld with minimal delay. They'd given me the go-ahead to execute you when I saw fit, but I made a tiny request. I was intrigued by your behavior, and I want to see how it will follow through in specific scenarios.. Yellow Diamond gave me approval."

"..and the experiment?" I ask, looking between Luna and the Pearl on the screen.

"Who someone like you will choose in the worst possible scenario." She smirks, and looks up to the screen. "There's a thirty second delay between here and Homeworld round trip, but that gives me time to explain. You see, your sisters, as you like to call them, were delivered to Homeworld just a few short days ago. They were investigated, and as it turns out, more than half of them suffer from exactly the same defect as you, though according to your accounts your own is by far the worst. As such, both the affected group and those who _treasonously lied_ for them have been sentenced to a quick shattering, just as you have been." By this time, the Pearl on screen moves out of the way, revealing my dappled sister, the one I cared for so much as to tank my own life, locked in place on a small dais, an executioner Bloodstone to the side.

"2OS!" My sister yells upon seeing me, but knowing that those words are already fifteen seconds delayed means she's seen me for fifteen seconds before I saw her. I don't even know what to say in the face of that delay, and having forgotten her numbers. I only know her as my sister now.

"What is this about, Luna Agate?" I ask, tears springing to my eyes. What does she want, and what am I supposed to _do_?

"I simply noted that you have an extreme devotion to these two gems. 4OS, the fellow Sardonyx you were paired with on your last active planet, and this off-color you have called 'Phantom'. You came back specifically to aide 4OS, but you've been determined to assist the off-color since you arrived. You've failed on both accounts, obviously, but I do wonder.. if you had to choose between them, if you had the opportunity to protect _just one_ of them, which would you choose to save?" She grins, eyes deadset on me. I feel myself shaking again, and I look between Phantom and 4OS- bitterly I recognize I'd never have remembered her numbers had Luna not spoken them- and back and forth again.

"You can't be serious.." I breathe.

"Oh, but I am. Homeworld has given its approval over this experiment." Luna Agate says. 4OS shakes her head in the background, horrified- probably in relation to the 'experiment'. Damn this time delay... "All the rest of your facet are already dealt with, so the choice should be much easier than, say, having to choose between one member of your facet or another."

"What? No!" I lean forward, unwilling to believe what I'm hearing, but looking closely at the screen I can see noteable yellow _bits_ strewn everywhere around the dais. 4OS sobs, but her hands are bound to the dais, unable to wipe away her tears. "No- no please, you can't be serious- this can't be _real_ -!"

"You can't stall forever, 2OS. Choose!" Luna Agate commands, a smirk in her voice, but my eyes are tied to my hands, pressed anxiously to the floor. Slowly, I look over to Phantom.

They're terrified. Their life is in my hands and I know they don't know how I'll choose. I don't even know! We both thought their life was assured at this point, and now it's back to being potentially forfeited, and once again it's my _fault_. Their eye is desperate. They want to trust me, I can see, or maybe it's simply because I hold their life in my hands that they're desperate to _hope_ that they can trust me.

I look up to my sister, whose eyes are affixed to the dais, seemingly unwilling to look at me now. But her tears haven't stopped, and she bites her lip nervously. She's also desperately afraid, and I can see her tremble from here. I've known her since we were created, and I can't remember most of that time, but I look at her and I _feel_ everything we've been through together, all of it colliding in my head at once, a mass of details without detail..

Before me is an impossible choice: my past and my present, and both are equally important to me. Each is just as nebulous and unknowable to me as the other, but more easily defined than my future, which will regardless of this decision be short and miserable.

It's an impossible choice. How am I supposed to decide?

I shake my head.

"I can't choose. I can't choose- they're both _alive_ , they're both _people_ , how could I say one deserves life more than the other?"

"Explain yourself." Luna Agate demands.

"I- how in the worlds am I supposed to _choose_? I care about them both, and though I know I've known 4OS longer, I barely remember our time together. I know that my time with Phantom has been short and rocky, but they're still a _person_ , and one who's been the least awful part of this whole ordeal! Neither of them deserve to die! Both of them deserve to live! I can't exchange either of their lives for the other, it just- I _can't_. They're not mine to give." I explain, looking between my sister and my friend, each as afraid and hopeful as the other. I feel as though the walls of the ship are closing in on me, crushing me. How can I choose? How can they try to _make_ me?

"Think carefully-" Luna Agate says, but the Pearl on Homeworld booms over her, startling everyone:

"If you cannot decide, a decision will be made for you."

[X]

Sardonyx screams, a howl of protest, and Luna Agate tries to stop the Pearl floating above us, but the image is already 15 seconds old. We all watch her raise her hand, the Bloodstone raising her warhammer, and I know that what's about to happen has in fact _already_ happened, but that doesn't make watching it any less horrible.

"No! Take me- Let her go! Shatter _me!_ " Sardonyx yells, tears streaming from her face, but it's futile.

Her precious sister pulls back on the leads that tie her to the ground, crying. I can't bear to watch, but I can't look away for more than a second. I can't decide what's worse: the sight of my Sardonyx, or that of her sister.

The hammer swings and everything stills, a despicable moment hanging across fifteen seconds and thousands and thousands of millions of miles..

The world explodes in cacophony. The gem on the other side of this transmission explodes in a crack of light, her physical gem splintering, the shards flying everywhere. Sardonyx screams a nearly wordless 'no' as the final image of her sister's agonized face disappears in a puff of smoke. Sardonyx, _my_ Sardonyx, falls to her hands, her outstretched arms and desperate lean failing her. She sobs on the ground, completely alone in the center of the room…

My heart quivers at the sight and the sound of it all.

Is this what it was like for her to watch _me_ destroy that Quartz? I suddenly understand the horror, the _pain_ she seemed to be in in that moment. I shake with the sudden comprehension, and even the gems who hold me here seem troubled, their grip on me loosening.

"Finish up and send us your findings, Agate, before I make a decision about that as well.." The yellow Pearl sneers, shaking her head. The transmission cuts off, and we're left alone on the ship. No one seems to know what to do for a moment, the brutal _murder_ replaying through our minds collectively.

I can't stop staring at Sardonyx. She looks so _broken_. Something inside _me_ feels broken, seeing her like this.

"Well.." Luna Agate speaks at great length. "I have a final question. A final choice, Sardonyx. One you.. actually get to make."

"What more will you take from me?" Sardonyx whispers, and I'm not certain the Agate heard.

"You have my word that this decision is final. Whatever you choose will be permanent, so think carefully before you make your choice." Luna Agate advises.

"What _more_ do you _want_ from me?" Sardonyx raises her voice, a fist clenched against the floor.

"You couldn't choose between your sister or your 'friend'. Now, between you and that friend.. who should live?" Without hesitation, Sardonyx answers:

"Phantom."

"Wh- _why_?" Luna seems bewildered. "You will _live_ if you choose yourself! Why choose the off-color? Why, after all this? It's already cost you the only other remaining member of your facet, so much time and strife- why give it even _this_?" She snarls.

"Their life is not mine to give! I don't have any power or authority to make such a decision for them, so the _only_ decision is to let you shatter me! Isn't that what you wanted this whole time? Well, now you have my explicit permission! Go ahead! Just _do it_ already!" Sardonyx yells, face torn in a grimace. "But let me be absolutely clear with you: Phantom didn't do this to me. They didn't incarcerate my facet, my sisters, didn't shatter them all just to torture _me,_ and they certainly didn't 'cost' me anything! That abominable honor goes to _you_! So take it! Take my gem! Spare Phantom! If that's the _only_ good I've accomplished here then _so be it!_ " Her fist slams into the ground, and once again the bridge is thrown into a chaotic silence. My shaking has only gotten worse; I can't _believe_ what I'm hearing.

It's too much. It's all too much. She can't _do_ this. I can't _let_ her- but what am I supposed to do?

Luna Agate begrudgingly motions for 8NP to come forward, disappointed, and she does, her weapon, an axe, drawing with a loud, echoing 'twing'. No. No, no, _no_. This is wrong!

8NP steps down from the raised half of the room, raising the axe. Sardonyx sits up, wipes the tears from her eyes, and looks cold and hard at her soon-to-be executioner. I feel myself shake my head but I feel completely immobile otherwise. How can she do this? How can I allow it?

I know I should. She's consciously choosing this in order to benefit me. It's what I wanted- a little guarantee that I might live a little longer- but I don't want it anymore. Not at this cost, which now seems so unreasonable. I would've paid it before, and I _have,_ and with _ease_ , but I can't now. Not anymore. Not when it's _her_.

I feel my strength. It might be enough to stop the axe once, maybe twice. Can I force myself to move? Can I put myself between her and her doom, as she did and _does_ for me? Can I do it, even once?

Sardonyx tilts her head just _so_ to allow for an easier strike and closes her eyes. How can she give up?

I feel my strength. I have the power to stop this. I can do it. The axe swings down and I cannot stand to remain here any longer-


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Escape

The sound of someone running jars my eyes open. I'm more than surprised to see a field of purple and turquoise in front of me, those colors belonging to none other than Phantom Fluorite. I'm further surprised to see their arms outstretched above us, and the axe stopped in mid air between their hands.

The air _shimmers_ , like a net made of shining scales, opalescent and beautiful, holding back the axe like it's solid matter.

But I see Phantom straining to hold it back, like it's taking a physical toll on them. Why are they doing this? Why, when it's such a strain on them? Why, when it was going to keep them safe? Why?

Carnelian pulls back the axe and swings to the side, and Phantom catches that, too, the axe bouncing off shimmering air. She swings it around the other way, and Phantom barely manages to deflect that, but the third strike, another overhead, they nearly miss, and it drives them to their knees in front of me.

Carnelian starts to hammer down on Phantom, their net sparking with the effort of repelling it each time, their form collapsing on top of mine. I realize that I have to do something, or neither of us will survive this. As Carnelian pulls away for another devastating blow, I put my arms around Phantom and roll us out of the way, just in time for Carnelian's axe to implant half a foot into the floor.

I'm not sure what instinct drives me, but I know that now _everyone_ will be attacking us, so I release Phantom and summon not one, but two swords, immediately redirecting myself back at our attackers. I'm not the most skilled, or even very elegant, but I'm fast and skilled _enough_ to keep us alive.

Still, the five coming against me are almost overwhelming, until Phantom joins in again, shoving half of them away with a burst of invisible energy. The two left behind are so startled by the others' disappearance that I have ample time to slice through them. I'm prepared to charge after the others, but Phantom grabs my wrist and pulls me back.

"Run." They say, and pull me toward the exit. I only hesitate a moment before we're dashing down the hallways.

"What's the goal here?" I ask as we run.

"Live, of course!" Phantom answers simply, leading me along. A siren starts to wail and I feel a sense of familiarity. Have I done this before? Will it end any better this time?

"Sure, but _how_?"

"You escaped once, didn't you? We'll just do it again." If we weren't running, I get the feeling that Phantom would just shrug.

"Okay, but I don't exactly remember how I did that so if you're hoping _I_ can get us out of here-"  
"Oh no, I know the way, it's just- Ah!" They're cut off as we run across a group of Amethysts, weapons at the ready. Phantom pulls me down a new hallway, and the Amethysts chase after us, loud and raucous. "It's this way!" They say, but their confidence is gone. The Amethysts are fast, if chaotic, and Phantom is obviously exhausted. Where do I stand in all this, even as we're running for our lives?

There's no time to think, so I don't. I just pay attention to the Amethysts, and run where Phantom leads, ready to fight at any moment. I vowed to keep Phantom safe, didn't I? I'm not done yet. Somehow, we're not done yet. We manage to turn a couple corners quick enough that the Amethysts lose us, but for how long?

Phantom stops abruptly and we nearly run into a large set of closed doors. It looks familiar, but I can't place where I've seen it, and there's no time to ponder.

"No!" Phantom places a hand on the pad next to the doors, but it just honks at them, displaying a locked symbol. "I didn't look to see if it was _locked_!" They whirl around, apparently hearing the approaching soldiers, but I don't see or hear them yet.

"Can you pry the doors open? The way you pushed the Carnelians?" I ask, tightening my grip on the words.

"No- well.. I might be able to, but I don't know if we have the _time_.."

"I can take care of the time. I can hold them off long enough, I think." If only long enough for Phantom to get away. That's all that matters. I wonder if Phantom can read minds as well with the look they give me, questioning and hesitant, but they nod and with a grimace set their focus on the doors. There's no movement at first, but then the metal groans and fidgets in place, until the doors start to scrape open, the bottoms and tops sparking.

The progress is slow and loud, and I have no doubt that the Amethysts and whatever other gemcastes are on this ship can all hear it. Luckily the hallway only splits in two places, both just behind us. I take up my position just before the two paths converge, so hopefully I'll see them before they see me, and stand ready and waiting.

I hear them coming from the right before I see them. With a quick look over my shoulder to check on Phantom, I steel myself for the most maddening thing I've probably ever attempted. But Phantom's only opened the door so much, and it's not enough for even their thin form to shove through, nevermind my own, much wider form.

A herd of Amethysts with accompanying Rubies and the remaining Carnelians come barrelling into the hallway. Most of them fail to turn the corner, instead running right past, or seeing me and in an attempt to stop go skidding by. The ones who do manage to stop engage with me quickly.

In a matter of seconds, it's everything I can do to keep the half dozen gem warriors from dematerializing me, to just keep my swords in between myself and them. I quickly become grateful to the narrow hallways that allows at most four of them to converge at one time, even if it limits my own movements. Somehow I'm just slippery enough to keep them from pinning me in any way.

Still, it's a blinding blur of instinct, near-misses, near-hits, and fear. So much fear. Fear that I'll lose. Fear I'll miss, that someone will slip by me, that they'll get to Phantom, that I'll fail my promise, even if it's been a silent one. There's no words for all the terror of the moment that feels it could last a lifetime.

Except it ends. I've managed to take out the Rubies before they could fuse, and a couple of the Carnelians, but someone lands a punch to my face that sends me sprawling backwards. It hurts- _stars_ does it hurt- but the lull won't last long. They're rabid, and I can't let my guard down, I've got to stop them, got to-

"Aaah!" I squeak as two hands on my shoulders pull me backwards. I flail my hands out, and get caught on the doors, just barely open enough for me to slip through, if I were to let go.

"Come on!" Phantom tugs, but I can't explain why I don't just let them pull me through. They pull again, glaring, "You damn fool, come _on_!"

Looking in front of me, I can see the remaining Amethysts and Carnelians coming for me. Part of me wants to stay and confront them, but Phantom's hands on my shoulders tugs at something nameless. It's a familiar feeling, but I can't remember where I've felt it before.

I drop my swords and let Phantom pull me through, though I have to twist to get my hips by, the two of us tumbling to the floor on the other side. The Amethysts and Carnelians collide into the doors, a couple of them dematerializing from the collision and the weight of their sisters behind them. I watch in bemusement as the rest claw and push and pry at the door, but it doesn't so much as wiggle. For Phantom, then, to have done what _they_ can't..

"Get up, we've got to go before they realize they can open it." The gem in question rolls to their feet, though they're obviously more worn than before. Silently I follow them. I've got to see this through, after all.

"Oh!" I blurt, realizing where we are. It's the hangar. There's ships all around us, and not just escape pods. These are the kinds that are meant for long-distance, independent space travel, and can land safely on planets and planetoids without having to dock on a larger ship first. It makes sense that someone would lock the doors to this place.

"Yes, yes, come _on_ , Sardonyx. There's not much _time_." Phantom looks back at me. I didn't realize I'd stopped. With an embarrassed frown I catch up to them. I'm not sure why they're being so patient with me, or why I'm so.. dazed and distracted. It's probably-

I almost let out a sob as the image of death replays in my mind, but I suppress it. There'll be time for that later. If there is a later. Later.

I hear a groan and a grunt and the sound of running- one of the Amethysts forced her way through the door, and is coming for us with her longsword drawn. I summon my own short sword with a snarl and charge at her as well. I hear Phantom briefly protest, but our swords are clashing before they can start _and_ finish a sentence.

This Amethyst is brutal, but calculatingly so. She's much more experienced with fighting than I am, and without her sisters in the way and a narrow hallway to fight in, she's doing significantly better than I am. Where before I had people I could play off each other and tangle together, I am alone with her now, and it shows. She's bigger, she's more experienced, she's _stronger_ , and the weapon she's using dwarfs me. The fact I'm holding my own at all is nothing short of a miracle, or she's just showing off. I'm not sure which option I'd prefer.

It must be showing off, I realize, as she ramps up her attacks such that I have no opportunity to do anything but defend. A rumbling calm flows through me- just put your sword in the way of hers- but it feels mostly like my mind is leaving my body. Everything is moving of its own accord. Is this instinct? Fear? Something else?

A different kind of rumbling interrupts the Amethysts attacks- Phantom must have started up the ship. She hesitates for just a _second_ \- but whatever's been driving me thrusts my sword through her chest, and her form disappears in a puff of glittering dust. Her gem- located on her hand- falls harmlessly to the ground with a soft _clink_.

I fall to my knees, exhausted. My whole body is shaking. What's _happening_?

"Sardonyx!" Phantom calls from the entry ramp of the ship. "Let's _go_." I just blink at them. Go? What, together?

Phantom answers the unspoken question by coming over and pulling me to my feet. They seem to notice my trembling hands, but they don't say anything about it, just push me up the ramp, into the ship.

"It's ready to go, so let's get ourselves gone!"

"Why?" My mouth says without me. "Why are you taking me with you?"

"What does it matter that I am? I am, and it's time to go!" They grumble. They sit me down in a chair and take their place at the console of the ship. The ramp closes and I feel our ship start to fight the artificial gravity inside the much larger cruiser. Phantom guides the ship back, out of its docking station, and then turns it to face the exit. I watch mutely as they fiddle with some screens on the console, unsure how they mean to proceed.

Suddenly they whip their head around to the back, face wide with panic. I turn my head to look as well, but the entry ramp is shut. I don't get to ask what's wrong before something runs into the back of the ship, jostling us. The other gems must've made their way through the door, then. I look back to Phantom, unsure what to do.

They look at me with their one, wide eye, then turn away with a determined grimace. They press a few buttons on the console, and I hear the whirling and firing of a turret and the front of the ship lights up with the light of an explosion before the ship is torn out into space. I shriek from the turbulence of the ejection, but it dies quickly in the emptiness.

"Ah. There we go." Phantom sighs. "Free at last!" They give a little smile, but it's directed out into space, so I wonder who they're talking for. I just nod, not sure what to say or how. Suddenly words seem so hard to form, to understand. How do I put thoughts into the context of language and then into sound? Everything is just a feeling, but perhaps even that much is an over exaggeration of what this is. I feel.. numb.

There's a banging at the back of the ship again, and Phantom turns their chair around slowly, looking between me and the closed exit ramp. I don't know what to do, so I opt to do nothing. Truthfully, it feels like that's the only thing I _can_ do, so there's not very much choice in the matter.

"8NP is on the ship.." Phantom says, surprised. "How did she..?

The banging picks up, some part of the ship creaking, and Phantom stands nervously, ready to do something, but I don't know what. As they near the ramp, though, the banging stops, and the creaking intensifies. They look at me nervously, but I've no idea what to do still. I feel disconnected from everything. I should be scared. I should be angry. I should be doing something- but I can't seem to do anything at all.

Suddenly, the ramp is forced open, a little at first and then enough for an arm to reach through, the suction pulling at my hair. Sirens blare, the lights turn red and yellow, the ship trying to compensate for the depressurization and failing. The arm becomes a torso, and the furious eyes of the large Carnelian meet mine, almost shocking me back to reality and thought and action.

But it isn't until Phantom Fluorite is pulled to their knees by the suction and an inability to fight it that I'm really jarred back to my senses.

And suddenly my sword is drawn and buried in the flooring, and my other hand is around Phantom's, and it feels like everything I've ever known and cared for is being ripped away from me _again_ by the gnawing, hungry emptiness and a snarling, clawing monster of a gem. I try to pull Phantom back, but the Carnelian has a hand around their ankle, trying to use their form like a length of rope. I can barely hold onto Phantom with her trying to steal them away, and I can feel our collective weight and struggles unbalancing my sword, hand and weapon both, and our fragile hold on the ship.

Phantom tries to kick the Carnelian off, but she only pulls on them all the more. If we pull any harder, Phantom will surely destabilize, and their gem will be lost to space. I can see it on their face that it hurts, that they're to their limit, but I can't let them go. I won't lose them, not after everything else!

They open their eye, looking at me just like they did when they asked me not to reveal their name. Desperate, afraid, and I'm somehow, wildly and incomprehensibly, their hope. ' _Please don't let go'_ they seem to be saying. How can I refuse to try, seeing this?

So I pull with all my might, a vague plan forming in my mind. The Carnelian comes with, still latched firmly onto Phantom's ankle, but her hips get caught on the ramp's edge, its automatic processes trying to shut around her and failing, screaming. She lets go of Phantom with one hand to push it down, but it doesn't do her much good at all. It does make it easier to pull them up, though. I've almost got Phantom away from her, and from the dangers of open space.

"Phantom!" I yell over the torrential winds. They seem to hear me, so I continue, "Grab onto my shoulders!" They nod, and I heave them up, until they're close enough to loop their long arms around my neck. It's a strain on us both, and my sword cuts through the metal plating of the floor, bringing us closer back to Carnelian, but we manage it. Once my right hand is free, I summon a sword, and aim its point at Carnelian.

She realizes my gambit immediately, and tries to shrink down or move out of the way, but she's pinned too tightly by the ramp to go very far. Phantom understands as well, and does what little they can to keep still and out of the way, but it helps that they're very close.

The ship rumbles and Carnelian flinches, and I release my sword. With a _shink_ my sword cuts through her head, and my sword and her dust and gem are swept out and away. The ramp closes angrily, and Phantom and I relax, all the pressure of space suddenly gone.

We're both shaking terribly, just lying on the floor as the ship hurtles away, off to wherever. I let my sword disappear in a small flash of light and a _ping_ from above my head, and bring my stretched and sore arm back down. Without thinking, I put my hands around Phantom, glad to have them safely inside with me, but they flinch and go stiff, no longer trembling.

"I'm sorry!" I sit up, remembering- or realizing?- that I've never made so much form-to-form contact with them before, and that they probably don't like it. How many times have they shied away from me before? I try to push away, to give them their space but their arms remain latched around my neck.

"N-no, don't. D-don't let go. Not yet. I- I just- I can't stand up y-yet." They stutter.

"Okay. I won't let go." It's a strange request, but it's a simple one. Truth be told, it's nice to be this close to someone after something as terrifying as the previous moments were. And after-

It hits me again. My sister is dead, and I couldn't save her. _All_ my sisters are dead, and there was nothing I could ever do about it. I can suddenly remember _exactly_ how it happened, how she looked, the way she pull against the chains that kept her on her knees- everything. The tears on her face, the way the galaxy-shaped freckles warped, the way she looked directly at the camera, looking at me- _everything_.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Release

I try not to make a sound as tears start to run down my face, but I can't conceal the tremors that come with it.

"Sardonyx?" Phantom sits up, pushes away to look at me, and shrinks when they see me. "What-"

"I _failed_!" I wail, unable to contain it. I press my hands to my mouth, immediately embarrassed and frustrated by this behavior.

"Oh. Yes, that.." They say. "Sardonyx…" It sounds like they want to say more, but what is there to say?

"And you!" I'm suddenly angry, so, _so_ angry. Phantom flinches, but I just sob, "You saved me! Why? What reason could you _possibly_ have to save me?! You were going to live and be okay and all you had to do was let me _die_!"

"Wh- why are you angry about being saved!? I- you-! I thought you'd be _happy_ to not be dead, after all the fuss you put up about not dying back on my asteroid!" They scowl, hands balled up in fists on the floor.

"I don't want to die but- but I didn't want you to die either, and Luna said you'd be okay-"

"And you really trust the word of some _Agate_ to keep me safe if a _Diamond_ wants her way with my life? Nothing will keep a Diamond from her desires, _especially_ not the word of one of her own underlings!" They give a long, disgruntled groan, head tilted back in aggravation before continuing. "I saved you- The truth is that.. I couldn't make it off the ship alone. I needed you. I- I still need you, unfortunately. And- and it wouldn't be inaccurate to say that I felt I owed you for- for how you made things not as horrible as they could have been."

"I-" I can't think straight. "It was the best I could do. It was _all_ I could do. I- My sisters are dead. They're _all_ dead- I didn't- I just didn't want you to be, too." I sob, and bury my face in my hands. "I promised myself I'd help whoever they had trapped on that ship! And I was the one who led them to you to begin with, so- so I double-owed _you_ , and I thought- I just didn't want you to get shattered too! I failed everyone else I cared about, but I- I thought I could save _you!_ "

"I- I didn't mean to say- I'm not _ungrateful_ for the notion, for the sentiment of it, I simply- I didn't want you to die, either." They admit, pouting as I look up at them. I'm a little surprised, honestly. "So there. That's really why I stepped in. It's also true that I couldn't have escaped alone, but I- I couldn't stand the thought of all your kindness towards me resulting in nothing but your shattered remains. I couldn't let it happen."

"You could've gotten shattered, too! That Carnelian only _barely_ missed us, a-and I'm sure there were a bunch of other ways that could've gone horribly wrong, Phantom! Why couldn't you let me.." I shake my head. "I failed my sister. She _died_ , and it's my fault, and I deserved to die too…"

"Sardonyx, you _heard_ what Luna Agate said, didn't you? Or did you forget already? All your sisters had the exact same defect as you or knew about the ones that did! They were all already traitors, just by existing! Homeworld was going to shatter all of them no matter what you did! It was just a cruel _joke_ to give you a 'choice'! To let you think you had one, to let you think you had any power over the situation, when they planned all along to take it away!" Phantom explains, angry and sad and exasperated all at once. "They did it to me, Sardonyx. They never change, and they are _always_ cruel. You did everything you could, but it wasn't enough. Not on your own, not against Homeworld. And that- that isn't your fault. That's the only lesson I ever learned from them, but I- I hope it's one that you learn too."

I'm not sure what to say to that. I just feel small and empty and horrible. I still feel like I failed, like it _is_ my fault anyway. I tried to protect her, to protect all of them, and it didn't help. Not a scrap. Knowing that it never _was_ going to help.. I'm not sure that makes me feel any better.

"I think.. I think that as bad as her dying is, I'm scared I'll forget her too. That- that's like she died twice. How long will it be before I don't remember what she looked like? Or- or will all I remember of her be the way she died, crying and desperate and afraid? I don't want to remember _just_ that, but- but everything else is already gone, so- so do I try to hold on to that horrible memory or do I let her fade away completely?" I look down at my hands, as if I could actually hold the hidden memories of her.

"I can't answer that.. I have the luxury of never forgetting, at least.. not like you do. I.. Is there really nothing.. positive you can remember about her?" Phantom asks. I look up at them, and I find the genuine concern on their face.. alarming. There's always a level of disconnect between us, even if it's thin sometimes, and this is so raw, so real, so _right now_. I look away, their gaze too intense, too real, and try to think about my sister. Is there anything else left of her in here?

"I.. She always told this joke, and it never failed to make me laugh. I can't remember the joke, but.. I remember how good it felt to laugh with her. And.. and she liked the purple sunsets on our planet, and how it turned the whole city funny colors.. I.. I liked holding her hand, and watching gems walk around together.." Tidbits of feelings and flurries of memories come and go, and I blurt them out as they come to me, but there's so _little_ to say. "I mostly just remember feeling good with her, more than anything. But I don't remember her numbers, or even mine. I.. I don't know how long these memories of feelings will _last_.."

"You're 2OS. She was 4OS." Phantom says. "Though I just think of you as 'Sardonyx'. You are, in a sense, _the_ Sardonyx, to me, at least."

"How did you know our numbers?"

"Ah- Luna Agate called you by your numbers."

"I forgot that. I guess those numbers don't mean much to me. And they aren't very important any more. I'm the rebel Sardonyx now.." I sigh.

"That's.. probably true. Still, for the moment you remember those things. Hold on to them. Think about them, instead of what just happened. Remember her.. better than she died. For as long as you can."

"I'll try. It's probably inevitable that I forget about her, but.. I'll try." It's futile, but it's something to focus on, I guess. Phantom doesn't seem pleased by my weak-hearted determination, but I'm not sure they know what else to say either.

"I.. we should figure out where we're going." They finally say, and stand. I remain on the floor, and I plan to stay here until I absolutely can't. Phantom doesn't say anything, simply goes to sit in the chair by the console, though they remain facing me.

"I don't have any ideas. I don't care much, either. I hate to sound fatalistic, but I can't really imagine much of a future for myself." I shrug.

"You.. you mentioned a war? You said you had previously planned to join it." Phantom suggests. "Once I find an adequate place to hide, you can take the ship." The reminder is jarring- I had forgotten again.

"I.. I suppose I could do that. Is that your goal, then? To find a new home?"

"Yes. I suspect it will take some time, though.." They give a sigh and turn around to the console. "Unfortunately, as you may or may not have noticed, my magic is not consistent. It will be some time until I'm able to see farther away, so we're limited to manually visiting or surveying systems to see if Homeworld and the Diamonds are interested in it, if they're likely to be interested in it, and then some time to physically get there… You may be stuck with me for a while."

"I think I'm okay with that. I don't take up too much space, and I can be quiet."

"Ah, yes." Phantom is quiet for a moment, neither speaking nor interacting with the console. The ship makes a low humming noise, the engine below us, but everything is otherwise still.

"Are.. are you alright?" Phantom asks, breaking the silence.

"I.. gosh, I don't know. I don't.. no, I don't think so. My sisters are dead, I have no plan or purpose in life, and the only other thing I wanted to accomplish in lieu of all that is accomplished.. I don't know what to do with myself. I _could_ go join the war, and keep trying to make something of myself there, but I.. I don't know. I'm not all that capable, I think. At anything. So I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do, and that's scary.

But mostly, I think I'm just sad. Even if I can accept that there was nothing I could do to save 4OS, which I'm struggling with, I still have to come to terms with her being gone forever. And I don't know how to do that either. I've never.. I don't think I could have ever predicted this, and now I don't know how to be okay with it."

"Another lesson I've learned, one that's entirely self-realized, is that it's fine to be sad. To be mad. To hurt. It takes time to get over things, and some.. well, some you might never leave behind you entirely. So be sad. Be hurt. Take as long as you need to be those things.." Phantom says, sighing. "It's all I've been doing, all these years. Trying to move past things, all that hurt."

"Really? What- What happened? If you don't mind my asking, that is. I don't want to pry, of course.." I don't think I've ever expected Phantom to be capable of sentimentality, but here they are, sharing honestly and openly about something _serious_. It was one thing when we were having simple conversations about music and new gem designs and such, but this. This is.. new. Phantom turns just so, as if to face me, but they pause.

"I suppose.. It won't hurt to tell you a little. It's not a pleasant story, of course.."

"You don't have to, if you're not comfortable telling me. I- I don't _expect_ anything."

"No, I- I think I'd like to tell you. I just don't know where to start, and it was all so very long ago, I.." They let the sentence hang unfinished, unsure how to even continue.

"Start at the beginning. Where does the story start? Where do _you_ start?"

"That's.. easy enough. It starts where all our stories start: on Homeworld. Back then, we had still only colonized the planets in our own system, and there were much fewer gem types, and only one Diamond.."

"White Diamond."

"Yes, though we knew her only as _the_ Diamond. I.. I was part of a line of experimental gems, the Fluorites. We were, I believe, the precursors to what Pearls would become. Small, delicate, and mostly just to be an expensive and flashy secretary to whomever 'earned' us. However.. Something went wrong. Not a single one of us came out as planned. I was not the most bizarre in terms of appearances, but my gem.. that's a different story.

The Chrysocollas, the gems that designed us, were appalled. They shattered the more disturbing of my.. I suppose you would call them 'siblings'.. they were destroyed immediately, and the Chrysocollas studied their remains. The rest of us they studied alive, until they understood what went wrong, and then.. they went too." Phantom goes quiet, staring down at the console. I wish I could see their face, to gauge their emotions, but I don't want to disturb them by suddenly appearing by their side.

"But something happened. Because you're still here." I say instead to get them re-motivated.

"Indeed. Those of us they studied alive they brought before White Diamond for our formal sentencing. I can't explain why, I still don't understand her motives, but she took some.. twisted liking to me. I became her favorite plaything. 'Do this, do that', 'endure this pain to see another day', 'fight this gem', 'shatter that one'.. so many horrors. I did whatever she told me to, of course. I didn't want to die- it seemed like such an awful fate, and I was desperate not to experience it. I hated being her toy, but I was afraid of her tortures and the idea of death more.

I wasn't safe, still. She quite often threatened to end me, just to have me beg, that wretch. And I did, I often did.

And one day, it wasn't a threat, and no amount of begging would change her mind. Maybe she didn't know, or maybe it was her goal all along, but my strength is dependent on how many gems are near me, and how strong they are. I'd been part of her court for decades, and my magic slowly grew, feeding off her court and their magic and the Diamond herself, and I used as little as possible of all that stolen energy until then. I let it all out that day." Phantom turns then, eyebrow raised in mild pride. "Is there still a crevice in sector thirteen?" It takes a moment, but like a whisper I remember the map of Homeworld, and the giant, craggy gash in it that's visible from space.

" _That_ was _you_?!" I squeal. "It's _enormous_! It- it runs the entire length of that sector- _four facets_! We were always told it was structural damage from over-saturation of kindergartens under the surface- I- I never _dreamed_ that was gem-made!" I gawk. Forget about opening heavy doors, Phantom cracked a _planet._

"That was, indeed, my doing. Caused quite a distraction! Gave me plenty of time to steal a ship and blast off, never to be seen again. Well, until now." They seem rather pleased with themself, smiling proudly.

"That's honestly amazing, Phantom! I can't even- just, _wow_!" It's absurd how potentially powerful Phantom is- I can't even comprehend the strength it would take to do something like that. Phantom chuckles at my reaction.

"Yes, I was pretty impressed back then, too. I didn't actually know what I could do with all that stored energy until I tried, and.. I'd do it again, if I could. But I haven't been around other gems for nearly.. I haven't kept track, but it's been thousands of years, I'm sure. I don't have any remaining stored energy, at least not on that level. I may never again. I hope never to be near that monstrosity or her little loyalist _pets_ ever again, let alone long enough to gather that much power."

"Well, that should be easy enough. No one knows where White Diamond _is_. Rumor has it that she's searching for a replacement homeworld, since our current one is.. less than ideal. There's been a resource crisis building for.. I can't remember. Almost as long as I've been alive, I'm sure, but I don't know how long that's been either." I scoot myself over to the wall, and lean back against it, not caring to stand just to sit in a chair.

"What do you mean, no one knows where she is?" Phantom asks, turning the chair around entirely, the console forgotten for now.

"She left Homeworld with her entire court, like… a thousand years ago? She had a massive ship built to carry them all, and she set sail and no one's heard from her since. Supposedly Yellow, Blue, and even the young Pink Diamond have ways of communicating with her, but no one else has any way to know for sure. And things have been pretty.. okay without her, so most gems don't see a need to locate her at all. Yellow Diamond runs things pretty efficiently, though I'm pretty sure she's also to blame for the stricter laws and harsher punishments that've come into effect since.." Shoot, I've forgotten something again. Something big. Something- "Since the war, probably."

"She takes after her predecessor, then. White Diamond was cruel beyond belief. And she's just.. out there?" Phantom gestures at the window, indicating the stars. I shrug.

"Supposedly. I.. I think there are other rumors she just buried herself in Homeworld's core, but that's a pretty outlandish idea. There's nothing there. The core is hollow, and there just aren't any more resources available there, so.."

"Knowing she's out there, doing who even _knows_ what...Ugh..". They rub their brow just above their gem, suddenly seeming quite tired. I remember that they did just shove open the two heaviest doors I've ever seen, so I guess it's not all that surprising.

"Is there any way I can help? I know I'm kind of just along for the ride at the moment, but if I can make myself useful, I'd like to. Distract myself, and you, maybe."

"I.. I don't think so. Well, could you maybe help me find a map on this machine? I'm not familiar with its layout- the other one was much more like I was used to." They ask, beckoning me over.

"I can certainly try." I say as I stand, giving Phantom a smile. I notice that, for the first time, they don't flinch as I come to stand beside them, only scooting to the side to allow me to see.

I know I said it on the ship, but maybe we really are friends. All I know is that I'm glad to have them with me. I'm glad to not be alone. In spite of everything else, or maybe because of everything else, I'm really glad to have Phantom with me.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Interlude: Luna Agate

I try not to pace as I await the call that will very well change our lives. It's been days since those _freaks_ \- our prisoners escaped. I sent my report in honestly and quickly, of course, but that doesn't matter much when the contents of said report are that I failed to kill one measly Sardonyx. I don't understand how they did it. I've watched the surveillance footage time and again since then, and each step they take, each action makes sense, but upon completion all my understanding dissipates.

They were just a meek little ex-noble and an unnamed freak of creation. How could they possibly stand up to even one of my gems? Especially the best of them, 8NP?

Her report was disturbing. 2OS used her environment entirely to her advantage, making 8NP seem like a foolish fresh-cut kindergartener. I could hardly believe it, but 8NP isn't clever enough to lie. That, or she's clever enough not to.

The only feedback I received after my report was that I'd be receiving a call from a Homeworld representative in time, but we've been on this colony for days with no word, no call, not so much as a suggestion as to what they'll be doing with me. I hate to admit, even to myself, that I'm terrified of the repercussions of this failure. I've never failed before. Not at anything. I'm one of the few Agates to have a Pearl, for Homeworld's sake! I _earned_ her through my hard work, ceaseless dedication, and absolute perfectionism.

And how will she fare in all this? Will they take her away from me as punishment, as a sign that I never truly deserved her? If so, will they shatter her, or gift her to someone else, like a tool to be passed from one hand to another?

I could live without her again. I did before. It's not just the stigma of losing the status that having a Pearl brings, but-

No, no. That's dangerously close to very forbidden things. Attachment to your Pearl, or to any gems who serve under you, is very, very frowned upon. Favoritism is one thing. Encouragement is another. _Caring_ for them- it's taboo. For an Agate to _care_ about a _Pearl_? Almost the worst taboo we can commit.

No. I don't care about her as a person. That's _wrong_. _Obviously_. She's a status symbol, and a tool, and I happen to be fond of the way she performs her function. That's all. Of _course_ I want to keep her- she's _useful_.

But reaffirming that vital truth does little to ease my worry. There are other, almost worse punishments. What if they shatter me? What if they take my ship? My crew? My _job_?

I don't understand one thing, more than anything else: Why the off color saved 2OS. They- it had no reason to. As far as it ought to know, it would be safe if 2OS sacrificed herself. And I intended to hold true to that bargain until we reached Homeworld. It would no longer be in my jurisdiction then, and whatever happened to it wouldn't be my problem or concern. But it wouldn't know that- _couldn't_ know that. So why did it act the way it did?

One answer is obvious: it needed her. It did well to hide it's telekinetic power as it did, but even as surprising as that reveal was, that magic has obvious limits, and it would have been better to bide its time for a better opportunity. If it had revealed its gift after 2OS' shattering, until we landed on the planet and were preparing to send it to Homeworld, it very well could have made a better, quicker escape. But it chose to act then, to save its cellmate, and to risk far more of itself in doing so.

Until that moment, it had displayed very little besides a desire to take care of itself, and only itself. Even in the conversations it held with 2OS, all it's interests were of immediate relation to itself- this creature displayed _no_ empathy whatsoever. Therefore, I can only conclude that its saving her was only for its own purposes, but for the life of me I cannot deduce what they might be.

I stand straighter on instinct as I hear the tone that means I'm being contacted. I steel myself, and answer.

The yellow Pearl from before, Yellow Diamond's own, appears with a disdainful, half-lidded glare. Her image is large, and it makes me feel small, especially knowing who's authority she wields. A Pearl may have no power on her own, but the word of her owner is a force she can command at their will, and this one does so with great pleasure. It's only fitting that the empirical Yellow Diamond receive an empirical Yellow Pearl.

"Luna Agate." She gently rolls my name- Agates and Pearls are one of the few gems for whom numbers have little meaning, and actual names are precious- like dropping something precious in the dirt. "My Diamond has reviewed your case personally, and- oh, what's this?" The facade fades as I hear a receiving call tone from her side.

Yellow Pearl flinches visibly, and then answers the call, facing away from me, but not dropping our call either. I stand as stiff as possible, unsure what to do. There's no policy, no formality, nor training that I have that fits this scenario.

"My Lady…" Yellow bows deeply. "To- To what do I owe this-"

"My Diamond has requested complete control over this case. She wonders why you resist." The unknown speaker demands, just as soft as any Pearl ought to be, and yet something in the underneath of her voice is _wicked_.

"M-m-my Lady, _my_ Diamond has given me no such decree to-"

"Your Diamond is but a pittance. My Diamond has spoken. You will transfer this case to my hands, and the call to the Agate in question to me at once." She says something else, something low and dark that makes Yellow Pearl quail. I have no doubt it's a threat of some kind, but I can't make out what it is, or why it would make _Yellow Diamond's Pearl_ shake in her dainty little slippers.

Nevertheless, she turns back to me, mouth pinched tight with nerves or embarrassment or both, and wordlessly taps on her screen. For a half second, she looks directly at me as though she _pities_ me, and then her image is gone, replaced.

"Agate." A new Pearl consumes the screen. Not just any Pearl, though, the infamous Black Pearl. She's beautiful. She's terrifying. I understand why Yellow Pearl was so afraid of her- she exudes an energy that threatens to split my mind in two, even across the universe, as though she were right beside me. She stares at me expectantly.

"M-my- my Lady." I stutter out, saluting clumsily. It seems to please her enough, though she rolls her eyes and begins to deliver her message.

"My Diamond has seen the recording of the so-called 'off-color' you captured. She is most disappointed that you failed to contain it, though it is understandable, as you did not know and could not have known exactly who or what it is. This gem is my Diamond's favorite. She wishes it be brought back to her.

As such, you belong to her court now. You take your orders from myself, and no one else. You will receive a brand new crew, a brand new vessel, and a new mission that supersedes all others. You may consider this a promotion. I consider it an unfortunate and disgraceful necessity."

"My mission, my Lady?" I ask when she pauses.

"To capture the Fluorite you let escape." Her tone changes subtly, but I know that if she were another Agate, that sentence would have been sneered or barked with condescension. I bow my head, embarrassed. It's hard to meet her eyes for very long- she looks at you like you're made of dust already, ready to be swept away, inconsequential.

"A-and the Sardonyx?"

"We don't _care_ about her. She's _nothing_. Your failure to execute her as per your own 'experiments' rules is laughable, but her life is ultimately worthless. Her execution should be finished, but should you have to choose between capturing the Fluorite and shattering that traitor, you will capture and deliver the Fluorite to myself and White Diamond."

"And, ah, my.. my Pearl, ma'am?" I look up, hardly daring to, but needing to know anyway. What will happen to Dusk?

"Your.. Pearl?" She asks, head tilting slightly in question.

"Am I to keep her or..?" Black Pearl smiles, then, but it's a bitter and horrible smile.

"You may keep your Pearl, Agate. If you had any sense you'd let someone else take care of her, but if you're so… attached, I don't see why I should make you leave her behind."

"It's- it's not an _attachment_ , my Lady, she's- it's simply a matter of pride! I couldn't-"

"Silence your pathetic squealing, Agate." She snaps cooly. Any other words I'd planned or thought to say die in my throat. "I know your kind. I see what you are. Remember this as you move forward: You belong to My Diamond now, and therefore you belong to _me_. I will do what it takes to please Her Imperial Radiance, and _so will you_. So keep your precious, insignificant Pearl by your side. _I_ could not care less what happens to either of you. All that matters, all that either of your lives _mean_ is the retrieval of that which pleases my Diamond: the Fluorite. Are my words understood, _Agate_?" I nod, unable to formulate any appropriate response.

" _Good_. I will be sending you all our available files on the Fluorite and any pertinent information. You are to read _all_ of it before your new ship and crew arrive at your current location. While there will not be a test, all available information and history regarding the Fluorite will be undoubtedly necessary to its capture. Expect word from your ship, _Nova Sunset_ , within a week's time.

You are to report to me before and after any course of action you take, though I will not bar any action you decide to take. You have full creative control of this mission so long as the mission is accomplished.

Any questions?" I nod, but she doesn't continue, so I swallow my nerves to answer.

"No, my Lady.." I manage.

"Excellent." Black Pearl smiles again, and then disappears.

Almost immediately I collapse into my chair. I managed to stand that entire time, but now that she's no longer watching me, it's too difficult. I tremble, head in hands, completely unnerved.

"Luna?" Dusk asks from the corner. I'd forgotten she was here.. I sit up, trying to compose myself. She seems unfazed by Black Pearl, but still concerned, likely by my behavior.

"Yes, Pearl?"

"Are you well, my Agate?" She asks, not moving from the corner. I nod.

"I'm fine. I was.. not prepared for that outcome. It'll be fine, though."

"Alright." She dips her head, her curly hair hiding her eyes. "May I ask a question?"

"Heh. Don't you suppose that counts as one?" I tease. Dusk chuckles. This, this is what I need her for: the ultimate stress relief. Something about her presence even in the wake of that singularly terrifying Pearl has made me at ease again.

"Of course, Luna." She smiles. "Will we be alright?" She asks that, and the smile fades the tiniest bit. I think for a minute about that. It's not an easy question to answer, the 'we' part of it notwithstanding. She's my Pearl, after all. She goes with me where I go; my mission is her mission, to some extent. Of course it's 'we'.

"I think so. As long as we bring in this.. Fluorite.. I think we'll be okay." Her smile returns, and more brightly than before. "We'll definitely be okay."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Little Talks: Part 1

"..And that's how you tune the radio. It was a little different in my other ship, I think, or in my office, but the principle is the same. If we're lucky, or really unlucky, we'll fly close enough to some elite's ship to hijack their music." She smiles, obviously excited at the prospect. I have to admit that I am as well; the thought of hearing proper _music_ after all her talk of it makes me jitter with eager anticipation. "Is there anything else you think I can explain?"

"I do believe that's it. The controls are otherwise much the same as previous models I've flown. I think I've got that covered."

"Good!" She cheers, sitting back in her chair. "So that's it for now, huh? We just need to find you a worthy planet?"

"Not even a planet. Another deserted asteroid field would be fine by me. The more unusable to Homeworld, the better."

"Oh. Right. And you're really okay with me taking the ship after that?"

"I won't have any need of it, and it only attracts attention. I had to shove the other one out into space, so you taking this one would be much easier." _That_ was a long and complicated process of bastardizing the machine- autopilot wasn't a thing yet.

"But you'll be stranded! What if you need to get away?"

"The goal is to not _need_ to get away." Sardonyx looks away. "It _is_ a risk, but it's one I'd prefer to take than leave an open invitation to Homeworld by keeping the ship. It's why I'm so adamant about finding the best possible place- there's so many risks involved.."

"Ah, that's understandable, I just- I don't know. I'd be scared to leave myself open at all, I- I didn't really consider keeping the ship would be a liability rather than a safeguard.." She keeps her eyes away. I realize that I must've made her feel small with my comment. It wasn't the _goal_..

"That's fine. I've done this a couple times, it's simply.. the way it is. It's what works." I shrug, trying to play it as nothing.

"I understand." She says, a bit more cheerfully, but she doesn't look back up.

"Ah.." I try to think of something to say, something to brighten her up again, but I'm at a blank. I have no more questions, and nothing she ought to hear in return.

"I'll leave you to it, then." She says, and she does look back up to say it. Is that all there is to it, then? Sardonyx stands and walks to the back, to a window. I try not to, but I watch her go. No, no, she seems.. defeated still. She's not alright. But she's not saying anything. What am I to do?

She seems to notice my attention, turning to look at me. Hastily I look away physically, but I keep my far-sight on her, watching like that until she turns back, and a moment after that, too. I don't understand what's wrong, that's all. Just like after her chat with Luna Agate, her despondency- but what's caused it _this_ time?

I don't know. I can't guess it- I can't begin to know what went wrong in the past few minutes. All seemed well, just up until the end there, but I still don't know what _changed_. Maybe it's nothing- maybe this is how she is on space trips- maybe

Maybe I can wait it out. She'll be fine in just a while, I'm sure. I'll just wait.

[X]

Waiting has not helped. It's been- I take another quick look at the clock- five days, seven hours, eight minutes, and three seconds since she sat down, approximately. She's only grown more quiet, more still.

She's said _nothing_. Nor have I. I don't know how to start, or where to.

I can't comprehend what I did that _caused_ this. Instead of spending the past five days, seven hours, twelve minutes and eighteen seconds searching through the systems we're passing, I've been meticulously running my mind through everything I said before and after she started to act dismayed. It doesn't make _sense_. What did I _do_?

Every now and then I look, quickly and quietly inspecting her, but it does not tell me anything about what's happening in her mind. Once upon a time I could feel others' emotions, but I did everything I could to shut that 'gift' off- it was too much of a burden. Now I wish I had it back, if only it would help me understand what was happening to Sardonyx, and why she seems to want nothing to do with me. It has not returned- it's buried too deep- so I'm left wondering.

The thought has crossed my mind that she's simply done with me. She got what she needed from me, and now she's just along for the ride. Or worse- something I did has upset her, and whatever relationship we had has been irrevocably damaged.

Is that it? Something I did, and it ruined our.. our what? She called me her friend- but does that mean anything? Did it ever? And is it over?

I can't see why else she'd sit in the back by the window for five and a half days. That must be it. She hates me. I did _something_ , and now she hates me.

Well. Well, fine! Fine, that's _fine_! I don't need her attention or conversation. I don't need her. I never did- any favors she did me were just that, and they, and _she_ , were never necessary. It was pleasant, sure, but pleasantries are just that, and they are ultimately useless.

So, fine. She hates me. I can live with that. I only need to put up with her quiet, seething rage until I find a suitable home, and then she'll leave, and that'll be that. I can live with my own quiet after she's gone. It'll be perfect again.

I'll just have a few new memories to try to bury. That's fine, too. What's one more month of misery to the thousands of years I've already endured? I can't forget like she can, but I'll do what's worked for me. I'll bury it all. I'll bury it all deep inside, and it, and I, will be safe.

"Phantom?" Sardonyx's voice cuts through the angry, fervent mist of thought in my head. "Are you okay? You keep making this angry sigh.."

"What?" I bark angrily.

"I- You keep making this angry sigh. Is something wrong?" She asks again, her voice small and sweet and gently pleading. I'd almost mistake it for genuine concern.

"You tell me." I say, and attempt to put my focus back on my mission. I don't want to hear what she has to say, suddenly. I was aching for an explanation of any kind just a moment ago, but now I wish she were already gone from me.

"I- what?" She asks, pretending to be confused, and I slam a hand down on the control panel, turning around to face her. She seems shocked, maybe afraid, but what do I care? How much of this, too, is an act?

"Don't act like you don't _know!_ Like you haven't been ignoring me for five _days_!"

"I have? I didn't mean to, I-"

"How do you not _mean_ to be completely silent for _five days_? What else could you possibly be doing, sitting there?" She gapes at me, then closes her mouth, teeth down into her bottom lip, suddenly determined to say nothing. "If I did something _wrong_ , I- I would have thought you mature enough to say something!" I snarl, and turn the chair back around. "But, no, fine, let us sit in this damned little ship in complete silence for the rest of _however long_ it takes for me to be rid of you!"

"I wasn't _ignoring_ you!" Sardonyx says after a moment. "I was just- I didn't realize how much time had passed- I thought you'd say something if you wanted to talk, or you needed me, and- I didn't.. I didn't realize how much time had passed."

"Oh, I believe that.." I tut, disdain quite rampant in my voice.

"I'm serious!"

"So am I! Whatever game you've been playing- you won, I think! You can quite pretending, quit lying, just go back to being quiet, and I'll let you know when you can finally leave me be." I growl, my ire diminishing, and I put my head in my hands.

Sardonyx doesn't say anything, and it's both as I asked and the way I desperately wish it wasn't. I run my hands through my short hair, straightening. I have a nervous habit of messing it up when I'm agitated, and knowing it's out of order distresses me. I need to calm down, need to focus, need to function.

"Phantom.." Sardonyx says slowly, and I turn around again to scowl, but before I can object, the harsh, steady look on her face startles me to silence. "May I explain myself?"

"..Fine." I snap, but there's no energy behind it.

"I really didn't realize that much time had passed. I was.. I was just.. trying to keep out of the way, and, well I thought it'd been a few.. I don't know, hours. I wasn't thinking about it."

"What _were_ you thinking about, then?" I ask, bitter again, and she clamps down on her mouth again, looking away, but the fierce look in her eyes doesn't disappear. "Did I _do_ something, hmm?"

"No! You- you're fine, I was just.. thinking about something." She deflects.

"What, how boring I am, or how rude I am? How much you'd like to get away, hmm?"

"No, _stars_ , no!"

"Then, _what_?"

"I didn't want you to know I was _crying_!" She says, and I realize that determined look is not as strong as I thought it was. That look is desperation. Fierce, yes, but fragile.

"You were-" I don't even get to finish the question.

"Yes! And I didn't want you to know! I didn't want you to see, and think I was weak because I'm crying and I- I can barely remember why! It keeps coming back to me like a building falling down on my head, and then it's gone like dust in an inferno! But I feel the ache no matter what and it's _eating_ me!" Sardonyx cries, and her tears return, though I am ashamed to say I didn't see, didn't _hear_ them before. "I didn't want you to know, so I kept quiet, and- and I'm _sorry_ you thought I was mad or hated you but it's not true and I just wanted.. I just wanted.. not to make a fuss."

She sobs, and I sit here, doing nothing. I don't know what to do- don't know how I let it get this bad. I don't understand, suddenly, how I could misread what was happening, and I feel foolish for it.

"I.. I did not hear.."

"I know, I.. I did that on purpose. I didn't _want_ you to hear. I.. I must be pretty good at it, huh? I must've done this before, but I.. I feel like I had someone with me before.. I.." She wipes a hand across her face, misery obvious.

"4OS." She looks at me blankly. "Your sister.." Her eyes widen, and she nods, and puts a hand to her mouth, looking away. "Sardonyx..?" She looks up again. "I shouldn't have yelled. I shouldn't have assumed I knew what you were doing, or thinking. I'm.. still unused to having a companion, and I.. I should have realized that for someone like you, to lose.. For what happened.. to still bother you." I say, and I hope for it to comfort her, but she looks more downtrodden than ever.

"I didn't want you to know. I didn't.. want you to know I'm so.. weak about these things."

"I don't-"

"But you do! I know it, I saw- you think that caring so much is a weakness, I _know._ I know how you felt about- when you shattered that gem, back on, on the… the.. when you shattered that gem, I cried then. You thought it was stupid that I'd cry then. You must think it's really stupid for me to cry now. There's nothing I can do, and you said.. it's too late, and there was never anything I could do anyway, so.." She sighs. "I didn't want you to think, to know that I'm such a..". She grasps the air, physically searching for the words, but she drops her hands, sighing again, defeated.

"I.. I also said that it's fine to take your time with such feelings. They're difficult, and often irrational, despite our best attempts to curb or control them. At least, that's been my experience.."

"Still, I thought it'd only been hours- it's been days. I've.. I've never lost someone close to me before, and I hoped, and honestly thought I never would, so I'm.. I'm completely unprepared." At last, Sardonyx looks up at me, but her gaze is heavy. "Have you ever..?" Does she remember that I told her about the other Fluorites? The way she asks, I'd think no.

"I.. I had facet mates, once. But we were never given any time to grow close. We were kept apart, studied apart, or shattered immediately. I always felt like I was alone, even on those rare occasions we _were_ brought together. So.. not really. I was.. sad, I think. But I was more afraid than sad. I didn't know them well enough to miss them, and whatever sympathy I had was often.. drowned out by relief that it wasn't me. I'm.. I was never like you. I never.." I explain, but how do I say that I never cared about them _personally_? I didn't like them- I didn't _know_ them. I suppose I didn't hate them, either, but is that the same thing?

"I hope you never do. It's awful. I.. I just don't know how to move on, or.. how to move on without completely forgetting her, and everything that's happened. I want to hold on to the memory of her, but it hurts. It hurts so.. so _much_."

"Tell me about her." I remember that she seemed to brighten when she talked about 4OS earlier, when she forced herself to remember something else about her.

"I.. I don't know what to say."

"Start.. start at the beginning. What's the first thing you remember?" That's how she had me tell my story, wasn't it?

"The first thing..". She says, and her eyes seem distant for a moment as she remembers.. something. "I think I remember waking up. I.. I was scared at first, in the dark, and I.. I don't know how, but suddenly I was out of the rock, and.. and it was so bright. And suddenly, something fell on my head. It was her. She formed two spaces up from me, and she fell right out of her hole onto me!

I.. I kind of remember.. looking at her the first time, and I felt.. happy. So happy. I don't know why. Maybe she smiled at me first, or maybe it was just the ridiculous nature of what had happened, but I started smiling and then I started laughing, and she joined in.. and then, I don't think we were ever apart after that..

I.. I couldn't remember that before. Why couldn't I remember that just a moment ago?" She seems cheerful again, reminiscing, but her solemn expression returns with a quizzical overtone.

"I don't know. It's certainly interesting how your mind and memories work, but I don't think I can make sense of it, not without having the same experience, and I can't.." I press my hands together, nervous.

"Oh, it's fine. I've lived this long without even realizing it, I guess. I'll be fine. But, uh..". Sardonyx trails off, thinking for a moment. "I'm sorry being quiet so long made you think I was mad, or something. I- I really didn't mean to make you think that, or, or allow that to happen.."

"Sardonyx, why do you apologize so much? I know I asked before, and you said.. you said 'it's what you do when you regret something', but what does that mean?" I suddenly have to know. From my point of view, I'm the one who acted irrationally, but she's the one who's apologized, what, twice, three times now?

"I don't know. I feel bad. And I want you to know that it wasn't on purpose, that I regret that this came to pass. I.. It was wrong." She shrugs.

"Wrong?"

"Well, I think that's the other part of saying you're sorry. It's admitting you were wrong, and you know that now, if you didn't when you made the mistake, and that you regret it. I think it also means that you want to try to fix it. So.. so when I said I'm sorry for being too quiet, I.. well, no, I guess that doesn't make sense like that, ah.." She bites her lip again, looking out the window, like it might have the answer. "B-but I think it also means, sometimes, that even when things aren't your fault, that you wish they could have been better, that you could've helped make it better somehow. So, so then, when I say I'm sorry for being so quiet and you thought I was mad, I mean that I _didn't_ mean for you to think that, and I want you to understand that I'm not mad, and that I want to make up for it, even if it's my.. deficiency's fault, and not my choices that caused that misunderstanding.. if that makes sense."

"I think I understand." I nod. It makes sense. I've felt a number of those things since meeting her, I believe. So perhaps an apology of my own is in order? I've never had to admit that I was _wrong_ before. Maybe I can start small. I look up from my hands to see that she's already turned back to the window. "Ah, Sardonyx?"

"Uh, yes?" She turns back, surprised.

"I-" I try to start, but the words seem caught, so I clear my throat and start again:

"I'm.. sorry for what happened to your sister." It takes a minute to spit out, but I manage. It's true, so why is it so difficult? I do regret that 4OS was shattered, even though there was nothing I could do to make the situation better. I don't enjoy the way it's made my Sardonyx, 2OS, feel.

"Thank you. I'm sorry too. I think she'd have liked you, you know." Sardonyx smiles, looking me up and down.

"W- why do you say that?"

"For one, you're purple. She really liked purple. And, I don't know. I like you, so I guess I just hope she'd have liked you too."

"You- you _what_?" Of all the absurd things she's said, this is perhaps the _most ridiculous_.

"What?" She seems just as puzzled as I am.

"How- _why_ would you 'like' me?"

"Because you've been nice? Because you saved me? I don't know, I just do. I mean.. You're my friend, aren't you? Why would you be my friend if I didn't like you?" She laughs.

"Sardonyx, I.. I have been- We've- You are-" I don't even know what I'm trying to say. "What even is a 'friend'? Because I have never been one before, and I'm not sure what it entails, and.. I do not understand how I came to achieve this title."

"I.. uh." She blanks. "That's a good question, uh.. A friend is.. someone you like a lot. They.. they talk together, and try to be nice to each other because they like one another. They do things they like together.. Ah.. They try to help each other when they're struggling with something, like tasks or feelings.. And I think we've done just about all of those things, so I guess we're friends. At the very least we're 'allies'."

"Sardonyx, do you remember that I tried to _shatter_ you when we first met? That I later shattered a Quartz when you wanted to send her back to Homeworld? That I keep shouting and getting angry at you for the simplest and smallest of things? That I have literally never helped you do a single thing? I was, _just moments ago_ , yelling at you for a tiny misunderstanding beyond your control. How in any way am I your friend?" I say, my voice rising, but Sardonyx sits there calmly, infuriating me all the more.

"I.. those things are true, well, some of them. But you also keep trying to cheer me up. I remember, on the ship with the.. the others.. You kept doing your best to raise my spirits, and it worked. And now, I was sad about, uh.. my sister, and you gave your point of view on the matter in an attempt to comfort me, and it worked. And you.. you sort of apologized for yelling, just now at least. And you saved me. I was perfectly willing to let it all end, and you saved me. And I'm pretty sure you didn't need me. And you still don't. You did that because.. you thought it was the right thing to do, maybe because you cared. I don't know, but..

I think that.. for never having been or had a friend before, you're definitely trying your best, and doing a pretty good job. I like that you keep trying. I like you." Sardonyx smiles, and it's the most genuinely happy expression I've seen grace her.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Little Talks: Part 2

I feel my face flush and I look away, unsure how exactly to deal with such an expression directed at myself. No one has ever smiled pleasantly at me before, and Sardonyx herself has never done so quite like this, so enthusiastically. If I've ever received a smile, it was one that delighted in my agony, but here, on her, I know she means no harm by it. Even with her sharp, angled teeth that once threatened me, I somehow know that she means no harm now.

It's completely overwhelming by itself, that smile, but the _sentiment_ behind it- that she enjoys my existence- well, I can hardly comprehend it. That, too, is a thought I could never have hoped for, would never have dreamed of. If anyone ever appreciated me before, it was that they enjoyed watching me suffer, or causing others to suffer. She's just explained herself, yet I can't find a reason for her to feel the way she does.

She's mad. That's what she is- completely insane. This behavior, these statements, they don't make any sense in a rational, cruel world. They don't make sense, not in my world, not the way everything else has always happened. Not to me.

"I don't expect you to feel the same way, of course." She says, and I snap my attention back to her. She's gazing whimsically out the window again. Starlight specks glitter across her gem and glassy eyes- did I fail to notice that just a moment ago? "I know I'm kind of the odd one out on that. I'd never ask you to try and reciprocate, or anything."

Great. What do I say to that? 'Thanks, that's good, because I don't.'? Or should I lie, 'Oh no, I do, don't worry!'?

But then it begs the question: Is it a lie? If I were to tell her the same, would it be a truth, or a falsehood?

I don't know. I don't know, and it feels like the whole ship is spinning around me. Every defense mechanism I ever built for myself is screaming at me that this is a trap. This is dangerous- _she_ is dangerous. She invites so many ideas and feelings, and they are new, uncharted territory for me. New is always bad. New is always _deadly_.

"Can we talk about something else?" I say. It's the only thing to do. Ignore this new idea, and go back to something more familiar. Anything.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.. I can just be quiet if-"

"No. I'd like to talk, I- I would. Just.. something else." I ask, turning the chair back around so I can once more attempt to focus on the task at hand.

"Okay." Sardonyx acquiesces, and then goes silent, perhaps thinking of something to say. I fiddle with the control panel before me, tapping on the galaxies we're passing by, hoping to find something work looking at.

"Have you found anything?"

"No. I-" I was a bit distracted by all the quiet. All the new thoughts, and all the old ones, too. "It looks like Homeworld has information on all the places we've been passing by, which means they might come back. Which means it's no good." I explain. That's also true, but I could have been looking at the galaxies further out from us on the map. I simply haven't. Every time I tried to absorb myself in the task, thoughts of her intruded, taking prominence over the map and my task and my mind. Infuriating.

"Have you tried using the search function to help?" She suggests.

"The what?"

"Well, it sounds like you're using the map to look at data found in the databases, rather than searching the database itself. I don't think I realized how you intended to use the map, or I'd have suggested it earlier.." She chuckles, but it's a disenchanted laugh, one that speaks of self-degradation and disappointment.

"That's fine. Would you care to show me now? If it makes this easier, I'm all for the suggestion." I try to sound polite, interested, and eager, but I'm not sure that I manage. Still, I hear Sardonyx come forward, coming to stand at my left. I'm not sure if she's doing it on purpose, but she always seems to make sure she's standing to that side, where I can see her.

With a double tap on the screen, a new window pops up. There's a symbol and a bar sitting at the top, but I'm unfamiliar with the symbol. She taps into the bar, though, and a keyboard comes up.

"This is the search function. It's attached to the ship's database, which is downloaded from the main ship's, and that one is attached or downloaded from our empire-wide network, and it's updated every time the main ship lands and connects to a planet's personal network. We have access to whatever's on this ship, but if we were to open the range to connect to the network itself, we'd have access to the entire database, so long as we knew where to look and had the authority to.

But they'd be able to see we were looking if we did that, so it's probably best not to do that. What's on the ship should be all we need. Just type in here to set your search parameters.. And you're good to go! So what kind of planet or system are you searching for?"

"I want something that Homeworld hasn't even looked at before. I want something distant, remote, and would appear completely useless to them. Something not rich in resources, a.. a dead planet, I suppose. Nothing organic, nothing interesting." I explain. She nods, pursing her lips in thought.

"Okay. So, you're not gonna find any planets or systems searching the traditional way. If you search for planets the regular way, it'll only pull up systems we have visited, because, well, we've got data on them. A lot of times, though, they'll make note of the systems around the ones we send probes to, but they don't actually investigate. We mark those planets on our starmaps, but they don't have any assigned data. But we can't have empty entries, so they file them under 'zero'. As in, zero information. That should find you systems we can personally visit and investigate." She explains, beaming. I raise my eyebrow in confused wonder.

"How is it you can remember something complicated like that at will, but not..?"

"Oh.. I don't know." The smile slowly fades as she realizes the disparity. "I.. I suppose I.. I use technology similar to this more often than I reminisce, but.. I don't know."

"I didn't mean to upset you, I just- it's interesting, is all."

"I agree. I just wish I could control it better." She sighs. I wish I had a solution, but I don't. "What about your powers?"

"Ah.."

"Sorry, I know you were secretive before, but I figured that was… well, you don't have to say anything, if you don't want to." She says, leaning on the control panel, eyes down on the map and the search, typing in '0', and nothing else. A list of two or three dozen systems pop up immediately, ranging from within a few days to a few months of travel away. "There you go. Plenty of choices to start with. The ship can scan the system itself, but not the individual planets, and it'll be more accurate the closer we are. I think."

"This is.. amazing. Thank you." I say, glancing at the list. When I look back up, Sardonyx seems shocked. "What?"

"You said- you said thank you." She blinks a couple times.

"I.. did. I believe the common response is 'you're welcome'."

"I- ha!" She laughs suddenly, doubling over, a hand to her face.

"What?" I ask, laughing a bit myself.

"I don't know- I didn't think you were capable of, of teasing, you know, _humor_." She smiles. "It caught me by surprise. I didn't know you could smile, either." She pats a hand to her cheek, leaning forward, hair draping over her shoulders.

Absentmindedly, I put a hand to my face, mimicking her, to find my cheeks drawn back in what is indeed a genuine smile. I hadn't even noticed.

"I don't suppose I knew I could, until recently." I chuckle.

"Should I leave you to your search for real, this time?"

"No, no, you can stay. I would like it if you stay." I tell her, and I can't explain why, not if my life depended on it. How could it be that just a few moments ago I was so infuriated by her? That I couldn't wait for her to fly this blasted ship away into stars' only know what kind of trouble? It doesn't seem possible, not when she's so.. whatever she is. I can't explain her. She's a mystery.

She's a rogue noble with a large capacity for compassion, who fights with swords and words both. She is kind, but she does not lie back when hurt herself. How many times have I been unreasonable that she did not accept such behavior? And yet she's so accepting of my point of view, going so far as to say she understands why I attempted to _kill_ her. She's a mystery, indeed.

"Say, Sardonyx?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did you learn to fight?"

"I don't know. I don't know if I ever did learn properly. I've been running mostly on instinct, really, but I'm sure you could tell.." She does that little chuckle again..

"I, well, I could, yes. There's some practice there, though. It's just a bit sloppy, is all. It served you well when we had them all surprised, but that one Amethyst at the end- she was trained, and better than you were. If I hadn't- Well, you've been getting lucky. I was just wondering where you learned what you do know.." Her technique is lacking, but she seems to know how to read her foes, and she reacts well enough that she hasn't died, at least. That comes with training- instinct only gets you so far.

"I.. I don't remember. I.. The first time I remember summoning my sword… Not against you, it was a time just before then, I think, but I don't remember it clearly. I don't think I knew I could do it.." She puts a hand on her head, like holding her gem will make the memories come easier. "I definitely don't remember any kind of education on it, or who would even go to the trouble of teaching someone like me self defense.."

"Someone definitely did, though. Is it possible you taught yourself?" I suggest.

"Maybe. I.. I don't think I had a _lot_ of free time, but if I did, I'd have spent it with.." She paws the air, reaching for the number of her sister.

"4OS?" I supply.

"Yes." She nods. "And I'm fairly certain she didn't know how to fight. I don't even think she had a weapon- most nobles don't, after all. An elite might, but us middle classes? I'm almost certain I'm just exceptionally bizarre." She shakes her head, her hand lingering on the orange stripe of her gem.

"You might be." I shrug. "Like I was." She looks at me a little blankly, then her eyes widen at recall.

"That's right. You had other Fluorites- and now you're the last, too."

"Although, somewhere out there, there are other facets of Sardonyxes, I'm sure. You're not completely alone, in that way."

"I don't think I ever knew any of them, though. It's like how you said Pearls have the same function you all were supposed to have, but you don't feel any kinship with them, do you?" She asks, and I shake my head.

"Not particularly, no."

"Not that I'm really keen on feeling like the last one, of course. But we're not alone. We're together."

"For now, at least." I remind her. I have plans to hide away forever- she wants to join a war. There's no compromise between those two situations.

"For now, you're right." She nods, and looks away, her cheer dimming just a touch. I look down at the control panel, tapping through the list her search has procured. But something else nags at my mind, yet again making focus impossible.

"Do you suppose you'll remember me, after you leave?" I ask without looking up.

"I.. I don't know." Without raising my head, I look up at her. Sardonyx's gaze.. seems distant, and her thoughts moreso. Her expression is blank, mild with thoughtfulness. "I think I'd like to."

"Despite all the horrible things that happened since we met?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so. It hasn't all been bad. There's been good moments. And most of the bad moments weren't your fault."

"What about the ones that were?"

"They make the good moments all the sweeter." She snaps out of her melancholy, chuckling. "That probably doesn't make any sense, does it?"

"Not a bit." I shake my head, but I smile. She's a mystery, but I do like a good mystery. There's nothing more satisfying than figuring something out, than discovering something that was previously hidden from me. Maybe that applies to people, as well.

"So, then, do you know a lot about fighting?" Sardonyx asks.

"Only what I've observed, and, well, I had experience from being forced to participate in White Diamond's arena. You learn pretty quickly when your life depends on it." I shrug.

"So.. she had you fight other gems?" She asks, obviously disturbed. I nod. "That's horrible.. "

"It was. I doubt she does it still- I don't think you'd be so horrified if this wasn't the first you'd heard of it."

"Well, no one knows what she's up to, but.. She can't realistically have had her whole court fight to the death. Someone has to fly her ship. _She's_ not likely to do it." Sardonyx says bitterly, and it's my turn to laugh at _her_ remark. "What?"

"I just- that's such a spot on interpretation of her character- and the way you _said_ it-! It's like you knew her personally.." I chuckle, shaking my head.

"I don't _think_ I did.. I just think it's preposterous how little they're rumored to do for themselves, excluding maybe Yellow. They say she's a hands-on leader, and prefers to do most things herself, but the others.. they supposedly really, really like being waited on. Expect it. Demand it, even." She rolls her eyes. "For 'perfect' beings, they're so _pompous_."

"Stars _above_ , tell me how you _really_ feel, Sardonyx." I joke. She giggles, shrugging. "Ah, but, yes, that's quite accurate. But more to the point, I did learn a lot there, and I put it to good use when I made my escape."

"Do you.. No, that's dumb." She sighs, pushing off the control panel, walking back into the open back space of the ship.

"What? What's dumb?" I ask, turning in the chair before standing to follow shortly after.

"I was going to ask if you could teach me a few things, but that's silly. There's not enough room in here, and you've got something you should be focusing on." Sardonyx points back at the control panel, the list beckoning. She's not _wrong_..

"There's plenty of room in here.. this ship looks like it was made to house Quartzes, and we've got plenty of time, too. The closest one is a few _days away_. We'll choose one, set our course, and then.." I shrug. "I could show you some things. After all, if we get in another fight, stars willing we _don't_ , I can't pick up all your slack. It does us both good- and weren't you asking for a distraction earlier?" I suggest, attempting her easy cheerful attitude. She beams, my attempt appearing to be successful.

"Would you _really_?" She asks, her brilliantly pointed teeth once more seeming simply charming to me, at least, when they're paired with such brightly hopeful eyes. So eager, so hopeful, and her energy is, well, calling it infectious would be putting it lightly. I find myself just as excited, just as eager.

"Yes, yes, but first, let's choose a destination.."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Eager Machinations

My sword clashes against Phantom's just in time- they could have lopped my head off- but once more I'm distracted by the sword, and fail to notice their kick until it's already delivered. I fall flat on my rear once again, dropping my sword. It disappears after clattering for a moment, and Phantom shakes their head.

"You're getting better at blocking, but you're not moving quickly enough to make _use_ of the opening that might follow. Come, come, again." They gesture for me to stand, and wearily I do, summoning my sword again. "Now, remember: Your sword is _short_. It is made to be _quick_. Enemies with larger, heavier weapons will leave themselves open to attacks, however briefly. Wielding a sword like this, your only task is to find and use every opening on your enemy. You must be fast, furious, and overwhelming. You can't fight like you're using a longsword or an axe yourself.. Shall we go slowly again?"

I just nod, getting into position. Phantom is demonstrating using the second sword I can summon, making it easier to see exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Still, I feel like they've got the upperhand here. They're naturally quicker than me, and their reach is significantly longer than my own. I suppose, though, that the same could be said of any gem I might have to fight, like the Amethyst that Phantom keeps reminding me about.

"Stance, low. Keep your weight on the front parts of your feet- be prepared to move at any moment, in any direction. Watch your enemy _always_." Phantom says, doing what they're saying as they're saying it. I mimic them- after doing it so many times it's gotten easier, but it's obvious that Phantom has had so much more practice at this- a fact that both frustrates and saddens me.

"Feel your sword. It's an extension of you, literally." How can Phantom say that so knowingly when they don't have a weapon themself? "Trust it. Trust your weapon, your arm, your whole form." I try to, _stars_ do I try to. I feel energetic, but in the antsy, nervous kind of way. But Phantom said we'd take it slow again, so I try to calm myself.

"Now.. if I move like this.." Phantom takes a slow step forward, going through the motion of a sideways hack, a blow that would cut through my hips or ribs if they were really trying.

"I would move like this.." I extend my arm out, carrying out the blocking technique Phantom showed me earlier. They nod.

"And then..?"

"A- assuming they've got a heavier class weapon, I'd push them back, which should halt them, and attack-" I go through each step word by word, playing out the scenario, my sword stopping within a foot of Phantom. They nod, eye on the sword.

Slowly, they make me go through a few dozen different scenarios, some of them multiple times, the more complicated ones tripping me up. I'm not sure if Phantom's intent is for me to memorize these, or just build some sort of body memory, going through these scenes and motions so carefully, so consistently. But they're patient with me regardless, the past few days disappearing in a blur of technique and swordplay.

"Now, faster." Phantom commands, and they begin a hastier, more realistic attack. Wordlessly, we run through what I presume are the same scenarios, but the more we do, the faster they go, the hazier it all gets to me. And, again, when Phantom starts to fight like they mean it, I fail.

"Ugh! I'll _never_ get this!" I tug at my hair, disappointed and agitated that I can't seem to keep up. Phantom sighs.

"Not with that attitude." They comment. "You've been at this a few _days,_ Sardonyx. Your first fight was, what? Two weeks ago? Mine was a few days after I woke up, and I've been fighting ever since. When you need it to survive, you'll get it."

"Or I won't, and I'll get us both shattered!" I gripe. Phantom elects not to comment, simply sighing again. I pull my hair in front of my face, and just lay on the floor.

"Let's.. take a break. You _have_ improved, Sardonyx. It takes time and practice, and, unfortunately, sometimes necessity. If you keep practicing, you'll keep improving." Phantom reassures me, but they sound tired. My head feels buzzy and unclear- I have no doubt Phantom's said this to me before, but the past few days are a blurry, bleary mess of repeated motion and blades clashing.

"I'm sorry I'm being so pessimistic about this- I'm trying my best but it's just not.. coming easily." I sit up, running my fingers through my hair, slowly removing it from my vision. Phantom sits in the main chair, chin resting on one hand.

"It's fine, Sardonyx. It's hard, and you've been patient so far. I.. I suppose it must be much harder for you to learn something like this as quickly as I'm trying to teach it, and I am, at times, overeager. I think you're doing a fine job."

"Thank you. I'm really grateful, by the way."

"I know. You keep saying." Phantom chuckles tiredly. I blush- how many times have I said _that_? I don't get to apologize though, as a beeping from the console distract us both. I jump to my feet, and Phantom turns the chair round. "Ah, we're nearly to the first system. We should be in range to scan it, don't you think?"

"I would think so." I say. Truthfully, we might've been able to scan it hours ago, but I'm not entirely sure about the range-effectiveness of these ships. The map and autopilot function say we're only a few hours out from the system itself, but the sun in the center is visible already, a burst of light about the size of my hand in our front window. "Think it'll be a good one?"

"There's no knowing until we scan it.." Phantom says, opening up the corresponding program. Part of me hopes that we've found them someplace to stay, where they'll be safe for a very long time, hopefully forever. But, a selfish part of me, and a very large part of me at that, hopes that it'll be too interesting, and that we'll have to keep looking for a while longer. I've come to greatly enjoy our talks, our spars, however difficult they've been, and I'm already dreading having to finally leave them.

The program runs quietly, gathering data through whatever means, and Phantom and I sit much the same. We're both eager, though I'm sure for different reasons. I glance at them quickly, and hope silently that, somehow, they feel just a little bit the same. I gasp when the program dings, signalling its completion. I let Phantom read the results, anticipation making it too hard to focus.

"Ah." Phantom lets out a sigh.

"What? Is it bad?"

"Most of the planets are gas giants. The one that isn't is rich in iron and titanium, amongst a few other useful resources."

"So that's.. that's a no?"

"Unfortunately." They nod. "On to the next?"

"Absolutely. I guess you get to kick me on my butt for a few more days." I joke, but Phantom doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as I do. "Of course, you don't, uh, you don't _have_ to."

"Oh, I'm just a bit tired. Give me a few hours, we can continue." They say, reading through the list of 'zero' planets, looking for our next prospect. I nod, and go to sit in the back for a while. Phantom did say we should take a break anyway. Maybe when we come back to it, something will click that didn't before.

But, as with every moment away from heavy distraction, unpleasant memories swarm through my head, weighing me down. Like a ghost, my sister's dying image haunts my memory, the only thing I can't seem to forget. I can't remember her numbers, but I can remember the sick crack as she-

I shake my head, trying to dispel the thought, the sound. But it plays anyway, over and over in my head, like a horrible, evil song. What I wouldn't give to have a _real_ song to drown it out-

As if on cue, a gift of fortuitous events from the universe, a staticy warble of a tune wafts through the console and out into the ship. I lean back, trying to hear what song it is, as if I might recognize it. It is chillingly familiar, but if I ever knew it's name, I don't anymore. Still, I remember enough of it to hum along.

"Sardonyx, is this..?" Phantom starts to ask, but the words fade away in breathless wonder. I turn to see Phantom leaning back in the chair, facing me, but completely and utterly at ease. As if we could have asked for any further blessing, the sound clears itself of static, leaving a pure rendition of a lovely, slow but pleasant tune.

Hesitant to ruin the moment, but too happy to ignore my instinct to join in, I start humming along. I don't know where I know it from, but each sound comes easily and in time, and it just feels _nice_ to contribute. It's a simple song, but it flows so pleasantly-

A new element reveals itself, changing the entire mood, somehow. It's Phantom- instead of copying the sounds of the song, they're adding their own tune to it, overtop what's already there. Their dry, rich voice contrasts the light, high, sweet tune of the song, but it _strengthens_ it, too. It's my turn to be absorbed in wonder, hearing the old and the new combine into something more magical than I think either could be alone.

The radio eventually cuts out again, and we both sit in reverent silence.

"Aha- oh my _stars_ , that was _amazing_!" I can't help but laugh out, Phantom startled upright by the sound. They grin shyly and then unabashed, laughing.

"That was _beautiful_! I've never- Ah!" They put a hand to their face. "Something like _that_ came from _Homeworld_?" I nod.

"But you- you made it- I don't even know! It was just _magic_ , Phantom! How did you- on the spot like that- I can't comprehend doing something like that in a million years but you- How did you _do_ that?" Phantom shrugs.

"It just felt right." They say, shaking their head. "And it felt _so_ right- I thought it was a marvel when you did it, but, but _that_ \- oh, what I wouldn't give to get my hands on whatever made those sounds, oh, I'd- I'd- I don't know what I'd do, but it would be spectacular!" I've never seen them so energized, so excited, so _happy_ , and I can't stop grinning either.

"I've no doubt! If I knew how I'd make you something, but I- the only thing I'm familiar with is the harp, and we don't have any materials.. Oh, but wouldn't it just be grand? I'd bet you could do something more amazing than anyone from Homeworld could- I mean, the way you took to it.." I give a sigh, completely enthralled with the memory of the moment. Phantom's grin, however, fades the slightest bit.

"You- you don't really think that, do you?" They ask.

"I do! I mean- Listen, I don't know anything about music, but neither did you, and you _did_ that- with just your voice you completely transformed something someone else made- if you had your own materials I- I can't imagine it would be anything less than completely marvelous. I mean- I'm sure it would take time, of course, and experimenting, and such, but still, you just- you understood it somehow in a way that I didn't and you- you had so much _power_ over it- with your own time and sensibility I really think you could do something amazing. A-and considering how limited Homeworld standards are, you could do _literally anything_! You'd be so much freer than a loyalist composer because the only thing limiting _you_ is time and experience. I _wish_ I could hear the music you would make.." I drop my cheek into my hand, still grinning. Phantom's own has returned, with a heavy violet blush.

"I don't- I was only.." They try to demure, but they can't seem to finish.

"That was amazing, and you know it." I tease them. They shrug. "No, I'm serious! You're amazing, Phantom!"

Phantom doesn't say anything, only looks away, their smile half-grim and half-grin. I feel my own mirth at the marvel.. diminishing, worried I've done something wrong. But the more I look at Phantom, their lonely eye focused on anything but me, the more I think that it's tied to the everything that came before.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I ask sadly.

"It's- it's not that I don't want to. I just can't believe- I don't know how to-" And with that the smile is entirely gone. "I do want to believe you. I want nothing more than to think I could _create_ , and create something _good_. For so long I- I've only ever destroyed. I didn't- I don't think I even realized how much I hated it, until just now.."

"Phantom?" I ask the growing silence.

"Forgive me, I- I will find our next destination." They mumble and turn back to the console. I sigh, sad for them, but I don't know how to help them, don't know what to say that'll make them believe something they've been more or less trained to think is impossible. Maybe if I just _say_ it enough.. Maybe if I believe it for them, they'll come to see it.

It's silly, it's a touch absurd- but what about our time together hasn't been absurd?

It's a promise, then. A new promise, just for Phantom. I'll help them see that they can be more than Homeworld tried to make them be. We both can.

I believe that, at least.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: Temporary

After my melancholy episode, I chose a new destination, sent us off, and turned back to Sardonyx to start her lesson over. I expected her to be sad, or contemplative, or anything but what she actually was: smiling brightly. It took me entirely by surprise. I couldn't react for nearly a fully minute while I was trying to understand why she would possibly be acting this way.

But eventually I gave up, and we proceeded with the lesson.

In the days since, she has grown significantly more confident with her weapon, even if it still frustrates her from time to time. I am more certain than ever that someone did indeed train her, once upon a time, as there are moments where she makes a connection that _I_ did not show her that would clearly need previous demonstrations, or at least observations, as I have had. She cannot recall any such tutoring, though, so I don't press the matter. It must be something buried deep in her mind, but it _is_ there.

One thing that bothers me, though, is that she refuses to stop smiling at me.

It's not like before, when she would sometimes smile in my direction, sharing with me something ultimately for and about herself. A smile would be a gift then, something shared, yes, but small and short-lived and scarce. No, since that moment with the music, every time she looks me in the eye she starts to grin. It doesn't matter if it's in the middle of a demonstration, a conversation, or even a full-on spar- if our eyes meet, she smiles a smile that bunches up her eyes and cheeks, distorting her whole face in pleasantry.

It's not that she's smiling that bothers me, it's not even how it makes me want to smile back- though that is maddening as well- I just don't understand why she's doing it so much. I thought she was mad when she did it once, said she 'liked' me, but it's _dizzying_ to see, and see over and over again. Were it not for several thousand years of instinct, there would be multiple occasions in our spars where I failed to respond to an attack due to that simple act, a strange desire to take it in in full, over and over again.

How can a flash of teeth be so knee-buckling?

The smile is the most disarming, but there's been a change in nearly everything she does. Everything seems _lighter_. Even when one of us is blatantly upset, it's so much _easier_ than before. I had to argue with myself about the virtues and vices of _considering_ telling her things before, and now I do not hesitate. I don't even think about it. Nor does she. If I had any thought she did, she definitely does not now. I speak. She speaks. It's so _easy_.

I am surprised by how often I can smile back, or _laugh_. Both these things that were once bitter are now sweet and casual and common, and they seem to somehow, impossibly, only be growing to be moreso each and every moment.

I think I'm addicted to it.

[X]

We check planet after planet, and none of them suit me. They're either uninhabitable, or too interesting to be considered safe. I ought to be furious, or frustrated, but I find myself relieved, mostly. There is mild irritation each time we arrive at a new system and it yields nothing, a reminder that my desperate search must yet continue, but a single look at Sardonyx and I-

I can't be mad.

She'll be disappointed, certainly, on my behalf, but she'll smile, like she's glad to have me for a little bit more, and I can't be mad. I just can't.

The last few planets, I've even found myself dreading we'll find the one inhabitable, boring planet in the universe for me to hide on, and it'll all be over. That- That is madness itself, but it's a madness I'll embrace a little while longer.

Music does not return to us over the radio, but I've caught Sardonyx humming on her own again. Each time, I want to join in, but each time I resist- I get caught up in the memory of the way she was so.. so enamored with the idea of 'my' music. I get excited about the prospect all over again, but I can't bring myself to add my thoughts to the matter, afraid she'll have changed her mind, or worse, she won't have.

But even in moments where she and the radio are both silent, it hums and buzzes and dances in my head, so many thoughts and ideas and sounds bouncing around ready to burst forth into the world, if only I had the medium for it. If only, if only. It sings through my mind like- like things I don't even have words for yet. And it is a 'yet', for I plan to discover more of what music can be, one way or another.

[X]

There is a new element: Dancing. Sardonyx has enlightened me once more about the artistic developments of Homeworld, limited though they may be. She was humming again, and I was almost brave enough to join in, somehow, but I turned to see her and she was moving in the most peculiar way- the way the music _sounded_.

This she had even greater trouble explaining, but she did her best, and once more I find myself enamored with the new concept. I dare not try this, either, not when to err would be so embarrassing, but I listen wholeheartedly to her explanations and timid demonstrations. It seems she is just as shy as I am to be on display with such an unfamiliar art. But like with music, small compositions come sparking to life in my mind, and I find myself aching to test it out.

I am further impressed by her growing ability to wield her weapon- our practice has done her much good, and I've no doubt that I'd be hard-pressed to actually beat her in a fair fight. I expect that any well-trained soldier would struggle against her, and if her luck in combat remains consistent, she will be a difficult adversary indeed. I only wish I could show her how to use two at a time, but her limit is three at a time, and that much provides a significant strain, making any attempt at practice nearly useless, almost more detrimental than the attempt is worth. Each time she has tried, she needed significant resting time before she was able to try again, but like many things, I suspect that if she desperately _needed_ to, she'd find a way to make it work.

In the long pauses, though, I have tempered a new talent of my own: making her laugh. It's a charming, delightful sound, and so easily, enthusiastically produced. My sideways comments earlier were only the start: she seems to quite enjoy the way I comment and tell stories, and my attempts at 'jokes' have met with fair success! I have had her fall to her knees with full, breathless laughter, and have only stopped when she was absolutely begging for relief. That was rather nerve-wracking the first few times, but now I know it's just a strange but pleasant reaction, and I enjoy the work of earning it. The reward of seeing her, _hearing_ her so delighted- ah, it's a small bliss.

All these things combined, lessons, music, dancing, jokes, laughter- it's all so new and nice and- I don't know how I ever considered myself alive before. This is-

I'm afraid to say goodbye. Why must we? Does this _have_ to end? This is so much _better_ than being alone, than being miserable and angry and afraid and _alone_. I don't want it to end- I don't want say goodbye to her, nor to all these new ideas that have significantly brightened my life and view of things. Why must it end?

I don't think it needs to. Not anymore. I was desperate to be alone- to be alone was to be safe, or the safest I thought possible, but I see know that it is not _enjoyable_. This, her- this is enjoyable. This is a life I would look forward to living, if only I could figure out how to make it work. Would she stay in one place with me? Could I travel to Earth with her?

It would be difficult, either way. So much work on one or both of our parts- could we do it? Adapt, and adapt to each other permanently? How could I convince her it would be worth her while, as I see it to be mine?

She's resting right now. Maybe.. maybe I can come up with a way to broach the subject with her. Maybe she'll stay. Maybe I'll go with her.. Maybe...

(\\)

I open my eyes, unsure how long I've been resting, thinking. What were we doing before? We were doing something, I'm sure, but I've been here for.. A while. Yes. And I don't remember the 'before' anymore. I might as well have always been here, on the floor in the back of some ship, stolen from.. someone.. because I don't remember what either of us were doing before.

I don't know how I got here. I don't know what brought me to this moment.

So.. what do I know?

Phantom hasn't said anything in a long time that I can remember, and I haven't heard them thinking aloud as they sometimes do. Or I think they do- I can't exactly remember any particular instances, but I feel like it wouldn't be unexpected. I feel like it's something I've experienced before. I'm not sure, but I don't think I've felt the ship slow or change directions recently, either, and the relative stillness of it was what caught my attention. I sit up to look around, to try to jog my memory.

Phantom is still at the console, right where I left them- I think-, but they're quiet and still and it's unlike them. They're usually- or so I feel is correct- one or the other, but never quite both. It's alarming to be suddenly aware of a moment in which they are _definitely_ both. They haven't been both since- well, I'm pretty certain it's been a while. Last time was, as far as I can remember, not a good time. So: alarming, and cause for concern.

Slowly, I stand from my resting position, curious and concerned. I slowly approach, waiting for them to give some sign of hearing or knowing, as they always seem to, or so I think. I'm so nervous, moving towards them in the quiet like I'm _sure_ I've never done, afraid to both be heard and go unheard. I'm worried, but do I have cause to be?

I reach out to put a hand on their shoulder, barely managing a 'hey', when-

[x]

I reel at the touch- _pain_ \- whirling backward out of the chair, into the wall, _anywhere_ , so long as it is not _touch_.

Her eyes are wide, pained, horrified- but what are those compared to their fullness? What does her expression _matter_ when everything I experience is so much _deeper?_ Her expression reads as pain- my _life_ is pain.

" _Don't_ _ **touch**_ _me."_ I hiss, still ground into the wall, but she only comes closer, her hands and eyes stretched wide.

"Phantom, I-" She starts, but I cut her off with a sneer and a snarl.

"You _what?_ You're _sorry_?" I bark, and her offending hands retreat, afraid. _Good_. She ought to be afraid. "Sorry means _nothing_! Sorry is just a word, and you're a fool if you think it somehow undoes any damage real _action_ causes!"

"Phantom, please, I don't understand where this is coming from-"

"And you don't need to!" I snarl again, shoving her back on instinct, metal rattling around us- how dare she come close? How dare she think herself safe from me? She recoils, and rightfully so. "Who do you think you are?!"

"I'm your friend- I thought we were-"

"Would you listen to yourself?! Do you know what you sound like? You sound like a fool! And an _idiot_! And what even is a 'friend'? What does having a friend accomplish? What does it matter? 'Caring' doesn't matter- it doesn't help, it accomplishes _nothing_ , and the fact that you _think_ it does only goes to show what a miserable, desperate gem you are! You have deluded yourself- and I was almost deluded myself!

You tricked me, yes- your little game worked for a time, but no more- I see what you're _doing_ and it will go _no further_!" The ships shakes and creaks and moans, and somewhere in all my yelling, Sardonyx has started to cry, but that trick won't work on me anymore. I laugh, and it's cruel.

"I don't care! I _don't_! I don't _like_ you, don't _care_ , and if you ever fooled yourself into thinking I did, that's _your fault_! I don't need you, I don't _want_ you, and I don't see what's keeping me from getting rid of you right this moment!" I heave, breathing hard even if I don't need to, and Sardonyx trembles, eyes flooded and miserable and _pathetic_.

I can't believe I was fooled by this. I can't believe I let her worm her way into my head. That I almost compromised myself with staying with her, that I might've let her stay with _me_. To think, all it took was a few tears and a consistent act to break me down to such pathetic, grovelling gestures.

Pathetic. Utterly and irredeemably pathetic.

She backs away, eye contact solidly on the floor, around the chair, into the empty cavern of the ship. I keep my eye on her, glaring her down, but she doesn't look up, not once, until she's nestled in the corner.

"Is that your plan? To stay out of sight until I find my resting place, hmm?" I challenge her, but she doesn't respond.

"Fine! See how that serves you- if you can even _remember_ how to do that!" Even that earns nothing from her- but that's _good_. Good! I don't want to hear a single _sigh_ from her the rest of this insufferable trip.

Not a _damn_ word.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21: Regret

Form destabilisation is painful. Your body explodes, it bursts, or it collapses. You feel it. You feel it all, in incredible horrible detail. Every inch of you is hyper-aware of the way it's all falling apart, a thousand horrors in a single second- or two or more if you're unlucky.

I don't remember what it felt like, but I remember that it was horrible. I think that, for once, I'm grateful not to remember something if it was as horrible as that.

I don't know how it happened, but I seem to be nowhere, so I must be in my own gem, in the safety and prison of what is the core of my being. My inner world, never before explored, is empty. A vast expanse of starless space, and if I try to look at my body, all I see is white light. Well, no, it's not quite white. It's yellow and orange, but very, very pale. I can't remember the details, but I know this isn't what I look like.

I can feel everything I've ever experienced inside me all at once, but I can't separate it out into anything that makes sense. There's no timeline, only thought and feeling and experience from every instance of my life layered over top each other. I can feel it all like a constant droning buzz: _this_ is my life. My memories. But I could no more pick out a single one that tells me how I got here than I could make them all stop playing or have the torrential tide slow for just a moment. It's all or nothing..

My inner world is empty, but my mind is full- so full that I can't contain every experience separately. A black abyss and a sinkhole of worthless knowledge. I wonder what that says about me. For all these memories that are inside me, my world is that of nothingness and disorder.

I don't know how long I've been here. I may as well have always been here, and I may as well always be here from now on. I see no way of leaving. I'm here forever. Nowhere, forever.

Until I'm not.

Reforming is the opposite of losing your form. It's like breathing in sunlight for the first time, like stretching after staying still for two days working on a horrendously large project without taking even a single break, like smiling after a week of frowns. It's a thousand and one tiny blisses all rolled into one: and suddenly you're _real_ again. Suddenly there's a world beyond the dark little corner of everything that is your own mind.

But it's also a crash, a sudden jarring halt of everything I've ever experienced all at once into a singular continuous moment of 'now'. Everything rushes out from under me: my understanding of myself dissipating as I try to comprehend the 'here' and 'now'. Memories are swept away in trying to process the 'present', and it leaves me utterly confused.

I hardly register that I'm back, I'm real again- a person in the actual world- before I'm tumbling to my knees, barely catching myself from falling on my face. I feel like I'm being twisted in every direction at once, trying to hold onto something for more than a second, but it's all gone as quick as it's here. I wait for the flood of thoughts to pass, unable to do anything more than hold steady while it goes.

But it does. It does pass.

And I'm alone in a room that is not my mind, a room I do not recognize and do not feel comfortable in. But I can't question where this room is, to whom it belongs, and therefore where _I_ am, before something latches onto my face, around my mouth, clamping hard around the lower half of my face. When I reach up to pry the thing _off_ , something else, but similar, bites into my wrists, binding them together, and then that thing shoots out a chain that connects to the floor. Cuffs- I'm trapped.

I attempt to scream, but with both my mouth and nose sealed behind this metal faceguard _thing_ , I can only get out so much sound with so much air, and then that's it. I can't breathe in to try to scream again, and trying to breathe out any more only increases the internal vacuum and its strain on my form. It aches already- if I were to try to breathe anymore, I'd just destabilize myself again.

I writhe and pull and struggle, but the cold, hard metal has shaped itself perfectly to my face and wrists, and refuses to come off. Similarly, the chain, which is really more like a thick wire, is bonded perfectly to the floor, and refuses to budge. I give up after what must be half an hour, but it's a bitter, tiresome half an hour.

I come to rest against a wall, unsure which is the back, as there's no windows or doors. I feel like I've traded my internal prison for an external one, and I'm probably not wrong. The only problem is, I don't know why I'm here.

The last thing I distinctly remember is heading somewhere for a meeting of some sort. It was important. I don't know what it was about. I was in my formal wear, though, and now I'm.. in a space suit. It's nice, don't get me wrong, but gems like me _never_ wear form-fitting attire even when we're travelling, which I've never done eith-

Oh.

Oh no, no I remember now.

I remember the outcome of _that_ meeting. I remember running away, and being caught again, and _4OS_ , and _Phantom, and then_ -

And now I'm here. And I'm alone again. Likely going to be executed whenever whoever's captured me has deemed it convenient.

Fine. I've got no more tears to shed on that matter. But I've plenty left to cry about everything else, and how that list has grown since the last time I can remember crying. I cry until I can't cry anymore, when the horrible ache in my chest from trying to breathe is too much, and I'm dizzy with emotions, and my sadness turns into silence.

I sit in the quiet, solitary room, anxiously awaiting whatever's going to happen to me. For how long, I don't know. Time is meaningless when nothing happens and you're by yourself. My nerves never deaden, but the stillness seems to muffle them as the moment drags on, unknowingly long and never ending.

But I open my eyes at the sound of a door forming and opening, and slowly look up at the deliverer of my destruction.

Phantom Fluorite.

[X]

((Earlier))

It's back to grating, horrible silence. She makes no sound, no movement, and I am painfully aware of it. It's been days.

I hate it. I hate her.

How _dare_ she acclimate me to noise and talk and laughter only to do something like this to me? To take it all away, to return me so harshly and eventfully back to anger and misery and Diamonds' damned _silence_ \- how dare she?

' _But you did this'_ , a tiny voice reminds me. No, no I did _not_. She _touched_ me. She should not have. I did not invite her to, did not express that it was safe or fair or well for her to do so. She shouldn't have- she had no right.

' _You shouldn't have yelled like that'_. She shouldn't have touched me.

' _She didn't know'._ So? SO? She should have. She should have known better. When did I ever invite her to? Or imply it was alright to? When?

' _You didn't need to say those other things. She cares-'_ Cared, now. Past tense, and she shouldn't have done even that much. What a farce! How painful it is to 'care'! What's the use?

It's as I told her. There's no use.

So why do I still care? Why do I yet argue with myself? Why do I _care_ at all? Why does the silence offend me so much? And why can I not bring myself to do anything more than _fume_ about it?

I'm so invested in this line of thought that I don't notice the first four seconds after the massive shape comes into existence right behind us. When I do notice, when I finally feel the large shape that suddenly exists that shouldn't, I have no time to either study it or react- our ship is simply run through with electricity, and the heat and energy of it is so great that it almost doesn't hurt.

Almost. Not quite.

My form is destroyed, imploding painfully, and the next thing I am aware of, I'm in my gem. My inner world looks like my asteroid did, complete in detail from red glow of the dying sun to the dust of the asteroids swirling around me- everything. If it's possible, though, there is somehow less sound than normal. My footsteps on the imagined dusty rock is softer than physics should allow.

I ought to be terrified, and on some level, I think I am. But I've been here so many times in the exact same way that it's lost its novelty. I don't want to die, but in here, I have no options, no choices, no _power_. I can only wait to have enough energy to reform, or experience death at last while still inside myself.

What would it feel like, I wonder, to die in here? As that Quartz did, not far from where I stand, albeit many _actual_ miles away.. Would I see my world crumble, or would we all simply.. disappear?

Well, I might as well reminisce while I'm here, with whatever time I might have. I let myself surge through the surface, down to the hollowed core of the asteroid where I made my home. I found it partially hollow, but I carved my own system into it, and made it mine. What few possessions I deigned to keep from my vessel or made myself, I kept there, along with myself.

I never left these halls if I could help it. I hoped the rock would conceal me well enough that I'd never be found, and up until Sardonyx, I was right. I only ever came out to destroy those who happened upon the system, and it was routine when my orange fr-

No. No, no. She's not- I- we were not-

But she _was_. She was my friend. And now.. Now she's likely shattered, or soon to be. They were going to execute her on the ship, and she only survived because I stepped in. My reformation rate is so slow; it's unlikely she'll still be intact when I reform.

She's gone, then. And the last thing I did was insult and harass her.

But she _touched_ me. How could she do that, and how could I let her do it- when it hurt so badly?

She didn't know. She didn't know, and I still blamed her like she'd done it on purpose. I blamed her, and insulted her, and let her cry, and now she's gone.

Did it even hurt? I run through the memory and- it was certainly startling, but the touch itself was not painful. It was memories of past interactions that hurt so much, that jarred and jilted me to such cruel heights. It was a flash of insensitive hands on my form, of blades and whips and bludgeons, of tenderness turned sour, but her touch- her hand on my form was _fine_. It was only _memories_ that hurt- and yet I was so cruel to her.

I'm dizzy from the realization: Sorrow. This is sorrow. This is loss. This is guilt, and regret, and a tangle of a number of other things.

I try not to feel anything, but the harder I try, the more I feel and, well, it feels bad. I wish I had her curse- it would be a gift right now- but I don't, and the misery is trying to consume me. I hear myself screeching at her over and over, and I can't help but watch as the memory repeats itself around me.

There I am, there she is. I yell and- and she starts to cry- how could it not have torn me apart even in that moment? Everything is so much worse now that I know she's gone and that I can make no repairs to this horrible damage, but how could I stand to let her cry like this in the first place? Where did my heart go?

I find myself crying too, even if it's a figment of my resting mind inside my gem, but the image of her tear stroked face is too much, and I can't make it go away. The only thing to do is to cry with her, in here and in memory, if nothing else, and if for no one other than myself.

I've never lost anyone before. I've never cared. Even when I had other Fluorites- I never got to know them. It was certainly sad when they were shattered, tragic, even- but I never felt this deep, resounding sorrow. It is pain incarnate, and I understand how Sardonyx felt after her sister's execution. I suddenly understand how she could just freeze up, and be consumed by this feeling entirely- going so far as to cry for days, and not even realize it. I could spend a thousand years in this hole, and never unbury myself.

When did it happen? When did caring about her become so.. so big? So _important_? When did _she_ start to mean so much?

And why did I let myself trash it all in the end?

Because it was her end. It was the last thing between us- the very final thing we experienced together before-

I don't know. I don't know when I came to care for her so earnestly. It's not like I can't remember exactly what happened, but somewhere along the way I stopped keeping track of what everything meant. I forgot the significance of talking, because it was easy. I forgot the agony of silence, because it was filled talking, and doing, and listening. I forgot what it was like to be alone, and to not care for anyone, because I-

Because I had her. And now I don't.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Time and Again

As it always goes with my reformation, it takes time. I lose myself in hours, days- stars even know how long- of mourning. I remember her to the fullest extent that I can- quite literally reliving and retelling our time together, as illusion is my domain, especially inside my gem- and dreaming of times we might have had, though these ideas are much more limited. I can't imagine what more she might've been to me, if I'd only been reasonable- but I can remember. It seems the only appropriate way to spend my time here, if they're not going to kill me right away.

And they don't- enough time passes that I have enough energy to reform, and I do, though mostly against my will. I never figured out how to simply stay put, stay senseless and dead to the outside, safe in a world purely of my own design, and thus I am always ripped from it. I resist- I don't _want_ to go back to them, to time and suffering and people and anger and doing, but I have to. I'm wrenched from myself into the world.

There is one gift to reforming: it feels _nice_. Like a hammer gently tapping glass, the charming _ring_ before everything shatters, a moment of perfect sound, or so I used to think of it. Now I know what music is, what sound _can_ be, and I think that the delight of reforming is almost akin to that joy. Like an acrobatic feat, a synchronicity between mind and form, it is simply.. pleasant.

But as I take my notably unusual shape in the real world, I sense many other forms all around me, and I can feel a twinge of their intents, and it is not good. Before I have even finished taking on my colors, I am attacking with my mind, retaliating in advance. Pure kinetic energy colliding with all their angry, squirming, grabbing forms, kicking them all back. I drive them into the walls with as much force as I can muster, unapologetic about those who's gems crack against equally unforgiving metal, eager only to do what damage I can and escape.

Alas, that force is not enough- it never is- and they all come right back as I stumble to my knees. It's always so disorienting to regain physical sight when my far-sight is so much quicker to return to me. It always drives me to the floor, and it's usually where I get caught. They pile in on top of me, and I can't shove them off with my mind- that energy is spent. Whatever I had stored from travelling with Sardonyx is gone- so little after such a long time, and it's gone.

I regret using it so quickly- in a way that was the last concrete evidence I had of her, and I squandered it. I acted on instinct, and I'm sure I'll pay for it in more than nostalgic regret.

Someone, amidst all the struggling, presses a wet viscous _thing_ to my face, right overtop my gem. It then, of its own accord, solidifies there, pressurizing around the pyramid shape of my gem, and then wraps a tendril around the rest of my head.

I gasp as my far-sight is cut off- it's just _gone_. I feel _barren_. My hearing seems weaker as well, and my grasp of tactile sensation is nearly nothing. What _is_ this? My magic, my senses, they're _nothing_.

"Alright, girls, that should do it." Luna Agate's voice cuts through the haze. Slowly the hands and bodies on top of me disappear, though it's hard to tell. My body feels numb compared to before; I can't tell what anything _is_.

When all the foreign bodies are gone, I try to sit myself up. I'm face down, chest flush with the ground, I know only because that's where I was when they managed to put this thing on me, but I can no longer identify where my arms and legs are, or seem to make them move. I can see out of my eye, but only barely. The colors are wrong- what _is this_?

"Feeling alright, Fluorite?" Distantly I hear the clip-clop of _heels_ , the voice of the Agate approaching. I can't find my mouth to make a snappy remark, not that I'm brave enough to sass an Agate- not yet. I feel something on what I _think_ is my back, and suddenly I'm in the air, limbs dangling numb and loose. I can barely keep my head from rolling across my chest, but for dignity's sake I manage.

As my eye finds hers, the wicked Agate's face is grinning just before me, so helpfully displayed right where I can see it. I don't know if I can control my face yet, but I hope I'm glaring.

"Not too pleasant, is it? I don't suppose you can talk." She pauses, clearly attempting to highlight or otherwise determine how disabled my form is, my silence punctuating her statement. My desire to be glaring at this insufferable clod increases. She only laughs, but I don't know if my desire came to pass. My silence may just be hilarious to her. "Turn it down just a touch." She calls to the side. I presume someone is over there, controlling someth-

Oh! I can feel my fingers, suddenly, and blink, and ah- my mouth! I gasp again, quite surprised.

"How are you feeling, Fluorite?" She asks, her tone still jovial, but the question is in earnest, I believe.

"Quite like shattering the lot of you." I rasp. The smile on my captor fades, and she tosses me against the wall, back first. I'm not too numb that I can't feel it, but there's no pain, at least. It's a dull thud against a wall, though I'll surely feel it later.

"Yes, well, you've accomplished a bit of that already." She gestures to the glitching gems on the ground, their gemstones shattered irreparably but clinging with futile effort to live and be. _Good_. I hate them, _I hate them_ \- they _deserved_ -

Painfully and suddenly I remember how Sardonyx cried when I shattered the Quartz on my asteroid, and as I try to shrug that memory away, how she cried for her sister. Would she cry for these, if she were here? They're not dead yet, but there's no _living_ the way they are now.. I once took life on command, so _easily_ , and for hundreds of years, thousands, maybe. I destroyed for my own sake so easily for so long; have a few months with a soft-headed fool really changed that?

My opinion hardly matters, as Luna Agate finishes what I started, the final sparks _clapping_ out and disappearing like a sparking wire- _pop, pop_. Two, three, four lives- gone. Simply gone. A part of me pangs at the easy displacement of their existence from their commanding Agate- is this also _her_ influence?

"Pity. I'll have to request replacements. If I'd known you could do something like that so quickly, _while_ reforming at that, I'd have sent in the lower ranked ones." She comments coldly, and then returns her attention to me. "So, Fluorite, care to tell me about yourself?"

"S-sounds like you already know everything y-you need." I spit out, stuttering due to a mild disconnect from this _thing_ on my gem.

"True that I have been given access to all your files, yes, but White Diamond would like a full report from _your_ side of the story." My eye widens- _damn it_. This is what I didn't want- she _knows_ I'm out here. She knows I'm alive, and she wants me back. "Come now, don't you have _anything_ to say to your beloved Diamond?"

"Tell her.." I rasp, voice low and gravelly, and Luna Agate steps closer, eager. "Tell her to _s-sod off_." I spit. Luna Agate's expression goes dry, and then she shows me a small device in her hand. It's an oval, with three different buttons on it, a crystal facade that glimmers and shines.

"Do you know what this is, Fluorite? I _presume_ you don't. It's a _new_ bit of technology. You see, once upon a time, the only gems out there with psychic abilities was White Diamond, and then your.. experimental line of gems happened, and _you_ happened, most importantly. You were smart, weren't you? You kept the full extent of your gifts hidden, and you got away with it, literally, and for such a long time!" She turns to me, her eyes dead and respectful, an impossible combination. I let my glower deepen, if such a thing is possible, but she deadpans me for a moment, then shrugs light-heartedly, as though it doesn't matter.

"Since you left, there's been some.. expansion in the empire. So many new gems! So many new _gifts_! And we had to develop ways to restrain them all, of course! You see.. you aren't the only gem.. or abomination.. with psychic gifts. At least.. not anymore!" She smiles, and reaches out a hand to grab my face, twisting her wrist so she can see the right side of my face, covered in this _thing_. "This is affectionately called a 'deafener', because it cuts off your gem's more.. shall we say 'impressive' magic from the rest of you. It absorbs all excess energy, leaving you _only_ what you need to maintain your form. But, like you, this one is not quite like the rest. This one also has a _lovely_ feature that I will call 'wrong answer'. Would you like to see what it does?" She asks, twisting my head back the other way, such that I am forced to look up at her.

"N-no." I stutter, but it's from nerves now. I know she'll 'show' me whether I want her to or not, and I have a dreadful feeling I know what it is.

"Wrong answer!" She chimes, and presses a button, and my world is consumed with electricity, my form seizing with the energy. _It hurts it hurts it hurts_ -

I slump against the wall as it disappears. My form is crisp, warm, uncomfortable. Damn- _damn!_

"Oh, lovely!" Luna Agate claps, a genuine smile marring her face. "Now, I've been told that you were conditioned to behave _exceptionally_ well with this feature! White Diamond's Pearl was actually rather insistent that we remind you of this conditioning, as you'll be returning to White Diamond, and we can't have you misbehaving for her, can we?"

"I r-rather think th-that I-" I struggle to enunciate the full breadth of my displeasure, "-d-don't _g-g-giv-ve_ a damn."

"Ah. You're not very good at this game. Wrong answer!" Another wave of pain dashes through me, burning everything else out until she deems the punishment enough. I relax, falling hard on my left shoulder, grateful once more that this _thing_ blocks out much of my physical pain. I watch as Luna fiddles with the device, _tsk_ ing. "Seems to be too strong, you're not _feeling_ it as much as you ought to." I can feel the device on my gem relax, and some of my sensory input returns a little more, but my magic still seems far out of reach.

"So what happens now is we ask you a few questions, and you answer. If I like your answer, you'll be more or less spared from 'wrong answer'. If I don't.." She shrugs and presses the button again, and I _feel_ it so much more deeply now- I didn't realise how much the deafener was blocking out- it's so much _worse_.

"Does that sound fair, Fluorite?" The horrible Agate asks, smiling wickedly again. I shudder, and I feel the great void in my heart opening up again, despair rising to claim me.

"Yes." It's better to give in. There's nothing else _to_ give.

[X]

The questioning is as I remember it: What are my powers? What I can I do? How long? Where from? Do I know this? Do I know that? Did I shatter anyone while I was free? How many? Where? Why? How?

I answer as vaguely as possible, to be difficult, but that behavior does not last long. The pain is too great, and I am a coward in the face of torture. It's too much. I escaped from this once before, I split a crack in the planet to escape this, to experience anything but _this_. But here I am again, and I cannot stand it. Torture is unthinkable. At some point, you become a machine, an automaton, willing to do anything to avoid it, but many times even being an unfeeling _thing_ is not enough to keep it away.

Luna Agate revels in the power she wields over me. I imagine that the dead look in my eye is more than pleasing to her, the drone of my voice grating my hearing, but a tune of joy to hers. I am aware of these things as being part of my self, but the awareness is a few steps removed, like feelings I am remembering from long ago rather than experiencing in the present.

But pain always brings you to the forefront again. There's no depth of mind you can bury yourself in to get away completely, or permanently. Not for me- I tried. So hard did I try.

The questions are all the same as I remember, and I pay more attention to the dark grey and black gems with short, erratic hair collecting their fallen than I do to whatever the Agate is asking me, answering on auto-pilot. It's all the same. Routine. Quid pro quo.

It's all the same until she asks about Sardonyx. About _my_ Sardonyx.

And there's a lump in my throat when I remember how I was so horrible- and now I- she-

Ah, but the Agate doesn't care, and asks her question again. I don't process the words through the dual pain: electric shock and pangs of guilt and regret.

And even when I do come to understand her words, I don't want to answer. The rote questions about myself- all ancient history. Rinse and repeat, those are. These, _her_ \- new. I'm really _giving_ them something if I answer them honestly, even when my knowledge is very slim. It's more than they have, and they want it, and I feel indebted enough to the kind gem that I don't _want_ to give them that knowledge for her sake.

I resist as long as possible, which is not very long at all, but I do. For her. I try, for her. Give the Agate as little as possible and as slow as possible.

And, truly, I love how irritated she gets. How angry- ah, the power I suddenly wield against her! How a few slips of words are so desirable, suddenly, now that she can't have them. The look on her face is almost, _almost_ worth the pain.

But the knowledge that I have such power over her _definitely_ is.

This Agate is a brat. She's used to gems cowering before her, and in turn getting everything she wants. I may be cowering, trembling in pain, but I will _not_ give her what she wants so _easily_. It's valuable, it's _powerful_. I have it; she does not.

What a delicious agony it is… and how we both draw it out.

This is the first time I've ever had something over someone else. Anything I knew or did before, I had to wrestle away, and it never did too much for me. I'm clever, but it's not my calling card. I've had power, but never enough. Now I have this, whatever it is, and however little it is, I have it.

Even so, the pain is bearable for only so long, and everyone has a breaking point.

It takes hours, for each question, for me to reach mine. There's a little bit of pride in that.

[X]

When my suffering is over, she leaves me alone, and the lights go out and I am in blissful, safe darkness once more. If she means for this time to be uncomfortable, she is mistaken. I often went without sight of eye while on my asteroid, or while inside it, in any case. Darkness suits me just fine.

But the guilt that creeps into my stomach, that- that is a different story.

In the silence and the stillness and the darkness it creeps back. Like a faceless warrior, it creeps back into my mind, and it drowns me. I feel horrid. All the things I did, and then, so soon, all the things I revealed.

But what was I to do? What could I have done? I couldn't have stayed silent forever- could I? No- they would have kept hurting me- and it can always get worse. I couldn't take it any worse that it had been- I couldn't.

It'll get worse anyway. If and when I'm returned to White Diamond, she'll have her way, and it's always bad for me. Even if she's mellowed out in the time since i've been gone, it'll be terrible. Monstrous. White Diamond- she's horrible. I had my rebellion. I was free for so long, and at the end, I really had something worthwhile.

I only wish I hadn't squandered it.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23: Attachments: Part 1

"Come forward, Fluorite." Her voice commands, and the darkness lifts, lights turning on, the deafener on my gem relaxing its grip just so. My body comes back to me, and I stand, shaking, ready to do whomever's bidding once again. My will is broken, and I can only do what I can do to survive. To obey is to survive- an old lesson re-learned after these many days of intense attention from the Agate.

"Take a weapon." She commands, voice bodiless in this room, but a rack of weaponry emerges from the ground as a substitute. Without thought, I take one. I don't want to go back to pain. There's nothing for me to lose but myself, and time and pain and my own being, so I obey.

I can only obey as she commands me forward, into a new room. I know what lies beyond, though, an old challenge, one of my Diamond's favorite. 'Can you take life?'

I can. I have. I will.

I march through the door in a daze. No thought is required. I've done this hundreds of times. It's a death march, yes, but not mine. To me, that's all that matters. I have nothing and no one, and I cannot care less whose death I carry through the door. It's all the same- it's not me. I can barely even muster any fear for a potential fight- I'm too numbed.

I walk through the door at her command, dragging the weapon she bid me take on, mind buzzing low behind the curtain of fog that's coating all my thoughts, and she commands I use this weapon against this gem. I almost raise it but- foolishly- I raise my eyes to the gem in question instead, too curious to see who it is I'll be ending, and I-

It's her.

I go from nearly thoughtless, emotionally numb, and completely apathetic to the fate of of my charge to my mind _burning_ with realization, and a flash of everything I thought and felt when I thought she was dead.

Sardonyx. My Sardonyx. Mouth clamped, arms down, eyes wide- but it's her. My Sardonyx. The gem I- the only one I've ever cared about besides myself. She's chained from her wrists to the floor and her mouth is bound and she's terrified as she looks up at me- but it's her.

It's her.

"Shatter her." Luna Agate commands again, and I actually hear the words this time. I tremble. I can't- it's _her_. She's alive, and I didn't know, and she's _here_. Alive. And Luna wants me to end her.

There are tears in her eyes. Sardonyx heard Luna command me to end her life, and knows what I'm about to do. Her eyes are wide, afraid, begging and yet- so understanding. How _dare_ her eyes understand so well my position and yet ask me not to do what she knows I have to do.

The weapon drags on the ground as Luna Agate repeats her command and I lurch forward, looking at _her._ I hear the command- there's a war in my body between old instincts and new hopes- but my hands refuse- my _mind_ \- won't let me obey. I look at her and I see so many discoveries, so many _hopes_ , and I can't destroy her. Her gem may lie on her forehead, and she may sit perfectly still, but to raise this axe and take the kill, to commit the _murder_ , would be the most difficult thing I could ever conceive of. I can't. _I can't_.

She looks up at me, my hands still weakly attached to this weapon I've been told to use against her, and she's afraid that I will but I _can't_ \- surely she can see that? Shouldn't she know that I can't, I won't? No- not when she was so kind to me, not when she took so much anger from me, and not when I've mourned when we were separated, thinking her already gone. I couldn't make that pain a reality now that I know it was a trick. I couldn't- never. _Never_.

"Shatter her." Luna Agate commands, more fervently. So aggressive, threatening, _frightening_. But meeting _her_ eyes- Sardonyx, my friend- how could I _ever_? No- no!

(/)

They look down at me, hands trembling at the weapon, staring down and meeting my eyes, and I have no power. Phantom has a weapon, has an order, has every possible advantage, and I'm so afraid- so afraid that they'll swing and slice my gem in two, finally shatter me like they tried to do so long ago, but they _don't_.

I can't comprehend why.

"No." They say, after many minutes, so many moments in silence, doing nothing.

"What do you mean, 'No?'?' I hear the Agate say, her voice coming from somewhere to the right. So angry, so upset- but instead of giving in to her request, her _order_ , they step back, weapon dropping further.

"No." They say, turning left and right to find the source of the Agate's voice. I look too, but I can't see her or any sign of her. "I won't do it."

" _Why_ _ **not**_?" The Agate demands.

"No!" Phantom yells again. I can't believe what I'm seeing, what I'm hearing. I never thought- why would they- I don't understand!

" **Do it!** " She commands again, her words echoing in my head and I want to give in to that request, but Phantom stiffens, lips creasing.

" **No!** " They shout, energy lightly rippling off them. I finally notice the thing on their face, and how it sparks as Phantom's signature lilac magic seethes off and out of it.

"Why!?"

"I won't _do_ it!" And I'm rocked- how- _why_ would they not do it? I'm here- available, unable to defend myself, and they have every upper hand against me, but they _won't_. Why?! I'd let them- afraid though I am- but they simply won't do it.

" _WHY?!_ " I hear a fist slam against a panel, echoing angrily in a microphone.

"I don't want to!" Phantom screams, hands fisting. Their whole form is stiff, but their magic is more alive and agitated than ever. "She's my friend- she never _did_ anything! She was- she was kind to me! She was kind and generous when no one deserved it! I can't- I won't-!"

"You aren't a _fool_ like her, Fluorite! You aren't _sentimental_! You're out to save yourself and _you know it_! So _do_ it!"

"NO!" Phantom screams, and the world erupts in energy- electricity bounding through me, through the room, shorting out lights. "I'd rather a kind fool than a clever and cruel warden like you! I'd rather her kindness than your cruelty!" They shout, magic pouring off them in an enormous wave, and the lights go out in a rush. I shout into my muffle, in fear, but it passes, and darkness reigns in this room.

Minutes pass but no one does anything, not that I know whether or not the Agate can hear us anymore. Phantom stays where they stand, breathing hard. I just stare at them as they look at an inconspicuous wall, their single eye fixated madly, distantly on nothing. If I could, I'd call their name, reach out, but I can only rattle my chain, pulling hard.

They turn and that single eye spies me and there are tears there, and I sob behind the muffle. I was so scared they'd end me but they didn't- and they said they wouldn't to the terrifying unknown Agate who wants me dead. I didn't recognize them when they came in- their eye so distant and their movement so thoughtless- butI know this Phantom- they're my friend, despite everything else, and somehow, impossibly, they have decided that matters to them. I know how afraid they are of Homeworld, of suffering, and I can't blame them, wouldn't blame them, if it had come down to them actually shattering me.

But they didn't.

Phantom's sight seems to focus as the lights come back on, some flit of realisation passes and they go to move towards me, but the rubbery black _thing_ on their gem spits out a small burst of electricity and they spasm to the floor. I manage a squeak from behind the muffle and the pressure on my body increases from defying the seal on my face, and Phantom continues to spasm on the floor, unable to move and obviously in absolute agony.

I can't sit here and do nothing. It's useless but I pull against my chain, reaching for them. What would I do even if I could? I could take some of the pain, couldn't I, if I could only reach them? But it's no _use_ \- the lead isn't long enough!

I can't stand it- watching them in such pain, their whole existence in this moment brought to nothing but suffering, and on _my_ behalf. It's a horrifying thought, and it infuriates me. How dare they do this? How could someone be so cruel?

The rest of the world bleeds away to nothingness as my vision focuses like a pinprick on this moment, on my suffering friend, and the horrible _creature_ who could do this to them. She's an abomination- no _person_ could do this to someone else.

My body strains and I know it should hurt but it's _nothing_. I can take this for Phantom. This? This mild ache? This is just a single drop of discomfort when they're drowning in an ocean of misery. I strain, body and mind-

The lead snaps, screaming, the bracers fall from my wrists like ash in a sheet and without thought, I vault forward to Phantom, put my hands on this accursed thing on their gem. Immediately I share the pain this thing is inflicting on them. It's like my body is on fire, a blaze set from inside, tearing its way through me in an instant.

But I can stand it, just barely. I pull on the rubbery black material, digging my hands into it, tearing it apart with all my might. It almost consciously resists, holding itself together as it tries to drive us apart, but I fight it, and as I feel it weakening, its internal bonds failing, Phantom reaches their hands up, apparently able to move now that we're sharing the pain.

The voltage coursing through us lurches higher, and the pain is almost too much for me to hold on but I do- through the fire of this horrible moment, we both hold on. It feels like centuries are passing but I know it's only seconds, less than seconds, as we together scratch and scrape and scream and-

It tears like fabric, if fabric were made of semi-sentient silicon, and instantly Phantom's magic bursts out again, the room being dented from the inside like enormous fists are beating the wall. I get the sense that it's not just our room, though, that's suffering this tantrum. The whole ship seems to reel with this enormous, vicious attack, and I'm quite sure that Phantom could rip it to shreds, that they _will_ and we'll all be pulled into space, cold empty space alone and abandoned in the nothingness but-

It stops. Phantom stops, and everything is still. Distantly, like it's worlds away, I hear sirens and alarms and even muffled voices, but all I care about is the stillness of this room. I feel stiff, like I was molded into being here, sitting over my friend, who similarly just lays there, eye focused deeply on me. I can't seem to move, and they don't seem capable of it either, but they open their mouth, hesitantly breathing, like it's all an illusion they'll blow away if they speak, but-

"You're alive.." They say, and I cannot place the wonderment in their voice, where it comes from, or why it's directed at me, but I nod. "I thought- I couldn't see so I thought-" They don't finish the sentence, simply and hastily sitting up, and- most unusually- they throw their arms around me. It almost knocks me over but I lean back into them and we find some kind of balance, and I let myself grip them closer as they do to me.

It's so unexpected- didn't the last time I touched them have them screaming at me? I can't remember the details but- they were so _mad_ and now- now this? A hug, from them? I can't say that I don't like it; I can't remember ever feeling so happy to hold someone or be held.

"I'm s-so sorry." They sob, the sound so foreign from their voice, and I pull back, the tears I saw earlier are back in force, their expression tightly drawn into a miserable grimace. "I was so- I don't know why I acted that way- I shouldn't-" Their voice breaks and they inhale deeply- "- I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said all those horrible things, they aren't _true_ \- I- I meant them at the time but they aren't true and I should have-" They put a hand to their mouth, unable to continue, just looking at me. I wish I could offer them some reassurance, but my mouth is still bound. My eyes well up, though, and I tighten my grip on their arms, a soft squeeze that I hope says ' _I'm here_ '.

"I'm sorry." Phantom says again. I nod, and then shake my head as I wipe away my tears. _I see, no, don't be-_

"No, I am, and I deserve to be, because I was horrible and you were- well, I think you were only trying to help. I was- I was scared and hurt- so many things have hurt in my life and I panicked- I can't explain it but I- I still- I shouldn't have said what I did."

I shrug- I barely remember the exact words, just the feeling, but it makes sense now. Phantom shakes their head, a small smile forming.

"Oh, Sardonyx.. You're too gracious.." They sigh. "What are we going to do? I- I'm nearly spent- I destroyed as much as I could- I destabilised Luna Agate and a number of her gems and cut off their control to this room, but it won't last forever, and I.. I've essentially trapped us.." They explain as they look around the busted room, almost unrecognizable from the damage it's sustained. Turning back to me, there are new tears in their eye. I give a small shrug, looking down at my hands.. I don't know what to do.

"I suppose we should get this awful thing off your face.. Can't be comfortable." It's really not. I'm constantly aware the metal's edge against my nose and cheeks. Phantom quietly inspects it, turning my head this way and that, but they don't find anything. It feels looser than it was before, but stiffer, crinkly too. It was fluid before, but it seems resistant to change now.

"It's.. molded to your face. And it changes shape with your neck, but it's stiff- I don't know how this is possible, I- I don't know what it is.. I don't know how to remove it.. I suspect shapeshifting would only have the same result- it would mold itself with you.. But then, how did you.." Phantom points at the broken chain, or rather, where it was. It seems to have disappeared. Odd. It _did_ shoot out of the floor, so maybe when I broke it, it simply returned? Phantom seems perplexed by it as well.

"I don't understand.." Phantom says, and then whines, sitting back, "What are we going to _do_? There's nothing in here, I have _no_ strength left, and you can't even _talk_! A fine mess we're in.." Phantom drops their head to their hands, seeming to collapse on themself. I reach out a hand, but I remember, vaguely, a flash of panic, the last time I did that unexpectedly, and pull it back, looking away.

I feel guilty for not feeling comfortable to offer them sympathy or comfort when they just did so for me, but I don't understand their boundaries, and I'd prefer not to take us back to tension so soon.. Still, as I let my eyes wander anywhere but back to Phantom, I spot the axe. I give a small excited clap in lieu of a gasp, and clamber to my feet to retrieve it. My form is stiff and loathes to move, but it's doable. I try to smile with my eyes when I present the axe to Phantom, who seems afraid of it, or just uncomfortable.

"What do you want to do with this?" They ask, gaze flitting from the weapon in my hands to my face. I mime chopping through the walls with the axe. "Escape? Through the- That could work.. But I won't be able to help.. I'm not physically strong enough to carry that for long, let alone use it, and I don't have enough magic to really.. No?" I shake my head, putting a hand out to help them stand. Cautiously they take it, and let me pull them to their feet. I point at each of the walls, then point to my eyes, and then at them. Phantom shakes their head, unsure what I'm asking, so I point at their gem and try to mime their 'far sight'.

"Oh, yes! I can do that.. I can scope out a path.." They nod, and close their eye, looking out. "Luna hasn't yet reformed, but the control room is just over to our right.. heavy machinery to go through, though.. the room they had me in is behind me, but there's no viable exits that way.. heavy walls every other direction.." They open their eye, returning to me. "So the best course will probably be through the control room over here, but those soldiers will surely be coming for Luna Agate soon.. Is it worth the risk?" I think on it for a moment..

It's our best chance to escape, now, while the Agate is out and the ship is damaged. The soldiers will probably be confused and scrambling just to keep the ship together, trying to locate their leader, and even if we run across a few, I'm sure we'll have the element of surprise. Still, just to be safe, I form my sword, and hand it to Phantom, nodding.

"Are you sure?" I nod again, and they seem to firm up, resolution making them stand up straighter. "Then lead the way." I hoist the axe to my shoulder, unsure how exactly to use it, but I'm certain that if I just get it swinging, I'll figure it out.

[X]

Sardonyx seems comically small compared to the axe- it's nearly as big as she is- but she sets to work driving it through the twisted wall into the next room. The wall is thick, wires and machinery making it a mess to get through, but she does it. It takes several minutes, and I help where I can, pulling debris and loose bits out of her way, peeling back the walls exterior for cleaner targeting.

And then we're through- we have to crawl through a ruined computer of some sort, and abandon the axe in the first room, but we're through to the next, which was the goal. I know that Luna Agate's gem is in here, but it's such a mess that I can't find her, and my farsight is too weak to gather more than a general direction. Sardonyx also pulls me by the hand away from the control panel we crawled over, probably guessing my thoughts. I want to explain that I don't think I could shatter her, even if we did find her, but it doesn't seem like the time or the place, so I let her lead me away, out and down the hall.

I don't let go of her hand, though. Her sword in my left, her hand in my right, and I feel- for all the absurdity of it- safe. Tensions are high, and we're unsure if we'll run into an enemy at any moment, but I'm so much more at ease with her than if I was alone. Is it because she's currently stronger than me, and obviously willing to defend me? Or is it perhaps because she's familiar, and friendly, in this horrible situation? Either way, I'm glad she's here. I thought she was dead.. how happy I am to be wrong.

I can only hope she's as happy to see me as I am to see her. How wild my mind is- how could I have ever been mad at her? How could I say those things, how could I be so ungrateful? I don't know. I do know now that there's nowhere else I'd rather be, no one else I'd rather be with, than with her. She's too _good_ to part with. But will she feel the same? I was horrible to her, and though she doesn't _seem_ to mind, will she really want to stay with me, feeling I might explode at any moment?

The thought nearly drives me to tears, even as we run down hallways and through rooms, searching for any sign of life or escape. I don't want to be alone.

As that thought crosses my mind, a vast realization that upends everything I've ever striven for, the floor collapses beneath us, buckling up just between us.

"Sardonyx!" I yell as our hands are disconnected, and a huge plate of metal drives itself upward, separating us. I catch a glimpse of her surprised eyes, the metal breaching our sights, burying into the ceiling with a crash, and then everything is still. The alarms and red lights are still blaring, but I hear nothing from the other side. "Sardonyx!" I yell again, hoping that the _worst_ hasn't happened, not now after all this drama and struggle, and cast my vision to the other side. I see her, whole and alive, pulling herself to her feet. I give a sigh of relief, happy that she's unhurt.

But she looks around, looks for me, panic evident in her eyes.

"Sardonyx!" I pound on the wall, my meek form whines at the abuse, hurt already as I am, and I'm struggling to keep my vision on that side and control my body on this one. I try to project my voice to her, but my magic is so low- "Can you hear me?! Sardonyx, I can see you- can you _hear_ me?!" She nods, hands coming to press against the metal on the other side. "Good! Good.." I sigh again. She looks around, nervous. I think I understand.

"There's.. There's no way through this! We'll have to go around!" She balks at that, eyes panicked again. "It'll be okay! We- We can meet up!" But that does nothing to soothe her fear. Damn- will she remember? If we agree to meet somewhere- would she be able to find it? Find me?

"It'll be okay!" I repeat. "I will find you! Stay safe, don't- don't _die_ , and I will find you! Do you believe me?" Her eyes are wet, but she nods, and then I hear a clambering sound behind her. "Draw your sword!" I command, and she does, turning, just in time for a cloudy gray gem to stumble into view. Like orange lightning, she deals a disassembling blow to her opponent before she or I can comprehend it.

Sardonyx catches the gem before she can shatter on the ground, and places her gently on the floor. My soft-hearted fool..

"Sardonyx!" I call to her. "Fight! Live! I _will_ find you!" Sardonyx nods emphatically, and takes off. I watch her go as far as my sight will allow, and then I turn back to the present moment, and the space in my immediate concern. I brace myself against the barrier, my form tired. I'm running on empty again.. I don't know if I can fight this fight and win.

But I made a promise. And she believed me. I have to fight this fight, and I have to win, for her sake and mine. This is a terrifying weight, but it's one I have taken upon myself. For both of us.

I force myself up off the wall, and take off running. I cast my sight as far ahead as I can, planning a route I can only half see that I desperately hope will take me to Sardonyx. I can't hear her, can't see her, but based on the few options I could see for her to take, she'll end up near what will I think will be the hangar. There will be ships there.. We can take one, and we'll escape. I only have to find her first..


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24: Attachments: Part 2

I make split second decisions, choosing where to turn based on little more than instinct and hope. I don't know this ship, don't know its layout, don't know anything but instinctive understanding of homeworld design based on years of subconscious absorption of details of my surroundings. I can only hope I'm heading in a direction that'll get me to my friend, get us out of here-

I meet several gems, and these too I deal with in hurried, thoughtless actions, my body a mindless blur of thought beyond thought, doing only what feels right. Still, I'm careful with these, since they're people. My enemies they may be, but I can't abide the thought of their deaths at my hands, like too many things have come close to being, and too many more have come to be. It's a careful, careless precision. As little time as possible, as big an impact as possible.

My body aches with the pressure of the seal and my inability to release it, and running naturally makes the form crave air. But I can't afford to try to relieve it, only keep running and remind myself I don't _need_ the air. It's just a weak, old programming of the body that we never found a way around. I'll live.

The ship rumbles again, less subtly than it did when it split Phantom and I. I stop, preparing for the worst, but nothing happens despite the turbulent shifting around me. Still, I take it easy as I progress, afraid of the possibility that this ship will fall apart around us, abandoning us to cold space. I shiver at the thought- it's a cold, desolate thought, and it deeply unnerves me.

I can't let it stop me, though. What are the odds the ship will just _fall apart_? Sure, Phantom did some incredible damage, but it'll surely hold out a little longer, if it hasn't collapsed yet, right?

Eventually, with vaulted nerves, I find a wide open space- the deck, or something. Where ships are contained. These are fighter class, but there's no one here, and aside from the alarms, it's disturbingly quiet. I try to calm myself, but the scenario is too eerie..

What do I do now? I've located the hangar, which I feel is where Phantom implied we should meet up.. and if not, I don't know where else would be a good place to meet. Of course, everyone with some common sense will flock here.. unless they think they can repair the ship, or feel like that's what they 'have' to do, if they were ordered.. it's hard to say. I pace the open floor for a minute, hoping Phantom will simply appear, but when they don't, I grow nervous.

I hope they're alright. They said they were weak, but they said they'd find me. They promised. But should I make it easier for them? How could I? I could go looking for them- but then again that might simply make it all the harder to find each other, if we're hunting each other. But how long can I wait before more gems, less friendly gems, find one or both of us?

Anxiously, I paw at the seal on my mouth, the pressure in my torso building under this stress. I need to get this horrible thing off, I know I don't _need_ to breathe but I definitely need to relieve this growing pressure. It'll tear me apart if it gets much worse, but I can't seem to relax any. Am I just imagining it? I don't know, I don't know. I'm just scared.

I hear the door open behind me and turn, gripping my sword in fear. A seething Agate- the dusty blue and purple one- has her weapon drawn and her gaze is a murderous fixation on me. I can barely react as she arcs her whip through the room, the air seeming to catch fire as her electric energy blasts out. I only manage to flinch, but it's not nearly enough to remove myself from the path of the whip, the studded, electric weapon wrapping itself around me from the waist up.

She cracks the whip the other way, and I'm sent spinning across the room, tossed into the far wall, body ringing like an abused bell from the impact. I stumble to my feet as she strides toward me, preparing her whip for another devastating arc.

"What's so damn _special_ about you!?" She snarls, twirling the whip in a figure eight before snapping it, the end _crack_ ing wickedly at me. I scramble to evade, to use the training Phantom gave me, but it's gone- I can't find it in my head, acting instead like the stupid amateur I am, doing whatever I can, and it's not good enough. The Agate's whip lashes across my back, lancing electricity through me as it tears my suit apart. I'm lucky it did little more than rake me, but it _hurts_ nevertheless. I collapse to my hands and knees, and the Agate approaches, hunched over and glaring. I want to gasp for air but-

I notice, then, that the thing on my face is looser, and crispier- no longer fluid at all, barely managing to hold onto my form.

"I ask again, you worthless cretin, what is so _damn_ special about you? That the Fluorite would endanger itself not once but _twice_ for you? You're a snivelling, pathetic, _fallen_ noble with no talents, no uses! It may be a _freak_ , but at least it's _useful_! What are you, to it, that it would sacrifice its own health and safety! It's not a fool like you are! It doesn't _care_ about things like friendship and decency!" There are mad tears in her eyes, and she brings the whip down on my back again, driving me to the floor as the currents are too much for me to handle. The seal starts to peel off, fracturing, breaking off like flakes of ash, but not enough.

"I cannot comprehend what would make you so _valuable_ to it! So what- you were _kind_ to it- what does that do? What does that _mean_? In the end, you're nothing more than a mistake with no redeeming qualities, no uses, nothing to learn from!" I try to rise to my knees again, but she brings the whip down once, twice, I lose count as it comes down on my back and head again and again. I endure it, unable to do anything else but when the seal disintegrates completely I gasp, coughing, the pressure in my form finally easing.

"You are _nothing_." The Agate says, breathing hard herself. I look up, hoping my gasp was quiet enough she didn't notice under the cacophony of her own. Once more, I try to rise from my prone position, but she drives a heel into my back. I hold in a whine as she thoroughly enjoys holding me down. "You really are pathetic.." She sneers, stepping back. I intuit that she's raising her whip- the sound of it dragging on the floor so loud underneath the sirens- and I roll away just in time for the whip to come raking across where I laid. Quickly, I roll to my feet and throw myself at her, teeth bare in a wild snarl.

It does the trick; she flinches at the sight of me stepping back as I rear back a fist, squaring a punch to her stomach, and as she recoils, I grab her dominant arm with both of mine and dig my fingers into her form, swinging her away from me. Dizzy, she spins to a stop, her whip dancing in a twirl around her, but the moment is all I need to summon my sword and launch at her again.

She blocks my first volley of hard hits, as I put everything my much meeker form can muster into every blow, sparks flying. But soon her look of surprise and worry is replaced with a grimace, and then the glare returns, and she rebuffs me, and it's my turn to reel back while she puts into effect her own array of attacks.

"Damn you!" She screams as I do my best to dodge and block her. I'm staying alive, staying on my feet, but it's obvious I'm out of my league trying to hold even with her. I'm little more than an annoyance, and she'll wear me down eventually.

'Eventually' comes pretty quickly, as she manages to catch me by the ankle with a trick, her whip appearing to bend backwards when I didn't expect it to. I trip as she yanks hard on her weapon, and it's everything I can do to not stab myself or shatter my gem on the floor when I fall. She drags me back to her with another harsh yank, and I turn myself over to face her, a foot coming down on my stomach.

"I don't understand.." She growls.

"I- I don't either.." I admit, tears coming to my eyes from the pain. "I don't think it's a thing w-we can understand- it's a feeling, a promise.. k-kindness-" I squeal as she puts more of her weight on the foot in my gut. "- I don't know! I'm _not_ special- kindness isn't special- it shouldn't be, it should be- it-" The Agate cuts me off, her hand clamping down on my mouth.

"I don't _care_. You'll die here, and that'll be that. I'll return the Fluorite to White Diamond, and you'll be nothing more than a mention in a briefing packet." My hands tear at hers, but she's too strong, too big. She raises the pommel of her whip to my forehead, my gem, taking aim-

The door opens, and Phantom Fluorite stumbles in, halting the Agate. They see us, and their eye is wide with fear, first, but then slowly it narrows, a deep, burgeoning anger bubbling forward. The Agate chuckles.

"What?" She laughs, inviting Phantom to do something, anything. I watch through the corner of my eyes as they seem to steel themself.

"Let her go." Phantom says, voice low and frightened but edged with a tone I'm not familiar with.

"No." She says, her fingertips pulling at my cheeks, nails scraping my skin. I'm impressed and horrified when she lifts me by my face, which hurts and jars me, and heaves the whip at Phantom, who scurries to dodge as it tears through the doorway, making it collapse. She doesn't seem to care, and simply attacks, again and again, dancing lines of sparks leaving colorful echoes in the air. As I'm wildly jerked around, still trying to claw the oppressive hand from my face, I can see the utter terror on Phantom's as they dodge the Agate's frantic attacks.

I have a horrible, dangerous idea. But it'll help Phantom, and maybe even our odds.. Let's give the Agate a taste of her own weapon.

I pull hard with my whole body, twisting her elbow in toward her body, as the Agate pulls her other arm back to crack the whip. I reach out and grab it, instantly regretting it as the volts set my body aflame, the tingling sensation mind-bogglingly painful. But I feel the Agate clench, flinching under the pain as well. The whip is in her hand- so is our shared pain.

She seems to guess my gamble, and she holds on both to me and the whip, either unwilling or unable to turn the electricity off. I feel my hands loosen on the whip, and I feel her grip on my face loosening too, but there's no knowing who'll break first-

She drops me and the whip both as something enormous smashes into her face. I fall to the ground with empty hands, choking in air to relieve the burning in my body, confused. I'm even more confused as I'm dragged back, away from the collapsed Agate.

"I've got you, I got you-" Phantom says, hands under my arms, pulling me to safety. I look up at them- so relieved and happy to see they're okay. They seem a bit scuffed, but they're here, intact, their gem is fine, and that's better than I feared it would be. "We've got to get out of here-!" They trip over something as the roaring of a gem and the groaning of heavy metal come from where we left the Agate. I pull them to their knees, wobbly myself, and brace for Diamonds don't even know what.

The Agate shoves the hunk of metal off her body with a thunderous roar. She summons not one, but two whips, and I have no words to describe the maneuvers she deftly weaves from her whips. The hangar explodes in a flurry of light, explosions, flying machinery torn from ships, and the singular screaming Agate. Phantom is the one who blocks or dodges most of whatever might hit us, as I'm unable to comprehend everything or anything that's happening, still stiff from the Agate's attacks earlier.

They're putting out an insane amount of power and effort that I thought they didn't have. I see a net of shimmering scales rebounding, rebuffing the whips and weaponized debris alike, but each success is weaker than the last, til the shield of energy is nearly completely translucent. But their strength is limited, their power over the space and objects around us waning fast. I was surprised they could throw whatever that things was, but now this? Still, Phantom doesn't give in, their outstretched arms trembling with exertion.

The last blow, however, slams into the shield heavier and harder than the others, and it knocks us both back several yards. We ricochet off a yet undamaged ship, falling hard to the floor in a heap.

"Are you- Are you okay?" I rasp, throat still stinging. Phantom nods, pushing themself off of me, a hand raising to their head.

"It's- this might sound weird, but it's so good to hear your voice." They steady themself on my shoulder, and ask, "Are you alright?" I nod, putting a hand on their shoulder, too.

The ship behind us explodes as a smaller one is smashed, demolition style, into it. I shriek, and Phantom and I duck our heads down. From flames and the direction we were tossed, the Agate strides forward.

"How _sweet_. A _happy_ little reunion for the two of you.." She growls. I honestly don't understand why she's so _incensed_ by this, by us. "But it ends; _she_ ends! Now!"

"No!" Phantom shouts back, hands clenching on my arms, but I keep myself between her and them. I won't let them suffer for me.

"Yes! The Diamonds want her _dead_ , want you _alive_ , and I will _not_ fail them!"

"I won't let you shatter her! You will have to tear me apart first!" Phantom declares, so serious, so emphatic. I look over my shoulder at them, surprised- Is this really the same gem who yelled at me when we last saw each other, who drove me away, drove me to silence and tears? What changed? Why am I so precious to them now that they would put themself between me and my doom, like I would do for them?

"AUGH!" The Agate puts her hands to her head. "What's so _special_ about her!? Why fight and drag this out!? When you know how it ends- _**why?**_ "

"Because I don't want it to! I was unkind- I thought I lost her- I thought- I thought I sent her into death with my malice in her mind! How could I be so ungrateful! You expect me to turn a second chance away, despite the hardships? No- No I can't- I _won't_!

I was a fool to turn her away, but not this time, not again!" Phantom chokes out as they wrap their arms around me in a clumsy but heartfelt embrace, "If White Diamond wants me, she'll take us both or have neither! I'm _done_ sacrificing others!"

My heart swells as Phantom squeezes me tighter, and I can feel myself gasp, like my body is distant from me. My vision blurs, the room turning white- is it the fire or my tears? I feel- I cannot describe it but I feel, suddenly, what Phantom feels, and I know that they can feel what I feel and then-

We gasp.

The ship must be falling apart, I'm-we're on my-our knees, we look up and the Agate-Luna is horrified, stepping back toward the fire, away from me-us-her-them. With a groan I-we try to stand, to find my-our friend but- I-we can't see you, where did you go-?

I'm right here. We're both here? A hand comes to our face, and then another, but the same somehow, and each finds a different gem, one soft and round and long and centered, the other cubic and edged and where an eye out to go. Another gasp- we're _fused_?

We see now why the Luna Agate is so horrified- have two different gems ever fused before? On whose part is this anomaly possible? It shouldn't be at all, but here we are. The Luna Agate draws her weapon close, preparing to attack, afraid though she so obviously is.

"Oh no you don't..!" Our mouth speaks, but whose words were those? Yours or mine, hers or theirs? No, it's both of us- we don't want anyone to hurt our friend again- ourself? It hardly matters, our four arms form fists, a low rumble emitting from our throat as we stand- awkwardly on legs that have too many joints, that end in long, distorted hands- daring her to challenge us.

"What _are_ you?" She whispers as we tower over her, but we can hear so much better-slightly worse than before. Our minds rack for an answer until something appropriate forms.

"We are Dragon Vein Agate.." We say, and with a mighty heave, our fists come crashing down into the floor, a ripple of metal upending the Agate, the fires unable to sustain themselves.

Neither can we seem to hold onto ourself- our body is so big and new and strange- I'm so glad to be here with you, I'm so glad she's/they're here with me, I don't want to let go but our body twists and wrenches out from under us- hold on until we're safe- let's take a ship- a big one so we fit- with extra pods- why do we need pods- the world shifts- we need to leave- we're splitting don't go-

 _Don't let go-_


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25: New Desires

A shuddering gasp as we fall apart- but we made it. We made it. I gasp, alone now in my head, a single entity in my own form, though cramped in this chair nonetheless. It doesn't help that something is on top of me, crushing me into this uncomfortable, unfamiliar seat-

Wait, Sardonyx?

It's hard to tell- the mass is a glowing blur with so little definition, no shape to the form, but it writhes like it's trying to solidify, yellows and reds and oranges in cascading stripes. Still, it isn't til I see her gem that I can speak-

"Sardonyx?" I ask the mass, confused and scared. My voice seems to help, or maybe it's because it's her name? The mass rolls off my lap and onto the floor with a heavy _thump_ , then stands, much more clearly in the silhouette of my friend- _my friend!_ A mouth forms, opens, and gasps-

"Phantom?" Her voice is metallic and distant, like a mirage that's travelled through mirrors, not quite right and so far away.

"I'm here! What's- How- What's going on?" I stand, but I keep a distance, afraid. Like before, she seems to become just a little more solid, a little more real, her true colors coming through, her eyes opening, everything about her finalizing, settling, except-

"My- my hands-! I can't-" Only her wrists glow with that yellow-white light, the mass of light that _ought_ to be her hands instead an ill-defined, morphing, warping form without form. I can see strain on her face, and I realize she's probably never shape-shifted before, or her memory makes it feel like she never has. Either way, she's stuck. "I can't remember!" She confirms, whining, but it sounds like she's in pain.

"It's- It's okay, just- just _feel_." I try to explain, but I've never been particularly good at shifting myself, and it feels like there's no time, the exertion obvious in all of her as she falls to her knees, weak and straining and whining with the effort, trying too hard. In desperation I fall to my knees too, and clasp her would-be hands.

"It's okay." I whisper, trying to make it so just by promising it will. I can only look at her eyes, which hone in on my own, gaze turning quickly from panic to- to something I can't name. Her eyes are.. calmer.. trusting? In my hands I feel her light calm and solidify, become her wide and gentle hands, and stay. But our eyes are only on each other's.

Minutes must pass as we sit in a tense silence, the aftermath of panic and desperation. I can't shake the feeling of utter gratitude that she's alive, she's here, that we made it, and that I have a chance to fix or make up for my horrible behavior. She stares unblinking at my eye, mouth agape. I can scarcely look at anything else myself, but I can't help but pick up the details of her state- the burns on the top of her form, the whip marks on her back, the rough and wildness of her hair, the stressful breathing that must surely be a result of the damage she suffered.

The moment ends when she pulls her hands away, eyes distant as she pulls back from me.

"S-Sardonyx?"

"I don't understand.." She whines, eyes misting over.

"What.."

"Why? Why do you suddenly- why not- you were- I'm not-" She shakes her head, puts her face in her hands, form wracked with sobs. I can't stand it. But I don't know what to say, either. I let her cry, wanting to reach out but feeling unable to, until she speaks again.

"I thought.. you hated me.." She lets out.

"No!" I burst, slamming my palms flat against the floor, leaning close. Realizing this is not a moment for hysterical declarations, I pull back, try to compose myself, but with little success. "No, I could never! I- I thought I did, but I don't- I was- I was hurt, in- in the past and I- I thought you would- but I should've known that you- you would never- I don't- I didn't-" I try to explain but it's a mess, _I'm_ a mess. "I said.. I acted the way an older me might have.. I don't want.. I'm _not_ that.. Something changed.. I changed, when you came. And it took too long to realize or act like it, I know, but-

When I thought you were dead, and I thought you were the entire time we were on that ship else I'd have come for you, I could do nothing but.. but mourn. For the kindness you'd given me, and.. and.. I couldn't stop thinking that I'd- I'd made the worst possible mistake in, in assuming you were like everyone else, in acting like you were everyone else.. I- I could only think that it had hurt, but- but it hadn't. When you reached out it- it was.. _good_. And it frightened me. And I.. I thought it was pain. But truer pain was thinking you were gone.. I'm so, so sorry for what I said, what I did.."

"I thought.. you were so mad, I thought you hated me. We were.. we were okay, and then we were really okay, and then, then suddenly we weren't, not at all, and now- I just can't.. I don't even remember what exactly you said, I just know it _hurt_. And I missed you when I was in that room by myself, but I couldn't stop thinking that I _ruined_ it. You seemed so.. so happy with how we were going and I- when I just wanted to help- It felt like I burnt it all down.."

"No, no, _I_ did.. I- You _were_ just trying to help, weren't you? Like you _always_ do.. And I panicked- that was all me, you couldn't have known.. I didn't-" I struggle to hold onto the moment, "I wasn't thinking, only feeling, and it- it was not on purpose, but I could've been stronger than that.."

"I just.. I thought you hated me, and it hurt so much. I didn't want it to, and I- I didn't know how to fix it and then, then we were- I don't know, apart, I think, and then you came in with an- an _axe_ , I- I was so sure you'd.. I wouldn't've blamed you, but I was so _scared_.." She sniffles, wiping away a tear.

"I- I'm sorry."

"I.. I think I knew that.. I'm glad.. This is dumb, but I'm glad you don't hate me. I really liked being with you, and.. I wanted as much time as possible.." She says, but her voice is hushed. I don't understand what she means, so I just sit across from her as she thinks, her eyes so weighted, so tired. "But I guess I should.. get going." She looks to the back of the ship, to the walls lined with pods.

"Going? Why? Where?" I boggle. " _Why?_ "

"I don't know. Away. So you can find a place to stay in peace." She shrugs, refusing to meet my eye.

"I don't want that anymore!" I blurt, unable to contain myself. She looks at me with shock, finally looking up at me. Once again, as it ever has, the direct eye contact sends me reeling, boggles my mind, as every ounce of earnest emotion contained in her wide yellow eyes seems to pour into me. I glance away to steel myself.

"I- I appreciate you, and your company, and your kindness, and I- I'd rather.. rather not part ways. I don't want to go without that, without- well, without _you_. I know I've been abominable at times but- but I-" I look up again, suddenly too brave and too afraid to not look her in the eye, "I don't want to be alone anymore. I want.. if you'll allow me.. to travel with you." She gasps, eyes looking this way and that- "I know it'll be dangerous, but- but I want it more than I've wanted anything. Peace, quiet, safety- they seem meaningless if I can't be.. happy. With you.. again, if you'll have me.."

"Wh- why?"

"I.. I was alone for thousands of years, and I was safe, and alone, and quiet. But I was never happy. Content, maybe briefly at times, but never happy. It took some time, but- but I started to feel- I didn't know I could feel like that.. I didn't know that living could feel _good_. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be miserable, wallowing in past pains, and I don't ever want to make you think you made me _un_ happy.

Of course, I understand if.. If you'd rather not have me aboard. I was terrible.."

"I-" She starts, then stops, rubbing a hand into her eye. She smiles even as fresh tears form. "I'd like it if you'd stay a lot, actually. I'm- I'm so afraid to mess things up again, but, but I don't wanna be alone either, and I like you a lot and- I care about you, and I- I just-" A sorrow runs through her and she collapses on herself, tears breaking free. "I don't wanna be alone either."

Despite my fears and anxieties about _touch_ , I reach out, arms open, and she presses herself into me, arms reaching around my torso. And it's.. good. I relax into the embrace, into her.. It's such a strange, vulnerable position, but I feel at home here, holding onto her. Like when we were running through the ship, having just escaped the room, for all the vulnerability, all the fear and the anxiety, it's better because she's here.

"May I stay with you, then?" I ask into her hair.

"I'm heading to war.. I feel like that's where I need to go, no matter what.. are you sure you want to come with me?" It's a serious question, a dangerous consideration. But I knew that already, didn't I? She's set on being free and safe and helpful, and Earth is probably the best place to accomplish that.. A world of war, but a war for equality, for happiness, for life? With _her_? Is there any question?

"I feel.. that I must. I want to go where you go, and- and if war is it, then.."

"I don't want to put you in danger, but that's all running with me would be." She reiterates, but I shake my head.

"White Diamond wants me to be her plaything; danger is all my life has ever been. At least with you I- I won't be alone." I sigh. "But I- I want- I _need_ to promise you- The way I acted before- The things I said- never again. I will never- I want to do better, _be_ better. I- I'm afraid to mess things up again too.."

"It'll take time. To learn and unlearn. I promise I'll be patient with you, and I'll do what I can to make things easier. It's all so new to both of us.. And we've got time, until we make it to, uh.. the war, _if_ we make it that far.." Sardonyx sighs and pulls away. "Aren't you.. unnerved by what just happened? That- Fusion between different gems shouldn't be _possible_ , but that's- that's what just happened- doesn't that bother you, that I can-".

"Why do you think it's your oddities that made it possible? I've never fused before, either, never had reason to.. but it could've been me that made it possible." I shrug.

"I guess we're both pretty weird, huh.." She chuckles. "It was nice, though.. however brief and strange.. to be..". She blushes, knitting her hands together. I realize what she means, and I feel my cheeks warm as well. Fusion is something I'd never experienced before, but I knew it was, and likely still is, considered intimate. How can it not be? Two minds, or more, in complete contact, so close as to become one? I can't conceive of anything _more_ intimate.

"It was. It was- well, it was really nice.. I could feel how you felt. I could see- knew some things you'd known, bits of memory, things of import.. I felt how much you care.." I put a hand to my chest, enraptured with the memory, the knowledge.

"And I felt how much _you_ care- you were so afraid but you _stayed_ \- with- with _me_. I-" Sardonyx smiles, but her brows furrow. "What changed?"

"What?"

"You- you clearly didn't like me in the beginning. I could feel that, too, or I was just remembering it, but it made what you feel now all the stronger. But I couldn't see, couldn't tell, or, or couldn't _find_ what changed. It wasn't important in the moment, and those other things just came to me on their own.. "

"Well.. I'm not entirely sure. I- Our time on the ship was the most pleasant time I can ever recall having, teaching you and learning from you and talking and hearing music, even the one time.. And when we were taken down, I thought you were shattered, and I- The _guilt_. I missed you- and I realized I'd always miss you, and that.. that the last thing I said to you was- was something about never wanting to speak or hear from you again, I-" I sigh.

"I have come to appreciate you so much, and I didn't even realize it until I thought you were gone, and I certainly did nothing to show it. When I… When I saw you, then, I realized I had a second chance. To really appreciate you, and to tell you, and to show you, and to- to _apologize_.."

"It's okay..". Sardonyx says, her voice pulling me out of my miserable reverie. I see her hand start to come forward, but then she pulls back. "I'm here. I don't plan on going anywhere, either. And I understand why-"

"I knew you'd say that, but I want you to understand how deeply _wrong_ I was to act that way, how much you didn't deserve it-"

"But I rushed in- I scared you, I- I'm pretty sure I knew you didn't like being touched and I did it anyway-"

"But it was out of concern, like _everything_ else you do! You were only trying to help-"

"But I did it _wrong_ \- I could've spoken up at any time but I didn't! I should have known _better_." She groans, the sound full of disappointment.

"I can see we're at an impasse.." I sigh, slumping back. "I think I made the bigger mistake, and you think you did.."

"Well- yeah..". She starts with a fire, but it dulls almost immediately. The ship is quiet as we both try to feel out the next step. Sardonyx shrugs slowly, deeply, musing, "We can.. we can both just.. try to do better. Promise each other we'll do better. Work on it together, so that it doesn't happen again, or as worse.."

"And even if it does.. surely.. surely we could talk about it? We always seem to come to understand each other when we do, so.."

"I think so too. We can try." At last, her voice sounds hopeful. She's still so roughed up, and she seems tired, but she's alive, she's here, and she's smiling. I find myself smiling too. "Can I hug you again?" She asks, suddenly shy.

Instead of answering, I open my arms and lean forward. Once again, she accepts, burying her face in my shoulder, though this time with enough force to knock us both over.

I can't help but laugh, and she does too, and it feels like my world is spinning in the right direction for the first time in my life.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26: Discoveries

We set a course for Earth, rocketing our new, bigger, and better ship as fast as it will hurtle. Sardonyx expresses disappointment that it does not have a warp function, as some ships apparently have these days, but it's speed is vastly improved from our last shared getaway vehicle.

We stay quiet for a long time, simply appreciating the relative stillness. But I keep noticing something that bothers me. Sardonyx keeps opening her mouth to speak or lifting a hand out, but then silences and stills herself, or worse turns away. Several times she's done this, but I don't have the fight in me to say something about it. I don't even know what I would say. I just hope that she's not uncomfortable with me being here, and that it will pass with time.

As we watch the stars go by at phenomenal speeds, Sardonyx does manage to speak up.

"What did they do to you?" She almost whispers.

"What?"

"They put that thing on your face and you seemed.. not like yourself, until you recognized me. And you were hurt, still are.." She puts a hand near my arm, where true enough there's a huge scrape on my upper arm- from that last hit from Luna, I think.

"I- she was reconditioning me.." Sardonyx looks up at me with big, sad eyes. "It's a kind of.. training. That she was doing, I mean. It's easy to get someone to do something under threat of pain.." I explain.

"She was torturing you.." Yes, and about her. I ought to tell her, shouldn't I? That I sold her secrets for a moment with a little less pain, that even thinking her dead, I couldn't do right by her..

"Indeed." I say, at last. "She.. she asked me about you, and I didn't want to tell her anything, just to spite her, but- I did, eventually, but I didn't know you were still- but now they have all that information about you-" I put a hand to my face, feeling senseless.

"Like what?"

"How your memory works, mostly. Your physical limitations.. anything, but there was a deep interest in how your mind and memory work. I'm sorry.." I feel so small, so _stupid_.

"You did your best with what you knew at the time. And she was _torturing_ you! I can't- I'd never expect-" She shakes her head. "I'm sorry."

"I- _what_?"

"That they did that to you, about me- a-about information about me.. I can't- I don't know what they'd want- I'm so sorry they hurt you over- over _me_.."

"Sardonyx- you didn't have anything to _do_ with what they did to me- they'd do it for fun, they'd do it to have me say anything- They'd do it because it's what they do regardless- You- you didn't do this to me. _Luna Agate_ did. Her reasons don't matter." I tell her, but she just eyes the scorch marks, eyes heavy with guilt. "You suffered for me, too."

"Yeah but I owed you for messing up your _life-_ "

"I owed it to you for being so kind to such an undeserving wretch." I argue.

"But that's not deserving of _torture_ \- I upended everything you wanted-"

"That I don't want anymore!"

"-and I fought an Agate and lost and it hurt, so _what_? My suffering was not the same as yours, I did- I did _nothing_ that warranted you hurting that bad."

"You also put your hands on that deafener, which was so painfully shocking that I _could not move_. You pulled it apart with your bare hands, fighting through the exact same torture I could not. That is not nothing."

"I still don't-"

"You stood up to that Carnelian, 8NP. _She_ hurt you. You fought off the others when I stopped her from shattering you. You held back the horde when I was opening the door, and you were the one who undid 8NP when she was trying to come into the ship. You came back for me- well for.. for someone.. in the first place. But you didn't give up on me, on helping me, even when I-"

"So what? What does any of that matter when it still led to you being _hurt_? I can't- I don't-"

"Don't _what_?"

"I don't _know_. I don't know what I'm trying to say, I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling- I just don't like that they- she hurt you. I don't like it."

"I don't like that you were hurt either." She doesn't say anything to that. She just twists her fingers together avoiding my eye. "We can't trade suffering, Sardonyx. I'm grateful for what you've done.." How do I explain the misery I've been in, the suffering I don't want to remember, the pain and the hate and the death? How do I explain that her every action is antithesis to that past? How can I tell her how much it all means to me?

"I'm grateful for you, too. I'm- I just.. feel bad." She says, but she doesn't elaborate. She turns away from me, from the window, and heads into the belly of the ship. My stomach twists anxiously, unsure how to help her, how to make right whatever's wrong in her mind..

"Tell me about it.. What are you feeling?" I ask, from the front still. If she needs the space, I won't intrude, but I need her to know that I want to help, want to listen..

"I feel small." She says after thinking for a moment, and turns back to me. "Like.. Like I'm dust out in that vast empty space. I- I'm trying to do good, but.. I'm not sure I'm achieving anything. I- I failed my sister, didn't I? She's dead. That's why she isn't here, right? And I- you said it's not my fault, but I can't help but, but think that if I'd just.. died.. you wouldn't've gone through that ordeal, wouldn't have suffered- I- For all that I want to do good, make life better for.. for _someone_.. I just feel like I'm not.. capable."

"You've made my life better.." I offer, meekly.

"How? I- I ruined your home, I- I make you anxious, I-"

"Made me happy. I am- I've been- When we were-" I try to capture the feeling in my own mind so best to explain it, "On the ship, before, it was good. _You_ are good."

"But I did fail my sister. Didn't I?" I can see from her eyes that she can't quite remember, but some part of her knows. I sigh.

"You couldn't choose between her and I, and an impatient Pearl decided for you.." I admit, and her breath catches. "It wasn't your fault! You weren't given a proper choice, a-and it was cruel of them to force you to choose in the first place!"

"But she's gone?" Sardonyx asks, tears glistening down her cheeks. I can only nod. She appears to crumble, hands to her mouth, shoulders hunched, turning away.

"You did your best.." I say.

"It wasn't enough.." She retorts.

"But it was all you could do. Sometimes.. that's all you have. You can do everything you can, and give everything there is to give… and it isn't enough. It's horrible and sad and heart breaking, but it's all you can give. It's all you have. You tried. You did.. you did _everything_."

"It wasn't _enough_."

"I know. It never is.." I say, wistful and melancholy, miserable in a mirage of memory. "But you keep trying anyway. We- we both do. We- our actions, alone, aren't enough, but- but we keep trying. Out of stubbornness, or spite, we keep going. Trying to move on, and- and do better. Right?"

Sardonyx, looking up from her tear-streaked hands, nods.

"So- we haven't done it yet, but- but next time. We'll do better next time. And we'll keep trying, until- until it really is better. The best it can be, whatever 'it' is.. T-together..? And- and we'll mourn the ones we've lost, the people and the opportunities, but we'll keep going, in their memory. Doing our best, so nothing is as bad as it was… If that makes any sense."

"I think it does. I just- I can't _remember_ and, and every time I do, or almost do, I- it hurts all over again. I don't wanna forget her, but I don't know if I can live like this, constantly re-losing her.."

"It hasn't been very long, to be fair."

"No?"

"At the most a- a month. I don't know how long I was out, though, so maybe.. a month and a half? We travelled for so long.."

"We've known each other a month and a half?"

"A little more than, yes. If my estimation is correct."

"That's so much shorter than I thought it was.." She breathes. "I thought- it felt like we travelled together for years.."

"You would put up with me for _years_?" I ask, baffled. "You thought your sister's been dead for years.."I put a hand to my mouth, unnerved by the implications of this revelation. "You've been grieving so hard for what you thought was _years_?"

"I- I kinda put the grieving on hold while I was in that room, b-because I thought.. well, I thought I'd be joining her soon, but- but yes.. I- It's all a blur. We talked and we fought and trained and it was so much and it- I don't know.. I thought it was at least _one_ year.. but it's just been a month.. it's only been a _month_.." She puts her hands to her head, forming blinders as she stares wide-eyed at the floor. "Do I have a grip on literally _anything_?"

"I- I don't-"

"I- stars, I-" She shakes her head, then grabs her hair and begins to pace. "How did I- What- What am I _doing_?"

"What?" I don't know what to say- what does she even mean?

"Who- Who _am_ I? How old am I even? Where- how did this happen? How am I alive? I'm such an _idiot_ \- how have I survived?" She continues to pace, growing more and more frantic as she turns in tighter and tighter circles. I can't stand to see her like this, can't stand to feel this way and do nothing, so I do the only thing I can think of: I stop her. First with hands on her shoulders to push her to a stop, then with my hands over hers on her face, to steady her.

"Sardonyx." I say. "You're not an idiot. You're fine. You're clever, and more so than you think. We can figure this out, if it means so much to you. It's alright. It's alright."

For a moment she just stares blankly at me, but then she slowly nods. I release my hands from hers, and she lets go of her face, thinking deeply.

"I'm sorry.." I say.

"What? Why are _you_ sorry?"

"For not realizing- I lost track of time myself but I- I should have realized it'd be worse for you.."

"How could you have known? I didn't even know." She laughs, but it's mirthless

"I don't know.. I just feel bad for not realizing.." I shrug. "I believe you've said that it's common to apologize for things outside of your control, to express sympathy, or some such.."

"That sounds like something I'd say, yeah.." She chuckles.

"How should we go about discerning your age, then? Might the database help?"

"It's unlikely to have anything about me, personally, or even a gem class breakdown.." She shrugs..

[X]

"What about historical entries?" Phantom suggests. "Is there any chance we can estimate your age based on some event?"

"I- Maybe. We can check." I say, and Phantom smiles confidently. It's a little unnerving- seeing them smile so much, after the last time they were relaxed like this ended so bad, but it's also reassuring. Maybe, like they said, it's not really ruined at all. It'll just take some time to find my rhythm with them again..

At the console, Phantom pulls up the database, typing in 'history', but nothing comes up.

"Ah.. unfortunate. I suppose it was unlikely a military vessel would have historic information.. Although.." Phantom thinks aloud, disappointed, but then types in '2OS'.

"Why would they have-" I start to ask, but an entry immediately pops up. "-oh.."

"Since she was coming after us, it makes sense her ship would bear files on the two of us.. Look, there's one on me, too." They point at a new search, but instead of one, seven files pull up in separate windows. "Oh..". They say, surprised as I was by my own file.

"What is all this?" I ask. Phantom shakes their head and shrugs.

"I suppose it's all they know about me, but I never thought it'd add up to so many entries..". They scroll through one of them. "They're not very long, though. More comprehensive than detailed. And they've got several things wrong, stars help them.." They laugh, but turn to me. "But that's not what we were looking for, was it?"

With that, they turn back to my file, opening it for the two of us to read. I skim, but like Phantom said, it's not very detailed. It's a brief overview of my existence, my job, but I stop reading myself as Phantom reads aloud,

"2OS of 7S6R. Formed 300 years APD. Overseer Rank 1A. Planetary tour includes thirty-three planets across twenty solar systems. Recently sentenced to decommission.. along with the rest of the 7S6R facet for defects." Phantom reads, summarizing paragraphs. "So.. what does APD mean?"

"'After Pink Diamond'. I was formed three hundred years After Pink Diamond was formed."

"And.. and what year was Pink Diamond formed?" Phantom asks, nervously.

"Ah.. ten thousand.. ABD? And Blue was formed… five thousand AYD.. I think." The numbers feel right, but they're probably approximations.. "Or around those marks, give or take a couple decades." I rub my head, the area around my gem aching.

"Those are… a _lot_ of years." Phantom breathes. "And I'm older than Yellow Diamond.." They think.

"Does your file say when you were made?" I ask, my curiosity returned. Phantom shrugs, but pulls up the first of their files, though they keep it small so I can't read it. I'm worried about the secrecy, but I can't say I'm mad about it. I guess somethings they just aren't ready for me to know.

It takes a few minutes as they speed through several files, none of them apparently having the desired information. Until, eventually, Phantom hisses a gasp, sitting back in their chair.

"What, what is it?"

"It says fifteen thousand BYD. I presume that means 'before Yellow Diamond'.. That makes me at least _thirty thousand_ years old…" I reel as I try to comprehend that much _time_. "Blazes, I- I've existed for _so long_ , and- and it feels like _nothing_.."

"I- does it feel bad? To know that?"

"No- I- I had a feeling it was some absurd number, but- It never felt like it was that long.. I know what a day feels like. I know what a year and ten years feel like.. but somewhere past that time loses meaning.. Especially when you're cowering in a dark, dank asteroid's core doing nothing of value.." Phantom sighs. "In a way, it's very comforting to know that I avoided White Diamond for so long, but what did I _do_ with all that time? Nothing.. Absolutely nothing."

"You survived." I shrug. I chuckle. "You were waiting for me." I joke, almost unable to deliver it with a straight face. But when I look at Phantom, they're blushing furiously, eye wide and wet. "I- are you okay?"

"I- It just struck me that that's- that's true in a way. You're right." They look away. "I was always waiting for my time there to end, and I never knew how it would happen.. I never would have imagined it'd end like this, and.. and be the start of something new." Phantom laughs. "That sounds silly, I'm sure."

"Is that how you feel, though?" I ask, and they nod after giving it a thought. "Then it's not silly at all. It's the way you feel, and it's important, and I'm glad I- I'm glad you told me." I shrug.

"I'm glad, too." Phantom smiles, and the sight is so refreshing that I lose myself in a beaming grin myself. "Ah, but what year _is_ it? Currently?" I steal a glance at the clock bar at the bottom of the console.

"Eight hundred APD. So I'm only five hundred years old… Huh." Doing the math in my head, if Phantom is thirty thousand, eight hundred years old, and I'm only five hundred.. Phantom is nearly sixty-two times older than me. It's a staggering number, an enormous difference, and yet.. They don't feel that far away from me. Maybe it's all the time they spent, as they said, doing nothing, but they don't _feel_ their age. Not like, I imagine, meeting a diamond or an older sardonyx might feel like. The differences there would be _palpable_ , I'm sure.

I stare out the window, stars blazing past us, the mystery finally solved. Five hundred years, five _hundred_ years my sister must have kept me safe.. But who does that make me? If she was the hero who kept me safe, what does that make me? A damsel? I couldn't save her, that's for certain.. but I could help Phantom. I _can_ help Phantom, especially if they're determined to stay with me on my adventure into the biggest fight in known history..

I'm going to keep us both safe, and we're going to live free and happy on Earth, someday. I can feel it.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27: Practice

Weeks have passed quietly, calmly, with no sign of the Agate or her ship. With the state we left it in, the engine consuming itself and the structure completely failing, it'll be a few months before that specific ship is ready to voyage again. That's assuming they get immediate help, too- and we were deep in space beyond any nearby colonies.

Phantom and I find our comfort easily, our conversations continuing as simply as they used to, but even easier if anything. Whatever walls were between us are gone, and the change is.. immeasurable. I can't put into words how _comfortable_ I am with them, talking and training and laughing. I get the sense that this is both familiar, and new. It was like this before the Agate caught us the last time, right? And yet it's _better_ , and different.

I am lying on the floor in the 'cabin' area, daydreaming about what Earth will be like, now that I can consistently remember its name and existence, and what our lives will be like after the war, when Phantom clears their throat to catch my attention. I sit up and look at them and they seem.. nervous. Flustered. I wait for them to explain, but they just play with their hands, fingers hooking together and releasing and repeat.

"What's up, Phantom?" I try not to giggle at the charming way they're so _flustered_ , but it's hard. There's something so endearing about it.

"Well, I.. I had a question." They look anywhere but at me.

"I can try to answer it."

"Right, yes, well-" They clear their throat again. "Do you remember how we escaped Luna Agate? This last time?"

"You.. destroyed her ship, we got separated, and.. I fought her and lost pretty badly, and…" I rack my mind for what happened next, but it's a blur. I remember… ".. We scared her, and then we stole a ship.. And that was all, right?"

"Not exactly. We, ah.." They motion with their hands, fingers lacing together tightly..

"Oh! We _fused_ -!" I blink in realization, in _remembrance_. "I- that memory felt like we were- well of course- how could I forget!" I rub my hands on my face, feeling stupid. That's such a _big deal_!

"To be fair, I felt pretty- it was much like being a single, albeit different person to me as well.. B-but I was wondering if you'd like to.. to try that again?" Phantom propositions nervously.

"Wh- o-okay.. Why, though?" The idea is a bit shocking, so bold coming from Phantom. They answer this easily.

"Honestly, I'm trying to understand how, _why_ it happened. I've fought fusions before, but, of course, only between the same gem types, and they always turn out looking like a bigger version of that gem type. Four Rubies make a bigger Ruby, two Agates make a bigger Agate. We were.. different. Something in between and yet _more_ than the two of us.. Do you remember?"

"..Vaguely." I admit. I just remember how our _mind_ felt- our single mind, something yes, both of us but neither and yes, _more_.

"I would like to.. try again, to understand it.. If you'd be willing."

"I.. I am. I- It was nice, and I'd be lying if I wasn't curious how it happened, too." I nod, and Phantom smiles, still nervous, and comes to sit across from me on the floor.

"So.. how do other gems do it?" They lead.

"I'm not sure." I shake my head. "I never had to before, at least, not that I can remember."

"That's fair. Well, then, what's the definition of fusion? When we think of fusion, what does it _mean_?"

"Fusion is the synchronicity of mind and body between two or more gems, a condition and ability used tactically for feats of strength, dexterity, or battle.." I repeat on instinct. I blink, unsure where that came from. "I.. I must have learned that somewhere.." I flush.

"Th-that's fine- perfect, actually!" Phantom clears their throat and scoots closer. "So we know that fusion is about being synchronized- which means that's what we did when we fused the first time. We were in sync."

"So whatever I was feeling, you were feeling. I remember that. I remember being surprised but.. but so happy that we were feeling the same thing."

"I as well.. I.. I just didn't want to let go, didn't want Luna to hurt you, to _shatter_ you. It seemed impossible.. I couldn't allow it."

"And I didn't want her to hurt you just to get me, it- it wasn't fair.. I couldn't let her do it, couldn't let you get hurt for me. But I- I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I didn't want to leave you either."

Phantom smiles at me, puts a hand out, something they've started to do so casually, and I take it, letting my palm melt into theirs.

"Hopefully that won't ever happen." They say, and my chest rumbles happily. I see Phantom's gem light up, and feel mine glow too, but our combined shock almost dims them immediately. "Ah- quickly, what- what did we do next?"

"I- I don't know, I just remember being close to you and then suddenly we were each other, but not-" I panic as the lights dim, and suddenly afraid that I'm going to _lose_ the moment, symbolically losing _Phantom_ , I throw my free arm around them, and-

[X] (\\)

And I stand up, wobbily, unused to my own legs- where did- ah, ah!

"Where did you- I- go?" I ask out loud, but they-she don't respond. I'm right here. She-they are here too- are.. _me_? I feel clearer than I did before, but what _was_ before? I was here, and then I wasn't, but now I'm here again.. but what is here?

And for that matter, who am I?

I have the feeling I have always defined myself based on those around me, either as part or as 'other', but my other in this case is.. me? I search for someone to be at my side but instead, they are here, with me, _are_ me. I am.. both? We're both here, we're both.. me.

I- they- no, we? We, no it's 'I', now. I said 'I am Dragon Vein Agate'. Is that my name? Gems don't have names, they have types. They have numbers. But I am not a gem. I am two gems; I am a fusion. I'm new. I'm no one, or I shouldn't be, and yet I'm very much a someone.

It's so disorienting, suddenly _being_ , and I can feel- I can feel _so much_. I can feel _them_ , my components, their feelings, _our feelings_ , and it's so much, just that, it's so much. But I can feel- I can feel-

Strength. Magic. So much at my sixteen fingertips, so much more than either of them have ever felt, so much I can't contain it, can't control it- it overwhelms me and I-

(\\)

"Wah!" I blurt out as we fall apart with a pop. Unlike last time, I don't plop on top of Phantom. No, we're shoved apart. Thankfully unlike last time as well, I seem to recover my form just fine on my own, though I do struggle for just a moment.

"Sardonyx?" Phantom asks, sitting up from their back. "Are you alright?" I see them reach a hand out, worried, but I see the light of my reformation dimming, completing. I'm fine. I nod to Phantom, and they sigh, relieved. "That was-"

"Just as amazing as last time! We were- I could _feel you_ \- we were-"

"We were one! There was someone new and that was us, we were- we were someone else, a new person, but it was _us_!"

"Fantastic!" I exclaim, hopping up to grab their hand, pull them up and twirl them around. They laugh after a second, and then put a bit of swing of their own into our mad happy spin.

"Could you feel the power we had?" They ask, as we come to a halt. "If we could.. tame it.. we could do _so much_.."

"But it was so much on its own- how could we ever hope to contain it on such a small ship- we'd blow ourselves into empty space. I'd- we'd need a big area- maybe a planet, but I- that would be so dangerous..!"

"But _imagine_ \- we were strong, we were _safe_."

"We were _close_. We were _one_. We were _new_. Safe, yes. Strong, yes." I sound mystic mystified, murmuring. When did I get this close to Phantom? We're so near our chests are nearly touching, their neck crooking, hitching so they can meet my eyes. "I'm not saying no. I'm- there's just a lot of.."

"Variables, yes. If we find a place to stop, safely.. I'd like to understand it- them-" Phantom pauses. "-..us."

"Us?"

"Who we are. Forgive me if that sounds odd, but I feel.. so different, now that I'm with you. I said that I changed, but I.. I don't even know how drastically. But I want to know, want to understand." They explain, eye full of wonder, but they pull away suddenly. "I'm sorry- That was a stupid, strange thing to say."

"It's fine." I say, but my voice is small and meager. "We can try." Once again, I find myself wanting to reach out, to comfort the both of us, but something stops me from crossing those last fingertips of space. Phantom turns and catches my hand startling me, but their grip is loose, gentle-

"Why do you do that?" They ask, eyebrow dipped down in.. anger? Confusion? I don't know.

"What?"

"You keep reaching out, but stopping. Why? What's stopping you?" Phantom blinks, looking up and down quickly, "Did I do something?" Their voice is a breathless, fearful whisper. Afraid. They're _afraid_.

"Wh- no- I mean, yes, I mean-" I slap my hand over my mouth, wishing I could take it back. Phantom looks like I've slapped them, surprised and confused and hurt. They drop my hand, step back.

"What- what did I _do_?"

"It's nothing new, it's nothing _recent_ \- I just- E-every time I want to- I want to reach out, and I do, s-so often, but I- I see- I _remember_ \- your face when I- the last time.." I rub my wrists, my body remembering something I don't.

"You're afraid of me.." Phantom states, horrified, but they're wrong-

"No! No, I'm not afraid of _you_ , I'm afraid of how- how you'll react. I don't- It _was_ scary, last time, but not because you were scary- I was scared because of how you looked- You were so mad, so sad, so _scared_ , so _hurt_ \- and _I did that_.

I hurt you. It was the one thing I thought I'd managed to do, and.. it's the last thing I want.. I hurt you, and.. I hate myself for it. I just.. don't wanna hurt you again." I can feel my face hot with shame, and I wish for all the worlds that I could disappear into thin air, so _angry_ at myself for being so bent about this.

I look up at Phantom instead, unable to do anything else. They look conflicted, hurt and sad and confused and hopeful, trying to speak but unable. But I don't know what else to say, either, except to apologize profusely for being so stupid, but I have a feeling Phantom wouldn't take to that.

"You- I-" Phantom tries to start, but they just look down in contemplative astonishment.

"I'm sorry." I say, and nearly regret it, as their head whips up, further surprised, and _angry_. They come forward and I do my best not to flinch as they grab me by the shoulders.

"You have _nothing_ to apologize for." Their eye is intense, boring into mine, flitting between my two, their hands similarly stuck, burying, into my shoulders, " _I'm_ sorry- I- I didn't mean to- I wish I'd known- I-"

"Are you mad?"

"I- not at you- I just- I- I'm furious at myself for making you feel this way, and for letting it go so long- I've noticed for so long but I thought it would stop or you would tell me if there was a problem but I made you afraid of me so of _course_ you wouldn't come to me about it-"

"I'm not afraid of you! I trust you! I just didn't want to hurt _you_ again!" I push against Phantom's hands, my indignance against theirs.

"I don't _care_ about me! I'm _tired_ of being selfish- You've been afraid- or uncomfortable, wary, what-have-you, and I knew _something_ was wrong but I let it sit-"

"But I didn't do anything _either_ , I just wanted to try to get over it myself but I- I couldn't and now you _know_ that I'm so weak and stupid-"

"You're _neither_ of those things! I _scared_ you-"

"Lots of things are scary, Phantom, but you are **not** one of them! I just wanted to try to- I just didn't want to add to the list of things that've hurt you. If I was afraid of you, I wouldn't _be_ here." I sigh as Phantom searches my eyes. At last their grip on my shoulder relaxes. I let my hands relax from their wrists, too.

"I'm- I'm sorry for- for acting out like that- I- I don't like the idea of you..". They trail. "Why do you care _so much_? How?"

"I just do. I like you- I care about you." I shrug. Phantom laughs, putting a hand to their head.

"What about me is likeable?" They ask. I'm not sure if the question is rhetorical, but it's an easy one to answer.

"You're smart, and gentle and patient. You're funny, and attentive, and nice. You listen when I talk, and you ask me my opinion, and you ask for my help. You've trusted me, and you've saved me when I didn't deserve it, and I think you're secretly very noble, even through all the pains of your past. I know there's a lot, too, and that makes it, _you_ , even braver and nobler for it." They seem startled that I answered at all, but I continue, "Why do you like me?"

"You are kind and clever and thoughtful. You treated me- still treat me.. like a person. Like I deserve respect. Like my existence is worth.. having exist. You speak with me as an equal, as someone.. deserving of conversation. You.. aren't selfish of your kindness either. Your ability to care extends even to those who would destroy you.. like I once tried to.. You were a noble, but you are better than any Diamond could be.

You trust me, even though I was so.. abysmal. I still am- so selfish and scared, and I don't even know how to tell you all that, but despite your own fears, you're here, talking with me. To me, you are.. indescribably wonderful."

"You really think all that? About me?" I'm in awe, now. Me? Greater than a Diamond? Wonderful? _Clever_?

"Of course!" Phantom exclaims, laughing. "Do you.. really think all that about me?"

"Phantom, you're _wonderful_!"

"You're the first to think so, Sardonyx.."

"It's not fair that it took so long for someone to realize." I say, accurately, fairly, truly. "I- You really are amazing, Phantom."

"Are you not.. afraid.. of me?"

"If I was really afraid of _you_ , I would've left already."

"I don't understand you at all, do I?" Phantom chuckles, but grows serious. "I would… I would fear me so much. I'm.. so different. From you- from _anyone_ \- I don't understand how…" They shrug.

"You were taught to hate yourself, it sounds like. I wasn't. Or I defied that teaching. I don't know. I just know that.. you aren't worthy of fear or hate or.. anything, at least not based on _appearance_. That's stupid. And I- you were scary, in the beginning, but you- now- I don't know. I trust you. You are.. You are kind and good and I trust you." I say, and I know that some of it is half-true, half-waiting-to-be-true, something mystic about them waiting to be revealed. I know that they have a tendency towards understanding and compassion, even if it's been buried in survival instincts for so long.

Phantom just stares at me with a wide eye, dazzled and awed. I suspect that after the life they've lived, any positivity is hard to come by, let alone such as what I feel for them, which is wild and ardent respect.

"You don't think I'm.. Forgive me for sounding so vain, but- but you don't think I'm ugly? Hideous? You never once thought about the way I look?"

"I _thought_ about it, sure, but only insofar as I wondered what you were _for_ , but that hardly matters anymore." I snort. "You're just _you_. It doesn't matter to me what you look like. I know _you_."

Phantom chuckles, and then a couple tears spill over and out of their eye, their laughter deepening. I want to reach out, and I hesitate, their angry, hurt face flashing in my mind, but this time, _this time_ , I don't stay there. I reach out, pull them into a hug, burying my face in their collar.

"I'm here for you, Phantom." I tell them as they hold me back, sobbing but happy, and so very dear to me.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28: Landing Hard

Music cuts through the room. I can't say how long I've stood here, holding onto her, but I'm jarred to reality as the tune explodes into being. She steps away, as do I, sight focusing on the console, the control panel of this ship. Sardonyx seems raptly attentive to the sound, but I'm not familiar, music in general still being foreign to me.

" _When our stars die out and the world turns black_

 _There you'll be, rising above all that,_

 _Shining and resplendent, you are more than me_

 _Dazzling and infinite, become more than me.."_

"We must be close to someone important." Sardonyx says, but most of her mind is elsewhere, I can see. She's truly enraptured by this sound, her eyes unfocused and unsteady. Her whole _form_ is unsteady, and I hold her still as she listens. The rest of the song is an obvious adulation of the Diamonds, something attempting 'awestruck' and 'adoring'. Afterwards, something new plays, but it is wordless, and therefore meaningless to me. It's a pretty sound, if I'm fair, but my concern is _Sardonyx_.

"Who?" I ask, hoping to bring my partner back to me.

"I- I don't know. It's not obvious.." She murmurs, still thoughtlessly.

"But it means we could land.." I say. That brings her back. Her vision focuses and then she looks up, mystified.

"We could. We _should_." She says. "I think we can track the signal."

"Truly?"

"Yes!" She exclaims, and without letting go of my hands, pulls me forward to the panel, searching through some… _something_. "Here. This is where this signal is originating from." She states, pointing at a planet on the starmap.

"How do you _know_?" I ask, impressed.

"The signal bounces at a certain speed at a certain distance, and it's ability to be heard by both our ship and our hearing is limited to a certain distance, too. Both these factors mean our hearing it now means it's only so far away.." She demonstrates the math on a separate tab, but it's quick, almost too quick for me to follow. "So it's this planet." She points again, her eyes foggy.

"..I see." I say, not quite following how she came to this conclusion. "What planet is this?"

"I don't know." She says, and then focuses on the map. "Looks like a colony of Yellow Diamonds. There's… a lot here, but it's not completely colonized. We could park there for… up to three months, I think. If her progress is steady. It's heavily situated with some kind of organic life.."

"Meaning?" I ask.

"There's non-gem life there, and a lot of it, but it _looks_ like it's not violent in nature. We could land in a non-gem populated area and be fine."

"How do you know all this?" I ask, looking at the same pictogram of a planet as she as, but not seeing something that she is.

"See these symbols?" She points, and then zooms in on small images I hadn't noticed before. "These are shorthand, uh, codes, for certain scenarios. This one means 'life, passive, organic'. It's everywhere. This symbol, over here, means a kindergarten was planted here. And this one means they started building a city here. There's only a few of those. So this planet is mostly empty, as far as gem life is concerned. We could land, we could practice.." She suggests.

"I could also regain some energy if we're close enough to the city.." I think aloud, and Sardonyx nods.

"True. We can practice our fusion. You can grow stronger." She nods, and keeps nodding, thinking. Then, swiftly, "Let's do it." She declares, turning to me with a wicked, wild smile. I smile back and set the ship to reroute to the location of the signal.

"You're quite sure about this?"

"No." She says, but gives my hand a squeeze anyway. "But we'll make it work, I'm sure."

[X]

Despite the hurry with which we change the ship's destination, it's a week before the system the signal is coming from comes into view. The ship travels as swiftly as it's able, but it leaves us plenty of time to talk further, to theorize and plan and chat. I am, as always, further amazed by how _much_ Sardonyx thinks of things, of _me_.

I can't comprehend it, can't rationalize _her_ \- but where this once horrified me I am only now amazed. Amazed, and I want to know just how far she can go, how deeply she can think, how _much_ she can feel. I listen to her talk and think and muse and ramble in a nearly desperate attempt to come to understand, but even as the map beeps and pings and tells us we're nearing our destination, I don't think I've come to fully understand her. I've surely deepened my understanding, yes, but is it enough?

I wonder how we'll land safely, but Sardonyx once again takes the reigns, somehow knowing what to do. I am nervous as she instructs the ship, but nothing comes of it as we land safely beyond the senses of the city and the few kindergartens. She doesn't seem quite herself, like a ship being piloted from a distance, but once we land, her gaze returns to normal, and she seems pleasantly surprised to be here.

"Shall we take a look around?" I ask, offering a hand. For once, it's been my turn to stand to the side of the captain's chair, watching passively.

"I'd like that." Sardonyx smiles, taking my hand. Palms flush together, we step out into what must be nighttime on this planet.

There are two moons overhead, one eclipsing the other, both nearly full. There are.. structures all around us, shapes incomprehensible to me. They light up in mirror reflections of the stars above as we near, but dim when we touch them. They are green and purple and red, sprouting from the ground, but clearly no sort of rock formation.

"Plants." Sardonyx murmurs, looking from them to me. "I've never been on a planet with organic life before.. I never thought I'd see a 'plant'."

"What are they?" I ask, just as mystified.

"A form of organic life, seemingly without intelligence. They gain energy from the ground and the sun. These ones seem to produce their own light, too. I wonder if that's usual or abnormal for 'plant life'... Amazing." I can see the mirrored stars shining in her eyes, and I am taken by the moment- How marvelous it is to be here, to experience this with her.

The air is cool, but not cold, and there's a slight movement in the air- wind. How long since I felt _wind_? I watch, a little mystified, as Sardonyx's hair dances in the whisper of it, and how she leans into it. I almost wish my own hair were long enough that I could experience it, but no. She giggles.

"What is _that_?" She asks as it picks up. "It's like a ship is taking off but- but nicer. Gentler..?"

"It's _wind_. You've never..?" She shakes her head. "It's what happens when air of different weights sort of.. slide past each other. Some cool, some hot, and the hot rises, forcing the cold down.. It's called wind."

"I've never been outside this much- I don't think, anyway. I feel like.. we never really left whatever building we were assigned to. We could _look_ outside, but we weren't really allowed out.. And we never worked anywhere that wasn't nearly or fully colonized anyway."

"Well.. Here's your chance to explore." I offer, gesturing with our still-clasped hands. She grins, and takes off running, pulling me along with her. I keep track of the ship as we run, wild and careless, looking at every different formation, strange plants, bodies of water. I watch nervously as she climbs the 'plants', cliffs, wades out into water, too excited to be worried.

We spend the night like this, simply exploring, experiencing, until at last sunlight starts to creep over the horizon. Sardonyx convinces me to climb a 'tree' with her, and we watch the sun rise, staining the sky all manner of pinks, purples, and oranges. From the tallest branch, we watch the stars fade away as the sun of this system burns a new life into this sky. The plants all around us seem to liven up, activated or energized by the sun. It's amazing, seeing it all come awake like this.

"It looks like us." Sardonyx says, nudging me gently. We're standing side by side on a wide branch, leaning over another at our chest levels.

"How do you mean?" I take another look at the sky- there are a few clouds in the far distance, but none seem to make a shape or silhouette like either of our forms.

"The colors. Purple and orange and red. And the.. the trees, they're green, like you. A little dark, but yeah.." She explains. I see now what she means. It's remarkably similar to our color palettes, yes. My chest feels fuzzy, thinking about it. I'm not sure what it means, but it feels good.

We watch for several minutes, until the sun is entirely over the horizon, and then we both feel ready to move on. We're about a hundred feet up, and the height would normally make me nervous, but I feel so _strong_ , my magic almost too eager to be put to use.

"Want to try something?" I ask, climbing over onto the taller branch. Sardonyx doesn't seem to catch onto what I mean, but takes my open hand anyway, letting me pull her up with me. "Jump." I say, and without hesitation, she leaps from the branch with me.

I let us fall a short while, just enough for the air to whip by us. Then, quickly, I catch us with my magic, gently lowering us to the ground. Softly we float, landing easily on our feet. Sardonyx giggles, then laughs, hopping around excitedly.

"Amazing! That was so _awesome!_ " She exclaims.

"Yes.. Amazing." A new voice speaks up, and we both turn around to see a small turquoise and pink gem staring at us with bewilderment.

(\\)

Immediately I put myself between her and Phantom. She doesn't move, and it gives me plenty of time to identify her: a Tourmaline. She's pinker than usual, but her small, Sapphire-class size and curvaceous body type are unmistakable. She has a simple outfit, not more decorative than a space suit might be, though the frills at her wrists and forming a skirt around her ample waist are further marks of her rank. She's covered in yellow, so she currently belongs to Yellow Diamond.

"Who are you?" Phantom asks, trembling, anticipating anything, I'm sure.

"She's a Tourmaline- psychic gems, like you. The ability to manipulate mind _and_ matter." I whisper to them.

"Close- I'm an Elbaite. A _type_ of Tourmaline. But I should be the one asking that question. You're a Sardonyx, but what is _that_?" She points at Phantom, and I bare my teeth in a grimace- so _rude_.

"My _friend_ , and that's all you need to know." I draw my sword, but she just scoffs.

"You couldn't hope to beat me in combat. Psychic, remember?" Whether she knows it or not, that jab really stings. I _did_ remember… a moment ago.

"Maybe not alone!" Phantom counters. "I'm not _useless_."

"Maybe not." She shrugs. "I don't really care to fight you, though. I only want to talk."

"And why should we?" Phantom asks as I make a simple realization: she shouldn't _be_ here.

"What are you doing out here?" I ask, and she flinches at that. "We're _miles_ away from the nearest gem structure- and you're a _very_ important gem. I can't imagine they like letting you out here… by yourself.. if they even know you're out here..". I try not to grin as I see her start to grimace, failing to hide her upset.

"Yes, well, that's a bit why I'm not interested in fighting.."

"Well, _I'm_ not interested in _talking_." Phantom barks.

"I'm not letting you go until I have my answers.. I could root you to the spot with your own minds..". She lifts a hand threateningly.

"That's not true- You said you're an Elbaite.. your gems are gifted in telekinesis more than telepathy, and your marks are purple rather than pink, so you're _definitely_ not overtly skilled in telepathic manipulation.."

"You're not _wrong_." She says with a shrug, and then closes her hand in a fist- immediately Phantom and I are clenched tight by nothing but air and energy. "Now, this isn't how I want to do this, but if you're going to fight or run, well..". She shrugs again.

"You're not wrong that I'm not incredibly powerful as far as telepathy goes, but I have enough skill to read your intentions. So if I ask if you're going to fight me..". I don't _want_ to fight, but I definitely don't feel safe literally trapped in her clutches. I hear Phantom struggling, speechless, trying to fight off her strength with their own, but that stops as she squeezes a little tighter.

"You. You won't fight me, will you? You know what I am, know some of what I can do. You realize the best thing to do is to just do what I ask- and all I ask is that you answer my questions. I will even answer yours, if you have any.." She says, coming close to me. She means me, I'm sure. Phantom is logical most of the time, but I know that under duress they're _emotional_ first. Right now, they're probably planning every which way they can escape and destroy this little Elbaite.

She stands at only about my waist's height, her figure so similar to mine, wider at the hips than the shoulders, flat chested and no particularly defined muscle groups. Her turquoise hair is in braids down to her hip. I can see her gem resting between the bulge of her shoulder and the outside of her elbow, the long rectangle a fugue of purply-pink, white, and rich blue-green. She waits patiently for my response as I observe her.

"Sure." I say, with a small nod, all that I can do with her energy wrapped around me.

"Excellent." She says, and releases me. I stumble for a moment, but I take my time righting myself. "To start, I want to know-" I cut her off with a swipe of my sword, still manifested in my hand. She stumbles backward, landing on her rear, and as I had hoped, she drops control over Phantom, who I grab by the wrist and run. It wasn't my intent to _fight_ , after all.

"I _told you_ , you can't _run_ from me!" She shouts, and I feel her magic grab me by the ankle and drag me back. Before I can really react, she's got me gripped, every inch, head to toe, in a vice I cannot break. I feel it focusing on my gem, straining it slightly. It's _dizzying_ \- is this a sample of what it is to die, to _shatter_? This is just a mild _strain_ , I can tell, and yet it's intoxicatingly terrifying. "If you won't listen to reason, maybe your 'friend' will!" She points me at Phantom, about twenty yards away, but my vision is blurry through her magic, so I don't know how accurate that estimate is..

"If you don't calm down and just _talk_ , your friend will not see another sunrise!" Elbaite threatens, tightening her grip again, sending tears to my eyes from the indescribable pressure on that most precious core of my being.

I can, through double-blurry eyes, see Phantom's face. It's reminiscent of the way they were before, so long ago though it seems to me now. They look insane with anger, hunched over and fists clenched. Their gem ignites in lavender light, and they raise a hand, extending their own magic out.

" _Please!_ " Elbaite snorts. "This isn't a _game_ , you-" But she stops, gasps, and I do as well, as her magic is forcibly wrestled off me. It's slow, but effective, until I fall to my knees, relieved, and then scramble to Phantom's side. Their grimace is a gnarly grin now, arm shaking but otherwise steady.

"I can _do_ this.." They say through grit teeth, hopeful- no- optimistic- no- _confident_.

"No…!" Elbaite whines, and increases her magic. I can feel it, like a wave of pure _will_ washing over us, but just as easily Phantom extends theirs out to match, giving a short laugh. There's unnatural wind whirling around us, stirring up the smaller of the plant life in this small clearing. "S-stop!" She commands, but does the opposite herself, Phantom only returning in kind their own magic. They both gasp. I can hardly keep my eyes on them, the light from the two of their gems so bright, and the wind from their magic snatching at my hair. I can barely keep myself at Phantom's side- if it weren't for their hand on mine I'm sure I'd be blown away.

"Please- if we go too much further they'll _see_ us- they'll find our magic- I _can't_ -". Elbaite asks, but doesn't back down.

"Phantom..!" I tug lightly on their arm, their attention slowly coming to me. "Maybe we should stop..!"

"And let her, what, interrogate us, turn us in when we aren't suspecting? I think we can take a few investigative gems..".

"But we wanted to rest..! To, to _practice_..!" I can't remember what, right now, but I know that it was important to the both of us. I feel Phantom's hand tighten, but their magic doesn't dim in the slightest.

"How can we trust she won't just retaliate immediately?" They ask, but I can tell they're open to the idea now.

"I have as much to lose as you!" She hollers, but I feel Phantom only tense up all the more. I need to diffuse this situation or it really will be a fight.. and I'm not sure who'd win...


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29: Diplomacy

The winds howl around us. This moment feels too long, simply too much is happening and moving and _threatening_ to happen for it to be as short a time as it's been. It's a showdown between two highly powerful gems, neither willing to stand down first. They need to, though, or as Elbaite heavily implied, we'll be found.

"On the count of three..?" I suggest, holding out the hand and the number. I see Phantom nod out of the corner of my eye, but my focus is on Elbaite. Slowly, uncertain, she nods.

I hold out my fist, then, and slowly raise each finger, until three, then lower my hand. In time with my hand motion, the winds die down, and the amazing, horrifying pressure emanating from Phantom and Elbaite relaxes and dissipates.. All three of us give a small sigh as we relax and stand up. I don't think any of us realized how hunched over, how _intense_ we all were.

"So.. what now?" Phantom is the first to speak.

"Well, I said I only wanted some questions answered." Elbaite says, and swats a couple braids over her shoulder. "Now I _really_ want them answered."

"Questions such as _what_?" Phantom puts a hand on their hip, scowling. I cling to their other arm, partially out of habit and partially out of fear. I want to be able to help them if the situation intensifies again..

"Who you are? What are you doing here?"

"Who we are hardly matters. And, fortunately for us, it's safer for all involved if you _don't_ know who we are exactly." Phantom scoffs.

"How so?"

"Well, we're out here next to nowhere when we could be in that city, so what does that tell you?" I ask.

"You're rebels.. One of you is obviously defective." Elbaite shoots the barb with a pointed look at Phantom, who bristles.

"Don't be rude!" I snap, and Elbaite winces. I suppose she didn't expect me to say anything, or maybe it was the bite that I gave it? "Anyway, what are _you_ doing out here? Why so secret?" Elbaite presses her lips together, apparently nervous, or embarrassed, perhaps?

"You said you'd answer." My companion reminds her, and she seems frustrated in response, but she gives an exaggerated sigh.

"My partner is very.. overbearing. Since the planet is too hot in the middle of the day for our machines to work, the day is the only time when we're not expected to be together managing everyone else.. I tell her I need a rest, and I take a short walk in the forest." She shrugs. "My turn again: why can't I know who you are? Why would it possibly be harmful to _me_ that I know your identity? Your Sardonyx called you 'Phantom', didn't she? I could probably find out on my own anyway.." She insists. It's true, in a moment of desperation, I did say their name, but Phantom only squeezes my hand, reassuring me.

"It's little more than a code. And if you don't _already_ know who we are, you'll find out soon enough. Homeworld is very eager to have us back."

"Homeworld? It takes two _months_ for news from Homeworld to reach us out here, even bouncing signals off planets and ships. Why is Homeworld so 'eager'?"

"No, no, _our_ turn." Phantom says, glaring until Elbaite sighs and motions for us to speak. Phantom leans over slightly and asks, "Do you have a question for her?"

"You said.. your partner is overbearing. How do you mean? If she's your partner, shouldn't you.. be able to talk about that?" Again, Elbaite seems caught off guard.

"She's.. unique. And she takes a lot of pride in that.. to the point that it's all she ever wants to talk about.. Our group effort is never that- it's all _her_ using _me_.." She sighs. "And she's not very good at being pleasant.. She's bossy and demanding and demeaning.."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I blurt, and Phantom seems mildly shocked. Only for a moment, though, and then they smile a tight, controlled smile. "It's your turn again."

"Are you part of the rebellion? Is that why Homeworld wants you?" I notice, strangely, that her voice isn't quite as aggressive, nor is her posture.

"Not.. quite. We're rebels, obviously, and we're certainly not the passive kind, but.." Phantom shrugs.

"We haven't officially joined anyone yet." I elaborate. "We're trying to.. to get somewhere."

"Earth." Elbaite says, merely thinking aloud, and the memory of it explodes in my mind. I nod, trying to not act surprised. "Your turn."

"You said this planet is too hot during the day for your machines to function and you only take short walks outside- is it dangerous to be out here during daylight hours?" Phantom asks. Elbaite shakes her head.

"I only take short walks to avoid being discovered 'missing'. Imagine the uproar if a colony lost one of its senior members! No.. it would be very bad for everyone.. but the day is safe for gemkind, else I wouldn't venture out at all. What are you doing here, if you're supposedly on your way to Earth?"

"We needed.. wanted rest. From running. Sardonyx had never been on a planet with organic life before.." Phantom shrugs casually.

"And I suppose you wanted a recharge too.." It's not a question, more of a musing, but it's an obvious enough thought.

"H-how do you mean?" Phantom asks, but I know the answer to this one.

"Psychic gems have a unique but nearly universal ability: they strengthen the gems around them, and are strengthened by them in turn. However, many 'boost' more than they're boosted by, so you partner them up with other psychic gems.. That's why she has another Elbaite or Tourmaline with her. So they don't run out of magic every so often or operate on minimal capacity. You're a psychic gem, so.. I suppose it's safe for her to assume you know about that property. I.. I don't think I realized you _didn't_ know that.."

"Well, I was once the _only_ psychic gem, so.." They whisper, mouth barely even moving. Elbaite doesn't seem to notice, or pretends not to.

"You're correct, Sardonyx. Which leads me to my next question: how long do you plan to stay?"

"Before we answer that, I'd like to ask a question.." Phantom gives me a look. Elbaite nods, motions for them to ask. "Are you planning on turning us in? You know we're wanted, and not loyal to Homeworld in the slightest.."

"No. No, I don't think I will. You're the most interesting thing that's happened on this planet since we landed.. I was only asking so I know how long to guide them away from this sector." I'm very surprised by that.

"You- you'll keep us being here a secret?" I ask. Elbaite smirks.

"I get two questions next time. But, yes. So long as I am.. allowed to visit? That can be one of my questions, if that persuades you of anything."

"I- we need to talk about that.." Phantom says, stepping back.

"Certainly." She retreats a few paces, sitting daintily on a fallen part of a tree. Phantom and I step a few feet back ourselves, half-turning our backs to the tiny gem.

"What do you think?" Phantom asks, hushed, looking back quickly at Elbaite.

"I- I think she's trustworthy… If she turns us in, they're bound to figure out she was out here when she shouldn't be, and.. she's a pretty high noble, but to leave your guard escort behind is a very serious offence and she'd be.. she'd be in _so much_ trouble. It's in her own best interest to keep quiet or to somehow otherwise get us caught, but.. I don't know. I.. I feel like, for now at least, it wouldn't hurt? It'll be interesting, to be sure. I don't know what she wants out of these 'visits', and I.. I can't begin to guess." I bite my lip, thinking hard, but no logical or obvious reason comes to mind.

"I.. feel the same. If you're right, then her being around will also strengthen me all the more, and all the more quickly.. and if she tries anything, we're evenly matched, it seems. You could very easily be the tie-breaker, and I trust you.." I smile at them, and they grin back. "So.. we're in favor?" I nod, clasping their hand again. We trot back towards Elbaite, who stands and hurries over as well. Is it me, or are we standing a little bit closer than before?

"Your answer?" She asks, hopeful but trying to hide it.

"We accept your condition. And to answer your previous question.. we'd like to stay as long as possible.. We were previously estimating a couple months.."

"That's doable. Luckily for you, construction is focused to the north side of the city at the moment, and the east is looking to be a favorable next step. So long as you stay to the west and south, you should be fine. You may want to move your ship, though. It's easily visible from the sky." Elbaite suggests cooly, not so much bragging about her insight as she could do, though definitely relishing in the knowledge that only she could give us.

"Thank you." I say. "We'll do that. I.. take it you'll come back tomorrow?"

"If I can. You owe me another question, though." She teases, though I'm certain she has every intention of holding us to that bargain. "Stay safe- I look forward to our next visit!" She cheers, walking demurely into the forest, towards the city.

"What have we gotten ourselves _into_..?" Phantom sighs, giving me a worried look.

"Don't worry too much. We can do _anything_." I pull their hand up between us, grabbing the other as it rises. "For now, let's hide that ship."

[|]

Behind me are two gems, one identifiable, the other, not. Both in hiding, for reasons unknown to me. The Sardonyx should have no reason to hide- she seems fully functional, whereas her companion.. her 'friend'.. is some sort of mutant freak. Still, she's quite taken with it. 'Them', she called it. Them.

And they seemed quite enamored with her as well. It was undetectable at first, but their magic swelled and soared when they used it to save her from mine, and continued to on her behalf.. This gem, mutant or not, is obviously pathic. I wonder if they know that?

I wonder what they're _doing_ here. I know what they've said, and I've felt the truth, more or less, in their minds about it, but I feel that there's _much_ unanswered. I'm certain they could have landed on any other planet to 'rest from running', and an uncolonized one would have been the much safer option, attempting to boost the pathic one be damned. That seems like too little a reason to risk capture.

I must admit, ours is a good planet to attempt such a thing on. We have a record low byway of construction for how long we've been here, due to the heat. Our Lapis Lazulis work day and night to bring the temperature down, but even with half a dozen working on the atmosphere in agonizing twenty-hour shifts, we've only managed to cool the planet a despairing twelve percent over the course of a year and a half. But the atmosphere is too thick, trapping all the sun's heat as well as the young core's inside like a bubble. Similarly, our machinery is nearly too heavy on this planet to operate, which means progress is slow even when the machines _are_ operable.

It makes this planet, perhaps, optimal for those trying to hide in plain sight and recuperate. They could not have accounted for an outlier like me, however.

I make my way back to the city, the sun blazing in the sky, consuming nearly all of it. It's a young system, but that makes it ideal for long-term gem habitation here. It means this sun won't implode or explode in just a few million years, requiring expensive relocation and redistribution of material resources. Though, perhaps by then we'll have some technology to save or halt the stars' life cycle from ending so violently.

All these thoughts about stars and relocation and planet terraforming are just distractions, really. I'd rather think and do just about anything than come home to MQ. Still. I can't stay away forever. Or much longer at all, really.

I slip inside and onto the warp pad that'll take me upstairs, to the tip-top of the tower, where only some gem like myself and my partner might possibly live. I have a secret, tiny fragment of stable warp pad that I keep secret for each planetary move we make, then sync with the system in private. It takes me to my room- it has for a long, long time. No matter where we go, as long as I keep it secret, and take my chances only when they're available, it's treated me kindly. I've done well to keep it secret this long.

How old am I? A couple hundred years. I've been alive long enough to know how the system works, and how to play it, and how to play it well. I've stayed alive this long, after all, and so has MQ. Thanks, mostly, to me. Of course, her natural, if aided, affinity has helped significantly. Were it not for that gift, aided or otherwise, I doubt either of us would be here today. I'd just be on another planet, with another gem, living a life I still hated. She'd be dead.

I set myself up on some lounging chair, and wait for MQ to eventually arrive. She always does, about this time of day. The sun is about central in the sky, and she gets lonesome after my requested three hours of solitude. Half an hour to walk out, one and a half hours to wander, and an hour to come home and recline, unsure when she'll come barging in. Some days I'm not lucky, and she comes in before the hour I allot myself is up, but I can explain it away as a wanderlust, and I roamed the halls, where she eventually finds me anyway.

Today, at least, I am lucky. I wait almost a full forty minutes before she arrives. But.. arrive she does.

With a bang, the doors slam open.

"Hellooooo!" She declares as she enters my room, the momentary quiet destroyed. She looks out of place in my incredibly pink room- her greens and purples are so much deeper and darker than mine, making her pop against it. "How was your resting period?" She asks, flopping down beside me. I say nothing, even as she strokes my cheek and pouts. "Come now, don't want to share?" I pause, gauging whether or not she'll let me speak. She plays with her short wavy hair as she appears to wait patiently.

"Well-" I start.

"Just kidding! I don't really care! You probably sat here and listened to your boring music and moaned and groaned about being soooooo tired. Am I right?" She jabs my side with a finger.

"..yes." I say, but if she could read my mind she'd know the truth. My mind, at least, is the only one she can't invade. It's the only good side effect of our arrangement. I can have my secrets, I can have my walks, if I only give her everything else.

"I want to play a game! Lets see how many Vanadanites we can get to stack on each other's shoulders- no! They should balance on their hips! They'll make a neat hexagonal shape that way, don't you think?" She giggles.

"We shouldn't. That's not what they're for." I sit up. She turns around, laying her head in my lap, tugging at my braids.

"They're just _Vanadanites_. We lose ten a day as it stands- who cares if while we can't work we have a little _fun_ with their miserable little lives?" She's eager. Damn. I sigh.

"If we're careful, maybe. We wouldn't want to get in too much trouble. Then we wouldn't have _any_ fun." I relent. This is a small request, comparatively. If I don't give her _something_ she'll just have a temper tantrum, and that would be very bad indeed. At least she doesn't want me to toss them through the air for her again.. That was horrible.

"Yes!" She cheers, pulling me to my feet. "I bet we can make a _hundred_ stack before they get too heavy!"

"Yes, just as you say." I murmur. Only a little while of this, only a little while, and then I'll be free again. Just a little while..


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30: New Ground

We hide the ship first, then decide to spend the rest of the day exploring our environment a little more in depth. There are a system of caves nearby, but I'm hesitant to enter that dark place. Something about the depths Phantom alludes to is.. terrifying.

So we stay away from the caves, travel instead along hills and follow paths carved by some unknown force through the forest. As the sun sets, Phantom guides us back to the ship, and we start plotting the next day, keeping the ship on its lowest power settings to keep quiet on the city's radars.

The next day, we try and try and try to fuse again, but nothing we try _works_. It grows to levels of frustration and annoyance and desperation, but still we can't make it work. I yell and groan and kick up dust until I'm spent and collapse in the shade. Phantom comes to sit beside me, talking me through what happened, helping us both come to understand it. At least, just a little bit better.

It's midway through this calming chatter, having gone through a couple divergences from the main topic, that Elbaite reappears.

She catches us both off guard. We were so focused on one another that the world around us was small, minute, and mute by comparison. Yet, she still appeared.

"Is this _all_ you've been up to?" She exclaims suddenly, the calm and the quiet vanishing. We both sit up, straight backed and ready to fight at the sound of her arrival. "This is so _boring_ \- you're just _talking_. If I wanted people to say words at me, I'd hang around my Tourmaline!" She groans.

"Wh- what?" Phantom stutters, coming to their feet, myself shortly after. "What exactly were you expecting?"

"I don't know! I thought you'd be doing _something_ out here, not just.. blathering on to one another… I thought you'd be doing something _exciting_ here!" She grinds her hands to fists, grinning. Then the grin and fists fall, her expression souring. "Instead, you're just.. whatever this is."

"We aren't here for your _entertainment_!" Phantom snarls, my hand around their wrist the only thing holding them back from just volleying an attack out of anger.

"Well, as far as _I'm_ concerned, yes, you are. You're the most interesting thing that's happened my _whole_ life. The only reason I'm entertaining you here at all is the prospect of entertainment in return." She sighs, head cocking dramatically.

"And the fact that you oughtn't be here in the first place." Phantom reminds her.

"Yes, well.." She waves a hand. "In any case, you aren't doing anything interesting!"

"What did you _think_ we'd be up to out here? There's not exactly a lot to work with here!" Phantom exclaims, hands and arms outstretched to show the relatively barren landscape. There's nothing we can really do with the trees and the plants, it's true. At least, not in any way Homeworld would consider useful.

"I don't _know!_ " She huffs. " _Something!_ If _this_ is all you have to offer I don't know _why_ you fought me so much!"

"This isn't about _you_ for us! This is our _survival_!" Phantom points aggressively, but Elbaite only shrugs again.

"What's the point of survival if it's _boring_?" She questions, and I have to put myself between Phantom and her, or they'd really let her have it.

"Okay- so, so what did you _want_ to do? Let's _find_ something to do that you think is worth our collective time." I suggest.

"I suppose..". Elbaite huffs, thinking. "Let's continue with our questions, then. Perhaps we can find something that way, as I have no ideas."

"Very well." Phantom relaxes, but their voice is still charged with rumbling disquiet.

"Great! Awesome!" I say, and pull Phantom down to sit with me.

"You owe me three questions, so I will start, if there are no protests..?" Elbaite says as she sits as well, cross legged and back straight. I check my own posture quickly, sitting up, feeling inadequate suddenly. Phantom grumbles but gives a consenting wave of their hand.

"You're trying to join the war effort, obviously, but do you _really_ think you can win against the full might of Homeworld?" She asks immediately.

"I..". Phantom looks at me, shrugging.

"I want to believe we can. I want, well, what I really want is for Homeworld to change. I want us to reach an agreement.. I want it to end peacefully. But if we have to fight, then yes. I think we'll win because we have to."

"Wow.. That's.. really naive." Elbaite snorts.

"Well, that's how I feel about it! I'm _determined_ , if nothing else, to do my damnedest to make.. _some_ kind of change for the better. What else can anybody do? What else can anybody hope for?" I sigh, exasperated.

"Now, now, you still owe _me_ some questions." Elbaite laughs, but if it's a joke I don't think it's funny. "Are you sure you can't tell me what you're supposed to be?" She points at Phantom.

"Yes, I'm really, really sure. Suffice it to say, if that isn't answer enough, you'll never see another like me again." Phantom crosses their arms, half turning away. It's still a touchy subject, I suppose.

"Ugh- _why_? I _want_ to _know_!" She whines.

"Leave them alone." I bark at her. "They said what they can say. So _drop it_."

"Fine." Elbaite says, giving me a funny look. "Then, for the third question you owe me- why do you call it 'them'?"

"What?"

"It- that- your whatever they are that you call 'Phantom'. Why do you call it 'they' when you refer to it?" She jabs a hand with pointed finger at Phantom almost violently. I feel my face scowling, and I'm ready to let loose another cutting remark when Phantom speaks up.

"Actually, I'd been wondering that myself.." They say, putting a hand on my shoulder, calming me.

"W-well.. When you and I first met you said.. something about not identifying as a gem normally does. Or something. Maybe I imagined it. Either way, you don't seem 'feminine', you know? And I didn't want to place a gender on you on accident."

"What's a 'gender'?" Phantom asks.

"Gender is a thing that signifies you're a _person_. She didn't want to pretend you're a person." Elbaite gloats. Phantom ruffles, but I put a hand out before they can start to make any more assumptions.

"No! That's how _gems_ define it- and not all of us do anymore! We've been studying organics and the way they perceive themselves, and many of them have much, much more complicated notions about gender and identity. Some of them are hard to translate or understand- we simply don't live life the way they do- but one that's become somewhat common, one that gems have started to call themselves by is 'they'. It's a _persons_ pronoun, Elbaite, but it's one that isn't aligned with any other hard and fast gender."

"So what _are_ these 'other genders'? How can there be more than one gender, a.k.a., a person?" Elbaite asks, her tone critical.

"I'm glad you asked!" I smile proudly. "Femininity as we know it, as in, just being a person, is a common gender with different connotations in several organic societies. Often there is a gender that is supposedly 'opposite' this idea of the feminine. This is called 'masculine', roughly. For some societies, these genders are assigned based on what body type you have, and what roles they are expected to perform in society based on those body types. These tend to be very primitive societies, comparatively.

Some more advanced societies have less expectations on what an individual's gender ought to be based on their form, and more on what they feel like, leaving very loose definitions of gender in general, which is an interesting thought! Some of these societies also have the notion of being able to change your gender, or having a gender that is itself fluid! But what I have used for my friend here is one that is none: they are genderless, but still a person. This gender is simply called 'agender'."

"How can you have a gender that _isn't_ a gender?" Elbaite points out.

"Well, it's not quite that they're entirely without gender, perhaps, but they simply don't belong to any other. They don't feel like they belong in any of the other 'established' ones, so it's a catchall, I think, for those individuals who are in between or completely apart from gender as their society knows it. Isn't that fascinating?" I beam.

"That's really amazing! So- so how do you know which one you are?" Phantom asks, starry-eyed.

"It's hard to say! In those societies wherein gender is based on body, someone else would basically be able to tell you, but those societies were often teeming with disquiet and unhappiness, as those gender restrictions were often a sign of a much larger system-wide restrictions on life and law in general. Like ours. Our culture says that we are all 'she', feminine, unless you come out wrong, and then you are an 'it', and not truly a person.. Which I believe is fundamentally wrong, and furthermore immoral..

But, in those more open-minded worlds, it was a journey to find what fit you best! It was an adventure of self discovery, of coming to understand yourself as a unique individual! It was a journey that could take a lifetime, or be something you simply intrinsically knew about yourself!" I imagine, briefly, what it would like to take such a journey, to discover something apparently so meaningful to those organics that their whole lives could be dedicated in some way to its revelation.

"That's _stupid_. Organics are _stupid._ This whole idea is _stupid_." Elbaite sneers, throwing her hands up in the air.

"No, it isn't!" I insist. "It's really important-"

"Yes, it is! We aren't organic- why should their silly ideas have anything to do with us?! They're barely even sentient!"

"They have language, civilizations, society, cultures, writing, _art_ \- how is that not sentience?! Why is no one willing to admit that these peoples we snuff out are in fact _people_ \- and why do we have to destroy them entirely, or at all!? What's wrong with looking at the things they accomplished and understood that we maybe don't and incorporating it?"

"Everything! We _destroy_ them, we defeat them- that makes them and everything they _ever did_ meaningless! We are _better_ than them and their stupid, simple ideas!"

"That's not _true_!" I can feel myself getting angry and tense. I know I shouldn't let her words get to me- she just doesn't know better- but it's painful to hear her shut these ideas down when she's barely even heard of them. It's familiar, too, and the familiarity brings an edge to my mind, a painful, distant burning.

"It is! It's stupid! They're stupid! _You're_ stupid! The both of you! Stupid, stupid, _stupid_!" Elbaite screeches, jumping to her feet. I feel myself get dizzy with anger- how _dare she?_

[X]

Sardonyx trembles with unbridled rage as Elbaite continues mocking her. I've never seen her like this- I shrink back, afraid of her, but Elbaite takes no heed. I haven't been afraid of her since those first days, and even then it was a fear borne out of paranoia. This is an old, ancient fear, the first fear, the overwhelming sense of _danger_. I am _afraid_ of her.

"Furthermore, your insistence that this _thing_ you call a friend is indeed a person and not the shambling simulacrum of a person that it is is an _insult_ to the rest of us-". Her words sting, but more resounding is the sound of a slap, delivered to her face by the back of Sardonyx's hand. Elbaite crumbles backwards, hand cupping her cheek, eyes wide and shocked.

I didn't even see her stand.

I look rapidly between the two, still petrified where I sit, terrified that something will happen. Sardonyx's eyes are the most terrifying thing, though. Her whole expression is nearly blank, simply tight, but her eyes- her wide pupils are nearly nothing, only tiny slits of warm yellow that seem like thin cracks barely holding back a torrential firestorm.

Almost imperceptibly, that fire calms by minute degrees.. She turns and walks away, disappearing into the forest. I want to follow after, but I'm paralyzed. At least, until Elbaite gets up and runs the opposite way, tears dripping as she goes. I almost feel bad for her. She's a proud gem, but her words and pride are cruel. She has no sympathy, and she doesn't deserve mine.

Finally I have the strength and inspiration to follow Sardonyx. Her path is easy to track, her steps marked lightly in the dirt. I'm afraid to startle her, to bring on an attack, so I call for her, but my voice is timid and meek. It takes a great steadying breath to actually force myself to call out for her in earnest once, and then it is easier. She doesn't respond, but I still hear her before I see her.

"Stupid! What does _she_ know? I've spent too long on this for her to reject it! Ugh!" I hear her groan as I step into the new clearing. She's pacing, pulling at her hair, and gesticulating wildly. "'Not enough data to be conclusive'- how are decades of research not enough!?" Decades? Of research? What is she talking about?

"Sardonyx?" I call out, but she continues her pacing, simply waving me away. She doesn't even look up.

"Not now, 4OS. Zircon just rejected my proposal. Again. Why, though!? We've been compiling data for _years_ \- it should be more than enough to be worthy of being presented to a court! Is that so much? Just half a damn chance?"

I reel. Were I not standing still, I might've tripped. As it is, I feel my form start to shake, a new fear taking over.

Does she think I'm her _sister_? Oh no, oh no no no no. This can't be happening- has she forgotten _so much_? Has she forgotten _me_?

"And you know we can't just present it to another Zircon- she'll tell all the others to look out for us and they won't even let us talk. That- that _clump_ \- thinks she's so fancy because she's so high ranked and she's done _so much_ even though she's so young! Bah! I have _errands_ that are more important than what _she_ does!"

"Sardonyx! What is _wrong_ with you!?" I belt out, the small patch of dirt around us going deathly still.

She looks up finally, anger on her face, but it quickly fades as she realizes who I'm not. Her eyes dart around the clearing, flicking everywhere until they rest on mine again. I see she recognizes me, and there is misery in her as she realizes what happened, but my rage only rises.

"Ph-Phantom, I- I'm so sorry, I don't-"

"How could you do that?" I interrupt her, furious. I try to hold it in, but comes seeping out.

"I- I didn't mean to forget, a-and I remember-"

"Not _that_ , Sardonyx, I mean with _Elbaite_!" She steps back, startled.

"What did-" But her question is cut off as a memory answers her. She gasps, a hand to her mouth. "I- I wasn't- I didn't mean to, I was just, I was so angry- I didn't, I wasn't thinking, I mean, I didn't _mean_ to.." She whines.

"You didn't 'mean to'? How can you not _mean_ to _hit_ someone, Sardonyx? What if she goes back and sends an army after us? What happened to our truce? That's our _safety,_ our _lives_!"

"I- I know, but she was insulting you and I couldn't just _let_ her-"

"Me? She was insulting us _both_. Have you forgotten? You're in quite the same position as I!" Her eyes go wide and I realize- "You don't see yourself that way. You don't put yourself in the same place as me.." My knees nearly give out, and she sees it, steps forward to help me but _fear_ explodes through me, driving me away.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31: Unintentional

"Phantom, I swear that's not what I meant, I just-"

"What, you forgot? Forgot that we're _both_ broken in the eyes of Homeworld? Well, we _are_! I just _look_ like it!"

"No! No, not at all! I _know_ what I am-"

"But _she_ doesn't!"

"There hasn't exactly been a good opportunity to tell her, and I'd tell her if she _asked_ -"

"You'd wait that long? Ha- I see how it is! It's fine if she sees me and knows I came out _wrong_ , but your differences get to go invisible! Ha- I see!" I laugh, angrily, a twisted chuckling making me buckle.

"No, Phantom, I-" She reaches out again and anger and fear collide inside me. I back away again, further, the image of her and the sound and the fear of that moment echoing in my mind.

"I.." She pulls her hands back, mouth pulled down into a tiny despairing 'oh'. "I scare you." She whispers, not quite a question.

"Yes." I admit. I see her spirit crumble, but I am no longer brave enough to cross the divide that would allow me to comfort her, just as I can't let her calm or comfort me.

"O-okay… ah.." I watch Sardonyx's eyes search the ground, her hands shakingly reaching up to tug at her hair. "T-tell me what I can do. T-to- to make it better. If I can. If there's anything." She speaks haltingly.

"I.. I don't know if I can do this." I shudder.

"What.. what do you mean? Isn't there anything I can do?"

"No- yes- I don't-" I laugh once, but it's miserable. "I don't know! I don't know if I can do this, being afraid of you, not knowing if you're _safe_ , I thought you were but I- I thought you were the safest option but I don't know! If you can't even guarantee your conscious decisions, if you don't view me as your equal, if you aren't willing to stand at the same height in their eyes- I can't do this.."

"Phantom, please let me explain.." She asks.

"I… I need time. To think- I, I just can't do this right now.." I shake my head, steadying myself.

"I.. Okay. I.. I'll leave you be. I'm sorry." She says, voice numb, and then she's gone. I don't watch or listen or follow or move. It's all I can do to stay standing.

The world is quieter than I think it's ever been.

[I]

My first thought it to return to Tourmaline, to just tell her and spin a tale that'll keep me out of trouble, but end in those two _rebels_ getting caught and shattered. But the more I formulate that plan on the way home, the more dissatisfying it feels. I don't want them to _die_ , I just want them to talk with me. But _apparently_ I'm doing something wrong!

Their words make no sense to me. Homeworld has defined them both as defects, rejects, rebels, outcasts- whatever status the one might have had she forsook when she left, no matter the reason. The other is clearly just an abomination, and never held _any_ status, so how can either of them claim to argue with me about this?

And their audacity to be _mad_ about it! I am _clearly_ in the right!

I wander through the half-built city, nearly abandoned during the day. Nobody pays me any mind, or if they do, they simply avert their gaze, and keep out of my way. Good. My personal guard will not be happy if they find I was out here alone, but at least I'm in the city. I won't really get in trouble so long as they find me within the borders..

The city is magnificent. Or it will be. None of the buildings are truly completed, and even if they were, there's no one to populate them with, yet. We're just the construction crew- all the gems who'll live here are still incubating in the ground, or on their way through deep space. We're such a distant planet, we're not even receiving gems directly from Homeworld. They're secondhand from the next closest system. Still, they're worthy of colonizing this planet, I'm sure, and they'll appreciate all our hard work when it's done.

Speaking of hard work, I pass a group of Vanadanites, who scurry to disappear from the street away from me. They're not much bigger than I am, but they are of the lowest possible status- they are cheap to make, incubate only a few short months, and are good for little more than construction and technical work. Their sturdy, red forms are thick and strong, but not fit for the glory of war, only labor.

They hide from me, but this action only catches my attention all the more. What have they to hide, these dust mites? I follow after them at a cool trot.

Round a corner the lot of them are simply.. loitering. It's much cooler here in the shadow of the tall buildings than out on the streets proper, but there's nothing for them to do here. Curious.

"H-hello, Mindseer. Wh-what can we do for you?" One of them says, the lot of them saluting. I wave a hand for them to stop, but none of them relax.

"I'm simply wondering why you went out of your way to avoid me, and what could possibly be entertaining you back _here_." I regard the buildings backsides, boring and serviceless. "And I'm not the Mindseer. That would be Tourmaline."

"Apologies, ma'am, but there's nothing. Nothing entertaining back here, ma'am." The same Vanadanite explains, still saluting.

"I see. And as for avoiding me?"

"We simply.. didn't want to mar your view of the city. We know how you regard us.." She shrinks as she speaks. All of them do, slumping over such that they're nearly my height.

"A-and how do you presume I regard you?" I ask uneasily.

"Well.. the way all nobles do. We're.. tools. Toys. Throwaway and completely temporary.. I mean, we lost another six of us today trying to keep the drills in the north eastern quadrant from overheating.. If there's something dumb and dangerous you need doing, we're the ones to do it. Who cares about us, am I right?" She chuckles, but it's grim. At last the salutes drop, all the Vandanites wrapped up in the same absolute and deplorable misery as one another.

In an instant, my understanding of the world shifts. What they say is true. I had, up til this moment, regarded them exactly as she described. Scrap gem shards waiting to happen, walking accidents, and wastes of space until put to use. I truly didn't ever care what happened to a single one of them. I didn't revel in their destruction as MQ does at times, but I never worried myself over the numbers.

But that isn't how they see themselves. They're not numbers. They're people.

 _This_ is the crucial lesson Sardonyx and Phantom were trying to impress upon me. I was caught in the system, the classes and castes and functions and value, but I failed to see the true value: life.

My definition of personhood was skewed; you weren't a person unless you were important and valued by someone bigger and better than you. Their definition is the true one: the presence of life. Nothing more, and nothing less.

I stumble backwards as I feel the blinders of ignorance come flying off. I realize, now, how horrendous I have been my entire life. It's too much to bear, my complete disregard for _life_. How could I have been so blind? How could I have accepted it?

"M-ma'am?" The Vanadanite who spoke, who I can now distinguish from the rest- they are no longer a solid mass of gemkind, they are individuals and the differences between them are glaring- reaches out in concern. "Are you well?"

"I- I am fine. I'm simply.. tired from assisting my Tourmaline. Forgive my appearance. I.. I will leave you to your congregation.." I say. Stars, I've never cared what any of them think of me before, but I wonder now. I must seem cruel and fickle and heartless, and they're right.

I take a short jaunt, and then launch myself into the sky. I don't like to flaunt my powers, but I need to get away, need to get high and away from the ground and people. I land on an incomplete building, the skeleton of the structure bare and metallic. Yes, this is the perfect place to hide for a moment.

I cling to the metal, my head and world still reeling. Everything has changed, and yet everything is as it always was. I was simply a fool who couldn't see the truth. But now that I do, what _am_ I to do?

I must change. Something has to, and I can't go back to being blinded by my own ego, so it must be I that changes.

I must apologize. Yes- yes, to Sardonyx and Phantom, for my horrible behavior, and for being so willfully ignorant for so long. It'll be a start at least.

Oh stars, but Tourmaline. She truly delights in her position as I never have- but her delight is another's dismay. I can't let that continue, but how am I to stand up to her, to _stop_ her? I know that what she does is wrong, but I can't say _no_ to her, I can't let her down- if we're found out, it could mean both of our destructions..

No, no.

Start small. Sardonyx. Phantom. I will apologize. Perhaps they will forgive me. If they do, I'll ask their help. They'll know what to do, I'm certain. Or they'll help me find what to do.

If they'll talk to me, that is..


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32: Prodigal

I don't hear or see Sardonyx for days. I wrap myself in my head, focusing my vision on the space around me, but only a small distance. I would know if someone was approaching, and no one has. My head has been full only of swaying leaves and stretching shadows, of sunlight scraping across the ground only to hide behind the world at the end of the day.

I can't comprehend it anymore. Why did I do this? Why did I dedicate myself to her? Why did I go with her? I don't regret it, and yet it no longer makes sense. How could it be that just days ago it felt that we were in perfect harmony, and that I desired no one and nothing else but her and her company, and now..

Now nothing makes sense.

I crave solitude, my asteroid, the darkness and the stillness I had there, but I'm here. Not so far away, there is a city of gems, and my 'friend'. My nerves rattle at the thought of meeting either. How has this happened?

And what am I to do now?

I could go back to her and talk, I know. I know that's the responsible, reasonable thing to do, but how _could_ I when I don't even know if she's _safe_? She was my ally, my friend, but if she is not in control of her own actions, how can I trust that she will not, even unintentionally, be the thing that undoes me? How can I be friends with someone so dangerous?

And for all her talk of equality and friendship and caring, how could she place herself on a pedestal above me? I expect it from everyone else, but her? _Her_? She who so ardently defended me against Luna Agate and she who managed to _fuse_ with me? I know what we felt when we were one being, but I could not have guessed she harbored these feelings.

I want to go back. I want to step back in time and unlearn this. I was happy on the ship, talking, teaching, learning. Even the threat of war seemed manageable. I was not afraid, but I am now. I can't go back.

A rustling catches my senses, and my far sight reveals Elbaite timidly venturing my way. I am anxious, but she seems nonthreatening. I don't want to fight.. and perhaps I can make some amends for Sardonyx's offenses, and reseal our truce. Like it or not, Elbaite holds our lives in her hands, and I'd rather not die yet.

"Phantom?" Elbaite calls, looking for me. "I have something I wish to discuss with you..! I know you're here, I can sense you, I just can't see you! If you would kindly reveal yourself, I- what I have to say is important to you and Sardonyx.." She says, turning around in search.

Silently, I step out from the shadows of the tree I was beneath. Elbaite turns round again, and there I am.

"Ah! Thank you.." She says, attempting a smile.

"Hmm." I can only manage to acknowledge her. "You.. have something to discuss?"

"Yes, but it concerns you and your partner both.. where is Sardonyx? I don't sense her nearby.."

"Oh, somewhere.." I wave my hand dismissively, but Elbaite raises an eyebrow.

"You don't know? I thought you two were like this.." She twists her fingers together.

"And maybe we were." I scathe.

"Were?" Elbaite stares up at me in mild horror. "What _happened_?"

"Nothing!" I hiss, turning away and throwing my hands up. "Nothing has happened for days."

"But something _did_ happen! I need you _both_!" Elbaite shouts.

"Maybe _I_ don't need _her_!" I shout back.

"Don't be stupid! Who else would put up with you?" I reel around, glaring down at the tiny gem, ancient wounds sufficiently refreshed. "Oh- Oh no, I, I'm so sorry, I- I didn't mean-"

"Oh! You're _sorry_! Seems like _everyone_ is, but never enough to actually _change_!" I grumble. With an angry sigh I start to walk away. I've had enough of this, of all of this.

"No, no, I- I _mean_ it." Her tone is so sincere and so unexpected that I stop.

"Truly..? How? Why?" I turn back.

"While I was.. not pleased with Sardonyx's actions, I.. I believe they were necessary. It- she- _you_ -" Elbaite grasps the air in frustration. "- were both _necessary_. For me to see. To learn, to realize what is, I know now, the truth. I have been blind for a long time, Phantom. On purpose, partially. Selfishly on accident too. It's why I came back today. I wanted to apologize to you both.. and thank you. And ask for your help."

"You really mean it.." I can't help but boggle. A gem like her? Asking _me_ for help? For _forgiveness_?

"Yes. I was hoping to deliver that message to you both, but.. Well, obviously something has happened between you two."

"A couple things, yes." I cross my arms. I don't want to be here, don't want to talk about this, not to her, not to anyone. "A couple realizations occurred.."

"Realizations?"

"I.. was not happy with what she did. In principle, I am all for the berating and backhanding of pompous, spoiled uppercrust gems, but.. it was an unwise decision. I am grateful you did not send anyone after us, but we had no way of knowing if you would or not. She could have thrown us into great danger.."

"Yes, that was.. risky. But that's not all, is it?"

"I.." I don't want to tell her. I don't want to talk. The glare of her gaze, the resounding _slap_ , the _fear_ -

"It frightened you." She declares. Damn her telepathy!

"..Yes." I admit.

"You are afraid of her." She seems bewildered, confused. "Why?"

"Wh- why?! Did you not see- How could you not be? She didn't even _think_ \- She attacked- What if-"

"What if it were you? Oh, Phantom, don't be daft." She giggles, but it only irks me.

"If you mean to be reassuring, you are failing! She didn't _think_ , didn't consider, didn't _hesitate_! I cannot- I can't be part of that."

"But she's your _friend_ , you.. she _cares_ about you, she would _never_ -"

"And how would _you_ know? You don't even know her!"

"Neither, it seems, do you! Can't you tell? Can't you _feel_ it? Did no one ever teach you how to use your own mind?" I grate my teeth.

" _No_. No one _taught_ me, Elbaite. And _damn_ , have I been wondering why! I simply _cannot_ understand why _no one_ would teach me! It's been _plaguing_ me my whole life!" I sneer, sarcasm dripping from my every word as I point to my abominable gem. She winces, but I continue. "I'd appreciate it if, while insulting me, Elbaite, you could at least choose something I have some power over!"

"I-"

"How about the way I am completely ruining my only positive relationship, hmm? How about that? Or perhaps that's too obvious- instead try mocking what must appear to you as my complete irrationality! How about the way I've sat here for _days_ instead of doing something, anything, to overcome this! How about how I'd rather bury myself in the Diamond-forsaken dirt on this Diamont-forsaken planet than try to make amends and _fail_! Try _any one_ of those, hmm?" I let out a beleaguered sigh, running my hands over my short hair, realigning it. "I am.. well aware of my differences, Elbaite. I am not right, or close to right. I don't know everything, and I know that I don't know anything the way it ought to be learned. I didn't _ask_ for this.."

"I.. I know. No one really does, I just.. I'm not used to conversation. I'm not used to.. knowing." She fumbles for the word.

"Knowing?"

"That- That the rest of you _are_ people. I- I know how stupid that sounds but I.. I genuinely did not understand the value of others' lives until you and Sardonyx.. You opened my eyes, and I owe you so much for that. But I- a mountain does not crumble overnight. I'm trying to unlearn my old thoughts, but it's slow, as you can see.. I'm sorry for insulting you. It makes sense that interpersonal interactions would be difficult for you- it is for _me_ , and I have been taught the 'proper' ways of doing so.. which I now see is probably wrong as well."

"I.. thank you."

"Please, don't thank me. It should have been this way from the beginning."

"Better late than never, I suppose."

"Yes, well.. I do feel bad about _how_ late I am.." Elbaite sighs. "I want to help you. You have helped me, and.. and I yet need your help again. Let me help, please?"

"What can _you_ do? Sardonyx and I.." I shake my head. "None of it makes sense."

"What? What doesn't make sense?"

"Any of it! Caring and kindness, fear and anger- I am so very familiar with one side and not the other! How is there to be any _balance_ in any of it? How can they exist side by side? I thought.. I thought you could only have one at a time but if they can exist simultaneously, in the same place with the same people.. How am I to deal with it?" I circle the tinier gem in an almost rabid frenzy of questions, both begging and daring her to try to answer. "I thought she was _safe_ \- she was kind, after all, and no one had ever been _kind_ before. She said she _cared_ , and no one had ever done that before either. I _know_ she cares- but how can she have done this? How could she have put us in danger like this? And how-" I cut myself off, stopping abruptly. Elbaite looks up at me, scrutinizing my face and mind.

"How… how what?" I could tell her. I could tell her about Sardonyx's defect, I could put us both on the right tier in Elbaite's eyes, pull the curtain of mistruth down from over her. I could..

"It's not my place to say. You.. you'd have to ask Sardonyx." I could, but I can't. I won't. That would truly sour our relationship, wouldn't it? I'm not so certain it's beyond repair, even if I am afraid that nothing _I_ can do will repair it. I might as well not make it any worse.

"I see.. Phantom… you are mad at Sardonyx for threatening our agreement with her actions, yes? And you are afraid of this 'apparent' violent tendency?" She asks, her voice suddenly diplomatic. I nod hesitantly. "I think you're missing something very important, Phantom."

"And what could that be?"

"That she did that in your defense."

"What?"

"She was furious at me for disregarding her research, yes, but she did not strike me until I further insulted _you_. And, for such anger, she showed so much restraint by only slapping me. I've no doubt that in that moment, if she truly wanted, she could have shattered me. I could do _nothing_. She had the upper hand, had every chance and reason to destroy me- but she would never, would she? You know it- I can feel it in you both.

She was defending you, Phantom. She was defending you because she cares about you, and she would _never_ hurt you."

"That.. is a kind sentiment, but it does not negate the fact that you could have very well gone back and sent someone after us. She had no way of knowing how you would react to that, and.. and it does not negate the things I can't tell you about."

"Then I will show you! You are a fool if you give up on her! Come with me, right now. We're finding Sardonyx, and I am _fixing this_." Elbaite, like pink lightning, uses her magic to tug me by the hand into the forest. I don't resist. I'm too tired to fight her, and who knows?

Maybe she can help.

(\\)

I haven't seen Phantom in days. I think. I'm fairly certain the sun has risen and fallen at least a couple times, but I've been so lost in thought that I can't really know. I've just been thinking about what I did, what I said, and what I remembered and subsequently forgot again.

I can't shake the feeling that I've ruined it again. That Elbaite really will send someone into the forest to capture or kill us and it'll be my fault for behaving so irrationally. And worse, that I've become a source of anxiety for Phantom again.

Am I dangerous? I never thought so before, but if Phantom has reason to believe so..

"Sardonyx! Sardonyx, are you out here?" I hear a voice call, but it isn't Phantom.. Who..? The foliage parts to reveal a small pink and green gem, her gemstone on her left arm.

"Elbaite.." Of course.

"Ah, there you are! I've been looking for you and Phantom. Do you know where they are? I need to talk with you both.." She says coolly, calmly, like nothing has passed between us. "Are you alright? You look.. unhappy."

"I.. I'm fine. But I have some things to say to you, too, Elbaite." I pat the ground beside me. "If you'll let me.." Elbaite seems surprised, casting a glance back into the forest for a moment. I understand her hesitation, so I just wait as she gingerly comes to sit next to me.

"Alright.. What did you want to say?"

"I want to start with 'I'm sorry'. I shouldn't have slapped you, no matter how mad I was. I.. I should have kept my temper in check and either kept trying to explain or just.. agreed to disagree. I know it's not an easy concept to understand and it's not one particularly relevant to your life or views so it makes sense that you wouldn't really _want_ to get it. I'm not.. sorry for defending Phantom, though. I wish hadn't hit you, I could have found a better way to stop you, or just walked away, but I don't regret _why_ I hit you."

"Actually, I wanted to apologize for what I said. For everything. I.. I was incredibly close-minded, and I regret it, truly. I wanted to thank you for helping open my eyes, slap and all." Elbaite says with a shy smile. "I mean it.."

"I'm.. surprised, but.. ah, glad to have helped? I still probably shouldn't have hit you.." I chuckle.

"It _hurt_.. but so have my actions. I probably deserve worse than a good slap."

"I usually hate violence, so I can't say I agree. I'm glad you're looking at things differently now, though. But, uh.. I haven't been entirely honest with you. Phantom brought up an excellent point about something that I hadn't shared with you, something unfair to them.."

"How do you mean?"

"Well.." I take a deep breath, looking away from Elbaite. "I'm defective, too. Not just for having left Homeworld, either. I'm- I have a defect. And it's not fair that you can see that Phantom is different and not know that I am, too."

"Oh." Elbaite says simply. "H- how are you..?"

"I have memory issues. I can't always remember things. I didn't even know until relatively recently, I think." I shrug.

"Why didn't you mention it before? Did.. was it because you thought I'd look down on you? I.. I might have. That's a valid fear." Elbaite admits, but I shake my head with a sad smirk.

"No, actually. I mean, yes, I _knew_ you would, but I don't care what you think of me. I.. This'll sound silly, I'm sure, but being with Phantom.. I don't feel broken. I know I'm still defective but it.. doesn't bother me."

"Because they're worse off?" Elbaite grimaces, shying away in what would be deserved judgement.

"What? No! That's not it at all!" I put my hands to my face, laying back. Calm. Keep my temper. Everything is fine… "Yes, visually, everyone who sees Phantom will know that they're an off-color, that they didn't come out as intended, but I don't think of them like that at _all_. I don't care what they were 'supposed to be'. I don't care that everyone else thinks they look strange! You're all wrong! I think they're wonderful the way they are.. even if no one else does or that doesn't make any sense, I think they're.. perfect." My hands fall away from my face, and I stare up through the leaves. Elbaite sits quietly next to me while I think of how to explain.

"No, it's more like.. I forget I'm not right, either. I don't think of them as being broken or defective, and when I'm with them.. I'm just so happy to _be_ with them that.. that everything else falls away. I forget I'm broken.. I forget that I was ever meant to be something or some way else. I just feel.. good. To be exactly who and what I am."

"I.. how? Doesn't it make things.. difficult?"

"Sure.. certainly, even. But.. if I wasn't the way I am, I'd never have met Phantom. I wouldn't be _who_ I am. Our experiences lead directly to who we are, and.. I can't speak for Phantom, but I'm glad to have met them. I wouldn't change that. If having a buggy memory is payment for meeting them, I'd gladly pay it over again."

"How can you be so sure? Your life would be better if you had a proper memory. You wouldn't be running from Homeworld.. You'd be safe and have power and-"

"No, I'd just be a monster that belonged to Homeworld. Just another noble without a heart.. If I _thought_ I was perfect, I wouldn't _know_ that Phantom is. I'd think they were monster, but really the monster would be me. No, I'm much happier with being like this if it means that I see the truth of things. I'd rather be kind and broken any day. I.. I don't expect you to understand."

"I.. I think I do. Conceptually, anyway. Up until recently I was exactly what you described. Even now I struggle to see, exactly, how you do, but I know you're right. I do. I want to be better. I want to be like you two."

"I think they hate me now.." I sigh. "I don't blame them. I.. I did a very bad job of explaining myself, and I- I scared them. I scared myself. I forgot about them for a moment, and.. Stars, it can't be worth it for them to stay with me."

"What do you mean?"

"They said.. something about not being able to do it. That if I'm likely to forget them or, or not be in control of my own actions, that it wasn't worth it. I'm not worth it. There's too many risks for them.. which is fair.."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33: Return

I listen from a distance as Sardonyx and Elbaite have their discussion. I can scarcely believe what I'm hearing, but I force myself to be still and quiet, to not react until it's over.

"You think they'll leave without you?" Elbaite asks Sardonyx.

"I don't know. Maybe we'll part ways.. I think there's pods on our- on the ship."

"It's likely.. but that's not what I meant. You really think they'd just.. walk away from this? From you? You're friends, aren't you? Don't you care about them?"

"Of course! Which is why I'd let them go! If.. If being with me is a frightening or stressful experience because my deficiencies outweigh whatever positive worth I have, how could I possibly try to force them to stay with me? How could I ask that they make themself uncomfortable and stay to please me? And.. and if they weren't happy, I couldn't be happy, not if I knew I was the source of their unhappiness. I can't do that to them. They've suffered so much in their life- I don't want to be something that _adds_ to that already too-long list."

"So you'd just let them go?"

"Well.. yeah."

"Don't you.. want them to stay?"

"Of course. I like them a lot, I like _being_ with them. I certainly don't _want_ to be alone, but like I said, if they were unhappy and it was my fault, I couldn't make them stay. I couldn't do that. I couldn't ask that.." Sardonyx sighs. "I'd miss them so much, though. I don't want to be alone, I know that I'll probably forget them and I- I don't want to. I want to hold on to the happiness I've had with them and- and it's so selfish but I do want _more_. I want more time, more memories, more happiness. I wanna make _them_ happy, want them to want to stay, but I- If I'm not worth the trouble, how could I be that selfish?" She bursts into tears and my chest aches.

"Hey.. hey.." I cast my sight to them, now, no longer content just to listen. Elbaite puts a hand on Sardonyx's shoulder, patting her awkwardly. "I… I think it's okay to be selfish sometimes. And.. I think that what you want is what Phantom wants too. You just need.. to talk about it, probably.. I'm not one to talk, I've got such a horrible relationship with Tourmaline and it's probably mostly my fault for letting it get so bad.. But you and Phantom, you still have a chance to fix things.."

"They asked for time alone.. I think that's why I'm out here. I.. oh, right, I forgot where the ship was.." She laughs, shaking her head. "I don't think I could find Phantom if I needed to."

"Ah.. I think I could find them. Would you like me to? I could ask if they're ready to talk..?" Elbaite flicks her eyes in my directions, knowing full well where I am.

"No, leave it in their hands. I don't want to take that decision away from them. If they want to talk, they'll find me. I'll wait here. I'll give them as much time as it takes if it'll set things right."

"That's a sweet thought, Sardonyx, but don't you think that they might need a push? Something to remind them why they _want_ to talk.. Don't you think?"

"I.. I don't know. I don't want to _force_ them to do anything.."

"But don't _you_ want to talk to them?"

"Of course! I miss them.."

"Tell me what you like about them." Elbaite asks, suddenly. I stiffen. I've heard this before, so.. so what is she asking for? "I want to see them like you do.. You say they're perfect.. help me see again."

"You.. you really don't see?" Sardonyx asks. Elbaite honestly shakes her head. "Well, I.. Phantom is.. okay, you'll definitely think this is strange. And.. and you can't tell them.. I want to tell them, but I.. I don't know how."

"How to tell them _what_? Stars, Sardonyx, you're so good at teasing me! Tell meeeee!" She drapes herself over Sardonyx, limbs flailing in fake tantrum.

"Okay, okay!" Sardonyx laughs at the overdrama. "Phantom is beautiful." She says and sighs.

"Bu-"

"Yes, I know, they came out 'wrong', they're an 'off-color', but who cares! Who honestly actually is _bothered_ by that? So am I! So are so many, but differences and suprises are how we progress and I don't _care_. They're beautiful! They way they move, the way they think, the way they look at the world.. There's so much wonder in them.. I can't explain how.. how beautiful they are to me. Oh, what I wouldn't _give_ to give them everything they needed to chase that wonder, to give them every opportunity to be happy and explore their life and themself!

I just.. _adore_ them. They can be so… I can't describe it. It's like.. they are a wellspring of potential. I want them to be.. the very best of whatever they want to be. I want to help them, I want to be there to see them achieve everything they want to achieve, because as beautiful as they are as just.. pure potential, can you imagine what they'll be like when they've _realized_ that potential?

They're simply marvelous, Elbaite, and I want nothing more than to keep on with them." As she speaks, Sardonyx stands, apparently feeling too much to stay still. Wistfully she moves around the tree she and Elbaite were perched beneath.

"Wow.. you.. you really, _really_ care about them.." Elbaite seems just as breathless and wonderstruck as I feel.

"More than myself, Elbaite. I.. I haven't known them long, but I know that I want to know them for the rest of time. If they'll keep me."

"Well.. why don't we go tell them that?"

"Because I'm afraid they won't believe me. I.. I know no one else sees them like I do. I know no one ever has, and I know that they know that, too. Can you imagine being told your whole life you were horrible and ugly and wrong, and then all of a sudden someone says not only that everyone else is wrong, but that you're the most stunning creature in all existence? They'd think it was a cruel joke.. I know I would." Her mirth disappears, misery bubbling up to take its place. She lets out a tiny, miserable chuckle.

It's a sharp shock to realize how well she knows me. It's true. I can't believe it, and yet I know, _I know_ that she believes it. It's her truth, delivered unwittingly in the most raw way possible, and I cannot believe it. When two truths collide, how do you know which is _real_?

"I.. I can't imagine, no. I'm.. I'm sure you'll find a way to tell them someday."

"Oh, I hope so. I want them to know. I want to tell them."

"Are you sure you don't want me to find them?"

"I want Phantom to come back when they're ready to come back." Sardonyx nods definitively. "If they're ever ready."

"Then.. Then I'll come back tomorrow. I've stayed too long as it is. Will you.. be alright?" Elbaite asks nervously.

"Why Elbaite, are you worried about me?" Sardonyx teases, smirking. "And here I thought you didn't care.."

"I don't know why I bother with you two!" She blushes furiously. "Behave yourself, Sardonyx! I'll see you tomorrow!" Elbaite waves, rushing off. Sardonyx giggles, waving after her.

"I look forward to it!" She waves until Elbaite has disappeared over a hill and behind the trees, and then the smile and the waving hand both drop. With a sigh, Sardonyx starts to walk off. Calling my sight back to my form, I follow. I'm not ready to break the quiet, not quite sure _how_ , but I don't want to lose sight of her. I need to formulate my thoughts just a bit more, but I know if I return to solitude my anxieties will consume me again.

So I cast an illusion over myself, minimizing the sound of my footsteps on the wild ground, making it hard to see me should she turn my way, and I keep to her side as she goes.

She seems deep in thought herself, wandering almost carelessly through the trees, weaving down whatever path is most readily available. Along we go until at last we reach a hill that ends in a sloping cliff, and Sardonyx lingers at the base of the tree that grows there. She peers into the sky, where the sun is starting to set, the edge of the orb just cresting the horizon.

And then, up the tree she goes. I wait at the base, watching with my far sight as she climbs, unsure the purpose of this action.

The wind pulls at her hair as she reaches the top, her gaze solemn and pensive. What could she be doing? What is she thinking? She watches the sun set for several moments, and I tuck myself into the roots of the tree. I gasp as she starts to hum an unfamiliar tune. It's not one of mine, and it's not one I've heard from the city with her. I listen closely, and words start to bubble out of the hummed tune.

" _Starlight.._

 _I will be chasing your starlight.._

 _Through the dark of the night.._

 _But am I worth it anymore?_

 _Far away.._

 _This ship is taking me far away.._

 _Far away from the memories.._

 _That continue to elude my mind.._

 _Hold you in my arms_

 _I just want to hold_

 _You in my arms.."_

She sings, softly, unsure, but it could not be more powerful if she belted it out through a speaker. I take it that this a song of her own, and that I am the subject..

I have lost track of how many times something Sardonyx has done or said has shaken me to my core, but I find myself there once again. She is incomprehensible to me, for here and now she has destroyed and remade me in an instant.

I want to call out to her, but I still don't know what I would say. I want her to continue, but how could I possibly ask her to? I want to hear more of her sweet, untempered voice not only for the art of it, but for the sentiment. We need to talk, I know, but I almost just want to linger here in limbo. Oh, but at this point it's cruel to leave her in this state. She thinks she's ruined everything, she thinks I'm afraid of her, and… and this is exactly how she felt, not too long ago.

I made _her_ afraid of me. Now _I_ am afraid of her. If she could be brave enough to stay with me, surely I can do the same?

I want to. I want to stay. I want to fix things. I want to be with her.

Not knowing what I'll say when I get there, I start climbing the tree to Sardonyx. I don't call ahead, and I keep quiet as I go, though I drop the masking illusion. Even so, she doesn't realize I'm here until I'm just below her.

"Oh! Phantom.." She says, smiling nervously. I come to rest slightly below her, such that our heads are on level with one another.

"I, ah.. I ran into Elbaite. She said you were this way, and I.. I thought I'd come talk to you." It's more than half a lie, but I don't know what else to say.

"Oh, good. Um.. What about?"

"Well.." I sigh. "I don't know. I just.. couldn't stand to _not_ be talking anymore. I.. I don't know what to say. I still scarcely know what I'm feeling.."

"I see." She nods, looking down at her hands. "Then I'll go first, I suppose. I, uh, saw Elbaite earlier too. And we talked about some things. And I apologized to her for slapping her. And I.. I'm sorry for doing that, to you, too, Phantom. I should have known, should have _done_ better. We were lucky she took it so well, but I shouldn't have done it at all.

I told her about my memory issues too. So she.. she knows now, too. Because you're right, it's not fair that your differences are visible and mine aren't. If she's going to shame you, she should shame me, too. I- I mean, I don't want _either_ of us to be belittled, of course, but- but it wasn't fair that you were being targeted specifically. I hope that makes sense. I'm.. I'm sorry I took so long to tell her."

"Well, actually, we'd only seen her twice, Sardonyx. I.. I was overreacting a bit. A lot. I was afraid, and I let fear turn everything into hurt.. That wasn't fair of me, either. I.. I should have realized that's not what you meant. I could have been more patient.."

"But I _scared_ you-"

"As I did to you, and you stayed! You stayed.. You didn't even consider leaving.."

"No.. But I wasn't afraid of you, only of hurting you. I.. I scared you. Me, my actions. Maybe I am dangerous.. I'm really scared I'm not any good for you, Phantom. I mean.. Even if I try my best and I do everything I can to keep you safe and protect and respect you and I _still_ mess up this badly.."

"Sardonyx." I reach out, taking my fears by the reigns they tried to place on me, and place my hand on one of hers. "I don't think you're anything _but_ good. I.. I don't expect perfection. I just want you as you are, and sometimes that means things- _we_ \- will clash. That will take time to adjust to, but.. we can. We're doing it now, aren't we? And we've done it before, right? Don't.. don't you want to try?" I heard her earlier, but those words were spoken in confidence to Elbaite. What will she choose to say to me?

"Always. I don't want to be anywhere you aren't." Her eyes are fixated on my one, intense but soft, and her hand twists around under mine to hold it, to hold me.

"And I don't want to be without you. I'm sorry I left you alone so long.."

"No, you needed time- I don't blame you for how you felt!"

"But we promised we'd talk about these things, not.. explode. I.. I may have done it quietly, but that's exactly what I did.."

"But you were right, I put our position and lives here in jeopardy because I was overly emotional-"

"But you were trying to defend me, _us_! She was being insufferable-"

"But you would have endured it, wouldn't you? Why couldn't I?"

We both realize how close we are in this tree, face to face, standing on the same branch, leaning across another, and the world is still. The only movement is the wind teasing Sardonyx's hair and the imperceptible setting of the sun.

"You care too much. I don't. I mean.. I do but.. I've been there before. I've endured it all. I've had to. I _can't_ care anymore.. But you do. You still do."

"I just.. you've suffered so much in your life. I don't.. I can't stop that from happening ever again, I'm not all-powerful. But I can minimize the damage, can't I? I can protect you from what little I can.."

"It's not your job to protect me.." I laugh, but I appreciate it, _her_ , so much..

"But I want to. You are my friend and.. you're my only friend. I think.. it's important to.. to protect the things we lo-" Sardonyx's face goes slack, her eyes seeming to dim, as a presence washes over us both. I fight it off, reeling from the force of it, but Sardonyx goes limp and nearly slips from the tree.

I only barely manage to catch her, throwing myself across the branch that divides us, hands latching around her waist. My hips catch on the branch and we dangle from it. I can't seem to use my magic, and my form is weak.. But then Sardonyx straightens, twisting her head around to look at me.

Her eyes are dead. This isn't my friend- someone else is in those eyes.

I nearly drop her, but her hands, possessed, take hold of my wrists and pull me over the branch, the two of us plummeting to the ground.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34: Disconnect

We don't hit the ground. Something catches us just before the critical impact, something purely magical. It isn't me, for while I tried, and so desperately did I try, I still could not access my magic.

The force, the presence drops us after stabilizing us in the air a moment. Our forms land with a thud, but as I struggle to hands and knees, Sardonyx rises effortlessly, summoning her blade.

"S-Sardonyx?" I tremble. _What_ is happening?!

"Not quite!" A chipper new voice answers instead. I look, finding the source quickly. Safely on the rising part of the hill, there is Elbaite, and a gem that looks much alike her, who I guess is her Tourmaline. It is the Tourmaline who spoke, not our Elbaite.

Speaking of, Elbaite looks _miserable_. She's held by one elbow to the side of the Tourmaline, who grins. Elbaite looks at me guiltily.

"What's..?"

"My lovely partner Elbaite here alerted me to a horrifying presence in our forests today! She said she'd been investigating for a while, but when I asked her she told me allllll the details.. So here we are..!" Tourmaline giggles. "And what an interesting little monster you are! I'm certain that someone at Home wants you back, don't they?" Her grin grows. I quiver.

"Wh- what have you done to Sardonyx?"

"She's my puppet! Her body is mine now! Impressive, isn't it? I'd have you under my control, too, if you didn't have such an impressive wellspring of magic!"

"Let her go.." I demand.

"Oh dearie me.. I don't think I can do that!" She laughs, her almost pleasant grin devolving into a snarl. Sardonyx prods me with her sword, forcing me to my feet. Her dead eyes and tilted head terrify me more than even that moment with Elbaite ever could. "She's going to help get you to our holding cell. Friends should support each other, don't you think?"

"I don't-"

"Although!" She says, tromping over. Sardonyx leans down, and the monster puts her hands on Sardonyx's face, crooking her neck as if to make her head stay up straight. "This is unusual! She's fighting very hard, don't you think, Elbaite?" Sardonyx's head lulls again as Tourmaline lets go.

"..yes.." Elbaite says in just a whisper. I don't understand.. is Elbaite _helping_ her? I want to be furious, I want to attack, but I can think only of damage control, of getting us out of this somehow..

"Let her go, please. Homeworld doesn't want her, they only want _me_ -"

"I don't give a damn! I don't care who they want! I'm going to do what I want to do, because I'm _bored_! And if your friend is really so precious to you, that means you'll do what I want you to, too! Otherwise cutie here will have a tragically dramatic walk off a tall building!" As if to demonstrate her point, Sardonyx lurches upright, teetering too close to the soft edge of the cliff. "Oh no! So dangerous, what _ever_ will become of little Sardonyx!?" Tourmaline fakes a perilous gasp.

"No, no! Stop!" I reach out, feeling real danger and fear, but I know that if I needed to my inhibited form could not catch Sardonyx. But Tourmaline lets her straighten out, walks her forward, and has her help me to my feet.

"Good! Now, let's march, _friends_!" Tourmaline declares, throwing her arms high and open before latching on to Elbaite again. Sardonyx similarly places the point of her sword at my back and prods me forward. "Besides, if I let her go, what's to stop her from trying to rescue you? I'm not so easily tricked, you'll find!"

(\\)

My body feels a million miles away. My mind is foggy, but I can feel my form moving. It's against my will, and I can't tell what it's doing, but it's going. It's doing _something_.

I feel like it's behind a thick and blurry glass pane, but there's no metaphorical way to even _strike_ the glass, to break through or clear it somehow. It's like I'm a million miles away from the glass and no matter how hard or fast I run I'll never get to it. I fight through the haze, but I might as well be trying to catch fog in my hands.

But I can, I notice, think clearly. My memories are all _here_. Clean, crisp, and not a single one missing. It's a little overwhelming, and yet it's all familiar. It's all _mine,_ of course it's familiar!

I remember my sister, 4OS, and I remember her smile and her laugh and walking down our tiny corridors to watch the sunset, the only sort of break we ever really got. I remember so many good times, joking and teasing and smiling through and around work. I almost want to cry with joy, but my body is still a distant concept to me.

I chase the memories, travelling back and back and back and back, and I see the evidence of all the times she hid my deficiency. Every lie she ever told for me, my hazy head only vaguely realizing in the moment that comes to slap me in the face now. I adore and appreciate it all now that I can, knowing that if I ever break out of my head I'll forget again. I know it with certainty that I will forget, but at least I have this moment now. I wish I could have told her while she was alive how much I appreciated her, even then, even only half-knowing..

I want to continue down this nostalgic path of memories of my sister, but my now-clear mind remembers that I got here in the middle of a very important conversation with Phantom.

Phantom, who was once an enemy and now my greatest friend. Phantom, a spire of a gem with a horrible past who had no hope when I met them. Phantom, who I adore more strongly than makes sense.

Phantom, who I could see catch me as my mind went blank and I fell from the tree.

I need to get back to them. I don't know where my body is now, but I know I need to get back to it. I don't know where they are, but I'll find them. I have to let them know I'm okay, that everything is okay. I have to be there.. to protect them from whatever did this to me, to _us_ , because I saw them struggle too. I saw whatever force this is that's separated my mind from my form try to do the same to them. I have to protect them. I have to help them.

So I rage against the static and the disconnect. I feel fire in my heart, in the energy that is the quintessential me, and I set it loose on this horrible wall that's keeping me not only from my self but my _friend._

I will _not_ remain here.

[X]

We march along, Tourmaline chirping her incessant thoughts every few moments, like the silence beyond the tromping of feet is too much for her. But no one responds. The party of small red gems barely larger than the psychic menaces and the blue ones with wings made of water don't seem quick to chatter, and I certainly have nothing to say. My best pleading has _no_ effect, and Sardonyx is beyond my reasoning with..

Though as we walk, hers is an uneven step. Jilted, jittery, just in control. i hold out hope that my friend will find her way back to herself, and soon..

But we near the city, the towers splintering into the sky, far beyond the natural reach of any tree, and my hope wanes. It's too much.. there's nothing she or I can do, it seems. We're doomed for now.. maybe if she regains consciousness we could fuse and destroy these monsters, but until then, without my magic and without her? I can't think of anything to do.

"What is that smell?" Someone complains suddenly. Smell? What is 'smell'? I look around me, searching initially for the source of the complaint hoping for context, but I see Sardonyx, her form twitching like she's under enormous strain, and black smoke rising from the ground beneath her feet.

A strangled groan fights it way from her mouth, but her face is still blank, head still lulled, blade still drawn.. though the hand bearing the weapon shakes. Is she fighting off her possession? _How_?

"Elbaite.." I hear Tourmaline growl. I wheel around, and find that she's on her knees, eyes focused on Sardonyx, convulsing seeming in time with Sardonyx. Elbaite stands to her side, obviously worried, but for who? She looks between her partner and Sardonyx and I, "Elbaite, _**help me**_." The deep growl demands of her, decides for her, and Elbaite places her hands on Tourmaline's shoulders without hesitation. So that's who's side she's on..

I feel their magic redouble on myself as well as hear it clamp further onto Sardonyx. She falls behind me as I crumble to my knees. But it's not enough to consume my mind, only further weaken me.

"Let's get going, shall we?" Tourmaline demands. "And no more.. funny business." My friend rises behind me, head straight, and eyes somehow more dead than before. I let her lead me away, but I know she's fighting now. She's fighting for us, for _me_.

I won't stop either.

[X]

I have a couple plans in mind by the time we reach the city. I didn't realize how long Elbaite had to walk to visit us each day.. Not that it matters now. She's chosen her side, and it isn't mine.

Still, the walk is tiresome, the only sound that of our feet crunching through fallen plant material and the swooping of those blue gems' water wings as they circle overhead. Tourmaline seemed talkative before, but now she leads the way in an exhaustive manner, Elbaite her willing but unhappy crutch. Good! Let her suffer for this betrayal!

I need to find a way back to my magic. If Sardonyx can fight Tourmaline off, perhaps so can I. They said I had an impressive 'wellspring of magic', didn't they? If only I can access _all_ of it, push through to it, I can free Sardonyx and we can be out of here. It's just finding it now that they've seemingly buried it away from me that I don't know how to do..

We've crossed the threshold of the city now. Dirt and debris have given way to impossibly smooth pavement, arching towers of silver and platinum, painting in all the colors of every gem, and yet no one to fill them.. There's more of the small red gems everywhere, who I can tell for certain now are not Rubies. They're much too large and more heftily shaped. But beyond them and the blue ones, there appears to be no one of value in the city. Perhaps it's to do with the heat?

My first plan involves stealing Sardonyx's sword and running through the two tourmaline gems, then running off as fast as I possibly can, possibly carrying Sardonyx until their magic wears off. I'm waiting for the blue gems to be in a decently spread out position, as they're prone to do, and the red ones to lower their weapons, already weakly held, unfamiliar to them. I've seen them look at me, stare, and let their weapons fall ever so much.. I know that I seem weaker than them, especially now, but they don't know for certain.. If I can just command her weapon for a moment, for a _second_ , I can do this..

Wait a moment.. where there always _twelve_ of the red ones?

As soon as I notice her, the world explodes. The ground beneath our very feet erupts in light and it both sounds and feels like a blast from a ship. I fall backwards, the light staining my vision. I feel Tourmaline's vice on my magic loosen, but not enough, and I don't have enough time to use it anyway.

When the light has faded, gems have scrambled into position around me, weapons alert. A blue gem flies over head, and at her apparent command, water forms around my wrists, another vice to bind me.

"Those damn rebels!" Tourmaline shrieks, Elbaite pulling her to her feet. "Who did it? Tell me _someone_ saw that!" She points around to everyone, but every gem shrinks with the finger comes round to them. "You're all _useless_! You!" She points, snarling, at the water gem who has me bound.

"M-my Seer?" She replies, jolted.

"Yes, _Lazuli_. Take this one to the holding cells. You're now to guard it with your life while the rest of these _blazing idiots_ searches for the other one!" The other one-? Sardonyx? True enough, she's gone. But how, but _who_?

"But my _shift_ is coming up, I can't-"

"Have one of your other Lazulis take over for you! I don't care what you have to do, but it's your job to make sure this thing doesn't escape!"

"I can't! You don't understand, the others are overworked as it is, they need me to let them recover-". She shivers to silence as Tourmaline raises a hand, taking control of her, it seems.

The 'Lazuli' falls to the ground as her wings dissipate, but the water tight around my wrists never fades. Tourmaline lords over her, daring her to refuse again. I have no doubt that she would shatter this gem just to prove a point..

"Are we understood?" She whispers menacingly. Lazuli nods without looking up. Tourmaline and Elbaite leave, the rest of the gem entourage following after. One of the other Lazulis lands next to the fallen one and gives her a pat on the shoulder in sympathy.

She stands, tugging me to my feet with the water cuffs, and then takes off with me at a hurried, aggravated pace.

"No, please!" I shout even as my heels drag on the ground. "I have to find Sardonyx!" It's probably useless, but I have to try.

"No use." The Lazuli says simply, not even slowing.

"Please!"

"Someone _else_ will find her." She looks down at me. I notice the golden flecks on her cheeks and in her eyes, and it might be stunning if she weren't looking at me with such complete apathy. "You'll be reunited. Probably."

"But I-"

"Quiet! I can't help you." She says as we arrive. The water cuffs keep me proportionally distant to her, and I skid across the ground as she lands. She drags me like this into a strange, squat building, and into a small cell. I try to resist, but the water cuffs seem almost locked in place by the back wall and my physical strength without my magic to help me is next to nothing. She closes a barrier of energy and the water releases me. It simply drops to the floor, and I stumble when the force of it is gone.

The Lazuli sits in front of the barrier, legs and arms crossed. I press my form against the barrier. It buzzes against me, but it doesn't hurt, though I think that case may be different should I _really_ press into it or try to break through.

"Please, she's very important to me. We were talking about something important.." I continue to beg.

"I can't _do_ anything. If Tourmaline the Mindseer finds out I let you go, she'd have my gem plastered to her Diamonds-damned personal cruiser by the waste valve." She says.

"Then.. then don't _do_ anything. Make a 'mistake'. You have to go talk to the other Lazulis, don't you? Perhaps you can leave some sort of hole in this defense-"

"I _can't_." She stops me. "Look, I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. I'm.. usually able to help in situations like this. But I'm in the spotlight. If I have anything to do with you getting away, the Mindseer _will_ know, and then I won't have the ability to help everyone ever again. So, like.. sorry, but I can't help you." She says, resolute.

I linger with my hands pressed on the barrier for a moment, hoping she'll relent if I just stare long enough, but I can see she's got a stronger will than that. With a sigh I pull back.

"Fine. I see how it is."


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35: Reminders

The white is traded out for black, clarity is switched with chaos. Distantly, my now-addled mind knows that my form was disassembled, but it's a thought that's too heavy to bear with my full and conscious mind. I am drowning in thoughts and memories, no longer able to sift through it with any control at all. It's everything I've ever known, all at once, like every word in a dictionary being read at the same time, ad nauseum.

It goes on like this for what seems like forever. Until at last it's over.

I reform, and it feels like standing in the tree with Phantom as the wind blew through my hair and around us and the sun set before us. That memory is hazy, now, but the _feeling_ sticks with me as I drop to my feet, back once more.

Before I'm completely back, I feel something get pressed into my hand, and my whole form feels a bit.. fuzzy. But I'm stable, and when I open my eyes, the fuzziness and the dizziness fades away to a background noise that I'm sure I'll soon forget.

"At last!" A husky, breathy voice squeals with delight. Looking down, I see the source is a Vanadanite, hands pressed joyfully together. She sports the biggest grin I think I've ever seen on a Vanadanite- the throwaway workforce of our kind. A pale blue-purple hand comes to rest on her shoulder- a Bismuth who shakes her head with a small, more restrained smile of her own.

"Uh.. hello." I say. The Vanadanite squeals again, and I can't help but chuckle.

"2OS, I'm so happy to see you! You probably don't know who I am, but I was one of yours a long long time ago and you saved me and you're my hero for it!"

"Take a breath, will you, Ellie?" The Bismuth sighs. The Vanadanite, Ellie, looks up at her with uncontained glee.

"I can't, Bizzy, I'm just so happy!"

"Uh.. Ellie, Bizzy, I'm- I'm just called Sardonyx, but uh.. where.. where am I? And who are you?" My head is still a bit buzzy, and I feel like there's more I should be asking, the half-formed idea of it sitting somewhere in the middle of my head, not quite in focus enough.

"We're still on Exus 20-97, we're just below the surface four or five miles down. To hide our energy signatures from the Mindseer and the Grand Controller. And _we_ ," Ellie waves between her and Bizzy, who strikes a proud pose, ", we are the Resistance! Or, ah, the leaders of a local group of rebels. We send materials and gems to Earth and other outposts, though! And when we heard that the Tourmalines captured a rebel Sardonyx, well, we had to help."

"Yeah, but we couldn't've guessed that it'd be _Ellie's_ Sardonyx. She's been goin' on and on about you for probably four decades now." Bizzy sighs, and shakes her head again, her short, thick strands of pale, desaturated rainbow hair bobbing slightly. I'm impressed by Ellie's lifespan more than the fact that she knows me, for a moment. Vanadanites don't tend to live longer than a couple years at most- they're so fragile and they do such difficult, dangerous work.. But the fact that she's been around to remember me for forty years is dwarfed in a moment by the fact that she knows me at all.

"E-Ellie's Sardonyx?" I ask.

"I was caught experimenting with some electronics and tinkering with them, but you- you saved me. You and 4OS, you were assigned to find the- the nearest court that would schedule a decommissioning, but instead you gave me a new identification code and sent me away. I- I still don't know how you did that without getting caught or even getting in trouble.." She smiles, eyes wide and earnest and happy. She expects me to say something like 'Oh, no trouble, Ellie!' and smile like I remember. I should remember.. but I don't.

"I, ah.. Shoot, I hate to disappoint you, Ellie, but I- I have a defect. My memory is.. buggy. I don't remember you.." I feel myself shrinking, afraid of her disappointment.

"Well, that's- that's not so great, but hey, you still did what you did and you're _here_. And- and-!" Ellie brightens again, gesturing to the room of carved out rock we're in, "- this was all inspired by it!"

"This.. room?" I ask, and Bizzy bursts out laughing.

"Not _just_ this room, dear, our whole _organization_! Ellie was so damn inspired by what you did for her that when she got integrated into her new squad, she got to designing a system that would allow for her to help other Vanadanites survive the merciless views of Homeworld, and it's been working pretty well so far. In part thanks to yours truly. I build the stuff she designs, and as a Bismuth I have some weight I can throw around to 'assign' gems to do things where they 'whoopsie'! Have an 'accident' and get taken out of the system." She smirks.

"Ingenious! And they haven't caught on?"

"Nope! And, if we're really worried they'll be suspicious, Ellie will stand in for the gem we're trying to get out, and fake their death herself. It's a pretty reliable system." She nudges Ellie with a wink, and Ellie blushes lightly.

"That's pretty amazing! A-and you say I- I _inspired_ all this?"

"You did! You want to see? There's so much here..!" Ellie gestures to the entry, which is less a door and more of an opening. I can hear other gems somewhere beyond it, in a distant hum of activity, a mystery for the moment.

"Yes, yes please!" I say as Ellie cheers. That idea pulses in my head as if to say, 'what about me?', but I can't seem to bring it far enough forward to entirely remember it. I don't know how to on command either, so I quiet it, and let Ellie lead me away, Bizzy not far behind.

They show me _so much_. There are caverns and tunnels and gems, so many gems, a flurry of activity everywhere. I don't understand half of what they're doing, but Ellie is so proud that I'm sure it's all absolutely vital. And, more than that, everyone I see seems so _happy_. There is art and music and laughter here, work and progress and mirth, and my cheeks ache by the time their tour is over, I've smiled so much.

Ellie tells me the story of how we met, a tale that includes both my sister and I. It's so weird to hear about things I've done but can't remember- I feel like I'm hearing a story about someone entirely separate from me, but everything she's describing sounds like what I'd do. While her words stir feelings of familiarity, I don't remember any of it happening. No new memories of a distant time resurface, and there is no 'aha!' moment.

But it's nice to hear about my sister. I feel close to her again, despite my memories of her being so.. faded. This story, this deed of ours, it brings her back just a bit, and I'm incredibly grateful for it.

"Say, Ellie, how long was I out?" I ask when the conversation lulls.

"A, uh, couple weeks. I didn't know Sardonyxes had such a long reformation time." She laughs sheepishly. "Sorry for poofing you, we, uh, didn't know how else to extract you safely."

"That's fine, Ellie- but are you sure? A couple _weeks_?" My stomach drops as she nods. "Oh _no_ , Phantom will be so- _Phantom_!" My eyes widen. Memories hit me like a sheet of cold water.

"Phantom?" Bizzy and Ellie ask in unison.

"My partner! My- My friend! I- Oh _stars_ , how could I forget?! Stupid!" I smack my cheek, warm with shame. "Where is Phantom? Have you seen them?"

"N-no, you were the only one we rescued..". Ellie shakes her head.

"That means _they_ have Phantom! I have to go, I have to get them, I've got to-"

"Sardonyx, hold up! Who even is this 'Phantom'?" Ellie asks, Bizzy nodding behind her.

"My friend, I came here with them- I- I need them. They're.." I wrack my head for an image of them, their face so recent in my mind that surely I can recall it. Surely… "They're tall, and purple.. or are they green..? No, both! A-and I think their gem is one of their eyes..?"

"Oh." Ellie says, and looks up at Bizzy, who has a grimace. "I didn't know they were- I didn't think- no one reported them-"

"So, yeah, the Tourmalines have them." Bizzy confirms.

"Then I have to save them." I _have_ to. I turn and walk towards what I think is the exit, a long tunnel that curves upward through the rock crust of this planet. However, Ellie skirts in front of me, arms out and hands wide.

"Wait a moment, Sardonyx, we don't know where they even _are_ \- and you're going to go in without anything?" She cautions me.

"That's not true, Ellie; we know _exactly_ where they are." Bizzy looks down at Ellie with a look of.. judgement? Questioning? I'm not sure. "They're in the containment center, where they'd take _anyone_." Bizzy says. She sounds irritated, and Ellie flinches. "You were gonna _lie_ to her, just to keep her here?"

" _What_?" I squeak, and Ellie looks back and forth between Bizzy and I, choosing to focus on her companion.

"W- n-no! I mean, yes, but it's _dangerous_! What she's thinking is going to get her shattered!" She reasons. "Sardonyx, you have to believe me- it's too dangerous!"

"That's not for you to decide, Ellie! That's her _friend_!" Bizzy points up, toward what I can only assume is the city and Phantom.

"And they're as good as gone! The _Tourmalines_ have them! What hope do any of us have of facing them and winning o-or even surviving?"

"I don't care if I don't survive!" I say before Bizzy can. "Phantom is my friend, and I promised I'd never let Homeworld hurt them ever again. I _promised_."

"I'm sure they wouldn't want you to risk yourself like this, though. If they're your friend, they would understand that it's _too much_. It's overwhelmingly dangerous, Sardonyx. You're just one gem against all of them! They've got guards, Quartzes, and our strongest Lapis is guarding them too, and she'd _have_ to fight you, and she'd _win_. You- you'd be doomed! A-and there's an Agate on the way to collect them, Sardonyx, and she'll have more guards with her, and you'll be trapped, with them. Here, here you'll be safe and hidden and we can-"

"Don't you see that she doesn't _want_ to stay, Ellie?" Bizzy interrupts her. "You saved her once, you paid her back for saving you, now it's time to let her go and do what she's got to do!"

"She's going to get herself shattered- I didn't save my hero just for her to die immediately afterward!" Ellie responds with rage.

"She's not _yours_ to make that decision for!"

"I refuse to not even try, Ellie." I shake my head, and her expression grows darker, more desperate.

"You'll be _safe_ if you stay-"

"I don't care! My safety is nothing compared to theirs! They've suffered for too long, and- and I _miss_ them! I can't- I _won't_ live without them, especially if it means that I have to _abandon_ them!" I feel like I'm screaming and not being heard, Ellie looking at me firmly, resolute. "Ellie, I wouldn't be the gem you were so enamored with if I just _stayed_ and did nothing. I.. I have to save them. I- I belong with them, and if that means I die trying to free them, then so be it. I can't _not_ be myself, and that means I need to try."

Her expression is one of heartbreak and an inner war, but one that is clearly lost. She slowly deflates and sighs.

"Very well. I- I'll show you the way. We've got to hurry. That Agate is only a few hours away."

"You're doing the right thing, Ellie." Bizzy says, putting a hand on her shoulder, but Ellie looks defeated, deflated, only shrugging.

"Doesn't feel like it."

"It's still the right thing." I say. "I'm- I want to say I'm so grateful for what you've done- rescuing me, giving me this chance to save my friend, and- and doing all this," I gesture to the caverns, to the gems, to the lights and the laughter and the _freedom_ , ", and saying it's because of me. I think you're amazing, and I wish I could stay, I do. I want to see the rest of this world you've built.. but mine would be incomplete without Phantom.

I'm being selfish, I know. You've done so much, and I'm just leaving.."

"I never wanted anything from you, Sardonyx. I just- I dreamed of making you proud." That catches me by surprise. How can I be so important to someone I don't even remember? It isn't fair, not to either of us.

"I am." It's true- this is an accomplishment, this hub of hope and happiness. That it was done in my name pleases me to no end, but it can't make me happy. Not without Phantom.

"Then come with me." Ellie says, and offers a hand. I give her mine, and she leads me up. Bizzy comes with, walking beside Ellie.

"I'm proud, El. You're doing a real good thing." She says, but I take it that was meant to be just between them. Still, Ellie doesn't hide her smile, a little strained yet, but honest. She picks up the pace after that, and we three head up, hopefully to Phantom's rescue.

"Ellie?" I ask, not stopping. Ellie doesn't stop either, just looks over her shoulder, shy. "Thank you."


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36: Interlude of Solitude

It's been days. A week, maybe. I can't see out of my head to look, Tourmaline's power over me too strong even from wherever she is. It numbs my head just so, I've found, and causes me to lose focus, or worsens the effect if I don't concentrate. It's made keeping track of time impossible, but I'm certain it's been longer than a day, at the least.

Elbaite keeps coming by, but she never says anything and never stays more than a moment, and she stays away for days at a time. I can feel that she wants to ask about Sardonyx, but she never does.

I was so certain she'd come. I was so, so very certain. Now, though.. Now, I don't know. It's been so long and no one has come, Lazuli hasn't gone anywhere and hasn't spoken, and from what little I _can_ sense, there's been no excitement since my capture.

Has she not tried? Has she not come looking? Have they not found her? I was so _certain_! Why hasn't she come?

I'm being selfish, I know. I should be grateful she's not coming, she's safe if she isn't here, and I do want her to be safe, but I want her _here_. I want to be with her, and she's not here, and I hate that she isn't. The solitude, the quiet, it's all worse when she's gone.

What if she never comes? She'd be safe, presumably, hopefully. But I-

They'll take me to White Diamond. I'll be her puppet, her plaything. I'll suffer. I'll always be alone. Forever, until she's finally sick and bored of me, and now, now that I escaped her once, that may be never.

[X]

"Please leave, Lazuli." A meek voice breaks our mutual, grating silence. I look up from my dim corner to see Elbaite standing before Lazuli, who bows hastily and leaves, wordless.

"Where is she?" She asks after a moment of silence where she doesn't look at me. For the best, I think. I'm scathing, raving, furious mad at her.

I put my head back down. I can't stand to look at her anymore.

"That's fine. I don't want to tell Tourmaline anyway." She sighs, and I hear the sound of fabric sliding against the door. "I didn't want this. I- I hope you know. I didn't want this. I- I started dreaming I'd run away with you-"

"Shove off, Elbaite, I _don't_ believe you _ever_ cared- you- you- I _trusted_ you- _she_ trusted you!" I pound a fist against the floor. "You broke that trust and now she's gone and I'm in here and you- you will never go _anywhere_ with me."

"I know." She says quietly, too quietly. "I wish I could fix it."

"You want to fix it? Let me out, let me _find_ her, and let us _leave_."

"I can't."

"You'd get in trouble, hm? You'd be a rebel and your life would be over, would it? Can't risk your own rock, can you?"

"Phantom, I-"

"Stuff it. I don't care, not about you or what you have to say. You're selfish and cruel and I'm grateful to know the truth. I'm glad I know I can't trust any of you Diamonds-damned gems- that you're all selfish and cruel and horrible!"

"You trust Sardonyx." Elbaite says.

"She's- I don't mean-" I start to explain, but Elbaite laughs, and I suddenly notice a few details that aren't familiar, aren't correct- and then the illusion fades and it's clearly Tourmaline, and she's _laughing._

"Oh, you should see your _face_! Aaahaha!" And she rolls on the ground, writhing with a giggling fit on the floor.

" _You_." I slam my fists against the barrier, but her giggles only die a little as she looks at me smugly. I grind my fists further into the light, and it shocks me, but lightly.

"Me! And look, it's you!" She pokes the barrier, teasing me, mocking me. "I came to see how you were liking our accommodations. Pretty neat, huh?"

" _Damn you_. What do you want?"

"I want to know where that little Sardonyx went. The way I see it, you'd know best where she'd go. She was keeping you around for something, after all."

"I don't know and I wouldn't tell you if I did." I sneer.

"Of course not, dearie. That's why I came to see you. I want to try to pry it out of that dim rock in your head." She smiles a little wider, her eyes narrowing, and I feel her magic screw into my thoughts. Like hands with fingers pressed into my temple, I feel her trying to dig her way in, an assault on my thoughts and memories.

I see snippets and flashes of what she's seeing as she digs, deeper and deeper, and though it's a small agony, I feel.. a window open up. With my own magic, with my own hands, I dig right back into her. Into _her_ thoughts, _her_ memories. I see her desires; respect, power, and pain, which she views all as one. I see the most recent object of her deathlust, and my mind _screams_.

" _ **No!**_ " I force her out, send her reeling physically, my hands, my actual hands, pressing against the barrier and _bending_ it. The shocks that run through me are nothing compared to the hate in my heart.

"You'll _never_ find her! You'll never touch her! If you hurt her, if you even _try_ , I will tear you apart, photon by screaming photon and grind your miserable stone to _dust_ , you cretinous pebble!" The barrier stretches thin beneath my hands, the volts travelling up to my shoulders now, but I can only think of her and her hideous desires and how much I want to end her wicked existence. There's no kindness in her heart, and she has turned her unkind gaze on _my_ Sardonyx.

Tourmaline looks up at me, and she smiles.

"She'll come for you. We'll see who gets who." She forces her mind over mine, and my vision goes black. When it comes back, she's gone.

[I]

I should try to see Phantom again. I should speak with them. I should apologize.

So many things I should do, but I can't seem to muster the strength to do any of it. I _want_ to, but every time I saw them, I was filled with shame, and it was all the harder to return the next time, until-

Until I gave up. I couldn't stand to look them in the eye, or stand before them at all, knowing I'd let this happen. I had outright allowed it to spare myself some trouble.

My dejection has kept me here, but it's quickly and loudly interrupted as Tourmaline smashes open the door to my room. I'm startled into standing, but she quickly shoves me back down to the long chair, pinning me in something that's almost a cuddle.

"She's coming!"

"Wh-what?"

"Sardonyx! She'll come for that freak and we'll _have_ her! A new plaything, just for us!" She sighs, exaggeratedly blissful, delighted at this idea, but I'm horrified. "That thing- _ha_ \- it adores her! And she feels the same about _it_ , can you even _imagine_?" She snorts and rolls off me, springing to her feet. "We'll hand it over to the Agate and we'll get to keep her if we keep her quiet-" I had forgotten about the Agate, a Luna Agate sent personally by one of the Diamonds to retrieve Phantom Fluorite, "- and we can play with her until she breaks, and hopefully that will take some doing! No more time wasted on fragile Vanadanites- we can have a _real_ toy!" She claps. "Maybe we can figure out what makes her _so_ defective that she actually _likes_ that thing-!"

"Stop it! They're not a thing!" I yell, tears of anger and regret forming in my eyes. "Phantom Fluorite is a gem just like any of us and they deserve that respect at least!"

Tourmaline is still across the sitting room, but I can see her mind whirling behind her eyes. I stand firm, though my breathing is heavy and loud.

"They?" She says, low and breathy and somehow hot.

"It's a valid pronoun for someone- s-some gem that- that rejects femininity. Phantom is still a person and they deserve a person's pronoun, off-color or otherwise." I explain, but I can feel her reject every word as I say them. Still, I stand tall. "And they're my friend, though I haven't been much of a friend to them."

"Friend? You think you can be _friends_ with that- that _freak_?" Tourmaline shrieks.

"I could! I- I am! And I plan to finally _act_ like it!" I decide, here and now, that I'm going to free them. I'm going to leave with them, I'm going to help them find Sardonyx, I'm-

Numbness interrupts that thought as Tourmaline, quicker than I could have suspected, slaps an inhibitor over my gem, and my magic is reduced to nearly nothing. I give a small gasp as the shock of it sends me to my knees.

"I'd had that on hand in case I needed to further restrain the Fluorite, but I can see you're going to be _difficult_ again." Her voice is cold, colder even than the numbness of my form.

"T-Tourmaline, _please_ , I need to do this-"

"Do what? Disobey me again? Betray me again?! Choose somebody else _again_?!" She shrieks, hand on my face, gripping my mouth. "You are _mine_! No one cares for you like I do! No one would have you! Only me! Have you forgotten your purpose?!"

"No.." I whimper, and her hand comes away, gentle at last. "But I don't care. They were kinder to me than you have _ever_ been, Tourmaline, even in the few days I've known them, and I'd rather trade _everything_ to honor that kindness than stay here with you willingly any longer!"

Tourmaline trembles, and I am deeply afraid of what she's about to decide to do. She's done it before, after all.

[X]

Another week. Silence.

Lazuli came back after Tourmaline left, but she hasn't spoken. In all that time, with all that quiet, I can only think of Sardonyx. I can only think of how dangerous Tourmaline and Elbaite are, and the horridity of what they want to do with her. A toy? A pet? My Sardonyx?

Not that it matters. She'll never know.

She isn't coming. I've decided that it's clear she won't. By now, she must have realized it's impossible, so she's not coming. I can't blame her. At least, I'm trying not to. I want her to be safe, I do. I just miss her, and after our argument..

What if she forgot me again? Amidst the destabilisation and the time, have I been washed away in the storm of her memories? The stress, the time, the shock- any one of these things could have taken me out of her mind.

Either way, she's not coming, and it's better that way. I just have to convince myself that.

[X]

"Why hasn't she come yet?!" Tourmaline is back, her arrival announced only by the sound of Lazuli slamming against the wall adjacent my cell, and the light pitter patter of her tiny feet mere seconds before she speaks.

I can only sneer. It's been another three days since my realization, and Tourmaline must have realized it too.

"She's not coming." I chuckle darkly. "Surely you've realized that by now? You'll never get her."

"Why _not_?!"

"Why doesn't matter. She isn't coming!" I laugh.

"You- You're going to be alone forever!" She screams, teeth gritted and eyes wide, insanity evident on her face. She's just trying to hurt me to cover her own hurt, I can tell, but- "And- And an Agate is coming to collect you! She's taking you back to _White Diamond_ , and you'll suffer _forever_ without your precious little _friend_!"- _that_ does it. I hiss, straightening out.

"So be it!" I blurt, laughing again. "So be it! Let me suffer- Let her be free of me and her and you! I- I will _gladly_ suffer at White Diamond's feet for all eternity if it means knowing she's free of _horrors_ like **you**." I snarl, lips curled as maniacally as her eyes are wide, grinning as widely as her teeth are tightly grinding together.

She thrusts a palm at me, and through the barrier I feel a surge of dizziness and something akin to pain, but the bloom of it fails and dies, and she seems disappointed. In the moment of her shock, "Too long..", she says, breathless, and I send my own mind out at her, digging deep into the soft shell of her mind, taking, _knowing_ , everything I can take.

Tourmaline reels back, finally managing to shut me out, gasping as I start to laugh again.

"I'll see her shattered! Just you see!" She shrieks, shoving past Lazuli as she runs away.

My laughter sends me to my knees, but as I stay that way, the laughter does not. It bubbles down into sobs, bitter and cold.

"What- what the hell was _that_?" Lazuli asks, standing, still looking down the hall after Tourmaline. "What did you- stars, are you crying?"

"Pardon this, I-" I shake my head, slump down and away into the corner.

"What's going on? Who are you? White Diamond w- _wants_ you? Wh-what?" She's baffled, I can hear it, and worse, I can see she's hurt when I look up, one hand clutching the opposite shoulder.

"Are you alright? I-I'm sorry she shoved you like that, she- she really is a tiny abomination, isn't she?" I got glimpses, awful glimpses, of all the sorts of things she likes to do. Murderer. Abuser. Cruel in so many ways and thirsty for more.

"I should be asking _you_ that. Why are you crying? That seemed like, well, like a victory for you from where I was sitting." Lazuli says as she sits down in front of the barrier facing in.

"It's… it's selfish of me." I offer, but she doesn't say anything, simply looks expectantly at me for more. "I miss her."

" _Tourmaline?_ " The disgust in her voice rivals the utter vehemence I feel at the mere mention of that sod.

"Blazes, no! Sardonyx! I- I miss her and I wish she was here with me but I should be glad that she isn't and _I am_ but I _miss_ her and now I know with certainty that I always will.." I shake my head, tears blurring the world again. "B-but I- I shouldn't want her _here_ and I do because- because at least I wouldn't be alone! We can do anything together, we'd find a way out, I'm certain of it! But she's _safe_ , I shouldn't _want_ her here when she's better where she is..!"

"Hey, I- I don't think it's a crime that you miss your friend, or that you want the comfort of having her nearby in such a bad time, I mean.. yeah, you'd be together, at least, if she was here. That would make this whole affair less unpleasant. I.. I don't see anything wrong with that." Lazuli surprises me with the soft, breathy sympathy she offers, temporarily stopping my tears.

"What I _want_ would mean she would be in harm's way! How can I _want_ that?" I hiss with a vile anger, and the Lazuli takes a moment to think about her words.

"The way I see it, you don't want her in harm's way at all. You just miss her because she makes you feel less like garbage in a garbage situation. I think.. I think it's good that you recognize she's personally better off not being here, but it doesn't make you a villain to want her around." Lazuli shrugs.

"Th-thank you." I wipe away my tears. "You're kinder than I would have expected."

"I'm.. I try not to buy into Homeworld superiority nonsense. I want to be better than what the majority just.. allows, or, or accepts, I guess." She shrugs. "You're nicer than I'd think someone.. obviously not a Homeworld favorite would be able to be. The fact you have a friend and care about her so much.. I'd have thought someone like you wouldn't be able to be, ah.."

"Friendly?" I chuckle.

"Something like that." She laughs back.

"You can thank Sardonyx for any shred of decency I'm able to display. Without her.." What might I have been? I'd never have changed, never have learned or seen or _felt_. No, I'd be nothing.

"She's that special, is she? You threatened a Tourmaline for her, so I suppose she must be something."

"She is my world." She's so much more, but I haven't the words for it. She is clarity, she is illuminating light and comforting dark and a pull in my chest I can't begin to explain. She is my focus, my center, my guide.

"Oh?"

"She.. she was the first one to show me any kindness, and.. and more than that, she was the first besides maybe myself to think my life was of some value. Not because I could perform some function, but simply as a living being. She says things like.. like I'm beautiful and perfect a-and I can't believe her but I know that she believes it and I- I- she's made my life truly worth living."

"So what, you like her because she's nice? To you, specifically?"

"It started that way, certainly, but no. I- I can't explain it, but she is- something in me- I adore her, and I care for her more than life itself."

"So that wasn't just hot air about suffering for eternity for her?" Lazuli blinks and looks away. "Wow."

"For her. Only for her." I nod.

"I hope she's okay."

"I hope she is as well. I hope she hasn't forgotten me."

"Forgot? Is she defective? Is that why she's not- or rather that she's out- um- that she's with-" Lazuli stumbles over her words, trying to be conscious of how they sound.

"In short, yes." I stop her before she tries any much more. "Her memory is.. odd. She seems to retain everything she learns, she simply.. doesn't have an efficient way to recall that information, from what I can tell. Short term is worse than long term, but it can be sparked with hints or leads. I've never been unable to help her remember something entirely, though there is a severe degradation. Sometimes she can only remember talking about an event, not the event itself. She remembers the story of it, not doing it."

"Strange. Must be a weird way to live." Lazuli ruffles her hair, thinking. "I can't imagine."

"I suppose it's just normal to her. She's never been any other way." I shrug. "Just as you've always been yourself, and I've always been like this."

"Normal is relative, I guess." Lazuli agrees, almost smiling. Her hand rests on her shoulder, though, and she definitely has the mark of the impact.

"Are you alright? She _did_ shove you into a wall."

"Ah, I'm fine. She's done worse." She says, but she rubs her shoulder anyway. "I'm not as fragile as a Vanadanite; that might've destabilised one of them. I'd gladly take a million of those so none of them have to."

"You and Sardonyx have that in common. A good.. a good center."

"Thank you. You're not too bad yourself. I'm.. I'm sorry I can't do more for you. I- I'd help if I could, but too many people depend on me, and I- There's no way I could smuggle you out of here- not with someone as big as an Agate coming to get you.."

"I can't say I'm surprised, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. Still.. thank you. For listening, and being sympathetic. It's made this horrible situation much less bleak, if only for a moment." I give her a smile, which she returns. I can see a tiredness in her eyes that's very familiar, but there's a graciousness that reminds me overwhelmingly of Sardonyx.

"So why does White Diamond want you?"

"Oh, what a long story _that_ is.." I sigh, chuckling.

"Well, we've got, uh, nothing but time."

"True. Where to begin but the beginning…"


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37: Convergence

"You took too _long…"_ Tourmaline snarls as she comes into the room, unable to open the heavy doors without assistance. She looks unkempt, wild, like some kind of mindless creature than a gem. I know she's closer to what she looks like than what she is, but it's still frightening to see her this way. "You took _too long_ , and now the _Fluorite_ knows!" She shrieks, her hands grasping at the air as she comes close, eyes wide and fixated on me, only me. Those hands dig into my face as she grabs me, merciless.

"Tell me you're ready to be obedient again! Tell me you're on _my side_ again!" She demands. "Tell me!"

"No." I say shortly. I mean it. I'm not willing to be her slave anymore. Once it was a kindness, but now..? No. Never again.

"Damn it, Elbaite!" Her fingers dig further into my cheeks, scratching against the light that is the flesh of my cheeks and neck, and she slams, or tries to slam, my face into the floor. She's weak, however, from our connection being disrupted. She only manages to shove me down a bit, my own weakened form strong enough to resist. "Damn you!"

"So be it." I breathe.

"The Agate will be here soon and she'll _know_! Is that what you want!? We'll both be shattered if you let this happen!" She screams, and for once, I couldn't care less about the soundproof walls or doors, my anxiety about the discovery of our deal useless now.

"So be it! I'm- I could ignore it before, but I _can't_ anymore! I'm _sick_ of what I've done, of what I've let _you_ do! No more! I won't hurt anyone else or let you use me to hurt anyone else either, never ever again! Don't you see that it's wrong? The- the whole thing, Tourmaline! Homeworld! The classes! All of it, even the Diamonds-!"

" _Of course_ it's wrong you great buffoon! That's why we have to ensure _we're_ the ones who survive- nobody else will!" Tourmaline is shaking, her voice craggy and shrill in her throat, in my head. Our room quivers, her force, her magic strained and bucking against its container- her. "We're _broken_ \- so it's only fair we break a few others if it keeps us on _top_ , Elbaite!"

"No, it isn't! It can be better, we can _make_ it better!"

"Oh, what _waste_! You can't actually believe that- that _nonsense_! We're made to be one thing, Elbaite, _one thing_ , and if we can't succeed at being that one thing, what is the _point_!? We have no value if we can't perform our function! Denying it by, by claiming life matters independently of that function is beyond ridiculous!"

"So why keep me alive!? I _won't_ help you anymore, but you _need_ me. By your own words, my function is to stabilize _you_ , to serve _you_. If I won't do that, why don't you shatter me and be done with it?" I challenge her, shifting from my place on the floor, finally rising to my knees. She recoils physically.

"I- I don't- I don't _need_ you. You're- you're just a boon, a- an extra! You're a spare _me_!" She almost laughs, but it's a choking, a desperate attempt to fill silence and space with noise, to placate anxiety. The implications horrify me.

"Have you- have you forgotten? What you are? Why you've kept me around? Tourmaline, we're _just like them_ -" My words are cut off as she slams my face into the wall, denting the wall underneath me.

"Don't you ever _ever_ compare me to those _damned defective clods_. Never. I'm _nothing_ like them. I am not _worthless_ like they are, I am not _useless_ and _stupid_. You, however? Maybe _you_ are.

You like being like them? _Fine_. _Rot_ like them. You and that thing can ship off with that Agate _together_. You can explain to White Diamond all these _valuable friendship lessons_ you've received personally! And when she shatters you for being no better than that common clod, I won't mind a _bit_! You'll die and I'll be better for it!" She slams my head into the wall again, deepening the me-shaped dent and cracks, and the force of it leaves an ache in my form. I try to retaliate, but she's already gone.

[X]

"Wow, so you tried to shatter her and she still became your friend?" Lazuli laughs, flabbergasted. I laugh as well, shrugging.

"Yes, well, I don't think anyone would believe it, but that's how it happened."

"Wow, I just- that's so _weird_."

"Well it's not like we could have met through _work_ , is it?"

"Yeah, like we did?" She snorts.

"No, I suppose not." I laugh, the rounds of giggling and chortling ringing back and forth for several moments. "But that's it. That's the whole story so far. Or.. well."

"I can't believe it's over." Lazuli remarks, saying what I can't.

"Nor I."

"No, I mean- I mean I don't believe that your tale, y-your time together is over. She's- She's _gotta_ be coming for you, or, or she's stuck. She just- she just can't right now. I mean, I wouldn't right now if I was honest, because I'm the most powerful hydromancer on the planet, but there's also bound to be guards surrounding the building.." I shake my head. Lazuli falls quiet.

"I- it _has_ to be over." I say. My brow furls. "If she comes for me, they'll capture her as well, and- and I really would rather be alone than subject her to- to _Tourmaline_. She- she has such a- she wants-". I shake my head. "I wouldn't want her here for that."

"Yeah but.. she's- From what you've said, I cannot imagine she'd just _let_ you _go_.. I mean, I just-". She sighs, exasperated. "I don't know. From the way it sounds, I just don't think and can't believe she doesn't prioritize you the way you do her."

"You.. you think?" I tried to tell the story truthfully, but even so I'm now worried I told her some fantasy, or exaggerated such that she could make her own. I don't think Sardonyx is coming, but Lazuli does.

"Yes! Why are you doubting her? She's- she's come back for you before! You keep coming back together and I can't imagine she'd stop that."

"She came back for her _sister_. And then she watched her _die_."

"She came back for _someone_. And she saved you from that Carnelian, a-and-"

"No, I _know_ all she's done. I haven't forgotten, but _she_ may have. And- and even if she hasn't, she's safer away from here, and she probably knows that. And she's probably decided that I'm too high maintenance after our last skiff and that's it, she's done with me."

"Shut up, that's not the kind of gem she is and you _know_ it." Lazuli says, almost upset. I get the feeling she means to say more, but there's a loud clattering of several sets of feet, and heavy ones at that. Lazuli gasps and stands, and I do the same. She's suddenly nervous, retreating just a bit as Tourmaline and a swath of Quartzes approach.

"Time to go, freak." Tourmaline says, eyes bitter and hard and burning. She opens the door, releasing the energy barrier. Before I can move, my senses still dulled from Tourmaline's influence, the Quartzes surge in and take me by the arms, clasp my wrists together, and drag me into the hall.

"W-wait, Tourmaline-!" Lazuli yells from behind the crowd. As a collective, they half turn to stare down at her, Tourmaline herself glaring up at the lone blue gem. "She- they-". What is she doing? What in all the worlds is Lazuli thinking?

"What!?" Tourmaline screams.

"I- shouldn't I help escort them?"

"No, you piece of shale, you're _no longer needed_. Get out of my face and back to work." She snarls.

"Y-yes, my seer.." She bows, but only a dip of the head, and I see, as Tourmaline scoffs and turns away, the deep, hating glare Lazuli shoots her, and then the gentle, determined gaze she gives to me. I blink in astonishment. For a gem who controls water, there is a burning passion in her eyes, and I have a sense that in this moment it's all for me. It reminds me of Sardonyx, but her smile is all her own as she turns and darts the other way.

The Quartzes, Jaspers, I think, drag me away, following close on the heels of Tourmaline.

"Say, Tourmaline.." I say, almost laughing. I know her secret, after all. She gives me a deathly glare over her shoulder before saying,

"What, _freak_?" Oh, how _tired_ she sounds!

"You seem rather put out. Why the big show of force? Why all these Jaspers and what have you to do a job you ought to be able to do alone?" The Jaspers don't make a sound, but the flicking of eyes between one another is unmistakable: yes, why indeed?

"We have a very prestigious Agate arriving to claim you, Fluorite. I want her to see I am in command. And why shouldn't I show off my loyal soldiers, who've served me so well?" She says, bragging in an almost convincing manner. I nod, but my smile is small and cruel.

"I see, I see. So you'll definitely be telling her of how these soldiers could not contain your partner? How they lost track of her so casually each day? How she wandered the wilderness of this planet, unrestricted, unguarded, unrepentant? The Jaspers gasp, clearly offended. Good!

"Yes, actually." Tourmaline says, catching the lot of us by surprise. "You see, it turns out my dear partner is a traitor, and for that, well, she'll burn with you at White Diamond's feet. And good riddance, I say." It's her turn to smile cruelly at me, the Jaspers looking between one another much less subtly now, their world shaken.

"But you _need_ her-"

"I _needed_ her. No more. She can burn, and I'll be quite grateful, thank you. Now, come along and no more words, or we'll have a slip and a certain unusual someone will be going to White Diamond with a chip in their gem." She snarls, but diminished, under her breathe. She hastens her pace, and so do the Jaspers who bear me too.

(\\)

Ellie hurries us along, half running, half sprinting. She's so much smaller than me that it's almost easy to keep pace with her, as we run up and up and up. I can feel the pressure of the environment changing as we travel upwards toward the surface. None of us have said anything, simply making a dash for the surface.

However, as we are at what appears to be the exit, someone blue and gold bursts through and comes tumbling into me. I fall backwards with her on top of me, her arms outstretched and water wings still fluttering in attempts at flight. A Lapis Lazuli?

"Storm?" Ellie exclaims, pulling her off me and to her feet.

"Ellie? Thank the stars, I was _just_ coming to get you. I've been holed up in the detainment center 'guarding' the Fluorite, Phantom, and the Agate is on her way and we've got to save them!" She sounds desperate and scared.

"You've seen Phantom!? You have to take me to them, please!" I say, pulling the Lapis, Storm, close. She seems surprised but only for a moment, eyes going wide. Does she- does she recognize me?

"Sardonyx! I knew you'd come back for them!" She sounds victorious.

"D-do you know me?"

"Only by proxy, but that's not important. We've got to hurry- they're escorting Phantom to wait for the Agate, and Tourmaline is sending Elbaite with them! There's going to be a _million_ guards so the sooner we get going the better chances we have!" She pulls me forward, wings at the ready, grip tight on my hands.

"Wait!" Ellie shouts. "What's the _plan_ here?"

"No plan, only action! I get Sardonyx to Phantom, and she saves them!" Storm is still pulling on my wrists, eager to go.

"That's a terrible plan!"

"It's what I've got, okay?! I don't want to see Phantom get taken away!" Storm declares. I'm with her on the sense of urgency, but Ellie has a point. I'm one gem.. but what if I'm not?

"Wait- let's get Elbaite."

" _ **What?**_ " Three voices flood my senses, as three gems of various size and closeness emit the same sound of confusion and bewilderment.

"She- she was getting friendly when- when Tourmaline showed up."

"She showed up _with_ Tourmaline! She's on _Tourmaline's_ side! Homeworld's side!" Ellie says.

"But Tourmaline is sending her away- she's in cuffs and has an inhibitor and everything- her guard are her captors.. She must've done something Tourmaline really, really didn't like." Storm says.

"So… what, you're gonna bust Elbaite the Grand Controller out of her restraints and then she's just gonna.. what, help you?" BIzzy asks.

"Well, yeah. Listen, she _hates_ Tourmaline. But she was submissive before. What changed? Phantom and I. For some reason or another, she changed because we showed up, and I'm willing to bet it's because we showed her some hard truths that she can't ignore anymore. And now, well, we'll be saving her. She'll kind of owe us anyway." I explain.

"I like it. Let's do it." Storm says, tightening her grip on my wrists again, but she waits for Ellie's approval, looking down at the red gem for permission.

"I still don't like this.. but it's your best chance. Go for it. I'll assist from the sidelines. Storm, you'll keep out of sight?" She asks.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll give her a good toss into the action." Storm beams.

"Then go, and be safe, both of you." Ellie gives a final nod, and Storm waits no longer, wings flaring wide. Before I can think, we're speeding through the tunnels, up and up and up..

[X]

They drag me through the streets, a bit unnecessarily rough, towards a large open space where the top of a vessel, Luna Agate's, is visible. There's a whole parade of gems, guarding not just me, but someone else quite a while back. I can see farther than before, Tourmaline's magic waning, but I still can't quite see with clarity who it is back there. There's too much movement, and I can't focus on both walking and casting my sight. I do know, however, that it is _not_ Sardonyx.

I can sense an imperious energy up ahead, a familiar one. It's Luna Agate, and she is furious, but also joyful. She is excited to do such _dastardly_ things, and it terrifies me, but I have a feeling she doesn't know that Sardonyx isn't with me. Like Tourmaline, she seems a bit prepossessed with the idea of hurting my dear friend more than me.. though she'll certainly take what she can get, unlike the tiny psychic monster.

The world is deathly quiet as we march, even the sound of footsteps seems dim, muffled, distant. I know I am walking to my doom, but I also feel a sense of victory. Sardonyx is safe, at least. I may not have had anything to do with her rescue, but I can gloat that my most precious friend is safe despite _their_ best efforts. That fact will be my one weapon against one, and I will make it cut _deep_.

I can hold my head high as I walk to this doom.

It doesn't take long for the clearing and all that it contains to come into view. The buildings, finished ones in this sector, fade from tall, thin structures that pierce the sky to smaller, wider, more humble constructions. The clearing is a landing pad, one of many, and it's probably a half mile wide.

Luna Agate's ship fills the space, its edges just barely over the outer edge of the pad. On the ground below it, dozens and dozens of her dark Hematite warriors, and her, there at the center, smiling viciously as she watches our approach. Tourmaline is beside her, but her expression is not nearly as exuberant. She went ahead a bit earlier to meet Luna Agate, which she seemed excited about , but her face is a snarl that is barely contained, just the hint of her extreme displeasure. I can _feel_ it- her mind is screaming at me quite pointedly.

The Jaspers march me up to just a few feet before them and stop. I expect some sort of tradeoff- some of Luna's Hematites to come and collect me from the Jaspers, but all is still as Luna and Tourmaline look down on me from the loading deck of the ship. Luna Agate is smiling proudly, as if _she_ caught me herself. What a petty, narcissistic fool.

"Well, Fluorite, looks like your fun is up." She speaks with a gentle grandeur, as if chiding some freshcut for tripping on their protocol. "White Diamond is very eager to speak with you."

"I think I've said this before, but your memory seems to be worse than my Sardonyx's, so I'll say it again: White Diamond can shove off!" I shout. I'll probably regret that later, but for now I relish in telling her off and publicly denouncing that _monster_.

"Oh, such a nasty mouth, Fluorite. She's going to _love_ you." I hiss at the slur- love is a concept only to be received _by_ a Diamond, not given by one. She's going to take me in and tear me apart, again and again and again for her entertainment. It's a sickness. It's cruelty. "And the other one?" Luna Agate says to Tourmaline, who gestures for the second group of Jaspers and Quartzes to move forward.

Luna Agate's expression turns from her poorly-hid glee to confusion to anger in about eight and a half seconds, however, and Tourmaline's expression grows all the more sour in the same amount of time.

"What the hell is this? Is this a joke?" Luna asks, just barely keeping from snarling. I look over my shoulder, and down the way, still small in the distance, is someone I would not have expected in a million years. I would sit on my asteroid another millenia before even hazarding a guess.

It's Elbaite.

(\\)

The Lapis- ah, Storm, I'm told again after misspeaking, well, misremembering,- shoots out of the tunnel with me in her arms. High we rise, until I can almost see the curvature of the planet. I can see the city, small below us, still growing, all the patches yet to be filled and the few already completed.

It's utterly _dizzying_ to be up this high without any control over the situation. I've been this high and, well, of course 'higher', but always in a machine, always with some sense of personal safety or control. Here, exposed and only safe by the power of Storm's form, it's rattling everything in me. I want to scream, but I don't.

"Okay, so I'm gonna swoop in and basically toss you in there, okay? You should probably have a plan for how to fight them. Do you have- shoot, do Sardonyxes have weapons?" Storm asks, starting our descent.

"Yeah- I- I do." I concentrate and force two swords out at once, catching them as they expel from my gem. "How are you going to go unnoticed, though? If we're 'swooping in' as you say, won't they _see_ you?"

"Oh, no! Ellie's little devices that we use to hide? They have a neat additional effect: other gems can't see us unless they're really, really looking for us. Bizzy explained it's some kind of energy or, uh, energy _wave_ that makes them not _want_ to see us unless they, like, really want to already? So when we go in, they're gonna see _you_ because I just bowled you into them, but they're minds are going to assume you leapt out of nowhere. Or something. I'm not so great at the science part." She chuckles, embarrassed.

"That _is_ really neat!" I laugh, a little breathless. "So you were with Phantom this whole time?"

"Yep! And they told me how amazing you are!" I feel myself blush furiously as she almost clenches me tighter.

"Oh, shoot- I'm sure they forgot to mention how fantastic _they_ are, though."

"Yeah, but I picked that up on my own." I look up and see the gentle smile on her face.

"So you see it too?" I ask, maybe a little too quiet to hear over the wind. Still, Storm nods.

"We're almost there. Elbaite has fewer guards, but they're still Quartz soldiers. You ready?" She points out. I can see the crowd, moving through what's currently the main street of this city to the most eastward point- the landing zone for incoming ships. I can see a large- enormous, really- ship, and dozens and dozens, maybe even a couple hundred gems gathered around. I can pick out the Vanadanites, the Jaspers, Amethysts, even a few Lapis. I can also see the Agate Storm mentioned, and Tourmaline, and the Agate's Pearl.

And there's Phantom.

"Yeah. I'm ready."


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38: Declaration

Without any hesitation, Storm dips down and hurdles us forward at a new and terrifying speed, and then _launches_ me into the small crowd of Ametrine soldiers around Elbaite. I kick out, colliding with one who falls back into another two, the three of them dematerializing with the force of the impact. With a flash of my red blades, another two fall, and then another and another before they finally seem to see me, but by then it's too late.

"Elbaite!" She seems shocked to see me, and tired. I put the edge of my blade to the inhibitor thing- I recognize it from some time before, so I assume one was used on Phantom at some point- and ask, "If I get you free of this, will you help me save Phantom?"

"I'd help you even if you _didn't_ , Sardonyx. I'm so sorry for what I did- what I _allowed_ to happen, I'd do anything to try to make it up to you.." She says, and I can tell she means it. Carefully but quickly, I slice through the silica-like substance and peel it from her gem, the material attempting to knit itself back together even as I do.

"Let's go, then!" There's a tide of more Ametrines and Jaspers coming for us- we have to move if we're going to make it to Phantom.

"Wait, Sardonyx! I- I have to tell you something!"

[X]

"When you said you had the Fluorite and another gem for me to take, I _assumed_ you had the Sardonyx, not your _partner_! What is this mess?" Luna Agate shouts down at Tourmaline.

"We couldn't _find_ the Sardonyx. As it stands, I know your mission only requires you retrieve the Fluorite, but my partner has been, well, misbehaving recently. I'd like it very much if you took her off my hands." Tourmaline almost purrs, her voice dripping with a sickening false diplomacy.

"I don't _want_ your faulty partner, I _want_ the Sardonyx!" Luna growls.

"Too bad! We've limited resources here and I've no one to spare to look for her, so you'll simply have to take what you can get! Besides, why waste your time on a lowly _Sardonyx_ when I'm giving you an _Elbaite_?" She throws her arm out towards Elbaite and her escort, her hand a claw. She gasps, though, as does Luna.

"What in the worlds..?" I turn to see what the hullaballoo is, but it's the damnedest thing- I can't _see_. I can see the Quartzes, a variety I'm not familiar with, being flung and disassembled left and right around Elbaite, but I can't see who's _doing_ it. It's like a mirage- I can't quite _focus_. "Get the Fluorite inside, now!" Luna shouts, and I'm dragged forward, unable to try to focus on the mess behind us. Luckily, though, Tourmaline doesn't have much of a hold on me anymore, and I send a flare of energy and force _out_.

The Jaspers fly out in a circle from me, and I use my magic to rend the cuffs from my wrists. That about takes what little reserves I have away from me, however, and now the entire crowd of soldiers is aware that I can fight back. They draw their weapons.

"You didn't put an _inhibitor_ on it!?" Luna Agate shrieks, drawing her own weapon, that infernal whip.

"I- I had it under my control!"

"Had- past tense!" I laugh. "Do tell Luna why you don't anymore, hmm?" If I can keep them distracted, focused on each other, maybe I can sneak away.. though the soldiers present a bit of a problem on their own.

"You shut your mouth, you dirty freak!" She hisses, ripples of air and energy bubbling out from her.

"Takes one to know one, I suppose!" I tease. Luna Agate looks between us with confusion. Tourmaline shakes, her long curly hair waving in an unfelt wind, her fury consuming her mind.

"Shatter it!" She commands, suddenly, her mind casting out and latching onto the soldiers around me. I feel a cold dread drop into the pit of my stomach. That wasn't _quite_ what I'd thought would happen.

"No!" Luna Agate shouts, but it's too late, they're swarming me, and it's all I can do to evade their attacks, but there's too many. They'll get me, sooner or later.

I feel someone grab my ankle as I try to leap up and over a swinging axe, and I feel it. This is it. I'm done.

My head collides with the ground as they pull, and in the dizziness that follows, I cannot react to the weapon about to smash my gem. I can see it, but I can do nothing to stop it.

Dammit.

But the world lights up in orange and yellow flame that bursts against the gems who would destroy me, sending them reeling away, the weapon dematerializing without the focus of the one who summoned it. I sit up, and there she is.

Sardonyx.

She's smiling, and while I'd normally say she glows when she's happy, she is quite literally engulfed in flame, which she seems to be producing. It pours out and down around her form from her gem, her hair alive and a burning orange instead of her normal deep red, and her eyes… they're white with magic.

"I'd like it very much if you gave me my friend back now. Phantom doesn't belong to you." She says, the fire making her voice sound like a bell, _just_ like ringing metal, singing strangely but still beautiful.

I can't stop staring at the fiery majesty she's become, a small sun ablaze in this undeserving courtyard of enemies and traitors.. Sardonyx, _my_ Sardonyx, here, afire and for _me_! Not for her sister, not for the idea of someone, but for me, myself, _by name_!

"And I suppose it belongs to you?" Luna Agate scoffs. That _is_ a dreadful insinuation, but..

"Not quite. They belong _with_ me. Not _to_ me. And only as long as they say they do. In any case, they do not belong anywhere _near_ **you**!" The fire around her flares and dances and swirls, terrifying and marvelous in one. The fire that dances off her blades as she raises them, the wicked lovely curl of a smile that bares her strange and sharp teeth, the strength in her stance; these are for me.

I hear the crack of Luna Agate's whip, her own element flaring to challenge Sardonyx's. "If you think you're getting away with it _again_ , you're very, very wrong. Today's the day I put you to _pieces_!" I turn to see her raising her whip, readying it. I roll to my feet, ready to put myself between Sardonyx and whatever might threaten her, but Luna Agate is suddenly torn from the ground as an unseeable hand takes hold of her and _squeezes_. I don't like her, but the agony she's obviously in is horrifying.

"You're not taking my new toy so easily!"

(\\)

The Tourmaline- that's who it must be, she's small and she looks like Elbaite but her hair is pink and she's green and her hair is short and wavy and pulled up, not in braids- she's _hideous_. Her twisted grimace of a smile is horrifying as she attempts to crush the Agate, and though I know she's in the family of Elbaite, our Elbaite, I can't imagine it as being any more than a geometric makeup, and not as anything that really matters. I can see hints of Elbaite's face in hers, but only as an after image, and only with a heavy and conscious reminder.

"Tourmaline, stop!" Elbaite says, at my side, and puts out a hand, her power wrenching the Agate from Tourmaline's. The small green gem is only a couple feet tall, but for all her unimposing height, she seems to take up the entire maw of the loading bay. She stands beneath the open ship, a shaking, quivering mess of a gem who looks at her once-partner with unabashed hatred. I put a hand in front of Elbaite, as if my hand and weapon alone could turn the look away from her.

And in a way, it does. Tourmaline's gaze travels up my arm to meet my eyes, to see and feel what's clearly changed. Her look turns to something resembling agony.

"You… you _linked_ with her!? Her!? And not me!?" Her voice is raw- the kind of screaming that can't tears at the throat and simply cannot rise anymore.

" _She_ didn't turn me over to Homeworld!" Elbaite retorts. "It's not too late, though! Please, please just stop this, we can go back to how things were, we can be partners- for _real_ this time!"

"Never! You're a traitor and a coward and _I hate you_!" She shrieks, winds tearing off her.

"What in the name of the Diamonds is going on?!" The Agate shouts, looking between Tourmaline and Elbaite and I, settling on me. "What have you done _now_?"

But I shake my head, "It's not my place to say."

"But it is mine." Elbaite says, stepping around my sword, the fire licking off me parting so she doesn't get burned.

"Don't you dare!"

"I have a defect!" Elbaite shouts over Tourmaline. The whole yard goes quiet. Phantom looks surprised. "My gem has access to far greater than average magic.. but it can't process it all, not on it's own. I have to bind my magic to someone else's, bind my very gem to someone else, to be able to safely use it. And Tourmaline…?" She points at the seething green gem, around which the winds are whipping even more wildly. "She's worse than I am. We linked our magics together, and found that we were perfectly balanced when we did so- we were no different than any other pair of Tourmalines, except we were much, much stronger.

I am stronger than she is on our own, but she is stronger than I am when we're linked. That's why I.. that's why I let her do so much. I was afraid.." Elbaite explains, shrinking as she goes. "But not anymore."

"Your link with Sardonyx is imperfect! She isn't capable of keeping your gem balanced forever!" Tourmaline shouts.

"Not true! She's an empath, Tourmaline. Her magic and her mind are empathic- she's almost better at this than _you_ are." Elbaite says with a dark chuckle, and Tourmaline's gem glows white with rage, and I fear that her winds will steal away my fire, or tear Elbaite away from me, or worse, take Phantom. After a moment of roaring winds that chill the air, though, they disappear.

"Well then.." She giggles. "That just means that she's perfect after all. She'll be my replacement for you!" She points crookedly at Elbaite,

"Replacement?" Elbaite sounds offended and confused, as am I. Replacement?

"She'll be my friend! When you could never be! You were always _jealous_ \- but I've seen her mind and memories and she _understands_! Ha- if she can like the company of that _thing_ -" And she turns her pointed finger at Phantom, who has stood by this point, "- then she can be _my_ friend!"

"You forget that you've crossed a Homeworld Elite, 12MQ!" The Agate says, rising to her feet. She cracks her whip, ready to fling into action. My stomach drops with the madness of it all. The Tourmaline, who I guess is 12MQ, who wants me to be her friend, who wants to fight or destroy both the Agate and Elbaite and possibly Phantom and I. The Agate, who wants to shatter me and take everyone else back to Homeworld. Elbaite, Phantom, and I, who are just trying to survive this absurd encounter.

"Elbaite.." I whisper as Tourmaline and the Agate stare daggers at each other, seconds away from fighting to the death.

"Go to Phantom, Sardonyx, I'll keep them both away from you." She whispers back, perhaps picking up on my anxiety in this moment.

"Will you be alright?" I take a sliding half-step past her, towards Phantom, whose eye is locked on the about-to-be conflict.

"I've got far more control over my power than she has over hers, thanks to you. I should be fine." She smiles. "And you're literally on fire. So go!" And she shoves me, the fire somehow not injuring her form, towards Phantom.

As I take off running, I hear the Agate command to her dark soldiers, "Seize them!" A horde of them immediately swarm around me and Phantom, separating us. Their eyes are blank but their expressions are focused, and they don't hesitate to launch a well-coordinated attack.

But I'm not just on fire- my magic boosting and being boosted by Elbaite has made me _much_ stronger and faster. Their movement is like thick, overheated engine oil turned to gross _sludge_ that I can wipe away with impressive ease. I am as light as the flames that billow off me, and as quick as the edges of my swords are sharp, and my enemies fall to me easily.

I can see Phantom up ahead, struggling. Elbaite explained, or tried to explain, that they're weak from something Tourmaline did to them, and the hows and the whys don't make sense, but I know that they're not as powerful as they usually are. They're avoiding being captured or struck, but that's about all they can do, I can tell. I don't know how, but I can read their body language like, well, like written word, and I know they're having a tough time of it. I toss fireballs off my swords to distract the dark gems that surround them when I can, but I can't do much until I get closer otherwise.

There's no end of them, it feels like. I slash and hack and practically dance through their forms, but there's so many, and even so fast, or feeling so fast, as my physical capacity for speed hasn't increased, just my ability to react, there's only so much time to get through them all. I feel myself get angry, irrationally angry, infuriated that I'm being kept from them any longer, that I can't _get_ to Phantom, and then-

The fire bursts out from me as the anger comes to a peak, searing all who stand between me and them. It rolls and tears and churns off of me, and when it's done, the path is clear. My form is achy, and no longer ablaze, but the way _is_ cleared. I see Phantom, standing by themself, a bit surprised by the sudden openness of their vicinity, I suppose. I can't help but smile, and soon, so are they.

I take a single step, drop and dismiss one of my swords to reach out just one hand, and suddenly-

I'm in the air, my whole form squeezed tight, kept away from Phantom. The world is mute, my head swimming as some outside force tries to wiggle its way in. As if from behind a lense, I see Phantom screaming, though I cannot hear them, and reaching for me, so far away and yet so close, I can tell. I swear, they're so close that I can almost feel them, but as we both reach, I'm _pulled_ back, and I watch in horror as Phantom shrinks with distance, our arms still outstretched.

[X]

And just like that she's gone from my reach without so much a finger interlocked or a gasp exchanged. So close! So close only to be torn away by Tourmaline, who holds her in a shaky magical hold above her head, Elbaite just to her side, also held down. I can't see Luna Agate anywhere nor can I sense her presence, so I assume she's been taken out of my worry, which is just as well. My first priority is Sardonyx. My only priority is Sardonyx.

Tourmaline is laughing madly as Sardonyx writhes in an attempt to escape her grasp. Elbaite is panting with exertion, trying I think to do the same.

"Stop this, Tourmaline!"

"Stop? Ha! I've just started!" She says, only tweaking her head in the direction of her partner. Elbaite seems to struggle all the more, and Tourmaline's raised hand squeezes in an ethereal grip. Sardonyx's eyes go wide and blank, though her form still struggles as she herself resists whatever it is the tiny abomination is doing to her, but then she goes limp, hanging like a lifeless toy in the shape of my friend.

"What are you doing to her!?" I growl. I can feel myself shaking; so much has happened in so little time and I cannot tolerate any more of it happening to _my_ Sardonyx.

"Oh. You." She scoffs. "I'd rather hoped you'd been shattered.. no matter, though, I can take care of that with ease myself!" She lifts a hand up from her 'hold' on Elbaite, and flexes her fingers out, but I never feel her intended effect, and she repeats the gesture a few more times with increasing frustration. I'd smile if she weren't holding the most precious person in all of creation hostage, so I settle for a glower and start making my way to her. I'll take Sardonyx back if I have to beat Tourmaline to death with my fists.

It wouldn't be the first time I've done it.

"I see.." She mumbles, but my hearing catches it well enough. She takes her hand back, pantomiming a line between Elbaite and Sardonyx, and then _pulls_. I can feel it, like a shift in atmosphere, a rapid rise in pressure and then a complete lack of it. Elbaite screams and then drops from her knees to her face, still on the stone expanse. She rolls her head and looks up, clearly having just experienced a heavy pain, and seems to mouth 'I tried', before dropping again.

"Now then.." Tourmaline looks up from Elbaite, and I squint at her; how could she do this? How could she do this to her _partner_? Who I know from her own memories she's spent all her life with, who was so devoted to her? Who stayed with her when she was nothing short of monstrous? How can she not _care?_

And she doesn't, as she sets Sardonyx down, standing her up, a puppet slave once more. Unlike the first time, she's completely under her control from the beginning, no sign of internal resistance. Sardonyx stands straight and light before Tourmaline, expressionless and blank eyed.

"Say hello to my new _friend_." Tourmaline's smile grows, and Sardonyx slowly reaches up and draws a sword from her gem. " _Friend_ , I want you to _shatter the Fluorite_."

And in the moment after, Sardonyx is slashing at me. I am millimeters from getting torn through, only some base instinct saving me, moving me without thought from harm.

It is beyond horrifying. I thought her walking me through the forest was horrible, but this? This is a cruelty I wouldn't _wish_ on anyone. I know it isn't _her_ doing this, but it's her _face_. Her sword, her body. I've come to trust her _so much_ , but she's trying to kill me. The only thing keeping me grounded in the moment is her milky white eyes and blank expression- my Sardonyx is full of life and _this_ isn't even a shadow of that person.

Still, I can't defend myself. For one, my powers are limited, and I can't bring myself to harm her. I can't.

Suddenly, having understood that I won't fight back, she trips me up, sword pointed at my gem.

So. This is it.

Part of me wants to think, 'I was right- I shouldn't have trusted or cared for anyone. It's my undoing.', but honestly? It's worth it. At least she'll be alive, and one day I know she'll break free and give that horrid Tourmaline what she deserves. I close my eye as the sword rises..


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39: Declaration: Part 2

..but it never falls.

I lay tense on the ground for several moments, but it's not until I hear Tourmaline groan and then scream that I open my eye.

"Strike! End it! I _command it_!" Her voice breaks, her face twisted. Sardonyx stands over me, eyes wide, wider than before. Her sword arm shakes, pulled in every direction at once with equal force, until her hand opens and the sword drops, disappearing.

She doubles over suddenly, hands flying to her gem. Her face twitches, blinking between emotionless automaton and my raging, passionate friend, until at last her expression settles on a bare-toothed grimace, her yellow pupils returned. A burst of fire comes over her, and Tourmaline screams behind her.

"NO!" She screams as well, fire flowing out from her gem in a steady stream. Sardonyx turns on a heel, hunched over, hands claws at her side, "You can't use me to hurt them! Never again! Not you, not me, not _anyone_ gets to hurt them _**ever again**_!" I tremble in awe at her, still on the ground at her feet. She broke through? She broke through Tourmaline's grasp… for me?

With a heavy pant, the fire extinguishes and she turns to me, kneeling down in a blink, "I'm sorry I'm so late.. I came as fast as I could." She says with a sad smile.

"S- I- You _came_. You came back for _me_.." I sit up, putting my hands on hers, and her smile becomes a beam of bright happiness.

"Of course! You're.. you're my everything."

"Stars only know _why_.." I shake my head. "I missed you."

"I missed you too.." I realize how close we are, our gems just inches apart as we meet each others' eyes. I realize more slowly that they're alight with a soft glow, almost as bright as the rosy tone of Sardonyx's cheeks. Quickly, she leans forward and presses her lips to my cheek, then pulls me tight in a hug that I quickly, fondly embrace. I don't have time to question what the first thing was before I am overtaken by happiness and gratitude, so glad to have her back..

[X] (\\)

And then I'm _me_ again. Two of us, as one, in our-my weird but comforting form. I hear a number of gems around me gasp. Ah- well, they've never seen anything like me before, have they?

I stand, my awkward legs less awkward this time around. I think I'm more _me_ than I was last time, somehow. Like I'm more real, more solid. It isn't so weird to _be_ me, having that first time behind me, and having all that inbetween for my components to adjust to the idea.

I seem to have access to, well, not their memories, but their feelings, and those are built on memories. All the things that passed between them since I existed last, all the feelings, the good and the bad, the loving and the longing, and it _is_ love that's between them. I know that 'love' is a concept that is supposed to embody the devotion and adoration a gem is expected to give to their Diamond, but what else can describe how they feel for each other? What else can explain or define what it is that makes _me exist_?

"It _is_ real..!" Tourmaline gasps, somehow not disturbed or surprised, though Elbaite certainly is confusedly amazed. "Aha!"

"Not the response I'd expected.." I say.

"And I had hoped not to let you come to exist, but here we are!" She laughs like a snarl, arms thrown wide.

"Yes, but _you_ won't be. Not for much longer." I feel my four hands turning to fists. She is cruel- to my components as well as her wards on this planet- and I won't let her continue to be. She'll never stop unless she _is_ stopped, and if I- _we_ \- have to do it, so be it.

"Oh, please. Even like this, you two aren't strong enough to fight me." She sneers.

"Maybe I would struggle if you were in more control of your power, but even so and as it stands.. I think I'm quite capable, thank you. This doesn't have to end in violence, Tourmaline. You can just _stop_. You can _leave_." I offer, still stepping forward. I am willing- both parts of me are willing to fight, but we have to try, to offer peace, one last time. Were I standing beside her, I would tower over her, more than eight times her height. She glowers across the short distance at me, and I know I'm right.

"I won't go _anywhere_. This is _my_ planet." She raises her arms as she speaks, and an army marches to her whim, suddenly appearing from the edges of the landing station. I hadn't thought about _them_. I think I'd actually forgotten they were there, somewhere between my components finding each other and becoming _me_ again.

Without a word or even a gesture on Tourmaline's part, they strike as one, moving as a single entity. However…

Their movement seems slow, sluggish, and overall poorly thought out, as if not a single one of them has ever fought before, and I realize it's Tourmaline. She doesn't know what she's doing, and as a result, it is incredibly easy to swipe my clawed hands through Quartz forms I greatly outsize and outstrength. I needn't even be quicker- their attacks are weak, clumsy, and ill timed. I'm not sure if it's all Tourmaline either. My components are both skilled fighters, so why shouldn't I be as well?

But Tourmaline ups the ante when the number of gems under her control grows thin, and starts using her telekinesis to uproot the stone from beneath my hand-feet. Still she is clumsy, and maneuvering through her dancing landscape is as easy as a leap well timed here and a doge well placed here. The closer I get, the stronger her attacks, but I'm nearly on her before she even manages a single hit.

I raise two fists and bring them bearing down, all rage and passion, to destroy her.

"No!" Elbaite screams.

My fists stop heavy in the air just a foot above Tourmaline's head. I would have disintegrated her form. Shattered her gem. Destroyed her.

Half of me is horrified. The other half still wants to go through with it. For the first time, I don't know which is which.

I look over my shoulder, past still-floating chunks of the plaza, to tiny Elbaite, horrified herself, arm outstretched as if she could stop me. She couldn't have, not on her own, but I did. Her partner, even her awful, cruel partner, doesn't deserve that fate, I suppose. When you care about people, you care about them despite the terrible things they do, even when it hurts more than the caring feels good.. it's absurd, and yet it's true.

I step back, uncurl myself from over Tourmaline, also shocked beyond wits.

I should say something, but I don't know what. What do you say to someone you almost murdered?

Though, to be fair, she's done plenty of murdering herself.

I open my mouth to say something, anything, some snide remark about being done with such aberrations, but her wide-eyed shock turns to anger, fury deep and cold and familiar. She sneers, and then there is a burst. Pure energy, out from her. It knocks me back, sends me stumbling over my own strange legs, torrential winds ripping out from Tourmaline.

"You think you've _stopped me_! You think you've _won_! I'll show you! I'll show you! I'm the only one who wins!" She shrieks, voice impossible and loud and deep, resonating everywhere. It is as if- no, no I _know_ that she's unleashing every ounce of energy she can get her greedy little hands on, everything within her put right _out_ in the world.

She'll destroy the whole city like this.

"Tourmaline, stop! You can't do this!" Elbaite shouts over the winds. Tourmaline just laughs, the wind never stopping, the force and the pressure increasing impossibly by the second.

"Yes, I can! You've always doubted me! Well, I'm going to prove you wrong!"

"No, I mean you _can't_! You'll-"

"Finally be out from your shadow, El-"

The world goes from a shrieking whirlwind to absolute silence in the blink of an eye, and a tiny pop of light and the hideous sound of a gem breaking.

No one moves for a long, long second.

(\\)

It's like I blink, and I'm back to being me in Phantom's arms. My eyes are already wet when I realize that I'm there, held tight by their long arms and firm hands. I'm shaking, too.

Elbaite is in front of us, just a few yards away. She's holding Tourmaline, like Phantom is holding me. Except Tourmaline's gem is cracked, deep, all the way through, held together only by the force of her own form.

"Oh my stars.." I whisper, and the tears spill over.

"She did it to herself." Phantom says, and holds me tighter. My stars, I've missed their voice. I've missed their face, their presence. Even this moment is better for having them here. I wrap my arms around their torso and hold them.

"Tourmaline.." I hear Elbaite.

"Shut up. I'm not sorry."

"Tourmaline, why-"

"I said shut up." She glitches, her body contorting like a living computer pad, all pixels and light without form. "I'm not sorry. I survived. I lived. No one stopped me. I won."

"Tourmaline, you destroyed yourself."

"If you want something done right.. What can I say, no one else is worthy.." She chuckles.

"You're a damn fool."

"And so are you. But now you're a damned fool with friends, and I'm a dead one." She laughs again, but it's hollow. "You'll keep my toy safe? If I can't have her suffering, I don't want anyone to.."

"She's not a toy. But yes, I'll make sure they're safe.."

"Excellent. Make a mess of things, will you?" She reaches a hand up to Elbaite's cheek, but her hand melts away. I can't stand to look, and bury my face into Phantom's neck. I cry there, too, shaking and shivering from what's happening, what we almost did, what I _wanted_ to do.

I don't look up until Phantom shifts, lifting a hand to run through my hair. "It's over." They say. "It's over."

And I look up, and Elbaite is alone, a gem the size and shape of her own cracked in three or so pieces in her hands. There's a streak of tears down her face, but no emotion. I want to say something, to reach out and comfort her, but there's a twisting in my chest that keeps me locked in place, still trembling.

"Are you alright?" Phantom asks. I feel a hand of theirs reach up, off my shoulder, and wipe away a trail of tears still streaming down my cheek. "Sardonyx."

"It's sad. I'm sad. I- she was awful but I didn't want- but for a moment I did- but we didn't and she still- because of who she was- wh-who she wanted to be- she still.."

"She chose this. She said so herself." They say.

"I know. I still wish she would have chosen differently.."

"She would never have." Elbaite says, looking up. "Not so late. Maybe I could have changed her a long time ago, but I was a coward, and now I can't take back or undo anything she's done. I don't even know what to do now that she's gone. I mean.. I can't do anything with my powers on my own, but I don't want to be a rebel. I don't want to travel, I just want to.. fix all this somehow."

I sniff, and sit up, finally.

"I.. I have an idea." I pull myself and Phantom to our feet, and taking Elbaite's hand, I pull her up too. "We should go before.." I had a reason, but the thought is gone.

"Before Luna Agate reforms." Phantom supplies. Ah, that's right. I just nod, and walk us into the city. No one pays us any mind, trying to figure out what happened, I suppose, or willing to let us do whatever since we.. fought Tourmaline.

It doesn't take long for Ellie to appear. She and Bizzy and the Lapis, Storm, come out of nowhere. Ellie comes running, arms wide with excitement until she sees Elbaite, who shrinks from the slightly larger gem.

"What are you doing with _her_?!" Ellie snaps defensively. Bizzy stops, but Storm flies past, taking one of Phantom's hands. They flinch at first, but she smiles at them-

"You guys were amazing!" She gushes. "I watched from the sky in case I could help, but you did it!" She looks down at Elbaite, though, her smile diminishing just a bit. "But Ellie is right; what are you doing with the other one?"

"Elbaite is my friend. She's made mistakes, and she knows it. She helped us. She went against Homeworld and Tourmaline to do it. She feels regret for her mistakes, and she wants to make up for it. I know.. I know you don't trust her, and I know you have good reason not to. But I am asking you to hear me out."

"Why, so she can tear us all down again? She knows who we are now, Sardonyx!" Ellie's hands are in uncomfortable fists at her side, full of fear and anger.

"What do you think will happen when Homeworld hears that _both_ the psychic gems given control of this planet were destroyed or captured? When production slows to a crawl without the positive effects of even one of their powers? When more gems arrive and find that it's a rebel base?" I ask. There's a quiet. They all know the answer, but no one wants to say it.

"They'll send a fleet. They'll destroy everyone." Phantom says, speaking what they won't. "They'll start over, or abandon the project, but only after it's all ash."

The three rebels look between each other, and I know they know the truth of it. Homeworld abhors failure.

"So what are you suggesting?" Bizzy asks.

"Elbaite wants to make up for her and Tourmaline's past. Let her secure your future. She can help keep up the facade that this planet and everyone on it is still loyal to the Diamonds. Meanwhile, you'll be the ones actually running it, and doing so as you see fit, only keeping up with what Homeworld expects to keep them from being suspicious. In the background, raise defenses, train soldiers, prepare to fight for your freedom."

"And how do we explain that Tourmaline isn't doing the reports? She always handled that, Sardonyx, not me. I know _how_ , of course, but they'll see me in the videos."

"Your twin could create an illusion. Can't you?" Phantom asks.

"I _could_ , if I had something to balance out my magic. I needed Tourmaline for that.." Ellie sighs.

"Well.." Ellie muses, "If you don't mind, I could probably make a device that uses her, uh, gem shards to help with that. It won't be perfect since her matrix is broken, but it'd be better than nothing. I mean, if I even decide to _trust you_." She scoffs at the end, as if remembering that she ought to be angry.

Elbaite looks down at the chunk of Tourmaline still in her right hand. There's an uncomfortable silence. What Ellie is suggesting is.. horrible. Homeworld does it all the time, uses our fallen to make weapons for soldiers, tools for scientists, toys of elite, but it's a mockery of the dead. If Elbaite agrees, she'll be agreeing to one of the worst forms of violation someone can do to another gem.. to her sister.

She looks up, grim, but determined. "No, I don't mind. She'll finally be doing something decent.. So I'd wear her face, act under her name, but with your directions. What do we do about the Agate? She knows I'm defective."

"She's on a mission to get us. You could probably twist her arm into not saying anything. An Agate's pride is her center, after all. We'll slip away, and she'll just come chasing us again." Phantom suggests.

"Or.. Or we pretend you got away, and you stay, just for a little while. Send her on a real hunt in the stars. If we hide you now, we could reasonably argue that you got a few planet systems away and she'll go scrambling after nothing." Ellie grins. I find myself smiling, too, as well as Storm and Bizzy.

"Do you mind staying, Phantom? Ellie's done some amazing things here, and we can help them set everything up, and rest for real again.." They seem uncomfortable despite having made valuable suggestions in the conversation, surrounded by so many gems. "Oh stars, I forgot to introduce everyone!" I smack my cheek, embarrassed.

"This Vanadanite is called Ellie, an abstraction of her assigned identification. This Bismuth is called Bizzy, and this Lapis is-"

"Storm." Phantom smiles. "We've met." She grins.

"It'd be nice to show you around." She chuckles. "Get to know your legendary friend a little better.

"I think I can be persuaded to stay." Phantom says, though they step closer to me.

"Excellent! So.. Ellie, is it alright? Is this a plan you can work with? Can you trust Elbaite?" I ask, hopeful. Elbaite seems tinier than ever at my side, but she comes around and puts out a hand diplomatically. Ellie eyes her up and down, then looks between me and Bizzy and Storm and Phantom, then back to her with a sigh.

"We're gonna have to talk about how this'll all work, but I trust Sardonyx, and if she trusts you, that's a pretty good start. Let's go." And she takes Ellie's hand with a firm grasp and a small shake. I hug Phantom, delighted, and let her lead us away.


End file.
